I just haven’t felt like it.

Normally when I’m not feeling great, I turn to my blog.  When I’m happy and want to share, I turn to my blog.  When I’m mad, I turn to my blog.  Well, you get the picture.

Lately, I just haven’t felt like it.

I’ve thought of much to say, but it all sounds like a big jumble to me.  No real coherent thought.  I’ve been happy, sad, mad, confused, in pain, sick as a friggin’ dog (where did that saying come from anyway?  Or Weak as cat pee?  that person evidently never smelled cat pee!)…see what I mean…all over the place.

I do feel I owe an update.  Today is day 12 of feeling like crap.  I’ve decided to name my Slosh Head – Alvida – after a famous female pirate.  My head feels like I’m living on a very rocky boat, I’m sure the first Alvida (often spelled Alvilda) spent many days on a rocky boat, hence the namesake.

Alvida cannot seem to get her “sea” (or in our case, very rocky land) legs.  We wooble..but unlike the Weebles we can fall down.

I had a-n-o-t-h-e-r lumbar puncture (LP) on Monday.  This time it actually appears they caught the high pressure before I had a blow out!  It was the highest it’s ever been..then Dr. Gray said something that confused me (of course that’s pretty easy to do right now), she said, that the pressure doesn’t take into account volume, and my volume should be higher right now because of the excess fluid I still have after the surgery.  So, can we trust this LP at all?  She did a little testing.  She added in 3cc’s of CSF (cerebrospinal fluid pressure), and I started to get a headache.  She started to take some out, and I started to feel better, then she took out more and I felt weird.  She took out 10cc’s all together.  (I think that includes the 3cc’s she added….again, confusion).

"Hope" for Dr. Gray - Thank you for giving so many people hope.

I made Dr. Gray a piece of art.  I’d been working on it for a while, if you’ve been on my blog Create To Heal you have seen it in progress.  I still needed to color quite a bit of it, but I finished it just in time.  She loved it!  Just gushed.  Said she was going to frame it and just went on and on.  I’m glad it made her happy.  She also said, we could come by and see her anytime, I didn’t have to be getting a hole in my back.  LOL.

While in recovery I started to feel MUCH better.  I could turn my head without getting sick, I was happy.  Then I got up to leave.  Ugh…not as good.  After we got home and I ate dinner the world began to move again…Dang-it!  But Dr. Gray said it would take some time for things to level out.  She put me on a small dose of Topamax, to see if we can keep the pressure lower, we will up the dose as needed.  Hopefully, we’ll figure this out and I’ll be able to move around soon with out triggering a full blown vertigo attack.  Not feeling like I’m on a boat would be nice, but not spinning some every single day would be a miracle right now.  12 Days!  TWELVE DAYS!  But I can handle it.  I know I can.  If it ends up that this is the way it will be I’ll figure out a way.  Perhaps I’ll need to wear a neck brace so I won’t move my head to fast?  We’ll figure out a way that I can deal with it some how, some way.  Wow, I just really surprised myself!  I haven’t been feeling the most optimistic lately.

After the coldest night I think we’ve had in a very long time (it was in the 20’s F here), we went to the library the next day.   Guess what we saw out front?

This photo was taken February 12th!

That’s all for now.

Alvida is telling me that she is not going to allow any more!

Here’s to getting my sea  legs…I hope.


11 thoughts on “I just haven’t felt like it.

  1. That’s a mighty fine post from someone who didn’t feel like writing! Wendy you surprise me every time. Regarding the new drug, I think I am on that too but of course can’t remember. I know it is used primarily for seizures but has MANY other uses and one of them is for Fibro,Topimirate? I think the may be the same thing but not sure. Mine might be the generic? Glad you have a doctor that you love and obviously loves you (how could she not).Laurie F.


    1. Surprise!!! Much better than the surprise I planned or my husband yesterday. I ordered him a Valentines day gift early, and it didn’t arrive, when I complained they said, we’ll send it you another one free of charge…ummm FREE of Charge? I already paid for the dang thing! I’m so ticked. And I can’t call and scream and fuss…I can only email. I hate it but if they don’t do better than this, my husband may have to call. I’m so dang ticked off.

      but glad i could surprise you!! w


  2. The sign of spring made me smile. We still have snow (it’s only February, of course we still have snow, duh) but except for the rare days, our temperatures still hoover close to the freezing mark during the day. It’s been a long slosh season.

    So, Alvida it is! Sometimes I think about naming it but slosh head is so descriptive of how I feel and others tend to understand that better. Maybe Sloshie. I’ll have to think about it.

    Here’s hoping the LP gets things stabilized for you quickly. Especially since you were feeling better in recover. Hopefully that’s a good sign of things to come.

    Hugs to you.


  3. Maureen,
    Yes, hopefully a good sign…
    and, the last time I was on Topamax I lost a ton of weight with no work at all…wouldn’t that be grand? ; )

    Oh, I’ll probably still call her Alvida the Slosh Head…but after hearing about Judy’s Tallulah for so long I thought my inner slosh needed a name! hahaha. or should I say Ar! Ar! Ar! Ha!

    The sign of Spring is way too early here too. Granted we don’t get winter like you do, but this winter has been more like a very long Autumn with just a few colder days. Strange!! I’ve even seen blue birds and robins out and about.
    I’m so afraid we’re going to have a late freeze and kill everything, especially the crops that are starting early.

    hugs back to you


  4. Hope you and your pirate can come to terms — swashbuckling probably isn’t good for slosh heads.
    Topomax is also some times given for migraines which would be nice if it worked that way for you. I took topomax for some time until it stopped working as well (my usual response to most drugs) — I do think it helped with my mini-migraines (was a while ago and I’ve been on so many drugs, I’m not always sure about which did what, lol)
    You and the pirate have a great pen/voice — well done for someone dealing with all that you’ve been!
    Glad the doctor liked your art — see an email I sent you this evening.
    Hope this proceedure holds and helps you feel better.


    1. I’ve been on it for migraines and for bipolar disorder too (an off label use). It worked well, to a point, but after a while I really understood why they nick named it Dopeamax. I was one dopey person, couldn’t get my words out without tripping over myself. But that was on a higher dosage.
      Starting at 50mg now. Hoping it helps migraines and weight. : )

      and hey, if I can get my land-sea legs, I bet I could be a swashbuckling deva! hahaha
      Well, after a whole lot of working out! The whole idea is to give myself the internal incentive to believe I can have land-sea legs…and I hope you can understand what the heck I mean by that. (feeling like I’m at sea while I’m on the land.)

      will read your email right now.


    1. mo…oh… perhaps the bottle of rum would not be the brightest idea.
      but Ar! I will make those scoundrels walk the plank!!
      (unless they look like Johnny Depp that is!! ummm,,,, I may even risk a little rum with him. *wink*)


  5. bipolarmuse

    Dear lady, I do hope you get the vertigo under control. I can’t begin to imagine. About 10 days ago I was not feeling well and feeling quite dizzy. Even closing my eyes, I felt like I was moving or spinning. I do not know if that is what you feel on a regular basis but my goodness, it was miserable.
    Hard as it is, try to keep hope. In any way. ♥


  6. I’m behind on blogs. I hope you’re feeling better by now, sweetie! What a bummer. I agree that you sure did write a good post for feeling so crummy and dizzy. 🙂

    Love naming your vertigo head. LOL! And daffodils!! My goodness! Spring is already trying to arrive!! 🙂 🙂


    1. I too am very behind Rita. I’ve started 2 different posts since I wrote this one and haven’t finished either one. I keep trying to get something created….but I just feel crummy. I’m tired of being stuck in my room. or in the bathroom.

      and I am tired of complaining. Right now I’m having PMS and it always makes me not see things in a less than shining way. so better keep my mouth shut right now and ride it out. : )

      we’ll catch up soon! w


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