Tag: WEGO HAWMC 2012

Best Conversation – #HAWMC Day 8

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness7 Comments

Today’s Prompt is Best conversation I had this week. Try writing script-style (or with dialogue) today
to recap an awesome conversation you had this week.

I had an entirely different post written for today….then Saturday afternoon Stuart and I were out running errands and decided stop in a fast food restaurant for a drink and a snack.  (not the best place for a snack, but dinner was a long way off and we were both hungry!)

We ordered our food, got our drinks and sat at our table.  We were just chatting and planning the rest of the day waiting on our fries.   An elderly lady who smelled of Channel No. 5 walked up, she was dressed in a floral dress, with a bright sweater, costume jewelry that was stylish many years before I was born, and lipstick that mostly covered her lips.  She was delightful!

She smiled broadly and asked, “Are you married?”

I looked at Stuart and smiled, we both shook our heads yes, and answered, “Yes, yes we are.”

“Oh! I thought so!  You just look at each other as if you are!  My husband and I have been married for 58 years!”

Stuart, “Oh, my! That’s admirable, I hope we can make it that long!”

Me – “How amazing, you look so happy!”  “We’ve only been married for 8 1/2 years.”

Dear Lady – “That long??  I thought you just got married the way you look at each other!  You look like you are still on your honeymoon!”

We looked at each other and smiled, then looked at her and both agreed, it still feels like we just got married.  She was thrilled….and so were we.

there was a bit more gushing, thank you’s and congratulations and she disappeared as mysteriously as she arrived.  I never did see her husband, he was behind me.  I kept thinking, I wonder what it was about us that made her come up and do that…..now, I keep thinking…I don’t care.   I’m so happy for such a chance encounter with such an amazing woman.

For that moment…I was not a sick person.   My husband and I were simply sharing a moment, acting as we normally would, and it sparked something so deep in this marvelous woman that she felt compelled to come and tell us how in love we looked.  Stuart said that I can never tell him that he doesn’t show me how much he loves me, but I wouldn’t.  He does, every day.  And on a normal day, we do hold hands, and gaze in each others’ eyes.  We laugh with each other, and sneak a quick pinch on the butt….is the honeymoon over….truthfully, we never had a real honeymoon.  I can tell you, when we talk about our wedding we still feel like it just happened.  We get all mushy about it.  I can also tell you, every day I love my husband just a little bit more.

First Dance at our wedding.
Sept. 3, 2004


Writer’s Choice – #HACMC – Day 7 I Heard a Bee Buzz.

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness8 Comments

With Meniere’s I have fluctuation hearing loss, with eventual permanent hearing loss.

If you are a regular reader you know my situation, if not I’ll fill you in.

Right now, my left ear has 0% word recognition and cannot be helped with a hearing aid, my right aid has about 80% word recognition with the help of a hearing aid.  However, the hearing fluctuates.  My hearing fluctuates more with weather changes, and  when I have a Meniere’s attack.  (to learn more about Meniere’s please see the page above).

One day a few weeks ago I woke up and could barely hear.  Every sound sounded like it was coming through a busted speaker.  The same went on for 3 days.  I admit this had me concerned.  When I lost the hearing in my left ear, the majority was lost in just 3 short months.  The loss started in this fashion.  Sounding like a busted speaker, having a tinny sound.  Normally, in my right ear when the hearing fluctuated, it simply dropped, then would return, sometimes not quite all the way, but when it dropped, it was just a bit softer, not this tinny sound.  So I was nervous.  And I realize, this could still be a sign of potential nerve damage.

However, in about 3 or 4 days, I had a vertigo attack.  Classic sign of a Meniere’s attack.  Fluctuating hearing, then a vertigo attack, ending in complete exhaustion.  When I woke the next day.  I could hear again!  I was so thrilled.  I had a horrible headache, but I could hear.  Who knows how long this hearing may last.  I decided to do something I rarely do, I took much medication to get my headache under control, and went outside hoping to hear some birds.  Sadly I didn’t hear any birds.  I was not the right time of the day.  But being outside was so nice.  I decided to sit on the back porch and enjoy the beautiful spring late afternoon. Soon I was joined by a friend.

Photo courtesy of mr.brown thumb
click photo to be taken to his blog.

A huge bumble bee decided I would make a good friend.  I was out on the back porch for at leash half an hour possibly more, this lovely bumble bee kept me company the entire time.  He would come closer, then go a little bit away.  He faced me, then raced away and buzzed right back.  I talked to him and told him how beautiful he was and how I was out there hoping to hear things I may not hear much longer.  As if he could hear me, he came up right beside my head, I could not only HEAR this beautiful Bumble Bee BUZZ, I felt it!!  He then came around in front of me and looked at me.  I know, this was just by chance, and perhaps because I had on a bright orange shirt.  However, no matter how long I live, and no matter if I lose all of my hearing, I will never forget the day I heard a bee buzz.

From the Heart ….#HAWMC Day 5

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness13 Comments

This is not from a prompt it’s from my heart.

This is on the ugly side.  Probably a post with too much information for some.  It’s very emotional, and I’m not exactly sure where it will all end…

"Turmoil" computer graphic
wendy holcombe - 2012

I’ve noticed a lot since I have been diagnosed with Intracranial Hypertension that my emotions are a bit out of whack, and I haven’t had the best filter on my mouth.  I cry a lot of the time, and try to be as strong as possible.  I feel alone and keep reaching out trying to ask for help, but just keep alienating people.

I continue to help others if they need to talk, if they need a shoulder…but my shoulders are just so soggy lately.  There are days I feel I have it all under control, my headaches are better, my vision is better, I’m getting around a bit better, so why am I a mess?  Why can’t I relate to people like I normally do?

I asked the doctor, is it the condition, the medication side effects, one medication mixing with other medication, do we need to adjust my bipolar medication???  I was told, “Yes. Maybe. It’s complicated.”  then I was told, “I’m sorry your condition is not easily fixed.”

Well that’s all well and good, but I’m losing everyone around me.  I feel like I’m going insane.  I’m so alone, and scared.  It’s getting to the point that the only one who will put up with me is my husband.  At least I think I do remember to tell him how much I love and appreciate him.

Then the terrors start.  I’m terrified of being alone, not all the time, just some of the time.  It’s more than that, I’m afraid of being without my husband. (again, not all the time, sometimes I feel very capable, then other times…Panic!!!)  What if something happens and he’s not here and I have vertigo and can’t stand up, and can’t stop throwing up, and ……  panic, panic….what if I’m upstairs and he’s gone and I can’t go downstairs and my blood sugar is too low and I need to eat, but can’t get down the stairs safely….panic, panic….what if….I Fall??…..what if…..OH remember to BREATHE!  There are just so many things he does for me, he has no idea how much easier he makes my life.  Often just by being here so I know if I need him, he’s here.

So, what do we do first…how do we sort this out?  Already 2 medication changes.  Soon another.  This week I see my Psychiatrist to see if there is anything we need to change there.  Is there any medication that is working against anything.  Should we add something to help ease some of this?  Will it help?

Does anyone really have any idea?

I do have bipolar I disorder, I know what it feels to not be myself.  I know I’m not going through a depressive or manic swing, but I know I’m not myself, and that tells me I need to back away.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t listening to that little voice when it first started screaming at me a few weeks ago.

Will I have any friends left at the end of this.  I admit I didn’t have many at the beginning.  Having a chronic illness for this long is not good for keeping good relationships.  No one’s fault really, it’s just very hard.  But I’d like to stop alienating the few people I do have supporting me.

Right now, I plan to finish this months writing challenge then take a Hiatus from my blog for a while and try to get this straightened out.  I don’t feel like I’m myself lately, and I don’t want to be putting words out there that aren’t really want I want to say.

I hope those of you who have been on the confusing end of my emotions recently can find a way to understand and forgive.  After the 1st of May, I plan to just take a break, I hope to see you soon.

I write about my health because – #HAWMC Day 4

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness7 Comments

I started writing about my health because I wanted to log how my health was improving.  It was after a couple of surgeries, and I was ready to start exercising, eating better, and making some grand changes in my life, but I still wanted to keep up with my symptoms and start talking to others who had some of the conditions I did to find out how they dealt with them.  I knew not all of my conditions were going away, I just didn’t understand how much they could take over your life.  (for a list of my conditions, please see the page above, titled “My Ants”)

Soon my health started getting worse, and my writing became more important to me.  Reaching out to others became more important.  Finding out all I could about my illnesses was very important, I had to know what was going on, and I needed to share what I found with others.  I felt alone, and I needed to make sure others didn’t have to feel the same.  If they could find me, then they didn’t have to feel alone any more….a grand idea I know, not everyone will click with me, but they may read something here and think…”Yes, I feel that too.”  I soon found out way too many people did feel the same.  One of the ways we no longer feel alone is through our blogs, and our online communities.

Now there are many reasons I write about my health –

  • to get to know others who are in the same or similar situation I’m in.
  • to get more information out there about my illnesses
  • to let people know they aren’t alone, and so I won’t feel so alone
  • to promote more knowledge about my conditions, especially Meniere’s and Intracranial Hypertension (most people don’t know much about those.)
  • to put a face on invisible illnesses
  • to make it easier for people to talk about having a chronic illness
  • to learn ways manage my illnesses easier.  (for instance, using aids for assistance, like my walker or hearing aids….)
  • because I love myself, and writing makes it easier for me to accept my illness, and to constantly adapt to new expectations.
  • and one huge reason I write about my illness – so I won’t drive my husband crazy constantly telling him every little detail over and over and over!

Super Power Day – HAWMC Day 3

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness6 Comments

If you had a super power what would it be?

Hummm, that’s kind of a no brainer.  I’m chronically ill, I know a lot of people who are chronically ill….I think I’d have to say a healer.

So I decided to take this a bit further.  I’m a bit of a cartoon buff.  Of course, when I started thinking about super powers I started thinking about cartoon characters.  My husband and I started talking about it, and I told him I thought I’d like to be Katara, from The Last Air Bender (please note, I am only referencing the animated series, I have not seen the movie.).  I’m also an environmentalist, and believe the earth has to be in harmony.

This animated series brings all of this together.  The world is divided into 4 nations representing the 4 elements, Earth, Air, Water, and Fire.  I’m not going to go into the plot of the show, just explain the power I’d like to have.  There are some people from each nation with “bending” skills.  It combines martial art skills with controlling specific elements.  Each nation’s bending ability would have it’s own martial arts style, and ability.

Katara is from a Water tribe.  She can bend water.  It is a beautiful thing to see.  The flow of her body as the water follows her movements, she can make it whip, and encase someone, and freeze you in place, and she can use it to heal.

Katara is strong and has a pure heart she fights for what she believes is right no matter what the cost.  She gets so angry sometimes, but it’s because she feels so deeply.  When the show first started she had a lot of growing to do, but by the end, she had grown into a fine young woman, and an exceptional water bender.  She can take the water and mix it with the water in your body and heal you, it may take some time, but it can often be done.   I would be proud to be like Katara.  (but I wouldn’t want to live at the South Pole, good thing she travels a lot.)

The video below is a tribute to Katara, it’s set to music so if you don’t have sound, don’t worry you aren’t missing dialogue.  You will see how passionate she is, the amazing fighting skills, and notice when she takes the drops of water out of the vial around her neck and places it on the boy’s back, she is healing him after he was nearly killed in a battle.  Amazing powers….actually, I think they are only slightly a gift, then they are a skill.  If you do not have a good teacher, and practice, this gift will not turn out to be the power Katara has made of hers.  Another reason I would like this type of power.  I have learned that an ability you have fought to achieve is much more appreciated.

Inspiration Quotation “I Believe In You.” – HAWMC Day 2

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness9 Comments
graphic by w. holcombe 2012

I hear many quotes that I get inspiration from.  The one I’m continually inspired from is one I heard over and over again from my mother, “I Believe In You.”  After she died, it was a long time before I heard those words again.  Now, I’m so grateful to once again hear the same words over and over from my husband.

Those 4 words resonate through my very soul.

“I Believe In You”

Because of these words,

I was the first person in my family to graduate college.

I had the courage to seek help for a mental illness (Bipolar Disorder) that was tearing me apart.

I had the courage to become an artist and show my artwork in a gallery and have a one person show.

I have had the courage to face my chronic illnesses as they have been diagnosed, including Meniere’s disease a vestibular disorder with sudden vertigo and  hearing loss, and most recently Intracranial Hypertension a disorder of the brain causing high cerebrospinal fluid.  (please know these are very simple explanations of each of these disorders)

I have the courage to face each day as it comes, make the most of each good moment, and realize that at the end of my days I will look back and all these moments will have added up to be a pretty good life.

“I Believe In You.”

Everyone faces their own battles, we all need someone to believe in us.

Who do you believe in?

Have you told them?

Make sure to let them know.

When you are facing a hardship, fighting a battle in your life, it’s easy to give up when you don’t think anyone believes in you.  When you have someone pulling for you, someone who believes in you, it’s much harder to give up.  Courage comes from belief.  Belief in yourself, for some belief in a higher being,  but sometimes, we need a little help from someone else.  We need to feel a human touch, someone who can reach out and say…”I Believe In You.”

My wish…Go out today, and tell someone special you believe in them!

A Rat in a Pink Inflatable Cage – and remember Next month will be different.

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness7 Comments
I had to try to do a quick drawing of this rat in the inflatable cage.
It's just a rough oil pastel. But it got me to drawing!
and hopefully, gives you a smile.
by wendy holcombe 2012 copywrite

The very first thought that came to my mind when I woke this morning after 4 hours and some odd minutes of sleep was,  “I feel like a Rat in a Pink Inflatable Cage.”

The next thought I had was, “Where did that come from?”  Then I realized, that is exactly how I feel.

I’m the clinical rat being tested on and pocked and prodded, trying to find the answers.  I’m living with that, I accepted it, authorized it.  I understand doctor’s don’t know everything, and not every person reacts to everything the same way.  But why the Pink Inflatable Cage?  That was a new sensation, well kind of, it does happen now and then.  I had the feeling I was just kind of in a big bouncy house.  Everywhere I moved things moved just a bit with me.  But the vision it was so perfect.  I had to share even if I can’t quite express it in the perfect words..

Now for why I had such a short amount of sleep.  I was put on a dose of steroids yesterday to help knock out my migraines.  I started them a bit too late in the day, so my last dose was a bit too late.  I’ve taken steroids before, but I’ve never had the symptoms so many warn you of.  The increased appetite, the restlessness, the bouncing off the walls!!!  Well I did find out I don’t quite jump off the walls quite as much if I eat with the dose, but I have to eat a good amount.  Whew!  But I learned this a bit too late.  I got to sleep around 6am, around 10am, I awoke to start the next days doses a bit earlier.  I really need to make sure I finish my last dose a while before sleep time.  So today I’ll be finished about 9pm.  Yay!  Hopefully, I’ll get a whole nights sleep.  Oh, I did happen to get a 2 hour nap.  So I had a little more sleep today.

*I wanted to remind everyone that I’m participating in The Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge hosted by WEGO Health. Starting on April 1st.  So my posts may seem a bit different.  There will be some of my normal talk in there, but I’m going to follow some of their prompts to make it something different.  I’ve already written some of the posts, and I think you will find some of them enjoyable!  I’ve enjoyed some of them.  A couple I did enjoy, but I know won’t be the style of many of my readers.  I know you are thinking….”She’s already started?”  Yes!  I wanted to make sure if I had a day that I simply couldn’t post, there would be a post ready to go out.  I also wanted to make sure if there was a day I felt good and wanted to and have a happy day, I didn’t want to be concerned that I might not get a post in.  So yes, I’ve started.  No I don’t have the whole month finished!  But the first week is ready to go, and a few more are in the works.  Aren’t you proud of me???

Remember you too can join me, if you are brave enough…or crazy enough, I’m not sure which. All you have to do to join is sign up here: http://info.wegohealth.com/HAWMC2012 and you’ll be able to start posting once April rolls around.

I hope you enjoy the month, if you don’t please let me know and I won’t participate again.  If you want to hear more of my normal rants, let me know, remember these prompts are just suggestions, I can always post my normal way.  This blog has always been a way for me to express my feelings and to help others along the way.  I never want to stray from that purpose.  Please let me know what you think.  And keep in mind, this is just for a month, so let’s play if we can stand it, we might make some new friends, and we might learn a bit.

But I’m open- let me know what you think.

I’ll probably put up a poll at the end of the month to see what everyone thought.  : )

 

 

Calling all Health Activist — Write For a Month Challenge by WEGO Health!!!

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness2 Comments

I’m joining the challenge!  Am I crazy?  Well yes, we’ve already established that fact.  I do have a verified mental illness, and now I have been diagnosed with a brain disorder so you, my friend, are absolutely right when you say, “She is insane if she thinks she can pull this off!”

May we take wagers?   Who out there thinks I can do it?  Who would dare to take that bet? hummmmm?  Well, I will.  I will take you on!  WEGO gives you 2 days that you can miss.  I vow to post no less than 28 days in April!  I’ve already read the prompts, we don’t have to follow them, but some are really good…so you may be seeing a new side of writing from Wendy.

Now for you who want to wager against me……just remember all the things I’ve over come.  And also think…It’s March 19th, and she’s already started writing next month’s posts.  Maybe you should rethink that bet.  *wink*

So here’s the official call to arms…or should I say to computers, laptops, ipads…oh what ever you use these days!

Hey everyone – I just wanted to tell you about a new activity I’ll be doing this April. The Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge hosted by WEGO Health. I will be writing a post a day for all 30 days. I hope you’ll join me in writing every day about health. It’s going to be a lot of fun and I’d love to see what you have to say about each of the topics, too. All you have to do to join is sign up here: http://info.wegohealth.com/HAWMC2012 and you’ll be able to start posting once April rolls around. Looking forward to writing with you!

You can really tell I didn’t write that huh?

I will be writing a lot more about this new diagnosis of course, and just what it’s like to live with a disability.  If I think of it, and it I feel it needs to be said, you know it’s going to be regurgitated here.  (lovely picture huh?)

If you are a health blogger, jump on in.  Give it a try.  Some of my days may just be a photo and a quote, but as long as it’s appropriate, that’s alright.  We can do it, get the word out, we have chronic illnesses and don’t want to be invisible any more!!