“For me mindfulness is like building a house,
so, the next time the tsunami
that depression is comes,
I’ll have a structure to resist it.”
Ruby Wax
“Regardless of how dark and downbeat
the places you may find yourself,
there always exists the potential
for another path.”
Richard Gilpin
“You don’t have to control
your thoughts.
You just have to let them
stop controlling you.”
David Millman
Image: © Lorraine (filling in for Wendy; using the theme she had chosen)
“Gardening is an active
participation in the
deepest mysteries of
the universe.”
~ Thomas Berry
“Look deep into nature
and then you will
understand everything better.”
~ Albert Einstein
“Gardening simply does not allow
one to be mentally old, because
too many hopes and dreams
are yet to be realized.”
~Allan Armitage
*Photo taken at Tucson Botanical Garden, Tucson AZ, by W. Holcombe, all rights reserved. Please do not use without permission.
“All the suffering, stress, and addiction comes from
not realizing you already are what you are looking for.”
Jon Kabat-Zinn
“Healing may not be so much about getting better,
as about letting go of everything that isn’t you –
all of the expectations, all of the beliefs –
and becoming who you are.”
Rachel Naomi Remen
“You wait a lifetime to met Someone
who understands you, accepts you as you are.
At the end, you find that the Someone,
all along, has been you.”
Richard Bach
image: © Lorraine; close up of installation “Birds Watching”, Jenny Kendler, from “Indicators: Artists on Climate Change,” Storm King Arts Centre, NY.
Wendy is fine; her recovery from surgery continues. She will soon be back to doing her Mindfulness Mondays.
Monsoons 2018, by W. Holcombe. all rights reserved
*photo was taken in Tucson, AZ , off my front porch, during monsoon season 2018. It’s am amazing time, I wish I could get better pictures for you. The monsoons are full of beauty and power, but…another of it’s secret powers is to cause super duper migraines. Ahh. Please do not use this image without permission.
After writing this it dawned on me that judging is not always negative. However, in this post, please assume all references to judging are meant negatively.
I found myself judging people recently. I touched on this a couple of weeks ago when I posted on Kindness. I realized just how much people judge others. I don’t think many of us mean to, it just happens. There is something, someone does, that simply doesn’t mesh with what you believe in, and, let’s face it, gossiping is so easy. Often I find myself not having anything in common with someone I’m forced to talk with except for out dislike of someone else, this often leads to gossip, does that happen to you guys?
In Buddhism, one of the Eight Fold Path is “Samma vaca: Right speech: No lying, criticism, condemning, gossip, harsh language. Right
Speech involves abstaining from lying, gossiping, or hurtful talk.” I find this very hard to follow. In further teachings, one is taught that you much have Right thought: This goes one step further than Right Speech, you don’t simply not talk ill of someone, you don’t even have that thought. Now that is something to aspire to! If I have to do that one to obtain Enlightenment, I probably won’t be getting there any time soon.
In Christianity, the Bible states in Matthew 7:1 “1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” (there are several other mentions of judging people, but the all pretty much repeat what Matthew has said here or they have expounded on it. You can find out more here.
In Islam, Allah said : “O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other.”, among other verses that condemn judging others.
If being non-judgmental is taught by so many religions, why is it common practice amongst almost everyone one? Heck, most religions judge other religions and their followers. I don’t know if it’s even possible to go through life never judging anyone, but wouldn’t it be a much better place if we could. I doubt I’ll ever get there, but I am going to try my best to not gossip; well, I might bitch a little to Stuart just so I won’t hold explode, but other than that, I will try…I can’t promise, but I’m going to try.
(I mean how could you not judge someone who signs a car financing agreement without looking at how much the car cost? She’s either stupid, or lying. Since moving to Tucson I’m listening to this kind of thing a lot, I’m judging, and it’s stressing me out big time! I’d go so far as to say, it’s making me sick. What am I going to do? The judging seems to be automatic, that guilt is causing enough stress, add to that the stress of feeling like I shouldn’t talk about it, I’m wound up tight as a tick! (if you aren’t from the South, you can find out what they means here. Suffice to say, pretty darn stressed)
Aqua Caliente by Wendy Holcombe Hmmm, I’m judging these oranges to be beautiful. Funny how an adjective that change the meaning of a word, isn’t it?
“Three things in human life are important:
What does it mean to be kind? Often kindness is confused with compassion, but there is a difference. Kindness is simply being friendly to a person whether they are suffering of not. Compassion is reaching out to someone who is suffering.
When I read Toni Bernhard’s book, How to Wake Up, (and later an article she wrote about kindness) I was touched by what she calls “friendliness practice”.
She describes it like this, “As I turn the front doorknob to leave my house, I consciously resolve to maintain an attitude of friendliness toward all the strangers I see…If I’m waiting in line, I look at each person around me and silently say to each one: ‘May you enjoy this day’; or ‘I hope you have fun today.’”
I have tried to do this practice and have found that it lifts my heart, simply sending loving kindness to those around me fills me with joy.
I find it so fulfilling to see the joy on a stranger’s face when I am nice to them, whether it’s a complement or simply saying having a small conversation, kindness can make your day so much more joyful.
However, there are times when I find myself automatically judging people I don’t even know. For example, recently we were riding in a “questionable” part of town and were suddenly stuck because someone pulled out in front of everyone, just to go from one convenience store to another on the opposite side of the street. The man was driving a new Cadillac that was all tricked out, and when he smiled you could see gold teeth. We both automatically thought, drug dealer. We knew nothing about this man except what we saw on the outside, yet we found ourselves judging him. This is something most of us do, and I’m sure I’ll do it again, but I’m trying to be kinder. When I find myself having these judgments I’m trying to follow Toni’s example and silently say something kind to this person anyway. Just as Toni said, I found that this action normally stops the judgment…but sometimes it doesn’t, it’s at those times I need to be kind to myself and continue to try my best.
I’m certain that no one is fond of everyone, but being kind to someone doesn’t mean we have to like the person. In this day of political tensions, prejudice, racism….I know I have never been surrounded by so much hate. The Buddha taught, “Hatred does not cease by hatred, only by non-hatred.” We can “not hate” someone without liking them. When you don’t hate it’s much easier to be kind.
It has pained me to find out that some of my ‘friends’ have such differing views than I have, many of these views are, in my opinion, unethical and morally wrong. Because of the extreme differences in our views, and often the venom that I hear spoken by others voicing their opinions, I’m finding that I don’t really like many of these people any more, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be kind to them. I try to find what we have in common, I think we all want to be happy and to stop suffering, when I look at someone in that light, I find it much easier to be kind. I don’t have to agree with someone to be kind. That doesn’t mean I’m okay with their views, it means I can be nice to them, that’s a lot more than I sometimes think I can do, but let’s face it, being kind to someone feels a whole lot better than hating them, hatred makes me feel really bad.
That brings me to this quote:
The more often you are kind, the more natural it will become. Kindness becomes a habit and it grows within you, by being kind to others, you are in turn, kind to yourself.
** I hope you enjoyed this different take on Mindfulness Monday, be sure to remember to be kind to yourself.
I highly recommend Toni Bernard’s books, especially “How To Be Sick; A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers”. This book changed literally my life, and I refer back to it over and over. If you, or someone you know, is dealing with chronic illness, do yourself a favor and check this book out. (This is completely my opinion, no one asked me to post this, and I’m not being compensated for it. I simply love this book.)
(image created by Wendy Holcombe using Autodesk Sketchbook, please to not use without permission)
doodle by wendy – silly goose
You might be able to tell from the the quotes….Today is my birthday! I hope you have a wonder filled day, and have a grand un-birthday. (unless of course it is your birthday too, in that case, I hope your celebration is grand!)
Image is “Silly Goose” a silly doodle by me. It’s one of those doodles that comes from a stray mark on a page in my drawing journal. Try it, make a swoop on the page and let it be the start of a doodle. You can even make it silly. 😉
