Every Saturday we try to go to the Durham Farmer’s Market. And every Saturday morning as we are getting ready, I say something and Stuart thinks I’m being mean to him. We end up being snappy to one another, and it starts that way….I hate it. Finally, I realized today that I get very anxious about getting up and going anywhere, and it’s not just when we are going to the Farmer’s Market it’s anywhere. It’s just very noticeable on Saturdays because we do this every Saturday.
I was being a bitch. I snap, and I’m snarky, and I am simply not the nicest of people. But it really has nothing to do with Stuart. First, I’ve gained so much weight, I find it hard for me to get ready and feel comfortable (read *pretty* here). What woman does not get bitchy when she’s feeling like that?
Then I start to get more and more anxious about being out and about and what if something happens. When we are home an attack is much easier to stop, or at least make it much easier. But when we are out and about, it’s much harder. What if I collapse? What if we have to leave some place in a hurry? There have been a few times we’ve had to leave a restaurant, just leave, the food hadn’t arrived, I was getting sick, and we had to leave NOW. It’s so hard to explain, no we don’t have time for you to put the food in a to go box, here, we will pay you for it, but we have to leave now. (besides I would not be able to stand smelling the food in the car all the way home.) People look at you so funny, because all of a sudden I’m walking like I’m drunk and I can’t stand up by myself, and I wasn’t drunk a few minutes ago. I can’t imagine what they must think after we leave. We try to say, “She has vertigo, she’s getting very sick, very fast, we have to leave. But how can they understand?
So now I understand. I’m anxious about leaving the house, and it comes across as me being grumpy. Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind I’m hoping he will get mad and say, “Well we just won’t go then.” But instead he told me that I could go by myself. Oh my, the terror that went through me. But you know what? I was going to do it. Just because I got so mad that he said that to me. And how dangerous would that have been? Dumb, Dumb, Dumb. (well, today, I’ve had a pretty good day, so I would probably have been fine, but still, it wouldn’t have been smart….what if…)
Deep Breath Here! I calmed down and talked with Stuart. I apologized. He apologized. And I realized what was really going on with me. It was a very nice talk, and I hope we can deal with it better in the future now that we know what was (or may be) causing it.
So, off to the Farmer’s Market we went. We got there, walked in, hit 3 vendors and said, “It is too dang cold out here!” And we left. We came away with a bag of Sun Chokes (also known as Jerusalem Artichokes), some green onions, a bag of mixed winter greens, and some baby turnips. Not enough veggies for the week, but it was in the 20’s this morning and we all know I’m not a cold natured person…well, neither is my husband. I’ve never tried Sun Chokes before, but I like trying new things. I’ll let you know what I decide to do with them.
We then tried to go get breakfast but the breakfast places were way too busy, so we decided to have lunch at the steak house. Yes, steak for breakfast. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it wasn’t bad.
We left there and decided to drop by the mall to walk off some of that meal. I was so bloated and miserable. After our walk we came home and I realized my keys were missing. (I keep them attached to my purse with a carabiner type hook.) The hook was there, but the keys were gone. I felt like such a fool. Stuart called the mall, nope, no one had turned in any keys. I knew I had them at the steak place because I opened the car door with them. Stuart still called them, and yep, they were there. How lucky was that. Guess I’ll figure out a different way to carry my keys. Perhaps a carabiner hook that screw locks, I’ll have to go look at them. All I know is, I’m lucky today.
We also took a trip to the huge thrift store! We bought a pretty blue bowl, 2 small sushi plates with small sauce bowls and 2 place mats. All for $3.25! How cool is that? I decided I wanted some cuter dishes take pictures of my food for my cooking blog, so it doesn’t matter if I have a set that matches or anything.
We made Spaghetti Sauce tonight. (see my pretty new bowl and place mat?)
Spaghetti Sauce with Al Fresco Roasted Garlic Sausage
- 1 medium to large onion chopped
- 2 tablespoons olive oil
- 3 teaspoons Italian Seasoning (I didn’t really measure, I just sprinkled it in there until it looked right. I’ve been making this for a long time.)
- 2-3 large cloves of garlic minced or chopped what ever is easier for you. (about 2-3 teaspoons)
- 1 28oz can Tomato Puree or chopped tomatoes
- 1 package Al Fresco Roasted Garlic Chicken Sausage
heat olive oil in sauce pan over medium high heat. Sautee onions until translucent. Add Italian Seasoning stir for just a second(this will release the oils in the dried herbs. Add garlic and tomato puree, heat thoroughly.
Cut up sausage in slices that look like round discs. Brown sausage in a separate pan. (I guess you could do it in the sauce pan before you add the onion, but I didn’t think about it.) Add the sausage to the sauce, and heat thoroughly. Simmer for as long as you want, the longer it simmers the more the flavors will meld together.
*hint, to quickly clean the pan you cooked the sausage in, immediately add water to the hot pan and scrape the brown bits off. Then pour this out (the chicken sausage doesn’t have much oil, so there is no oil to pour out), add soap to the pan and swish with a cloth, and rinse. Voila, it’s clean. (If it doesn’t come clean just add a little baking soda and the last of the brown stuff should come out.)
Serve sauce over noodles of choice (we used Tinkyada Gluten-Free Noodles) with shaved Parmesan cheese on top if desired.
That was most of my Saturday.
Do you get anxious about going places? Especially if you’ve been having a lot of attacks recently? Do you find yourself not being so very nice sometimes, and not really knowing why?