I Want It Now!…but I’m still Stinky…

I Hate it when I can’t do something for myself!!

I HATE it when I want something…like food…and I’m brushed off…oh I’ll get it in a little bit.  Then, he offers,  “how about a (insert something tasteless that I’ve had every day for a week here)?”  “NO!  I’d like some REAL FOOD.” (sometimes I’ll even suggest something…”ummm, that’s so hard, and I’m tired.”  Damn…the I’m Tired Card.  That makes me feel guilty EVERY TIME.

But today,  something tasty was discussed, pizza, or Chinese….Chris decides he’s going to make Chicken soup….hummmm…I – do – not -want –  Chicken soup.  I’ve had that a couple of times this week….  “Oh it’s just to make sure the chicken won’t go bad, we will be getting something else…something good.”  “OK.”, I said dubiously.  “What do you want?”  I said to ask Penelope, I’m good with either the Chinese or pizza….secretly I really wanted the rolls from Pei Wei…but pizza is good too. (Really, I didn’t want to be difficult.)

He comes back….much later…how about soup tonight and we do the other tomorrow.  Fine. {grumble, grumble}  (Now he remembers this whole scenario much differently than I do….but we know I’m right.  He swears I never said I didn’t want soup tonight….uumph!)

I got all flustered with him…I’m hungry…now, dangit…and I don’t remember what happened next or why but I told him to please leave.  I did some other stuff on the computer and…an hour later…I finally called out for him…”OK it has been 2 hours since I said I was hungry is there a reason I’m not eating?”

I Want It NOW! (image by horrificbeauty - Veruca Salt - click to link to artist site)

(yes, you can see the red flames coming out of my eyes at this point….I think you may have been able to see horns and a tail.)  I get sicker and dizzier when I’m hungry…and I’m already pissed that I have to ask for food like a puppy!

I hear…”the soup isn’t quite ready yet”…”Don’t care, it’s been 2 hours…I want something to eat NOW!” “I can find you something.” But he just sat there looking at me… (I actually shooed him away like, well, be off with you fetch me some food damn it! Why are you still here? …I vaguely remember him saying something about being a slave boy, but I was way past hearing reality at this point.  Really?  I did this?  Why does this man put up with me?)

He brought me grapes.  I almost threw them at him….but I took a deep breath and ate the 6 grapes I’m allowed to eat in a day…and waited.  then he brought up some chicken with some mayo/mustard type dressing on it and called it chicken salad….I looked and didn’t comment on what he brought only that it was only about 3 bite fulls.  “But the soup will be ready in 15 mins!”  I thought…that better be some damn good soup!

Luckily it was.  Oh, yes, it was some of the best Chicken Noodle Soup I’ve ever eaten.

Was it what I wanted tonight?  No.  Was it satisfying…mostly.  Would anything else have been any more satisfying?  Sadly..I doubt it.

Then came the humbling, groveling, feeling extremely guilty time….Yes by ME!

Sometimes, it just gets to me (this time of the month much more than others, unfortunately).  I hate being dependent upon someone else for everything.  I HATE to have to ask someone to do something for me that I use to be able to easily do for myself.

Soon I had another problem.

I have been smelling vomit on and off all day.

I have not thrown up today, or yesterday even.  I did wake up last night very sick, feeling like I was going to vomit and I did gag a few times but I did not, I repeat I DID NOT throw up!!  So why do I keep smelling vomit?

I smelled my clothes…no, but I washed up at the sink and changed them any way.
My pillow case, no.

My sheets, no.

Finally this evening, I asked Stuart, do I smell like vomit?  He looked at me, “I can’t imagine why you would. Everything around you is clean.”  Still, I got him to smell me, and YES, I smelled like vomit!  EWWWWW!

OK, Bath time.  I was feeling better than I had been so it was time to brave the bath.

I ran the water, added some Epsom Salts for my aches and pains and got in….and got sick!  OH…the walls started to breathe.  I ran cold water over my wrist.  Please do not make me give up my bath.  I tried and tried…but no…Stuart was holding on to me and leaned over to let the water out.  I cried.  I looked up into his eyes with the biggest saddest eyes anyone has ever seen with tears rolling down my cheeks and said, “But I’m still Stinky.”  Then I burst into uncontrollable sobs.

"But I'm Still Stinky." (Vintage Big Sad Eyed Child painting - artist unknown)

My dear husband got in the tub and helped me up, dried me off, and got me out of the tub.  I sat on the toilet, and said, “of course, now I feel better.”  Without a word, Stuart soaped up a wash cloth and gave me a sponge bath while I sat there.  Very gently, with lemon scented soap.

He helped me back to bed.  I looked at him, and said, “I’m not stinky any more.”  He just smiled and said, “No more Stinky.”

**Please note:  I started to post this last night.  I was entering the photos when suddenly I went into a full spin.  Stuart was kind enough to save the draft so I could put it out today.  This is how life has been for the past 16 days.  I may have been the bitch from hell yesterday, but I promise I’m not like that often, and he says it gives him a little bit of insight into what I’m dealing with…as long as it doesn’t happen every day.  : )  I must say, having 16 days of severe symptoms and now PMS on top of it all, I was a volcano ready to blow.

Thank you to my darling husband for not throttling me.  And by the way….that soup was damn good!!

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12 thoughts on “I Want It Now!…but I’m still Stinky…

  1. Wendy, Wendy, Wendy,
    I love you even if you smell like vomit! (Easy for me to say since my computer doesn’t have an olfactory chip)

    Please tell Stuart that he is a remarkable man and I may love him even more than I love you and he never smells like vomit.

    I know you are more on the agnostic side of the wall but I’m going to say my favorite Baha’i prayer “Thy Name is my Healing” for you anyway!!

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    • Oh…Not true….Stuart often smells like vomit! Who do you think takes care of me when I’m spewing?

      hopefully today I no longer smell like vomit…but I’m sure I will again.
      love you!
      and thank you for the prayer – even if I do lean more toward the ….oh I just don’t know lately…I’ve been studding a lot of Buddhist teachings and find it most helpful.

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  2. Why is it that until you are reduced to tears that people don’t quite get it? Even the ones who love you. Such is life, I guess.

    That Stuart sure does have redeeming qualities. 😉 Glad you’re not stinky anymore. I sure hope this phase passes quickly–like now already! *hugs*

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    • Rita, Until I am reduced to tears I think I try to hide it. I don’t want to be a bother. I want to be easy to take care of…it’s hard on the care giver too, I know that..but it can be so very hard on the person having to accept the help. And food, it’s such a little thing….normally I’ll just take what is brought…no big deal. After all he has to do so much more….but lately, as a dear friend said to me…”You have sick person cabin fever!” and I feel like I’m in a prison and am only allowed to eat when and what they say and ….ok…let’s not go there!

      yes, for the most part I think I’m better. I’ve been laughing a lot…but still crying a lot…(usually when I start to feel horrible again)..and over all just grumpy. But Stuart says it’s much better since I got back on the pill. I was like this 3 weeks out of the month, now I’m only like this 1 week or less! He’s so happy, he was actually not mad at all at my tirade the other day.

      He did mention that my emotions were all over the place…yeah…I kind of feel like I go through all my extreme emotions at once over a few days each month….hmmmm…wonder if the docs have anything for that. Bipolar, rapid cycling for a few days? I really hate hormones!

      thanks for thinking of me. I hope the post made you laugh a little. wendy ps…I actually got to take a real bath last night…even shaved my legs (haven’t done that in months!) But still not brave enough to wash my hair. eh….glad I have dry hair.

      love w

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    • glad you didn’t mind reading it twice. (not sure everyone realized it was supposed to be funny.)

      and yes…no more stinky!!hahaha

      (notice I left out the thought of driving away to go get what I wanted to eat…shhhh…don’t tell on me ‘kay?) You are so right…Sick Person Cabin Fever!!

      love to you wendy

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  3. The worst thing about these damn afflictions we have is that you don’t know what is going to happen day to day. I’m glad you don’t stink anymore!
    mo

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    • I’m glad I’m not stinky any more either!! I’m also glad I’m not ready to tear my poor husband’s head off just because he didn’t bring me the exact food I wanted when i wanted it!

      Ah…but there is next month. and I’ve still got some PMS going on…never know what could spew from the mouth in the next couple of days. I swear those few days of the month I am the devil’s spawn. Bwahahahaha!

      so glad you have a sense of humor. w

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  4. Wendy,

    Well, maybe your post is supposed to be funny, but it made me cry, because it hits so close to home. Been there, done that, bought the t-sh…. uh, no, I couldn’t find a t-shirt that says “I have Meniere’s and a great husband who cooks for me and cleans my vomit”! You and I are 2 of a very small number of really lucky people who’s husbands are willing to – and do – all these things for us. I really don’t know what I would do without him.

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  5. Leona,
    I do not know what is going on with my wordpress account I’ve tried to comment to this over and over and it would not go…so I’ll comment from the page here and see how it goes.
    this is the comment I originally made:
    Yes, Leona, most of it was meant to bring some levity to a rather tense situation, but it could have escalated if I didn’t have such a wonderful husband.
    But as he and I were talking about it today.
    we work hard to make it this way.
    we really try to make sure to address the stress of this situation and get it out before it builds up and blows up.
    Luckily, we have a great therapist to help with that.

    I’m glad you have a super husband too.
    and thanks for coming by…hope to see you again soon.
    w

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  6. I remember the feeling of one good week out of the month when I still had my cycle. It’s no fun, and top it off with a chronic illness and chronic pain — well, no wonder you feel bitchy!
    Stuart is amazing. If you could clone him, you would make a lot of money, lol!
    Btw, there are days when I’m stinky, and too tired or have too much inertia or whatever to take a shower. So we can be stinky together!

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    • I hate to say it, but there are too many days that I’m stinky. I used to camp..loved it…I’m used to smelling a bit musky..so a bit stinky isn’t so bad. But to smell like vomit…ewwwww. NO. i do not want to be that stinky.

      Thank goodness for lemon scented soap and a loving husband. w

      Like

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