Tag: Meniere’s Disease

Taking Control…even a little bit.

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness9 Comments
I did not do this piece of art work! However I really admire the piece and thought it was perfect for this piece. Please check out the artist other works.
"Taking Control" by http://katelynalainstudio.com

So…Yesterday I was having another icky headache day.

I hadn’t been able to hear well for days.  The day before I had vertigo for hours.  Not bad, throw up for hours vertigo, just a slow spin that made me nauseous and was most annoying, but was better if I focused up close.  I could not find a position I was not having vertigo, I also had the other things that often go along with my Meniere’s attacks.  Diarrhea, and those wonderful hot moments, and the complete exhaustion.  So I’m thinking possibly it was a Meniere’s attack, not Intracranial Hypertension.  Especially after what I realized next:

I was lying in bed and realized I can hear today.  Not tinny sounds, no strange warp. just hearing! Clear sounds!  I decided to take control! (and I have been feeling completely out of control of everything in my life, so this was a major thing!)  I decided to dope myself up.  I hate to take too much migraine medication or pain medication because I do not want to get dependent on it, or have rebound headaches.  But yesterday, I decided to take a rescue medication, and a pain pill, and carried a second pain pill with me in case I needed it.  I also carried emergency Meniere’s med’s so I was prepared, to venture outside.

Yes, I wanted to go outside to possibly hear a bird.  After all, who knows how long this hearing will last?  Unfortunately, it was the wrong time of day to really hear a bird. Some people were just starting to come home from work and things like that.  It was such a pretty day.  I sat on the porch, I’d told Stuart I’d bring my phone outside with me in case I needed him, he said “I’ll do better than that”  and out he comes with me.  I was a bit sad, all I heard were cars, and sirens.  Human made sounds.  Stuart said, “I think I may have heard a bird.”  BIG MISTAKE!  I said, in a much nicer tone than I was thinking…because I was feeling kind of raw about my hearing…”Ummm. Please don’t do that.”  “What?”  “Don’t point out to me things you can hear that I can’t.  That’s not helping the moment, do you understand that?”  He said he did, and we went on to do some other things.  I will talk about…but may I say, he later did point out another sound he heard.  I know at that time it wasn’t, ‘I know you are trying to hear this thing so I’ll point it out so you can listen and maybe hear it.  It was more…Oh, I’m excited I’m hearing this, I grew up in a place where we didn’t hear sounds like this.  So I over looked it. And I did hear it, but if I hadn’t, it would have hurt.  Even if I have excepted it, there are little things that I’m feeling sad about.  Just not knowing.  Will I ever hear you again?

However, as I said, we did a little more.  Stuart planned to sit out on the porch and work while I enjoyed the day.  I asked if he could hand me my pots of herbs.  I have 12 -14 pots.  I can’t remember how many exactly.  I know I grew 11 different herbs last year, but I had a couple duplicates, and one died.  So I’m thinking somewhere between 12 and 14.  He brought them to me one by one.  Many had started to come back.  Some I didn’t think were annuals.  I guess we had such a mild winter they just didn’t die all the way.  The Bee Balm (not technically an herb, but I grow it in with them, the bees like it.) is already 6 inches high and very, very full.  It never bloomed last year, I think we’ll see some flowers this year.  The mints are doing well.  I cleaned out the dead branches in their pots and aerated the roots.  So more peppermint, spearmint, and lemon balm (yes in the mint family) this year.  The Lemon Balm has also taken off.  There is a full pot of it already!  YAY!  It keeps the mosquitoes and other bugs at bay.  I need to make sure it’s beside my Basil so the Japanese Beetles will leave it alone.  I really hate those things.  They aren’t very smart though.  If they do find the basil, I just move it, and it takes them a while before they find it again, so I move it again.  Stupid bugs, but they can strip a plant….oh they don’t like oregano either.  so I put the Basil between the Lemon Balm and Oregano. Great deterrents!   The Thyme came back!  And of course the Rosemary never left. The lavender kind of went all gray and looked dead, now it’s looking like it’s turning green.  I think I should have cut it back.  I had a lavender plant before that stayed green all winter, this must be a different variety.  So I have a few things to replace…like the Basil, and marjoram, think we may try Chocolate Mint this year, just because it sounds so decadent, not sure what else I may put in.

I may not be able to keep a garden, but my herb garden.  I just have to do it.  I have to feel that much in control.  Just a little.  (and please oh please, let me be able to start cooking again soon!!)

Stuart did take a break from working, and cleaned out the little flower bed, got the day lilies ready to bloom, and got the bed ready to add some compost.  So he will add a little compost and some flower seeds this weekend, and we will have our little wild flower garden surrounding our herb garden pots.  Minimal fuss, and muss, it just has to be watered.  (and I’m thinking about paying the next door neighbors boys to do it when we are having a rough time.  They should be 12 -14 now, I think they can be responsible, and she’d like it.  One is her nephew/ adopted son, and one is her foster son.  A great family.  She was one of our sponsors when we were going to foster.)

OH….I did hear some insects making those noises they do.  And a very big BUMBLE BEE thought I was very interesting, and buzzed me!  REALLY!  Oh Goodness Gracious, I had a Bumble Bee talk to me.  I have an upcoming post about it.

So control.  I’m working on feeling like I have a little bit more back.

I tried to start dinner today.  I was feeling pretty good, and almost fell out in the kitchen.  This bitch is weak!  So how much is the head crap…granted I did start feeling like I had a very SMOOSHY HEAD, but how much is me just being so weak? We went by the grocery store on the way home from the doctor today, we left and Stuart asked if I could carry these two light bags, no problem…after a very short distance.  BIG PROBLEM.  I was soon swearing at Stuart, “I don’t know why you can’t ever roll the ($*%ing cart out to the car anyway!”  He keeps telling me to give them to him.  NO, he had enough, and I had them.  I’m dying, the muscles in my shoulders are screaming.  Then I think, well if I have to lift these thing put them to use, and start using them as weights to tighten muscles I need tightening.

And now it is about 8 hours or so later, and I am so sore I can barely move.  From carrying LIGHT grocery bags, and cutting up a chicken!!  what has my body been reduced to?

But I am determined to take more control over more of my life.  I don’t like feeling like I’m not in control of anything!

Today I saw the headache pain specialist (neurologist specializing in headaches).  She is changing up a bunch of medications.  Taking me off 2, adding 1, and putting me on a round of steroids to see if we can’t knock this headache OUT, and give me a fresh start!    I’m feeling good about the changes. Unfortunately, it’s going to take a while to ramp off the meds I’m on, ramp up on the new meds, and get it all sorted out.

Dr. Gray wants to do another Lumbar Puncture.  I’ve decided not to go that route.  I’ve decided to wait and see what this medication does first.

A little Control.

it feels good.

My new friend Mary, will be proud of me.  (I know my many other friends will also be proud of me, but Mary and I were just talking about this yesterday.)

What? You’re Breaking Up…

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness9 Comments

Let’s talk a little about hearing.

What?  Okay, let’s not actually “talk”, let’s type a bit shall we.  Ah, that’s better, I can understand this much better.

Recently I saw the Audiologist and had my hearing aid adjusted.  By recently, I mean 2 -3 weeks ago.  I was amazed.  I was hearing things I didn’t know I’d been missing.  For days I kept asking Stuart, “What’s that noise?”  I do believe I was driving him crazy.  He kept having to think, what noise? then he’d realize, oh, she heard the truck outside, or the plane over head…I hadn’t been hearing these things.

Then my hearing started to drop.  Just like my left ear did this past summer.  It started sounding like a busted speaker.  Things didn’t just get quieter like it originally did when I lost the majority of the hearing in my right ear.  In my right ear, after each Meniere’s attack I simply didn’t get all my hearing back, things got duller, softer.  This is different. Things sound tinny.  Broken.  Today it’s a bit better, but it’s still there.  For some reason, my left ear’s nerve was damaged.  Dr. Kaylie said it’s not that uncommon with Meniere’s patients.  He said the way I was losing my hearing in my right is more right is more common, but it’s not completely uncommon for it to happen like the left.  My worry is, the left ear’s hearing dropped so suddenly.  It fluctuated a bit for 3 months, then it didn’t come back.

I just tried to watch something on Netflix.  I didn’t realize it didn’t have subtitles, but since I had my hearing aid adjusted if I listened with my iCom (it puts the sound right in my hearing aid) I’ve been able to watch some things without subtitles.  This show started, I could not hear anything.  I checked the volume on my computer, it was all the way up on the computer and on the site.  I could only hear tiny little squeaks.  I would not have thought it was anything if I wasn’t trying to hear something.

It bother’s me so much that Netflix has so very many movies and shows that are not subtitled!!!  It’s ridiculous.  They have a list of some they do have (it is not inclusive) and there is no way to sort it by genre or anything worth while.  You can sort it by title, year, rating, and how many stars it got.  Big deal.  I’m looking for a Sci Fi movie…help me out here.  Geez. We usually have to order discs because more discs have subtitles.  Ummmm, if the discs have subtitles why aren’t they available on streaming?  Really.  Do you realize the market you are missing??  OK.  Off Soap Box.

My worry about the hearing loss.

image from Wikipedia

I know I will need a cochlear implant.  I really don’t want to be completely deaf this late in life.  But will they go ahead and do it with everything else going on?  Or will they need to get this all settled first?  What if I completely lose my hearing in just a few short months?  Or less?  (I know I’m looking on the dark side, I’m just looking at the worst case scenario, and remember I went through this last year.  And right now I can barely hear!)  So, tomorrow we are going to call the audiologist and make an appointment for a hearing test.  So I can be armed when I talk to Dr. Kaylie.  So I can ask him, if I need a cochlear implant soon, will we need to wait until the intracranial hypertension is under control first?  Heck, couldn’t another hole in my head be a good thing?  cause a little leak in there doc, just a slow leak…yeah….then I won’t need the shunt.  hahaha

Does anyone out there run a fever at night?  Or know why you might?  I had all the test run recently…autoimmune, inflammatory…ect.  all perfect.  Even my fatty liver is not fatty.  It has fat on it, but the liver itself is not fatty.  Great news.  No autoimmune markers….so yes, I am allergic to wheat, and intolerant to gluten, but I do not have Celiac.  *sticking my tongue out at a certain doctor*  Why am I swollen every morning?  I had that answered by one of you lovely friends.  Bed bound people retain a lot of water.  So I’m trying hard to move more, but not move so much that my pressure gets all raised and I get a spiked headache.  I’ve also cut way back on the salt.

Anyone else out there have hearing troubles?  I know you are out there….do you think you will ever have to get a cochlear implant?

Yes, it’s still my blog here….it has many personalities…or something. Plus update on symptoms, and Spring.

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness8 Comments

You may read my blog from your email, and haven’t even seen it….but if you have, you may have said…”she’s at it again!”

and yes I am….I just didn’t like it.  Too busy, and I didn’t like the page color.

So many things I can’t change on Word Press.

And I don’t have Photoshop right now, I’ve been trying to use Gimp…but I’m so lost with that program it were a real book I would have torn it to shreds by now.  Ugh!!!

This looks like me, trying to use Gimp.
(image source free clip art.)

I miss Photoshop, I need to buy it, but I need to buy a teacher or student version…I really can’t afford the off the rack price.  whew.  That’s like the difference between designer clothes and thrift store, for the same goods!  I just don’t get it!

So for now I wait.

Did you know on WordPress you have Pay to change the CSS on your blog?  You have to pay to change your font….yes thank you can get around that one by writing in Word then copying over, but not all fonts copy over right.  And I’m lazy.  I’m just shocked at all the things that are now considered “upgrades” that used to be free.  I know this is a commerce driven world, but it makes me sad when you start with something because it offers certain features free, then it changes.  And I’m sorry, I’m not paying $30 a year to be able to customize my blog.  Heck I can’t even do it, I’d have to get my hubby or my friend Vincent to do it.  And I’d only do it about once a year, tops. If I found the perfect look, I’d probably change very few things ever again!

OK….So, I hope you won’t think ill of me during this transition time.  I like the retro look.  I’m going to try to put little ants in the header, and that will probably be it for a while.  If I can get that done.

Symptom Update: My headaches, had decreased, but recently every time I go to sleep when I wake up I have a blinding headache, like a white light pierces my brain, the intensity doesn’t last for long…but the headache doesn’t go less than a category 6.  So I’m a bit icky most of the day.  But it’s better than it was!

Visual problems are better.  The one that has really stuck around is the…oh I don’t know how to describe it…not only can I not see white on black very well, the white looks gray, but black doesn’t look black-black.  It has this variable tone.  Everything looks a little off in tonal values.  Which is very odd for me.  But I can still tell what color is what, I’m not color blind!!  Yay!  I just can’t tell if they have white  or black added to them.

Very tired.  But not sure if it’s the disorder or the meds, both can cause it.

The Meniere’s has been staying away.  I think the surgery in December worked for that.  The hearing in my left ear, is still gone.  Right is more sloshy.  Had that hearing aid adjusted and I keep asking Stuart, “what’s that noise?”  and telling him to stop yelling at me.  Funny huh?  Now, which will come first, the cochlear implant of the shunt?  Each are inevitable, it’s just which one makes its requirement known first.  Of course, the shunt could be much more important for health reasons, but who knows how long the medication may work.  So much to consider, so much out of my hands.  (don’t you hate that?)

That’s all for today.  Hope everyone is enjoying the First Day of Spring.  (I don’t feel like we had a Winter.)  Everything is blooming at once, my allergies have gone mad!!

I should be saving these for next month.  : )

Awards – Versatile Blogger Award (again) and the Sunshine Award.

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness3 Comments

Recently, there have been a few fellow bloggers who felt I deserved an award, or two…

unfortunately, I have been remiss at acknowledging the compliment. Please do not think the honor has been felt any less deeply.  I simply have not had the time nor the stamina to do the honors justice.

Today I attempt to do so.

Each time someone feels that my blog touches them in some small way, and they pass an award my way, I get a tingle from my head to my toes, and a little tear in my eye.  Needless to say, I am touched very deeply.

Each award deserves an individual post, but I’m going to cheat a little and combine 2 in this post.  I hope they will not feel slighted, and you will not feel overwhelmed.

First an award I have received before – The Versatile Blogger Award.  On December 23, 2011, I posted about Mo from Day by Day with Addison girl honoring me with the Versatile Blogger Award, today I write to THANK the Bipolar Muse, and Fiona from The Agoraphobic Blog.  I’m honored these lovely ladies also felt that I deserved this award.  I must be a very Versatile Chick huh?  *giggle*  I hope no one minds, but since I followed all the ruled the first time, let’s say it covered all of the awards..please.  You see, I’m really not that interesting.  Plus, how much about me do you not already know.  Really??

So on to the next award.  The Sunshine Award.  Again, I’d like to say, I am very humbled and honored to receive an award.  To know my words have touched another.  Why else do we make our blogs public?  Fortunately the Bipolar Muse had been recognized a lot the past few months, and she has shared her honors with many of the bloggers who have touched her.  Thank you once again Bipolar Muse for thinking of me!!

Now for the duties for this award:

First step:
Thank the person that nominated you and in my case this is Bipolar Muse.  Done.  But I would like to say, her poetry is like silk that often slips through my fingers only to wrap around me in soft coolness to comfort me.  Sometimes, unsettling, but always honest.  Thinking of her, I came to the realization that Tears are the Elixir of the Muses.

Second step:
Share some tidbits about yourself….that you don’t know…ooooo, hard one…

Favorite color:
First thought YELLOW!  But I do like other colors, but yellow makes me happy.  I smile whenever I see it.  It is the happiest of all colors for me, and I appreciate, many, many colors!!

Favorite animal:
My animals.  Sandy Dog and Max the Cat.

Favorite number:
ummmm, 2 I think….or 7….I like the shape of those numbers, they are close to the same….and my birthday is 7 – 2

Favorite Non-Alcoholic Drink:
Water – then, Mandarin Orange Iced Tea Unsweetened.  It would only be better if I could get it without caffeine.

Facebook or Twitter:
A little Facebook, and even less Twitter, I’m not into social media.  Too sterile for me.

My Passion:
Hubby, Helping, Furry babies, in a way my blog – which leads back to helping….getting better…staying positive…learning more….LIFE

Favorite day of the week:
Any day I get to spend the whole day with my hubby.  No work, no chores for him.  Just us.  Not thinking about what needs to be done, or me being sick.

Favorite Flower:
Daisies, Sun Flowers, Black Eyed Susie’s,  Gerber Daisies, and Calla Lillie’s like I carried at my wedding.

I will pass the Sunshine Award on to the following blogs:

There are so many deserving blogs….those who put Sunshine in my Life!!  I decided to choose a few people who have really reached out to me lately since I have gotten this new diagnosis, (don’t think I have felt slighted by anyone, these people have made me laugh)  And one person who probably has no idea I exist.  I often miss her post because for some reason I can’t get WP to email updates to me, but she is special, and she is inspiring, and you should check her out!!  Especially if you have Meniere’s or hearing loss.

In no particular order:

Sunshine and Chaos  (she has sunshine in the name,  she had to get the award!)

Hearing Elmo (this woman is amazing! check out her blog. she has a Meniere’s, a cochlear implant, and a service dog…and the best attitude ever!)

The Agoraphobic Blog (Fiona will share tissue needed emails with me, and turn around and we’ll share silly poop songs!  And she just got MARRIED!  Thank you for the Shaky Dance.)

It has taken me at least 3 days to get this post together.  Please, no tears.  People keep telling me that my posts are making them cry.  Please do not cry.  We never know what is going to happen.  How things will end up.  I’m sure that I will be able to get through this.  I’m a pretty strong person, and I pretty darn resourceful.  Plus I have one more Award to talk about.

Don’t let this get you down.  Remember I have a great team of doctors.  Had the nerves checked in my eyes checked on Friday all is looking fine.  No damage.  We upped the medication. Today is a rough day, but the weather changed, and it’s hormone time….so it could just be normal migraines.  It just hurts, that’s what I know.  : )

Docs are learning a lot from me.  Who knows, they may be able to save someone else from going though so many tests and maybe they can find a new treatment because of me.  maybe, just maybe.  That would be nice.  I’ll be fine.  Yes, things will be different, but I will adapt, that’s what humans do.

*smile*

So, Don’t cry for me….and you have no idea how much I want to say “Argentina……  hahahaha

We’ll talk more later.

I’ve been avoiding this…..

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness15 Comments

For some time now we’ve know that I may have a type of high Cerebrospinal Fluid Pressure, where it rises too high then blows out and goes too low.

I mentioned that they caught it in the high level this last time, and we have a name for it.  Idiopathic Intercranial Hypertention (this is a link to a Wikipedia article if you are interested).  I’m going to call it Intercranial Hypertention of IH while I’m talking today…Okay?

image courtesy of http://wn.com/intracranial_pressure

I won’t sugar coat it….I’m scared.

I’ve talked about some of my symptoms.  They don’t know if they are being caused from the IH or from the medication side effects, yes they are that similar.  Can you believe that?  I will be going back in soon for another Lumbar Puncture.

So why haven’t I felt like this before.  Some times I may have for short periods and just thought a Meniere’s attack was coming on, or any number of my problems, but remember, I’d have blow outs.  Literally, my spinal column would start to leak in weak spots and my pressure would fall, often way too low and I would have those symptoms.  If you’ve been following me for long, you know what that’s all about.

This time, not only am I having balance issues, but it’s affecting my vision.  Remember, I’m losing my hearing at a pretty rapid rate.  Now, I may be losing my sight.

I had not read much on this, I thought my pressure would have to be much higher for this to happen, then I read an article on the Intercranial Hypertention Research Foundation site last night that startled me.  The person who wrote it could have been interviewing me.  Here is excerpt from the article about visual symptoms,

“The most common visual symptoms are:

Transient Visual Obscurations (TVOs): These are often described as momentary grey spots, or a dimming or blackout of vision that occur in one or both eyes, especially after a change in position (such as standing up from a seated position). TVOs are the most frequent visual symptom but are temporary; vision generally returns to the affected eye or eyes after the TVO episode, which lasts approximately 30 seconds to a couple of minutes. They may also be accompanied by pulse synchronous tinnitus.

Blurred vision: Blurred vision may be a direct result of papilledema and swelling in the surrounding retina. It can also be the result of a retinal hemorrhage.

Double vision (diplopia): Double vision can be due to sixth nerve palsy.

Decreased contrast sensitivity: Over time, chronic IH may affect the ability to perceive changes in contrast. Some with IH report examples of this decreased ability, such as the grey or faded out appearance of black text against a white background. ”

It does mention that ” in many cases, the surgery successfully relieves optic nerve swelling and improves or restores vision.”   That was very encouraging.  I’m also very hopeful they will get this under control before things get too advanced, but I have not been feeling good for some time now.

We all know acceptance of a chronic illness is a big hunk of the battle.  Once you accept it, you can do so much more to make your life more tolerable.  But how can I accept this when I don’t understand it yet?  When I feel so confused so much of the time?  When I’m told, who knows, you may have to have a shunt.  Oh, that’s great to hear.  A shunt.  More brain surgery to put a tube in my brain to drain fluid to my abdomen do they can control how much CSF I have all the time.  So if I have a shunt, will this interfere with me getting a cochlear implant?

More questions to ask the doctors.  And the new headache specialist hasn’t returned Stuart’s calls.  Not feeling good about that!

So right now, there are so many unknowns.  I had a strange vertigo attack yesterday.  It was a positional attack, but it wasn’t really.  If I got in one position it got much better but it was still there and everything was doubled.  I was freaking out.  In full panic mode.  Sweating, and these little cries coming out of me, saying something is wrong, this isn’t right….stop, please stop….and trying to slow my breathing…but not doing a good job.  Unfortunately, we were downstairs, and Chris witnessed most of it.  I was mortified.  Finally, I calmed myself down, if I can get to the point where I can just chatter, about nothing, just talk and talk…I can let it go and even if the world is moving I’m somewhere else.

Afterward, we came upstairs.  For most of the night I was off.  The walls are wavy, the floor it tilting, I’m living in a Fun House, but I’m the only one who sees it.  For days I’ve been telling Stuart that I feel like something bad is going to happen, someone is going to die.  Truthfully, I thought it was our dog.  She’s 19, she is doing well, but in dog years she’s close to 100.  Last night I broke down and was convinced I was dying.  I told him how sorry I was, that I know I’ve talked about giving up but I promised I hadn’t given up on him that I was still fighting but I was sure I was dying. At first he tried to say no, but then he knew he just needed to talk to me.  I told him what I wanted at my funeral, or rather who I didn’t want there…I want a party instead of a normal funeral where people remember me and have fun, I told him to display a photo of me when I was skinny, not a recent picture.  I wanted a bouncer at the door, and everyone had to give their name, if someone gave their name who was on the NO list, they were to be told, “I’m sorry, you should have visited her when she was alive, you are not needed here now.”  (Yes, I’m telling him all of this with slurred speech and I couldn’t focus well, but I was sure about all of it.)

So he asked, if you were possibly dying what would you like to do before you die?  The only thing I could really think of was to renew our vows.  I told him somewhere near the water….a nice lake, or the beach, or a water fall (I bet that would make me dizzy though).  He was all for it.  He didn’t realize that I wanted to renew our vows so I could point out to him that they were until Death Do Us Part….and I wanted him to carry on without me.

Let me say right now, I DO NOT think I’m dying. (Well, no more than anyone else is.)   But sometimes lately, I feel like I must be.  My brain isn’t working quite right and that is the only thing that makes sense to me, but then again….my brain isn’t working right!!!

I have been in touch with both my psychologist and my psychiatrist….I’m making sure everyone is looking out after me through all of this because I know my brain isn’t working just right.  One shouldn’t see things, or forget things, or not know where they are….it’s kind of freaky.  I’m so grateful Stuart has the type of job he does so he can be with me all the time right now.

So I’m in a holding pattern right now…about everything

Right now, there are no good days.  I may have some decent moments, but no completely good days.  (I even told Dr. Gray that I feel like shit!) – actually Stuart was on the phone with her and she heard me in the background.  I was trying to stop cursing, my therapist said, it’s probably not a good time for that.  People under this much stress tend to feel better if they curse more.  Alright!!!  Stuart can no longer bitch at me for my language….but I am trying to tone it down..I do get a bit out of control….can you believe it?  Me?

Titty Sling Update – I got too tired again trying on bras…and they let Stuart come in and help me, I’m sorry to all of you ladies who have to do it alone!  Finally I begrudgingly picked one.  I didn’t like it but it served the purpose.  We walked out of the dressing room, and I pointed to a bra, and said, I wanted that one, but they were out of my size.  Stuart looks up on the top rack…thank goodness he’s over 6′ tall!!  and found one in my size.  Once again I said, I’m just buying it!  So we did.  And it fits like a dream!  I love it!  But it’s white.  ick.  I can’t wear white with let’s say…..white.  And it was on clearance – $9!!!!  but no more in stock *sad pouty face*.  We will be scouring other stores tomorrow to see if they have any left!

OH…when I was in the store, an employee, ran into my walker with her shopping cart TWICE!  She was picking up clothes people put in the wrong place.  She saw me, looked me in the eye, and bam!  I have been hit!  She said something I could not understand.  The next time, same thing.  I thought….I’m so glad this store will hire the mentally challenged.  (Wow!  a big difference from the $.02 that pissed me the other day huh?)  I admit she did annoy me, but I just let it pass.  The only thing that really bothered me was that she was also the lady who was in charge of the fitting room.  I asked if Stuart could help me.  Yes, but he had to leave his things outside.  (his things were, his sweatshirt, and shopping bags – not store merchandise)  He asked where, she mumbled something and pointed to a shopping cart full of stuff.  Stuart said, “I wonder if I’ll see that stuff again?”   We did, but we had to dig for it down in that shopping cart.  How bizarre.   But I really felt, mentally challenged, not just lazy like the $.02 lady…. I think that made a huge difference.

So…I’m scared, that’s normal right?  I’m a bit off, somehow I have to hope they can make it better….somehow.

Going to start talking to doctors about disability, afraid about that too.  If my doctors said they don’t think I’m disabled I think I’d fire them.  Oh, I’d be wayyyyy too angry to speak.  I know I’d have a break down right there.  Yep!  So I have an email to my therapist about how to talk to them about this before I actually do it.  I’m way too touchy right now.

The new baby should be here no later than Thursday.  (they are inducing if she doesn’t go into labor before then).  I’ve barely seen the mama.  She has been in the guest room with the door closed in the dark for most of the time.  Chris has been around.  It’s been kind of surreal.  Especially with all the new stuff going on with me, and she was diagnosed with this same thing with the pregnancy, but she seems to just have the headaches.  I deal with the headaches very well, I’ve been having migraines since I was 11.  Poor Penelope has never been sick.  This past 6 weeks has been hell on her I think.  I hope things are easier after Rowen is born.

Forgive the look of the blog….I’m working on it.  I’m still not there yet, but I’m playing.  It’s hard to read a lot because things are blurry so forgive me if I don’t make it to your blog a lot, or if I have many misspellings.  But the graphic stuff is kind of fun (if they would just tell me what size it needs to be)…I’m playing…It will turn into something we all love I hope!!

hugs to everyone who needs one today!

 

 

I’ve said it before, and I’ll probably say it again…what a difference a day can make.

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness6 Comments

Today was a breath-taking beautiful day.  The sun was shining, it was in the 80’s F….yes the 80’s on the first day of March!  A good friend of mine just got married!  I’m so very thrilled for her, you may remember me passing along the candle lighter award to her….Congratulations Fiona and Jeremy…I adore you!

I slept longer than I have in a long time, I woke up with a minimal headache (my normal every day type of headache).  I was still seeing double but it didn’t seem to last as long.  I lounged in bed for a while with the window open and enjoyed my breakfast.  Then I read a bit on the computer and decided to get dressed for the day.  We were refinancing out house to a better rate, and we had to sign all the papers at the lawyer’s today, so I had places to go.  I decided to start getting ready very early.  About 2 1/2 hours early.  Just in case.  I wanted to do a little then rest, do a little more, rest…eat lunch….rest….you get the idea.

You would be so proud of me…I know I was.  Darn I should have gotten a picture!!  I French braided my hair.  I’ve never been able to do that!  It has always turned out lopsided or with straggling hairs, but usually it is a “Dutch” braid.  A French braid lies flat against your head the Dutch braid is kind of backward, it looks like a braid stuck to your head….it sticks out.  It’s kind of neat, but not what I wanted.  And…imagine this, I did it on the FIRST try!!

I tried on a few things to wear, but the one’s that I don’t look like a blimp in were too hot, I admit I was getting sad and upset.  Then I thought of a white tank top with an orange cap sleeved sweater over it that has one button around the abdomen that makes me look much thinner.  I actually put on makeup!!  I got ready, got dressed, and got down stairs….all by myself.  I was beaming with pride.

Stuart and I decided if I felt well enough after our visit to the lawyer we would have a date night and go to Fishmonger’s.   I LOVE crab legs.  I know he just got them for me on Valentine’s day…but it was so nice to have a date night with my hubby.  In a restaurant right across the street from where we met.

Fishmonger’s is one of those little seafood restaurants that make you feel like you are on the Carolina Coast.

This is the type of tables they have there.

I am having a very hard time with my hearing.  Stuart needs to step up his ASL practice.  On average I have to ask someone to repeat themselves at least 3 times, and after that I just drop it.  It’s too embarrassing.  And it’s usually just some small talk.  I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned it here, and I’m too tired to look back and finish this so I’ll give you the short version.  Saw Audiologist on Monday.  She thinks I’ll need a cochlear implant soon but the requirements change with insurance companies.  We have new insurance starting this months.  (they are going to love this) The first question Stuart is going to call and ask is what

their criteria is for covering a cochlear implant? The surgery cost between $30,000 and $100,000 and our out-of-pocket will be $150 Yay!!!

So I may have told you…forgive me.

So while we were out, it came time for my medication. All of a sudden I had a sharp pain in my head, I asked what time it was, exactly time for my medication! I asked if we happened to remember….ooops, nope. So I was 2 hours late taking it. By the time I got home, I was not able to walk unaided, I was slurring my words, I had to really concentrate to understand things…..it’s kind of funny, in a way I feel like I’ve taken some drug…like a downer or something. But it’s all being caused because I missed my medication. Ahhhh!

Right now I’m running a fever again. Every night, only at night. Strange huh? I take some Tylenol it goes away.

I still have a lot fo figure out with all of this, and it will take some time. It is apparent that I’m getting better with the side effects and I’ll probably get even better when I get some potassium (Diamox is known to deplete potassium.) I have been trying to eat a banana a day, but it’s hard when that’s the cap on the amount of fruit I can eat in one day. So we went to buy some and the store was out. How rude!

I’ve been watching these cooking shows and now I’m just dying to cook. But I need to be more steady on my feet for that. Perhaps I see some slow cooker meals in the future. (much less dangerous, I can just instruct Stuart.) I bought some herbs recently, and got a free ounce of Saffron….oh….what will I do with this delectable spice?

Also, if you have never heard of or tried Pot Herb – it is a mixture of Chives, Chervil, Parsley, Thyme, Marjoram, and Bay leaves. This was delectable in Chicken Soup..and just on chicken….I can imagine so many things to do with this blend…why have I never heard of this french blend of spices before?

So…

What a difference a day can make. Do I feel this much better from all the well wishes? The joyous feelings I have for my friend? The fact that the Topamax was uped? The beautiful weather (you know I got to take the top off!!), or have I once again, simply decided enough. I can’t stand to live with you like that! Get up! Pick yourself up…even if you need help, and find something that satisfies you. even something small…and build it up again.

That’s why I say those silly expectations I had for this life…they must be fluid now, and change as I do.

Thank you all for believing in me.

 

 

Do you ever feel like just giving up?

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness13 Comments

I know I’ve talked about this topic before.  We all know I’m not going to kill myself.  But I find myself many times a day thinking….no wishing….that this would just end.  I’m simply so very tired.  I hear myself saying it all the time….I’m so tired.  I didn’t know I was fighting so hard before, but then when everything was drained from me, and I was left cold and alone with just me and my illness, I realized I had been fighting….and now I was losing.

I don’t want to die, and frankly if I did, I’m way to scared to do it myself!  The thought of the pain, the morbidity, the mess, who would find me, and my poor, poor Stuart.  Oh no, I couldn’t do that.

But I do want it to end.  Yet, I know the best I can hope for is that it will get a bit better.  It will never end…until I do.  And that’s not what I want…Really it isn’t.   This  past month has been a complete terror to me. It has worn me down, beat me, and made me into a person I often don’t know and don’t really like any more.  I never thought that my diseases might kill me until this past month.  The pain, the sickness, I got so very, very tired…I just could not see going on.  I could not understand how anyone could get this sick and not be dying.

I don’t believe I’ve explained all the details of my symptoms of those 25 days, I just gave the high-lights.  You all know about the migraines that varied in intensity on a scale of 0-10 (see my photo scale above) between a 6 and a 10 EVERY  DAY.  I had constant disequilibrium, and intermittent vertigo EVERY DAY.  I also started to have new symptoms.  For one the vertigo was not like the vertigo I get with Meniere’s (thank goodness).  Usually it was positional.  If I was lucky I could find a sweet spot and find a place where if I were very still the vertigo would stop or at least slow down so slow that I could handle it, but often I was stuck in that  position for hours.  I have also been having symptoms with my eyes.  Double vision with my left eye (always when I first wake up and when I’m very tired).  I see shimmers or movements out of the corner of my eyes.  I often think someone has walked by, but I’m alone., and the last one  I was seeing shadows and lights that didn’t match up with the lighting in the room.  I felt like a ghost was following me.

Now, I’m on the new medication, Diamox!  Things are getting better…yes on some points.  But the Side Effects are not fun.

Please know I have talked with my doctor about all of the following side-effects, she said most will subside, and if certain ones get worse to call her immediately.   With that said, these symptoms are driving me crazy.

  • tingling in the extremities.
  • drowsiness
  • excessive thirst
  • excessive urination
  • fever (this one we are watching, right now it’s low grade)
  • confusion
  • loss of appetite
  • and all of those that I’m already having….you know….things like….
  • dizziness,
  • nausea – vomiting
  • this one I just love…Headache!  (I know that’s incase that get it too low, but dang!)
  • muscle cramps
  • more bruising….well, let’s see doc, I fell down in the bathroom night before last because I was so confused from this drug, so I’ve got a lot more bruising, does that count.

Oh, my goodness, I do sound like a sourpuss don’t I?   But sometimes don’t you just feel like the cure is almost as bad as the illness.

And can you tell me why…all you very wise people out there…why is it bothering me so very much that I can’t get out and go anywhere or do anything that I want when I want?  I’ve barely driven in 3 years, but NOW I’m pissed because I can’t go somewhere when I want, and I’ll probably get sick before we get there and will have to come straignt home.  But oh…it just bites my butt.

And I’m very grateful that Chris and Penelope have been here, he’s been wonderful at cooking dinner, but even though I don’t feel like cooking..I’m beginning to feel funny about him being in my kitchen all the time.  I think I’m afraid he’s a better cook than I am and I’m jealous.  But I’m also jealous because, I want to be in my kitchen making new things, creating new dishes with the new spices I just bought.  Oh…so sad.  I miss my kitchen.

Please forgive this, but I’m having a hard time with Penelope’s complications.  They have found out she has pregnancy induced Intercranial Hypertention…Yeah, High CSF!  What are the odds.  So I have to hear all about it.  But in 2 weeks when the baby is due, her’s will most likely be gone.  Very rarely does it not go away when the baby is born.  So I think I’m a bit jealous of that.  She gets cured and gets a baby at the same time.

My lord, I’m pitiful.  I’m jealous over the stupidest stuff.  But really I’m very glad they could stay here and be comfortable here.  I’ve baredly seen them.  They seem to be doing fine.  Penelope stays lying in a dark room a lot.  I find sitting up much more beneficial to me when I have a high CSF headache, but to each his own I guess.  From what she’s told me about the guys who’ve given her LP’s I have not been impressed.

We dropped by Target on the way home today and I bought something that cost $1.07, I gave the woman $!.12.  She just hit the total button and put in the money and then had no idea how much I gave her or how much she should give me back.  You could see this complete blank look on her face as she looked at the receipt.  I said, “the change should be 5 cents, I gave you a dime and 2 pennies.”  No you just gave me a dime….oh, I was already ticked off that I had to beg to drop by Target on the way home, or normally I would have said, why don’t you just keep the change.  But no, not today.  “NO, I gave you 12 CENTS, you owe me 5 CENTS, and I don’t want pennies.)  She slammed the 3 pennies she tried to give me in the drawer and gave me my nickle.  and I didn’t feel bad about it at all , until just now.  And still I don’t really.  People do not take pride in their jobes any longer.  I used to cashier.  I was never more than 5 cents off….over years and years at different places.   People need to take pride, no you may not be getting more than minimum wage, but neither was I.  However, I still did the best job I could.  Is that so wrong?   I had a job managaging an art gallery, and worked part time at a little store making minimum wage, I worked just as hard at both.  When you are interviewed and you are asked if you are willing and would like to do this job and you say yes….then you do it!

So, this post has gone from me wanting to give up….I’ll talk more about that later.  I’m not giving up…but I am changing those expectations!!

To having a good work ethic, and I haven’t worked in 8 years.

Ironic huh?

I Want It Now!…but I’m still Stinky…

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness12 Comments

I Hate it when I can’t do something for myself!!

I HATE it when I want something…like food…and I’m brushed off…oh I’ll get it in a little bit.  Then, he offers,  “how about a (insert something tasteless that I’ve had every day for a week here)?”  “NO!  I’d like some REAL FOOD.” (sometimes I’ll even suggest something…”ummm, that’s so hard, and I’m tired.”  Damn…the I’m Tired Card.  That makes me feel guilty EVERY TIME.

But today,  something tasty was discussed, pizza, or Chinese….Chris decides he’s going to make Chicken soup….hummmm…I – do – not -want –  Chicken soup.  I’ve had that a couple of times this week….  “Oh it’s just to make sure the chicken won’t go bad, we will be getting something else…something good.”  “OK.”, I said dubiously.  “What do you want?”  I said to ask Penelope, I’m good with either the Chinese or pizza….secretly I really wanted the rolls from Pei Wei…but pizza is good too. (Really, I didn’t want to be difficult.)

He comes back….much later…how about soup tonight and we do the other tomorrow.  Fine. {grumble, grumble}  (Now he remembers this whole scenario much differently than I do….but we know I’m right.  He swears I never said I didn’t want soup tonight….uumph!)

I got all flustered with him…I’m hungry…now, dangit…and I don’t remember what happened next or why but I told him to please leave.  I did some other stuff on the computer and…an hour later…I finally called out for him…”OK it has been 2 hours since I said I was hungry is there a reason I’m not eating?”

I Want It NOW! (image by horrificbeauty - Veruca Salt - click to link to artist site)

(yes, you can see the red flames coming out of my eyes at this point….I think you may have been able to see horns and a tail.)  I get sicker and dizzier when I’m hungry…and I’m already pissed that I have to ask for food like a puppy!

I hear…”the soup isn’t quite ready yet”…”Don’t care, it’s been 2 hours…I want something to eat NOW!” “I can find you something.” But he just sat there looking at me… (I actually shooed him away like, well, be off with you fetch me some food damn it! Why are you still here? …I vaguely remember him saying something about being a slave boy, but I was way past hearing reality at this point.  Really?  I did this?  Why does this man put up with me?)

He brought me grapes.  I almost threw them at him….but I took a deep breath and ate the 6 grapes I’m allowed to eat in a day…and waited.  then he brought up some chicken with some mayo/mustard type dressing on it and called it chicken salad….I looked and didn’t comment on what he brought only that it was only about 3 bite fulls.  “But the soup will be ready in 15 mins!”  I thought…that better be some damn good soup!

Luckily it was.  Oh, yes, it was some of the best Chicken Noodle Soup I’ve ever eaten.

Was it what I wanted tonight?  No.  Was it satisfying…mostly.  Would anything else have been any more satisfying?  Sadly..I doubt it.

Then came the humbling, groveling, feeling extremely guilty time….Yes by ME!

Sometimes, it just gets to me (this time of the month much more than others, unfortunately).  I hate being dependent upon someone else for everything.  I HATE to have to ask someone to do something for me that I use to be able to easily do for myself.

Soon I had another problem.

I have been smelling vomit on and off all day.

I have not thrown up today, or yesterday even.  I did wake up last night very sick, feeling like I was going to vomit and I did gag a few times but I did not, I repeat I DID NOT throw up!!  So why do I keep smelling vomit?

I smelled my clothes…no, but I washed up at the sink and changed them any way.
My pillow case, no.

My sheets, no.

Finally this evening, I asked Stuart, do I smell like vomit?  He looked at me, “I can’t imagine why you would. Everything around you is clean.”  Still, I got him to smell me, and YES, I smelled like vomit!  EWWWWW!

OK, Bath time.  I was feeling better than I had been so it was time to brave the bath.

I ran the water, added some Epsom Salts for my aches and pains and got in….and got sick!  OH…the walls started to breathe.  I ran cold water over my wrist.  Please do not make me give up my bath.  I tried and tried…but no…Stuart was holding on to me and leaned over to let the water out.  I cried.  I looked up into his eyes with the biggest saddest eyes anyone has ever seen with tears rolling down my cheeks and said, “But I’m still Stinky.”  Then I burst into uncontrollable sobs.

"But I'm Still Stinky." (Vintage Big Sad Eyed Child painting - artist unknown)

My dear husband got in the tub and helped me up, dried me off, and got me out of the tub.  I sat on the toilet, and said, “of course, now I feel better.”  Without a word, Stuart soaped up a wash cloth and gave me a sponge bath while I sat there.  Very gently, with lemon scented soap.

He helped me back to bed.  I looked at him, and said, “I’m not stinky any more.”  He just smiled and said, “No more Stinky.”

**Please note:  I started to post this last night.  I was entering the photos when suddenly I went into a full spin.  Stuart was kind enough to save the draft so I could put it out today.  This is how life has been for the past 16 days.  I may have been the bitch from hell yesterday, but I promise I’m not like that often, and he says it gives him a little bit of insight into what I’m dealing with…as long as it doesn’t happen every day.  : )  I must say, having 16 days of severe symptoms and now PMS on top of it all, I was a volcano ready to blow.

Thank you to my darling husband for not throttling me.  And by the way….that soup was damn good!!

I just haven’t felt like it.

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness11 Comments

Normally when I’m not feeling great, I turn to my blog.  When I’m happy and want to share, I turn to my blog.  When I’m mad, I turn to my blog.  Well, you get the picture.

Lately, I just haven’t felt like it.

I’ve thought of much to say, but it all sounds like a big jumble to me.  No real coherent thought.  I’ve been happy, sad, mad, confused, in pain, sick as a friggin’ dog (where did that saying come from anyway?  Or Weak as cat pee?  that person evidently never smelled cat pee!)…see what I mean…all over the place.

I do feel I owe an update.  Today is day 12 of feeling like crap.  I’ve decided to name my Slosh Head – Alvida – after a famous female pirate.  My head feels like I’m living on a very rocky boat, I’m sure the first Alvida (often spelled Alvilda) spent many days on a rocky boat, hence the namesake.

Alvida cannot seem to get her “sea” (or in our case, very rocky land) legs.  We wooble..but unlike the Weebles we can fall down.

I had a-n-o-t-h-e-r lumbar puncture (LP) on Monday.  This time it actually appears they caught the high pressure before I had a blow out!  It was the highest it’s ever been..then Dr. Gray said something that confused me (of course that’s pretty easy to do right now), she said, that the pressure doesn’t take into account volume, and my volume should be higher right now because of the excess fluid I still have after the surgery.  So, can we trust this LP at all?  She did a little testing.  She added in 3cc’s of CSF (cerebrospinal fluid pressure), and I started to get a headache.  She started to take some out, and I started to feel better, then she took out more and I felt weird.  She took out 10cc’s all together.  (I think that includes the 3cc’s she added….again, confusion).

"Hope" for Dr. Gray - Thank you for giving so many people hope.

I made Dr. Gray a piece of art.  I’d been working on it for a while, if you’ve been on my blog Create To Heal you have seen it in progress.  I still needed to color quite a bit of it, but I finished it just in time.  She loved it!  Just gushed.  Said she was going to frame it and just went on and on.  I’m glad it made her happy.  She also said, we could come by and see her anytime, I didn’t have to be getting a hole in my back.  LOL.

While in recovery I started to feel MUCH better.  I could turn my head without getting sick, I was happy.  Then I got up to leave.  Ugh…not as good.  After we got home and I ate dinner the world began to move again…Dang-it!  But Dr. Gray said it would take some time for things to level out.  She put me on a small dose of Topamax, to see if we can keep the pressure lower, we will up the dose as needed.  Hopefully, we’ll figure this out and I’ll be able to move around soon with out triggering a full blown vertigo attack.  Not feeling like I’m on a boat would be nice, but not spinning some every single day would be a miracle right now.  12 Days!  TWELVE DAYS!  But I can handle it.  I know I can.  If it ends up that this is the way it will be I’ll figure out a way.  Perhaps I’ll need to wear a neck brace so I won’t move my head to fast?  We’ll figure out a way that I can deal with it some how, some way.  Wow, I just really surprised myself!  I haven’t been feeling the most optimistic lately.

After the coldest night I think we’ve had in a very long time (it was in the 20’s F here), we went to the library the next day.   Guess what we saw out front?

This photo was taken February 12th!

That’s all for now.

Alvida is telling me that she is not going to allow any more!

Here’s to getting my sea  legs…I hope.

How about a little W(h)ine?

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness9 Comments
A little W(h)ine anyone? photo from dreamstime.com free collection

Today I shall do something I very rarely do…I’m going to Whine!

(and take note, I don’t feel well, so I haven’t read over this post…it’s probably full of errors. Feel free to whine about it!)

I am trying to keep my normal positive, can do attitude, and I promise it’s here, but I feel so overwhelmed, I just need to whine for a little while.

So anybody in for a little pity party?  Plenty of W(h)ine will be served!

If you’ve read my previous posts you know I started having extreme “slosh” head on Friday, February 3rd.  Today is the 9th.  Since this began I’ve woken up with vertigo 5 days!  That is the absolute worst feeling.  I have no chance of taking the medications to perhaps stop it because I’m already spinning.  Ugh!  I do think the meds have helped make the attacks much shorter though. Yay!

I “spoke” with Dr. Kaylie today.  Really I emailed him.  I got very upset when he emailed me back and said that these questions had to go through the nurses so I needed to call in the future….this after I just said in the email that I would have called but I can’t hear on the phone and Stuart hasn’t had time.  Ahhh! I felt like…OK, you are my ear doctor you know I can’t hear…after the mess with the ASL class I just broke down and sobbed.  I wrote him back that I would never email him again, and he could have told me that before.  yes, I was a bit abrupt.  Then I proceeded to write him a formal letter telling him how I didn’t feel like I was being respected…I started to send a copy of the letter to my therapist for her feedback when I got another email from Dr. Kaylie, saying I had been no bother, and it is easier for him to get the email directly but there have been new rules and regulations put in place that they have to follow.  Well, take the wind out of my anger.  I’m still a bit miffed, but I need to be aware, he’s a very busy doctor and I’m probably overly sensitive especially right now.

In the original email he said I should probably talk to Dr. Gray about getting another LP to test my pressure.  And he wants me in to see Dr. Atkins (the neurologist that specializes in headaches), ASAP.  So Stuart will be calling Dr. Gray’s office to see about another puncture, and calling Dr. Atkins office to see about getting on a cancellation list.

Ok, that wasn’t too much whining…

but I just feel so beat down.  Every time I think I’m getting a bit better….shit hits the fan.  Unfortunately, sometimes more literally than others.

I did have another yucky bowel thing go on today.  I woke up feeling a bit better today…not spinning first thing.  But still slosh head and simply not feeling great.  So I decided I’d rest today.  (as if I could do much more).  So I’m on my computer and I feel the need to go to the bathroom, nothing urgent.  I like to play solitaire on my Kindle when I’m in the potty.  When I walked in the bathroom…about 5 feet from my bedside, I noticed my Kindle wasn’t there, I walked back to the bed to get it and all of a sudden I no longer simply needed to go to the bathroom….I needed to be in there NOW!  So I ran back, and I felt it was coming out….I started pulling down everything and right before I got my butt on the toilet there was a big SPLASH!  Just one second sooner and I would have been covered in crap.  I was still in there a while, so it was far from over, but I think I’ll be listening to those slight little feelings that say…hey you need to go to the bathroom sometime….knowing they mean…Get your Butt in the Bathroom NOW or you are going to be very embarrassed!

My emotions were so raw today, my physical self isn’t cooperating with me, and I almost crapped myself.   Stuart said, “it can’t get much worse”.  I was startled and said, “Oh yes it can!  and I have to always remember that!  I could be worse.”  (maybe he just said that for me to remember that..either way it worked.)

So after a long day of mental exhaustion, hours of crying,and head pounding I’m ready to say: I give up for the day.  As Scarlett O’Hara said “Tomorrow I’ll think of some way . . . after all, tomorrow is another day.”  But tonight…I will rest!

And my darling husband has gone to get me Vietnamese Chicken Salad Rolls from PeiWei.  I’m a lucky girl.

Of course, he may be doing this because Penelope is back in the hospital…hopefully not for long, they have to control her headaches.  So her husband isn’t cooking.  He has been a wonder to have here.  He’s been cooking nearly every night.  Good food, and good for you!    Unfortunately, Stuart hates to cook.  He’s good at eggs, frozen pizza, and macaroni and cheese.  He’s actually a pretty decent cook when he wants to, but he hates it really.  And after a long day of caring for me and working….I don’t blame him a bit!

He may also be doing it because I insisted on cooking some last night…at least help by doing part of it.  It was the second time this week I almost caught the house on fire!  This time I set a dish cloth on fire!!  A few days ago I thought I turned a pan off and turned it all the way as high as it would go!  The house smelled for a couple of days!  Ruined my favorite pan!

So I’m not allowed to cook at all until I’m not slosh headed any longer!!  I know, I thought I could do it…and I’m normally pretty good at figuring out what I can do.  Plus, cooking last night Stuart was right there cooking too….glad he saw the flame!  *an embarrassed little giggle*.

May we all feel as well as we possibly can!