Today I shall do something I very rarely do…I’m going to Whine!

(and take note, I don’t feel well, so I haven’t read over this post…it’s probably full of errors. Feel free to whine about it!)

I am trying to keep my normal positive, can do attitude, and I promise it’s here, but I feel so overwhelmed, I just need to whine for a little while.

So anybody in for a little pity party?  Plenty of W(h)ine will be served!

If you’ve read my previous posts you know I started having extreme “slosh” head on Friday, February 3rd.  Today is the 9th.  Since this began I’ve woken up with vertigo 5 days!  That is the absolute worst feeling.  I have no chance of taking the medications to perhaps stop it because I’m already spinning.  Ugh!  I do think the meds have helped make the attacks much shorter though. Yay!

I “spoke” with Dr. Kaylie today.  Really I emailed him.  I got very upset when he emailed me back and said that these questions had to go through the nurses so I needed to call in the future….this after I just said in the email that I would have called but I can’t hear on the phone and Stuart hasn’t had time.  Ahhh! I felt like…OK, you are my ear doctor you know I can’t hear…after the mess with the ASL class I just broke down and sobbed.  I wrote him back that I would never email him again, and he could have told me that before.  yes, I was a bit abrupt.  Then I proceeded to write him a formal letter telling him how I didn’t feel like I was being respected…I started to send a copy of the letter to my therapist for her feedback when I got another email from Dr. Kaylie, saying I had been no bother, and it is easier for him to get the email directly but there have been new rules and regulations put in place that they have to follow.  Well, take the wind out of my anger.  I’m still a bit miffed, but I need to be aware, he’s a very busy doctor and I’m probably overly sensitive especially right now.

In the original email he said I should probably talk to Dr. Gray about getting another LP to test my pressure.  And he wants me in to see Dr. Atkins (the neurologist that specializes in headaches), ASAP.  So Stuart will be calling Dr. Gray’s office to see about another puncture, and calling Dr. Atkins office to see about getting on a cancellation list.

Ok, that wasn’t too much whining…

but I just feel so beat down.  Every time I think I’m getting a bit better….shit hits the fan.  Unfortunately, sometimes more literally than others.

I did have another yucky bowel thing go on today.  I woke up feeling a bit better today…not spinning first thing.  But still slosh head and simply not feeling great.  So I decided I’d rest today.  (as if I could do much more).  So I’m on my computer and I feel the need to go to the bathroom, nothing urgent.  I like to play solitaire on my Kindle when I’m in the potty.  When I walked in the bathroom…about 5 feet from my bedside, I noticed my Kindle wasn’t there, I walked back to the bed to get it and all of a sudden I no longer simply needed to go to the bathroom….I needed to be in there NOW!  So I ran back, and I felt it was coming out….I started pulling down everything and right before I got my butt on the toilet there was a big SPLASH!  Just one second sooner and I would have been covered in crap.  I was still in there a while, so it was far from over, but I think I’ll be listening to those slight little feelings that say…hey you need to go to the bathroom sometime….knowing they mean…Get your Butt in the Bathroom NOW or you are going to be very embarrassed!

My emotions were so raw today, my physical self isn’t cooperating with me, and I almost crapped myself.   Stuart said, “it can’t get much worse”.  I was startled and said, “Oh yes it can!  and I have to always remember that!  I could be worse.”  (maybe he just said that for me to remember that..either way it worked.)

So after a long day of mental exhaustion, hours of crying,and head pounding I’m ready to say: I give up for the day.  As Scarlett O’Hara said “Tomorrow I’ll think of some way . . . after all, tomorrow is another day.”  But tonight…I will rest!

And my darling husband has gone to get me Vietnamese Chicken Salad Rolls from PeiWei.  I’m a lucky girl.

Of course, he may be doing this because Penelope is back in the hospital…hopefully not for long, they have to control her headaches.  So her husband isn’t cooking.  He has been a wonder to have here.  He’s been cooking nearly every night.  Good food, and good for you!    Unfortunately, Stuart hates to cook.  He’s good at eggs, frozen pizza, and macaroni and cheese.  He’s actually a pretty decent cook when he wants to, but he hates it really.  And after a long day of caring for me and working….I don’t blame him a bit!

He may also be doing it because I insisted on cooking some last night…at least help by doing part of it.  It was the second time this week I almost caught the house on fire!  This time I set a dish cloth on fire!!  A few days ago I thought I turned a pan off and turned it all the way as high as it would go!  The house smelled for a couple of days!  Ruined my favorite pan!

So I’m not allowed to cook at all until I’m not slosh headed any longer!!  I know, I thought I could do it…and I’m normally pretty good at figuring out what I can do.  Plus, cooking last night Stuart was right there cooking too….glad he saw the flame!  *an embarrassed little giggle*.

May we all feel as well as we possibly can!