Ask me about it!

Question image__by_MultiCurious at

I got this idea from one of my favorite bloggers LinLori.

I know many of you probably have questions for me, about my Cochlear Implant, any of my health issues…..ranging from Bipolar I to Chronic Pelvic Pain….and the newest diagnosis I haven’t even mentioned here yet….Vulvar Vestibulitis.  You may want to ask how I deal with certain things (like grieving for Sandy), or about my relationship with my husband.  You may even want to ask about my food issues.  Or what my favorite things are….whatever….I’m here to answer your questions.  If I possibly can.

Ask anything.

You all know I’m an open book…I don’t mind telling the details…so if you want to know something, now is the time to ask!

Come on ask….you know you want to know.


What to say, when you don’t feel like talking?

Depression by ninykinin via

I’m sorry to my followers, my friends, that I have not been around much.  I am a bit overwhelmed by so much that has been going on that I haven’t told you about, and I’ve been sucked into a depressive state.  I keep trying to pull out of it, I even have a new medication, but I’m still just blah.  I wake up in the morning, and often feel awful for the first hour or two, it takes me a while to feel like a real person, then when I actually feel alright, I think what reason do I have to get out of bed?

I don’t find pleasure in the things I used to be so passionate about, like art, cooking, blogging….ect.  I do still find pleasure in reading, perhaps it is an escape?  I also still find pleasure with my husband, just being next to him makes me feel better.

I will be seeing my psych. tomorrow, I’ll discuss this with him, and we’ll see if I should increase the antidepressant I’m on, or try something else.   I’m sure he can help pull me out of this.

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you know that I’m normally very positive.  This turn of emotions has hit me like a wall, I don’t feel like myself.  I need to get my positive outlook back.

The ironic thing about this, I’m actually much better.  I have the weird feelings when I first wake up, but I think that’s because I’ve been horizontal for so long that my cerebrospinal fluid raises a bit, and I have to sit up for a while, and take my medicine before I feel better.

I’m still having migraines, but they aren’t as intense.  I’m still having Migraine Associated Vertigo (MAV), but not as often, and when I do it doesn’t last as long.  Maybe I’m just getting the medication in faster, all I know is it’s better.  I’m still having chronic migraines though, yes they are better, but they still knock me out of commission for a while, so my doctor is starting a new treatment plan.  We want to get it where I’m having much fewer migraines, not just less intense.

No Meniere’s vertigo!

My surgery has FINALLY been scheduled!  July 19th, I will receive my bionic ear!  (my implant is from Advanced Bionics…so I can literally say I will have a bionic ear!)  Two weeks after surgery they will turn on the cochlear implant.  (I wrote a post telling all about the processors I chose, but that’s the one WordPress deleted half of, so I need to finish it again…I will try to do that soon, so you can see what will be hooked to the side of my head.  I’m sure you are all eager to see that!  : )  Just wait until you see it actually on my head!

Other things that have been happening:  We got new carpet.  We replaced our worn out couch.  We had our mattress replaced under warranty…it wouldn’t bounce back.   So the house is full of chemical smells, and I’m so sick!  I keep trying to stay in rooms with less chemical smells, but I’m still coughing so much my throat is sore, my head hurts, I’m so tired all the time….ect.  I’ll be so happy when I can breathe in my own house again!

Tell me is it normal to feel down when you start feeling better?  Yes, I’m feeling better but not to the point that I can do everything I want.  Since I feel better, I’ve begun to resent that I can’t drive, I can’t have that independence.  I hate that Stuart has to be with me for me to leave the house.  I know with the uncertainty of vertigo it’s even dangerous for me to walk around the block by my self.  I resent that I have to be careful of all the food that I eat.  We took a little trip this weekend, and it was so very hard to find food that I could eat.  I felt horrible, every time we wanted to eat it was such an ordeal.  It’s not so bad locally, we know places that are safe, but I didn’t think about not being able to find safe food on the road.   We tried so hard to make sure everything I ate was safe for me, but still I got sick.  On the way home we had to stop numerous times so I could run to the bathroom.  I was so embarrassed to have that happen in a public restroom.  eww.

I used to find it a challenge and a pleasure to cook even with my restrictions.  I thought it was interesting to figure out how to change a recipe so I could eat it.  Now I resent that I can’t eat some things.  That I can’t cook whatever I want.  I don’t like this feeling.

Oh, I almost forgot, I had a birthday.  July 2nd!  My husband is a dear man, he celebrated my birthday for 4 days, and I’m getting my main present today!  So, still celebrating… he’s done something sweet for me every day since Friday!  He really made up for the one time he forgot my birthday!  haha  Funny thing, I thought I was turning 50 this year.  Stuart and I were walking along one day last month and mentioned my birthday, I said that this one was a big one, he asked why 49 was big for me, I said, “No, I’ll be 50!”  He looked at me, and said “No Wendy you will just be 49”.  I was sure I was going to be 50!  He said, “What year is it?”  I said, 2012….Ooooh!  I guess I’ll be 50 next year.”  How silly was that?  Here I’d been telling people for months that I was turning 50 this year!  hahaha

Well, I think that’s all I can purge out of myself at the moment.

I will try my best to blog more often, I really want to become passionate about it again.  I’ve missed my friends.

Word Cloud – #HAWMC 30

Today’s Prompt:  Word Cloud. Make a word cloud or tree with a list of words that come to mind when you think about your blog, health, or interests. Use a thesaurus to make the branches of your “tree” extend further.

I did a little bit of a different take on this prompt.  I hope you like it.

Word Cloud Collage by W. Holcombe 2012, April

Wendy just write…. #HAWMC Day 12

Prompt for today Stream of Consciousness Day. Start with the sentence “_______”just write, don’t
stop, don’t edit.Post!

(written April 5th)

image courtesy of

“Wendy” just write, don’t stop, don’t edit. Post!

Stupid computer can’t figure out what I want to do Can’t get the dang program to close…ugh….can’t make a slideshow…I know I’ve done it before…why do I want to throw it out the window.

Heard from friend was nice, but it’s hard. Can’t do so much. Other friend told me I wasn’t a good friend because I didn’t keep in touch and didn’t make time for her when I was feeling good, she’s the busiest person I know, I looked back in my emails, the not getting together wasn’t all my fault..I apologized. A lot. But the reply I got back seemed so cold, so sterile. I just couldn’t put more of me out there…..not with everything, I just couldn’t. She wanted so much more than I could give. I want more..but when you can’t just chat on the phone, and people don’t like to email or take your written words wrong it’s so, so hard. And to see someone in their prime doing everything you will never be able to do and everything is about that, and all I can think about is my illness, what is left? I miss her…I miss them…but I have nothing….I really feel I have nothing to offer.  What can I offer.  I can’t even hear them to talk to them.  I focus on if I can get out of bed, brush my teeth, walk outside….maybe if I’m lucky a little more….what can I talk about to people who have a full life? a job, children, acitivites, friends, interests?  I’ve been so consumed with just staying alive the past 2 years. Well that’s stretching….Well no it’s not!

This past year I’ve been through so much…and I’ve persevered, and now I’m mad at me!!

I was told I was better, and would be better!!! Damn the doctors! How could they do that to me!

I had 5 months of a new life! A better life! No vertigo. I was moving on. I started to become a Foster Parent, I started to drive, I got a CAR! I was making a life….I didn’t think it would be ripped out from me.!  I was so busy….I didn’t think it would end…

After those 5 months I went through 7 more lumbar punctures SEVEN with 5 or 6 sets of patches down my spine. I spent about 6 months in bed with not only CSF problems but gut troubles too. I’ve gained nearly 60 lbs. I feel old, fat and ugly. I don’t like me any more….yet I do. I do. I’m proud of the way I’ve handled things.

I’ve had 2 in depth surgeries on my ears. Surgeries that took my ears almost completely off and drilled to my brain, and left holes in my skull the size of a 50cent piece.  But they worked…I think.
I’m now told I have high CSF pressure…Intracranial Hypertension. Serious, rare. My hearing in my “good” ear is almost gone.

Now I’m falling apart….and I’m angry at myself about it!!!?????

I’ve been so resilient, so adaptive, so….I can handle it.It may not be what I expected…so I’ll change what I expected…NOW….I’m just plain scared and mad.  I thought I was mad at everyone, I’m taking it out on everyone….But I’m so angry at me. I’m angry I’m not bouncing back, and I’m angry I’m not more tenacious, and I can’t do more and damnit….I’m angry that my body is doing this to me!  I’m angry I can’t lose weight….I’m MAD AS HELL!

I’m angry I’m sick! And I have to deal with it. I have been dealing with it. But right now…I’m not doing the best with that.  However, I know me, and I will. I’ll get it together, and get myself another lease on life.  Life is good.

I have such a good husband. It can’t be all bad. I must think of the good days.

SOPA and PIPA dropped by Congress! And Good Days.

Yay!  The Blackout worked!!  SOPA and PIPA were dropped by congress today!!!  I’m so thrilled!

I’ve had some good days recently, unfortunately today isn’t one.  I woke up with a migraine today that has left me feeling icky.  Meds worked but left me feeling a bit off….then headache returned.  It’s minor right now, waiting to see if I need more meds.

On to the Good Days!

This photo is not enhanced. The sky really was that blue!

Remember when I said, I was going to take advantage of every good day and live it to the fullest?  Well, I’m keeping my promise.  Now, what one might call living life to the fullest, and what I call it, may be vastly different things.  Just remember for about 6 months I was barely able to get out of bed, so the small things mean the world to me!

Has a wonderful day earlier this week, just enjoying the unseasonable warm weather.  As you can see from the photo above, taken from our back yard, it was a beautiful day with a bright blue sky.  This color sky is unusual for our neck of the woods, I haven’t seen a sky this blue since moving from California.

On Wednesday had my eyes examined, and have new glasses on the way!  Afterward, I didn’t want to go home, so Stuart and I went to the mall.  Just window shopping really.  He wanted to try on some shoes he was interested in to decide if he really wanted them.  He loved them!  So, surprise!  I ordered them for his birthday.  Of course, they arrived today, and I couldn’t wait to give them to him…so he got his birthday present early!  (his birthday is February 6th, shh, don’t tell him, but I have another surprise planned.)  He’s so thrilled with his shoes, he’s been wearing them ever since he opened the package.

We walked all around the mall and had a nice afternoon together.  That night, I was in much pain.  My hips and lower back…oh my goodness.  I took a hot bath with Epsom Salts, and felt better, but still had a hard time sleeping.

I’ve been in the kitchen quite a bit this week.  You all know how much I love that!  I have a lot of things to add to Wendy Cooks!  We bought some plain ground pork and I made Italian Sausage without onion or garlic!  I cooked that with potatoes, and kale.  What a nice dinner.  The next day I made Sticky Pork Chops.  Served those with roasted green beans and rice.  Stuart’s feeling spoiled.  He’s so happy I’m cooking again.  We also made a big pot of chicken stock. (Stuart actually got this one going.)

This is Sandy and Max while we were traveling across country. See how well they do in the car together?

Yesterday we took the furry babies to the vet.  Sandy really just came along for the ride.  She did have a pedicure, but the main reason she was there was to calm Max.  It’s so funny, Max really loves his dog.  If we take him to the vet, he does so much better if Sandy is with him.  Max got his annual check-up and shots.  Our vet is so in love with our pets.  Sandy is referred to as the “Wonder Dog!” If you read my blog regularly you probably know this, but Sandy is 19 years old, she has bladder cancer, cataracts have taken most of her vision, and she’s very hard of hearing.  In July of 2010 we were told she had probably 3 months to live, but she may last up to a year.  Well, she’s still going strong!  Still runs and plays…she acts like a dog less than half her age!  Our pets also have very good temperaments.  They don’t fight the vet, as long as they are together, and mommy is near they have no troubles.

Last night I had a challenge.  We took a friend out to dinner who is moving away for a new job.  She wanted steak, so we went to the Texas Roadhouse.  If any of you have ever been to a Texas Roadhouse, you know how noisy it can be.  Normally they seat us in a booth with a very tall back, it’s much easier for me to hear if there is no noise behind me.  This time, we sat in a booth with a low back.  It was a challenge for me to hear.  Stuart sat to my right, on my hearing aid side.  Our friend sat across from me.  Luckily, she has a voice I hear pretty well, and she remembers to look at me and speak clearly (most of the time).  I think I only had to ask her to repeat something 3 times.  Yay!  Stuart on the other hand, I could barely hear.  It’s amazing how much I depend on lip reading (they call it speech reading now, I don’t know why).  We stayed at the restaurant for nearly 3 hours.  So,I feel I passed this challenge fairly well.  I was so excited!   But I know it would not have gone as well with more people, or with someone who has a voice with a frequency I can’t hear well.  (I’ll take the victory though! Eating out with a friend, something I haven’t done in a VERY long time.)

Unfortunately, the GI stuff hasn’t gotten better.  Looking forward to find out what the dietitian has to say about getting the Fructose Malabsorption under control.  I’ll be seeing her Wednesday of next week.

Whew, today is a bit of a rough one.  My head hurts.  Think I need to get off of the computer and take some more pills.  I planed on making Spaghetti tonight with the rest of the Italian sausage.  We may have left overs instead.  Unless I can talked my dear hubby into making the spaghetti.  It’s times like these I wish I could just eat sauce from a jar, but alas, it’s not to be.  Plus, homemade is so much better!

Dizzy Day – and an update on SOPA and PIPA.

I should have known better.

As I’ve mentioned before, I haven’t had the greatest sleep schedule, or sleep at all really.  So my doctor put me on Rozerem.  Rozerem is a sleep aid, but it isn’t addictive, and can take up to a week for full effects.  4% of the patients had increased dizziness compared to 3% who took the placebo.  So a good choice for me, right?  Umm, not so much.  It was prescribed before my surgery and each time I took it I woke up with vertigo.

Rozerem Ad

Last night I decided to give it a try again, thinking possibly it would be different now since things have calmed down so much.

Yes, I should have known better.  I woke up, not with vertigo exactly, but the world is not being still!  I’m using the walker to get to the bathroom and every time I move my head to either side I feel like I’m going to barf.  I have acid reflux so bad, it hurts all the way down my esophagus and into my stomach.  Neither my prescription acid medication nor Maalox is working.  And the diarrhea is back.  (yes I had one day of normality, yesterday, I’ve not eaten any vegetables, except a pickle and a piece of lettuce on my burger yesterday, for 3 days.  The burgers I made, so I know they were safe.  I think most of the diarrhea today is because of the spinny head.  It does put me in the fight or flight mode, constantly expecting a full-blown attack.

I got the book Food Intolerance Management Plan by Sue Shepherd yesterday.  It has the most up to date information about Fructose Malabsorption and other food intolerances.  Sue Shepherd is considered THE expert in Fructose Malabsorption (FructMal).  So I looked at the book, from cover to cover yesterday.  I just knew I’d find something I’ve been doing wrong.  Nope.  I’ve been eating all safe foods.  This book gives a lot more variety than I’ve been eating, and says I can eat much larger servings than I have been.  So why is it that every time I eat a vegetable, I get sick?  Ugh!  I’m working on it.  That’s my big goal this year, find out how to stop this GI trouble!  Then I’ll think about losing weight.

So enough about my bad day.  (we all know, it’s just a day, one day at a time right?)

Image credits:

A friend of mine works for Red Hat. It’s the world’s Open Source leader, according to their website.  (yes, I’m a big foggy on all of that.  So not the geek.)  My friend, Ruth, wrote an article about SOPA and PIPA.  Here’s the link:

The title tells the story in a nutshell.  SOPA shelved, Fight must turn to PIPA. Wikipedia will join blackout.

Did you see the last part…Wikipedia will join the Blackout!!!  (Don’t forget the Blackout is the 18th, so you may be on line and not be able to find many of your favorite spots.)

If Google would join, that would make all the difference.  Could you imagine a day without Google?  Even just shutting down their search engine would make a huge statement.  But alas, I doubt they will.

However, it also looks like WordPress has joined the strike, so my blog may not show up anyway.  Neither would any other blog on WordPress.

On a different soap box….Don’t forget to PLEASE sign the petition about Headache Disorders – The Petition is Here.

Now, I’m going to take a nap, and hope my head is less wonky when I get up!

Hard to believe it’s Winter.

Sorry, Not an actual photo of us, but I'm sure you can feel of the sensation! Whee!

On January 6th, and 7th, we went driving around in my Little Yellow Bug with the top down!  That’s right, the convertible was being used with the TOP DOWN, in JANUARY!  Woot!  Last winter was full of snow, and rain, and ice…and well it was just miserable.  Much colder and much more snow than North Carolina normally has.  However, if there is one thing I’ve learned about living in the South East, weather is anything but normal.

This winter has been mild so far, just a few freezing days, I think I could count them on one hand.  I’m loving it, but it’s odd, even for N.C.  We will often have a warm patch in the winter, but this is like Spring.  The plants are so confused.  My herb garden has new growth, my neighbor’s Irises are coming up, yes, the people and plants alike love this weather, but I’m afraid the plants will suffer greatly when the freezing days arrive again.  It looks like it will be cloudy and/or raining for most of the week.  I bet it turns cold after that.

Pink Wildflower from my garden 2011
I took this photo from our wild flower garden, Fall 2011

I’ve been feeling better than I did before the surgery, some days I feel really good!  Like yesterday, it was a good day.  We had to do a little shopping, so we put the top down, and took the long way through the country to the store.  It was blissful.  We came home and I worked in my studio for an hour..maybe two.  Earlier in the day I threw some things in the Slow Cooker, so I even made dinner!

I’m still having a lot of GI issues.  I can’t figure this fructose thing out I guess.  I finally found a book I’ve been told will help me so very much!  The book is not available in the U.S. (at least not yet.)  It was published in Australia.  I started to give up and order it from Australia, but it would have cost me close to $70 with shipping and tax.  I just couldn’t do it.  Finally  I found the book at a used book store on-line, thanks AbeBooks.  For less than $45.  They only had one copy.  I snapped it up!  So I should get it in a couple of weeks.  I also found a nutritionist who is “well versed” in Fructose Malabsorption and the low FODMAPS diet.  Woo Hoo!  Finally!  I may start seeing her later this month, or early next month.  I want to see what the book says first.  This running to the bathroom 6-10 times a day is old!  I’m really tired of my GI system just refusing to work right.  **TMI time…I had a rush moment to the bathroom today, I’d already been 4 times, this one was very loose and black…yes, black.  Scared the crap out of me (pun intended) .  I thought OMG I’m bleeding internally.  Then I remembered I took Pepto Bismol last night, a bit more than I intended to.  Please, if you  take Pepto, remember it can turn your stools black, and your tongue a funny color too, but I’ve only had that happen once.  So don’t let it scare you….like it seems to always catch me off guard.

Today,  I have Slosh Head.  I feel stuffy, and woozy.  I’m nauseous most of the time lately.  If I’m eating, the nausea is relieved, but shortly after I eat it returns.  ick.  But today is worse.  The tinnitus is screaming, my hearing is down!  (I only heard 3 dings..barely..when I turned my hearing aid on, I normally hear 5…they are different frequencies, so I’m not hearing some of them)  The TV sounds tinny, Stuart sounds muffled.  I just don’t feel good at all today.  I feel like Mr. Meniere’s is battling with Allergy Man and Human Barometer is getting his licks in too!  All inside my head..and tummy!  Just ick.

**GREAT NEWS**  Now the reason I can even consider spending money ….Stuart has been offered a job!

Actually he’s negotiating with TWO companies.  One is telecommuting, one is ‘local’.  Stuart has asked the recruiter for the ‘local’ job, if they would consider allowing him to telecommute and come in perhaps one day a week.  (commuting to and from Raleigh. the next city over, is not fun!  Rush hour is horrible, he’d spend at least 3 hours a day in his car…plus the wear and tear on the car, the extra pollution, and parking…ect…it all ads up.)  They have until Tuesday to make a decision and an offer, he told the other company he would give them a decision on Wednesday.  They both sound like excellent companies, and Stuart enjoyed his interview with both.  So, either way, I think he’ll be happy.

He’s been out of work since Halloween.  I knew it would be hard to find a job over the holidays, and it was.  But he wasn’t idle.  He sent out resumes…lot’s of resumes, had interviews, sold things on eBay, cleaned out his office, is preparing to sell the other car….he’s been a busy man…plus taking care of me wasn’t easy right after my surgery.  I’m actually grateful he wasn’t working for a while there.  Now that the holidays are over, he is in demand!  I know it feels good.  You can tell he’s feeling good about things.

That’s all for now.  I feel like I could just talk and talk.  I think I need to write more than I have been lately, shorter posts more often?  That may be a good idea!


Dark Days…I’m having a rough time…and a request.

Darkness and Disequilibrium Envelope Me

I’ve started a number of posts lately and haven’t finished any.

I’m having a rough time lately.  I feel the darkness creeping over me, sucking the hope out of me.  I’ve had this happen before, and I always pull myself out of it, but it’s hard.  Right now, I just wish I wasn’t.  (Don’t worry I’m not suicidal.)  Sometimes, I just wish, I didn’t exist.

We watched It’s a Wonderful Life on Christmas, one of the only true traditions we have.  We usually watch it on Christmas Eve, but we had a friend come over on Christmas day and we like to watch it together.

This movie usually gives me hope.  It makes me believe that I could have made a difference and not known it.  Just maybe I’m important in some way, that some things would be worse if I hadn’t been born. This year part of this movie hit hard.  One of the last parts of this movie made me so very sad.  Clarence, the angel, leaves a book for George Bailey and in it he writes, “Dear George, remember no man is a failure who has friends…..”  George was surrounded by people who loved him, who he had helped in so many ways that they were all willing to help him, without even knowing what caused his troubles.  (if you haven’t seen the film, George finds himself in a huge mess and considers suicide.  Clarence, shows him what life would have been like if he hadn’t existed.  It was a pretty grim picture.  After he sees this, he wants to live, then he finds out that his friends all want to help him.)

I have been feeling I have a lack of true friends lately.  Friends I can really call on.  I know I have a few.  However, not that many. Does that make me a failure?

I’ve had a couple of friends this year tell me I haven’t been a good friend.  That I’ve ignored them and haven’t worked on our friendship.  That was very hard to hear.  Especially from one of them.  I felt I’d been there for her over and over, we had been friends for years and years.  (though not always in touch)  All of a sudden, she felt she was giving all the energy in the relationship and I wasn’t giving anything.  I think my illness, and my depression about it sometimes scared her.  But I don’t think that was all.  We are back in touch, but it’s not the same.  The incident has never been mentioned.  The other, I could understand how she could see things that way.  But it was never intentional.  And now, I feel odd about our friendship, and don’t know if it will survive.

I’m lonely, but I have a hard time being around some people.  Losing my hearing is hard.  Often, I’d rather be lonely alone, than in a room with people whom I feel isolated from because I can’t hear them.  I do well one on one, but in groups…it’s so hard.  I’m also having a rough time with envy.  I want to be happy for my friends, and experience joy that they can do so many of the things I can’t.  Sometimes I can do this, other times it just eats me up.

There are so many things that I’ve been having a hard time with.

I was reading back over my blog from this year, and my journal from last year, and found I’ve been on a sickness merry-go-round that goes something like this….hell – much better – hell – much better….over and over.  I’ve been given hope and felt better and then had the rug pulled out from under me so many times I’m dizzy just thinking about it.  (pun not really intended, perhaps I should say, dizzier?)

I keep thinking, even if this surgery ends up working, when will it stop.  Will I have 2 months…4…12???  (Dr. Kaylie said to give it 3 months before we really judge it.  This really takes a long time to heal.)  When I had this on the other ear, I had 4 months vertigo free, then I had a spell of 11 days with a Meniere’s attack.  Hearing down, tinnitus up, and vertigo on and off…for 11 Days!  But caused by the other ear.  Then I started in the Cerebrospinal fluid study, and things have been up and down since then.  For over a year.

In the past 2 years I’ve had 9 decent months.  Not a bad number, but they weren’t great of course, I’m just talking 9 months where the Meniere’s was better.  5 months where the headaches were better.  And very, very few where my GI system was better.  I even had a few where the pelvic and hip pain were better, but not many.

Speaking of GI issues.  I’m still having diarrhea very often, and have gained so much weight.  I’m not keeping much food in me, almost every time I eat I’m running to the bathroom.  Yet, I’ve gone from 147 lbs in the beginning of 2010, to almost 200 lbs. now.  (and most of that I gained in 2 months time, in the fall of 2010)  I hate to look at myself, and the idea of people seeing me like this, or having my picture taken terrifies me.  I grew up in a house where my father would often tell me I needed to lose weight, and would talk about others who were, what he considered, over weight.    I knew even if he didn’t say it to my face, he would be calling me fat behind my back.  (this caused a teen eating disorder)  I haven’t seen him in long time, and won’t now.  The idea of it, just hurts, I could not bear the thought of being told I’m fat, or knowing he would be telling others how fat I am.  (BTW, this is not a man who has been in shape for as long as I can remember.)

So to sum that up, I do not have the Fructose Malabsorption under control.  Elimination Diet started today!

We watched Despicable Me on Christmas Eve.  One of our favorite movies.  I think this was the 4th time we’ve seen it, and still laugh so hard.  But it also makes me cry.  This time more than usual.  When he falls in love with those girls, and they become a family, it’s so touching.  All I could think about was the fact that earlier this year we were making plans to become foster parents.  Now we’ve given that dream up.

I’m still stuck in bed most of the time.  When I get up I get the worst headaches!  Also, I feel like I’m on a very rocky boat most of the time.  It’s horrible.  I’ve felt unsteady for a long time, but now, I walk a bit like I’m drunk.  I have to walk very slowly.  To top it off, I feel sea sick.  Strangest thing about that – the only time I’m not feeling nauseous is when I’m eating.  (is that weird or what?)

This is also a difficult time for me because my mother’s birthday was New Year’s day.  It was such a special time when she was alive.  No matter where I was, at some night club, or party, or what ever….as soon after midnight as I could I would call my mom and wish her a happy birthday!  I remember one year I was at a bon-fire, and I had to drive about 10 miles to find a phone so I could call her.  Now, most years, when midnight strikes, I’m just home.  Stuart often doesn’t even make it to mid-night.  He doesn’t like to be on the road on New Year’s Eve because of all the drunks.  I understand, but it’s hard on me.  He promised last year, this year we would do something special.  We were going to check into a hotel, party in their and we wouldn’t have to drive anywhere that night.  Perfect.  But, as you can probably guess, we can’t do that.  Plus, I’d probably be miserable because of my hearing troubles.  So what to do?

I don’t like it when I get like this.  (I logically know part of it is PMS, and I will pull myself out of it, but it’s a rough time.)

I’m certain I can deal with whatever the future has in store for me, but right now, I hope it doesn’t throw me another curve ball too soon.   I need to catch my breath, and renew my outlook.

Now for the request.

As I’ve mentioned on here, I started a goal list for the Day Zero Project.  You list 101 things to do in 1001 days.  I have one thing on my list that should be easy, but it hasn’t been, and I was hoping you guys could help.

#26 on my list is to Make a list of 20 things that I like about myself and stick it to my mirror.  (to be read every day)

I’d like to change that to Make a list of 20 things others like about me and stick it to my mirror.

Can you help?  Can you tell me something you like about me?  Not only will it help me check something off my list, I think it would help me during this dark time to hear some good things about me.

thank you all.

The Challenges of Summer.

Phineas and Ferb courtesy of The Disney Channel

As Phineas and Ferb say:

There’s 104 days of summer vacation
And school comes along just to end it
So the annual problem for our generation
Is finding a good way to spend it…

Yes, it has been a long time since I’ve been in school and had a “summer vacation”, but I have always loved summer.  For as long as I can remember I’ve always felt better in the summer.  I hurt less, and I just want to get out and do more.  Longer Days and Warmer Nights…life is good.

The challenges of Summer?

  1. I over do it because I feel better, then I pay for it!
  2. I get over heated easily and don’t realize it because I love hot weather.  (although we lived in Palm Springs, CA for a while…it was too hot there!)
  3. I over extend myself.  I have a hard time saying “No”, I seem to think I can do anything during this time of year.
  4. I often end up eating things I shouldn’t, and get sick.  (I just don’t plan well.)
  5. Again, I get too hot before I realize it!
How I can over come these challenges?
  1. Well, this should be easy, just do less!  However, it’s often hard to tell when I might be over doing it.  I guess my best option here is to pay more attention to what my body is telling me.  And REST OFTEN.
  2. Limit the amount time I spend in the heat.  Don’t just trust that I can tell when I get too hot, or thirsty.  Set a time limit, and stick to it.  And DRINK A LOT of water!
  3. I need to remember, I can only do so much!  And sometimes, I can’t do anything.  I feel guilty when I tell people I will be somewhere and then I can’t show up.  I need to tell more people either, “No.”  Or “Maybe.”  If people don’t understand, then do I really want to be doing anything with them?
  4. Since I have gluten and fructose intolerance, there are a lot of things I can’t eat.  Too often I go out and don’t realize we may not be home when I get hungry.  I must plan better for this.  Make sure there will be food I can eat at parties.  The easiest way to do this is to bring something.  When we are going out and about I need to make sure we will be near places I can eat, or keep food with me.  I used to carry protein bars in my purse that were gluten free so I’d always have something.  Now, it’s more difficult.  I haven’t found a protein bar that doesn’t have things I can’t have because of the fructose.  I must find something!!
  5. I used to never get over heated.  I have a convertible, and I love to drive and feel the heat, and wind.  On Wednesday, I was on my way home and got stopped due to road work.  I was sitting still for about 20 minutes.  When I got home I felt sick, and dizzy.  I got way too hot.  How can I prevent this?  I have to keep WATER with me.  Not soda, WATER!  If I get stuck in traffic, I need put the top up and turn on the AC.
What do I want to accomplish this summer?
  1. Complete all the requirements for becoming a licensed foster parent.
  2. Perhaps take a vacation…something we haven’t done in a very long time.  Even a long weekend would be nice.  But traveling scares me…I’ll have to be prepared.  And we really don’t want to leave our dog.
  3. Take care of me.  (read *pamper* here)
  4. Read more books.  I really don’t know if this is possible, but I’ll give it a go.  (I love to read!)
  5. Enjoy my birthday!  (July 2nd)
  6. Spend time with hubby.  (I don’t really care what we do, just as long as we do it together.)
  7. Enjoy my pets.  Especially Sandy, on July 2010, the vet told us that Sandy had 6 months to a year to live.  I don’t think anyone told her!
  8. Enjoy driving.  (something I haven’t been able to do much for the last 2 years.)
  9. Enjoy our garden!  This is the first year we’ve tried growing a vegetable garden.  I keep looking at a friend’s garden and think…”Wow, why does their garden look so much better than mine?”   Oh yeah, they aren’t using all organic practices.  Let’s just say I now understand why organic produce cost so much more.
No matter what your plans for the summer, be sure to take care of yourself.  Keep things close to you that make you feel good.  For example: I take a bath every night right before I go to bed.  It really helps me get to sleep, feel more relaxed, and hurt much less.   I put lotion on every night, often my husband puts special peppermint lotion on my feet.  (My feet get hot at night and the peppermint makes them feel cool.)
Spend time with people who are good for you.  Avoid people who are toxic.  (you know who they are, you may feel like you have to spend time with them for some reason or another, maybe they are family, but you don’t.  Just say “NO”.  You can do it.  I know you can.)
Enjoy yourself.  That’s the most important thing.  Find ways to make your life easier, and more enjoyable.
Then pass it on.  Let other’s know what secrets you have found that make you feel better.
What’s your plans for the Summer?

What’s in your Medications?

I posted this on my other blog Wendy Cooks, but thought it important enough to post it here too.

When you have a food allergy or intolerance it is very important to know what all the ingredients are in our medications.  However, it can be hard to find reliable information about the inactive ingredients.  I’ve asked my pharmacist to be sure to check the ingredients, but they are busy, and I’m sure some of them don’t actually check.   When I was diagnosed with Fructose Intolerance (malabsorption), I asked my pharmacist to check to ensure there were no ingredients in my medications that would make me sick.  He told me that I wasn’t on any liquid medications so I didn’t have to worry.  I wasn’t really happy with that answer, so I looked up the ingredients in the medications I bought that day.  I soon found that one of my medications had Mannitol in it, something I should not be taking.  It was easy to rectify, I just called my doctor and got a prescription for the regular tablets.  However, if I had taken the pharmacist at his word I would have wondered why I was continuing to get sick.  (and unfortunately, I had to pay for 2 prescriptions)

I was looking at the Health Resources listed on my library’s website, and I found this wonderful site.  Pillbox, is part of the US National Library of Medicine, it gives “rapid identification, (and) reliable information” on medications.  Pillbox, has two ways you can check for your drugs.

One is a Quick Search, and one is the Advanced Search.  I used the Advance Search, simply because I found it first.  The Quick Search has photos of the medications, it is still under development, so some medications may not have photos.

In the Advanced Search, just fill in what you know about the medication, and it will give you a list, choose your medication and it will give you all the information you need.  I tried it on a few of my medications, including an over the counter allergy medication.  One I put in the name, one I just put in the description, and one I just put in part of a description.  For most it found the medication I was looking for, the only one it didn’t find was one that is labeled as a pharmaceutical food supplement.  It gave all of the ingredients on all of the medications except the over the counter allergy medication, but they are listed on the box.

I hope this will help you and give you more peace of mind about the medications you are taking (or giving to your children).

Please let me know if you use the Pillbox site, and how well it works for you.

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