Great News, the Meniere’s is still staying calm! Virtually no symptoms! Yes, I feel like Dancing!! Since I’ve been feeling better I’ve been doing much more. On Saturday we went to the new outlet mall that recently opened not too far from us. Actually, it was farther than I thought, but we made it. After that long ride, we walked around for a long time. Then we left there, got some lunch, and went to the grocery store. Next, we stopped at the library to pick up a few books I had on hold. Finally, we headed home. I went upstairs to get in more comfy clothes, and saw a print out for an exercise routine that I got off of Faith, Hope, and Fighting Spirit’s Blog. I decided, to try it out. Whew! for someone who hasn’t been exercising, it was intense. Really, it wasn’t so bad, but it calls for many push-ups and I’m really not good at doing push-ups. I am very proud that I got through the whole Total Core Pyramid, and I only skipped a few push-ups. I rested for a while, then made dinner and a friend came over and we watched movies.
What a busy day!
After all of that my hip was hurting so much! It popped and everyone heard it! Ouch! I guess I haven’t been having hip troubles, simply because I haven’t been doing much. When I went to bed my shoulder was hurting so bad after all those push-ups I couldn’t get comfortable. I finally decided to take a pain pill, and it helped. (I took a total of 3 hydrocodone yesterday. The first because I had a headache, the second because of my hip, and the third because of my shoulder.) I don’t think it’s a good thing that I have to take pain pills to get through an active day.
I don’t want to have surgery on my hip again, so I’m going to try to build it up with light exercise, working out in the pool, and having massages. I’m hoping to be able to start going to the pool next week.
My husband is starting a new job on March 16th. He will be working as a contract employee for the first 3 months, then he will be full-time. It’s an exciting and nervous time. This is a much more stable company, and it has better insurance. Of course he won’t have this insurance for the 3 months he is a contract employee, and for the first 30 days after he is full-time, but we will still be on his old company’s insurance, we just have to pay for it. He will still be able to work at home, with great flex time. I just hope he will end up loving what he’s doing! It’s very hard to have a job that you hate, no matter how good the benefits.
To Sum Up:
Meniere’s is doing great.
I’m being much more active.
Hip is not doing so great.
Hubby has a new job.
Oh, by the way, I’m looking forward to my appointment with Dr. Kaylie on the 14th. I’ll be getting a hearing test and we’ll find out just how much better I really am.
A Guilty Pleasure is defined as something one enjoys and considers pleasurable despite feeling guilt for enjoying it.
I have a lot that I feel guilty for, but not many pleasures that I feel guilty over. But I do have a few…
Each of these I feel a little guilty about because I either feel like I should be at least trying to do something more productive, it cost money and I don’t work, or because I feel like I’m taking advantage of my husband.
image from ucd.ie
I love spending time on my computer, reading blogs and posting on my blogs. The computer is sometimes a great escape, and it is often a way for me to communicate with other people.
image from sodahead.com
I also love that I have more time to read because of my illness. I can get lost in a book. They help me escape, and learn. I will never get tired of learning new things. I think reading helps to keep my mind active and has lessened my brain fog. But still I often feel I should be doing something else.
image from tbcgym.com
I love for my husband to massage me. He is such a great help to me, and I don’t get to pamper him near enough, but I love it when he pampers me. He takes care of me all the time, but I get so much pleasure from having him rub my neck and back. Oh and when my hip is giving me a lot of trouble, he is wonderful at trying to make it better.
I also love going to get a professional massage. I don’t do this very often, and I always feel guilty afterward, because it cost money. Plus, I feel like if anyone should be getting a massage, it should be my darling husband. He works so hard, and he treats me so well, he deserves to be pampered.
image from show.com
I have a secret obsession for shoes, and purses. I’m trying hard not to buy any new shoes or purses, but it’s so hard. I try to find them at thrift stores, and I have found a few. But when I’m looking for something in particular it’s hard. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t buy a ton of shoes or purses. I am, however, on a constant search for the perfect purse. This is very funny coming from me because I used to never carry a purse and was proud of it. However, now I have to carry an epi pen and an inhaler with me all the time, so I have to carry a purse. And shoes! I don’t buy a ton, but I have a weakness for funky tennis shoes, and shoes that look great but are still comfortable. I don’t give in to this guilty pleasure very often, but I just can’t help myself sometimes.
image from roxyishere.wordpress.com
I also love to find great make-up and facial products that are made from natural ingredients, are gluten-free, and haven’t been tested on animals. This is getting easier than it used to be, but it’s very hard to find a product that fits all those categories, that is still affordable, and lives up to what it promises.
image from marieclair.com
One more I really like having a manicure or pedicure, or even giving one to myself. I love wild fingernail polish.
I keep thinking of these things that I just love to do, but feel at least a twinge of guilt when I do them. The question is, should I continue to do them and feel guilty, should I stop, or should I stop feeling guilty about it?
I made a compromise a long time ago, and I think it’s a good thing. I don’t over indulge in my guilty pleasures, this makes me feel much less guilty. As much as I love shoes, purses, manicures, polish, massages, and books I don’t buy very many. I get about 2 new pairs of shoes a year, I average 1 purse a year, 1 mani-pedi a year, and 2-3 massages. I haven’t bought new polish in a long time, however, I have made new colors by mixing a few together. I rarely ever buy a book, however, I love my local library!
I think the one guilty pleasure that I have that I probably need to do less, is staying on my computer. I think I should try to limit it to less than 2 hours per day.
By incorporating these restraints I feel much less guilty about my guilty pleasures. After all, shouldn’t we all have a few pleasures that make you feel like you are splurging?
It’s beginning to look a lot like…Spring! The cherry trees are blooming. The grass is starting to have little green spots. The weather is crazy; one day it’s hot, the next day it’s cold. Spring is trying to…well..spring! It’s an exciting time, watching life begin. We are busy planning our garden, it’s so nice to think that this year I will be able to have a garden. This is the third year we’ve been in this house, and I really wanted to have a garden, but this is the first time I thought I might actually be able to take care of one!
I’m so excited about how well I’ve been feeling. I’ve been busy, busy, busy doing things I haven’t been able to do in so long. I know it probably sounds crazy, but I’m so excited about being able to clean! Yes, I scrubbed our bathroom and was just so happy! I’ve been doing laundry! We have a front loading washer and dryer and before I couldn’t load and unload them without getting dizzy, so doing laundry is just so exciting.
I’m sure I won’t be as excited about doing house work for long, but right now I’m just so happy.
I’m also excited about something else. I haven’t had diarrhea in over a week now! I don’t know what has changed, but I’m so very happy. Now if I could just take off this weight! Hopefully, now that I can move more the weight will start to come off. I sure hope so.
One unfortunate thing about moving more, my hip is starting to really bother me again. I’m hoping to start going to the pool and working with it. I don’t know if it will work, but it has before. If not, I guess I’ll have to start considering surgery. But not until I’ve exhausted every other option!
Right now I’m doing the last Breath Test. Today is the fructose test. The stuff I had to drink was so sweet, I still have a sickly sweet taste in my mouth. I’m so hungry, I haven’t had anything to eat since about 8:30pm last night. Just 2 more hours to go, and I’ll be finished! I’m looking forward to finding out what these tests show. I doubt it will show anything, as usual, but at least I will know. : ) I’ll let you know next week!
I had such a nice day today, I just had to share it.
My hearing is better. No symptoms at all really! Yay!
Today we went to the co-op first and stocked up on groceries for the week. We came home and made burgers. We cooked them on the grill, and then we ate outside. It was about 80F! So cool.
Then we went to look at cars. For ME! Yes, we are looking at buying me a car. For years we’ve been a one car family, but one of the biggest reasons I don’t drive is because I’m afraid that I will get out and have an attack and won’t be able to get home. I would just feel so much better I knew I could call Stuart to come get me if something happens and I feel like I can’t drive.
This is the car I test drove today:
2004 Volkswagen Beetle
How cool is that? We drove it with the top off, and it was so much fun!
Not sure we’ll get this car, but it sure was fun test driving it.
Another nice thing about today…my husband has been flirting with me all day. It’s so nice. He so often has to be my caregiver, it’s so very nice for us a day where we are just a married couple, in love, and having fun together.
I’ve been feeling great lately. I still have my lumbar puncture scheduled for Wednesday, I think I’ll try to do as much as I can from now until then. That way if over doing it is what caused my last set back, it should do it again.
Tomorrow, I have another one of those Breath Tests. On Friday when I could finally eat I had such a horrible headache I was forced to bed for hours. I hope tomorrow’s experience is better.
Today I don’t have anything particular to write about.
Health wise things are about the same. I’m feeling a bit better. Hearing has improved, but still not up to its normal standards, and I’m still nursing a headache. However, the weather has been crazy here. Warm one moment, cold the next, and now it’s raining. So all in all things are pretty good there right now. Just waiting on the next visit to see Dr. Gray on the 2nd.
Every year about this time our master bathroom gets invaded with lady bugs. I’m not sure how they get in there, the window doesn’t open, I think they just came with the house. : )
Lady Bugs in my Bathroom
Yesterday I took a picture of myself. Don’t know why, I just felt kind of pretty.
That's me!
Today I had a first: I was served with a Subpoena. Of course I’ve seen people get served on TV many times, but I got mine in the mail. How weird is that? It is such a strange feeling to see on a piece of paper that I am COMMANDED to appear and testify in court the week of March 28th. I have to testify against Paul Seelig, former owner of Great Specialty Products. He was selling bread as Gluten-Free bread and it wasn’t. I was one of the people who bought some and got sick. It’s a much longer story than this, and I may tell more later, but for now you can read the initial news report about it here: http://www.wral.com/news/local/story/6949028/ if you would like.
I won’t bore you with the details of how involved I got in this case. But I feel so betrayed, and hurt. I believed this man, and he could have killed people. I got sick and convinced myself that I must have gotten gluten somewhere else. I feel like I am such a bad judge of character now.
Today I came across two blogs that just made me happy.
I’ve always believed in being nice, not only to people I know but also to strangers. I love holding doors for people, sharing a smile, telling a stranger how good they look today…. Well, today I came across a blog by Melissa Morris and she feels the same way. She has made it a mission to encourage other people to be nice. This just makes me happy. Her blog is called Operation NICE. She even gives assignments for people to do to be nice. For example, this week’s extreme niceness challenge is to smile at 10 strangers. This is an easy one for me because I try to smile at everyone.
Here’s a little story about me smiling to a stranger. Yesterday, when we were at the mall I smiled and waved at a little girl and then smiled at her father, he gave me a big smile and said “Thank You.” I couldn’t figure out why he thanked me, but it was so sweet. It just made my day.
I’ve decided to follow her and try to fulfill the assignments she suggests, it always makes me feel better to be nice to others. It empowers me, and makes me feel much more “normal”. Do you enjoy being nice? Is it important to you to do Random Acts of Kindness? Does it make you feel better? If so, maybe you should join me in being a Very Nice Person. : )
The second thing I found today touched me because I was reading on another blog that I follow recently how she is being harassed by someone saying some not so kind things. This is something that really scares me about blogging. I hope I have enough self-confidence to not let things get to me, but I know from past experience when I’ve gotten a negative comment that it hurts. I simply can’t help but take it personally.
create, inspire, and admire rather than compete with fellow bloggers
be understanding of each other– in the blogging community, as well as in the world
stay away from internet/blogging bullying
speak my opinion freely, while still being mindful of other’s feelings– be tactful.
make an effort–no matter how big or small the gesture, to spread kindness or joy to others
acknowledge that I will make mistakes, (I am only human) but remember to learn from them
know that at times I will post about the negative stuff in life, and maybe even some complaining (I am only human) but I will always follow-up with something happy/positive too.
believe that this world is a good place, filled with good people.
I hope these also made you happy.
You ask how am I feeling? My hearing is a tiny bit better today, I had a sudden horrible headache today that took me to my knees, but it didn’t last too long after I took something. I’m very tired today, but feel better than I did yesterday. Dr. Gray is trying to get me in this week to test my pressure. Haven’t heard back from her yet to see if she found an opening. She really wanted to make the appointment long enough to so she could patch the last leak if she needs to. I’ll let you know what happens.
I’d like to dedicate this post to everyone who loves me, or who simply shares their love with me.
I often mention how much my husband does for me. He not only takes care of my physically when I can’t, he does housework, and he also holds down a more than full time job. He also puts up with me when I am having a very short-tempered day because I’m not feeling well. He does all of this because he loves me. I can’t imagine how I would get through all of my trials without him. (I’m really glad I don’t have to.) Thank you husband, for being there when I’m my sickest, for listening to me when I just need to scream, for encouraging me, for being strong for me when I don’t feel very strong myself and for still flirting with me and making me feel like I’m sexy. Your love is very important to me. I hope you know how much I love you.
To my dear friends who still accept me as I have changed with this disease. I know I’m not quite the same friend you originally met, but I sure am glad you stuck by me. I love it when you share your life with me, and tell me what is going on with you and just don’t even pay attention to my illness. Those are special days to me. However, I am also grateful for the days you let me cry on your shoulder and tell you how hard things are, it’s nice to be able to talk about it and know you aren’t being judged. You have been a great friend. Thank you for loving me. I love you too.
To my wonderful blogging friends. You have listened to me possibly more than anyone. You have heard mostly my down times, and you are still here. I love you for that. You encourage me, and have helped me to come to terms with my illness. You may not know me personally, but you have shared your love with me, you have reached out over many miles and given me hope, knowledge and friendship. I thank you, and love each of you.
I would be remiss in this post if I didn’t mention the love of my pets. Our darling dog Sandy, and loving cat Max. They are always looking out for me. They know when I don’t feel good and always try to make it better. I often feel like I’m a pet pillow (at least I’m not a Pillow Pet!), but they just want to be as close to me as they can. They are always there for me. They warm my heart, I love them so and can’t imagine my life without them.
I’m a very lucky person to have so much love surrounding me. It really makes living with a chronic illness easier. At one point I thought it would be easier if I was alone, if no one cared. Then I could just drift away and it wouldn’t matter. I was in a deep depression and felt my life was over. I couldn’t see how I could possibly be of any use to the world being in the condition I was in. I’m very grateful I had some wonderful people who loved me and made me realize I had something to live for.
First I’m feeling pretty darn good today. I’m not dizzy! That is saying A LOT! I have a ton of energy, unfortunately I can’t do anything with it. I keep trying to do things and I go Ouch, Ouch, Ouch. It’s not bad, but dang it all my back feels like someone beat it up. And I guess they did. : ) However, I’m not as sore as I was last night, so I’m healing fast.
No headaches. That’s a good sign. That means my pressure isn’t spiking.
The only thing I’m not happy about is that my hearing isn’t all that I want it to be. (Yeah, I know, I expect miracles.) I don’t expect my right ear to clear up, but the tinnitus in my right ear is being pretty relentless. And my left ear isn’t as clear as it was yesterday. It’s just a little dull. I can hear OK. But if I put my fingers up to my ear and rub them together I don’t hear that rustling noise. I think my pressure is just leveling out. It may be just a smidgen too high right now. We’ll see.
But mostly, I’m doing great!
Now for Story number 2. Our Magical Gnome.
Mr. Gnome
We have a little Gnome that sits in the little garden section in front of our house. Right now it’s just mulch, but during the Spring, Summer, and Fall it’s covered in herbs and flowers and such. Mr. Gnome sits out there and watches over our little garden and takes care of things. (like Gnomes are supposed to do.)
The strange thing about this Gnome is that he keeps moving. I put him in one place, and I’ll go out and he’s in a different place in our little patch. I’ve asked Stuart if he moved him, and he denies it. He also looks at me like I’m a little crazy. This latest time, we had a storm last week and Mr. Gnome was blown over. I haven’t been feeling well enough to bend over and pick him up without getting dizzy. Today, I went out side and there he is standing right in the middle of the little garden patch looking out over the yard, guarding us against … oh, you know the things that gnomes guard against.
(I’m thinking the little boy next door, who I just love to pieces, has been watching out over Mr. Gnome. But I could be wrong. It could be that I really do have a Magical Gnome and Mr. Gnome is watching out over all of us.)
Maybe I’ll have to take him in to see the upcoming movie Gnomeo and Juliet. He’s such a good little gnome and everyone deserves a break every once in a while. (but who knows what he’s really doing out there when I’m not looking…hummm.)
To answer your question, No, this is not the pain killers talking. I’ve only taken one today. I just think gnomes are kinda funny. (maybe I haven ‘t taken enough pain killers??)
The Thinker by Auguste Rodin (photo courtesy of Wiki Commons)
I’ve had many things that I’ve had to fight in my life. I had a tumor that caused me to break my arm 5 times before they operated when I was 15, I was told I had fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, IBS….I have a wheat allergy, probably celiac-disease, hypothyroidism, I’m bipolar, I’ve been raped, I’ve been divorced, I was in an abusive relationship…..Everything I’ve been though I came out fighting, and I persevered.
Then I got Meniere’s Disease. At first it was really no big deal. I would have an attack every once in a while. Sure I was a little off-balance, but I’ve been a klutz most of my life, and I had constant ear infections growing up, I was used to my ears bothering me. My ENT gave me tubes, and that seemed to work, for a while. (Dr. Kaylie thinks I was really just going through a good time again, and the treatment wasn’t really working. I don’t know. It seemed to work for a couple of years.) Then starting the beginning of last year the Meniere’s went bilateral, and I haven’t been the same. I went from an independent person to a person who has to depend on her husband for nearly everything a lot of the time.
There are 3 major things that make this disease so very hard for me to deal with.
I’m afraid most of the time. Not just of having an attack, now don’t get me wrong that scares me, a lot. But I’m also afraid that every little happy thing I do, that it may be the last time I get to do it. For example, I’m afraid I’ll never be able to drive again. When I try to do something that makes me dizzy, I think, “I may never be able to do this again.”
I feel like a burden. I know my husband says I shouldn’t. But I often do. I can’t do a lot. And so many of my friends have just dropped of the face of the earth, I have to feel like they just couldn’t handle it. Their lives are too busy to handle having a disabled friend….it’s just hard.
I often feel like I don’t have anything to fight. (I have to depend on the doctors for everything. I can’t do anything to try to fight for myself.)
But I’m realizing I’m wrong on most of those accounts. I’m beginning to look at things differently. In part because of some of you, because of my darling husband, and my pretty smart therapist. (who I made cry this week….I really do need to stop making people cry. I’m so happy that people care about me, but I hate making people cry. You know I say that, and I mean it, but then in a small way, it warms my heart that someone cares that much about me.)
Better ways to think of things:
I do need to have a little bit of healthy fear, so I will recognize when an attack is coming, so I can try to head if off. But I need to treasure the things I do, if I don’t get to do them again, at least I will have these precious times. I also need to remember, that we are working to get this Meniere’s under control, and I may be able to do many things again.
My husband doesn’t feel like I’m a burden. He is so grateful for that he can be here for me, and it bothers him that he can’t do more. As for my friends. As our lives change, sometimes we lose friends, and we gain other friends. It doesn’t have to be because I’m disabled. It could be for any number of reasons. Perhaps, it’s just this time in our lives that our friendship isn’t working any long.
My attitude about things can be a good fight in itself. Working to find out as much as I can about my disease, and what can be done. Simply taking my medication when I feel like an attack is coming on is fighting. I need to realize that I am fighting, and I’m constantly finding new ways of fighting back. I will not allow this disease to take away my hope, or my desire to fight.
There may be times that I forget this:
When this happens, I hope that you (my friends) will kick me in the butt and point out what I have said here and get me back on the path I want to follow.
Every Saturday we try to go to the Durham Farmer’s Market. And every Saturday morning as we are getting ready, I say something and Stuart thinks I’m being mean to him. We end up being snappy to one another, and it starts that way….I hate it. Finally, I realized today that I get very anxious about getting up and going anywhere, and it’s not just when we are going to the Farmer’s Market it’s anywhere. It’s just very noticeable on Saturdays because we do this every Saturday.
I was being a bitch. I snap, and I’m snarky, and I am simply not the nicest of people. But it really has nothing to do with Stuart. First, I’ve gained so much weight, I find it hard for me to get ready and feel comfortable (read *pretty* here). What woman does not get bitchy when she’s feeling like that?
Then I start to get more and more anxious about being out and about and what if something happens. When we are home an attack is much easier to stop, or at least make it much easier. But when we are out and about, it’s much harder. What if I collapse? What if we have to leave some place in a hurry? There have been a few times we’ve had to leave a restaurant, just leave, the food hadn’t arrived, I was getting sick, and we had to leave NOW. It’s so hard to explain, no we don’t have time for you to put the food in a to go box, here, we will pay you for it, but we have to leave now. (besides I would not be able to stand smelling the food in the car all the way home.) People look at you so funny, because all of a sudden I’m walking like I’m drunk and I can’t stand up by myself, and I wasn’t drunk a few minutes ago. I can’t imagine what they must think after we leave. We try to say, “She has vertigo, she’s getting very sick, very fast, we have to leave. But how can they understand?
So now I understand. I’m anxious about leaving the house, and it comes across as me being grumpy. Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind I’m hoping he will get mad and say, “Well we just won’t go then.” But instead he told me that I could go by myself. Oh my, the terror that went through me. But you know what? I was going to do it. Just because I got so mad that he said that to me. And how dangerous would that have been? Dumb, Dumb, Dumb. (well, today, I’ve had a pretty good day, so I would probably have been fine, but still, it wouldn’t have been smart….what if…)
Deep Breath Here! I calmed down and talked with Stuart. I apologized. He apologized. And I realized what was really going on with me. It was a very nice talk, and I hope we can deal with it better in the future now that we know what was (or may be) causing it.
So, off to the Farmer’s Market we went. We got there, walked in, hit 3 vendors and said, “It is too dang cold out here!” And we left. We came away with a bag of Sun Chokes (also known as Jerusalem Artichokes), some green onions, a bag of mixed winter greens, and some baby turnips. Not enough veggies for the week, but it was in the 20’s this morning and we all know I’m not a cold natured person…well, neither is my husband. I’ve never tried Sun Chokes before, but I like trying new things. I’ll let you know what I decide to do with them.
We then tried to go get breakfast but the breakfast places were way too busy, so we decided to have lunch at the steak house. Yes, steak for breakfast. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it wasn’t bad.
We left there and decided to drop by the mall to walk off some of that meal. I was so bloated and miserable. After our walk we came home and I realized my keys were missing. (I keep them attached to my purse with a carabiner type hook.) The hook was there, but the keys were gone. I felt like such a fool. Stuart called the mall, nope, no one had turned in any keys. I knew I had them at the steak place because I opened the car door with them. Stuart still called them, and yep, they were there. How lucky was that. Guess I’ll figure out a different way to carry my keys. Perhaps a carabiner hook that screw locks, I’ll have to go look at them. All I know is, I’m lucky today.
We also took a trip to the huge thrift store! We bought a pretty blue bowl, 2 small sushi plates with small sauce bowls and 2 place mats. All for $3.25! How cool is that? I decided I wanted some cuter dishes take pictures of my food for my cooking blog, so it doesn’t matter if I have a set that matches or anything.
We made Spaghetti Sauce tonight. (see my pretty new bowl and place mat?)
Spaghetti Sauce with Al Fresco Roasted Garlic Chicken Sausage over Noodles
Spaghetti Sauce with Al Fresco Roasted Garlic Sausage
1 medium to large onion chopped
2 tablespoons olive oil
3 teaspoons Italian Seasoning (I didn’t really measure, I just sprinkled it in there until it looked right. I’ve been making this for a long time.)
2-3 large cloves of garlic minced or chopped what ever is easier for you. (about 2-3 teaspoons)
heat olive oil in sauce pan over medium high heat. Sautee onions until translucent. Add Italian Seasoning stir for just a second(this will release the oils in the dried herbs. Add garlic and tomato puree, heat thoroughly.
Cut up sausage in slices that look like round discs. Brown sausage in a separate pan. (I guess you could do it in the sauce pan before you add the onion, but I didn’t think about it.) Add the sausage to the sauce, and heat thoroughly. Simmer for as long as you want, the longer it simmers the more the flavors will meld together.
*hint, to quickly clean the pan you cooked the sausage in, immediately add water to the hot pan and scrape the brown bits off. Then pour this out (the chicken sausage doesn’t have much oil, so there is no oil to pour out), add soap to the pan and swish with a cloth, and rinse. Voila, it’s clean. (If it doesn’t come clean just add a little baking soda and the last of the brown stuff should come out.)
Serve sauce over noodles of choice (we used Tinkyada Gluten-Free Noodles) with shaved Parmesan cheese on top if desired.
That was most of my Saturday.
Do you get anxious about going places? Especially if you’ve been having a lot of attacks recently? Do you find yourself not being so very nice sometimes, and not really knowing why?
Picnic with Ants 