I Want It Now!…but I’m still Stinky…

I Hate it when I can’t do something for myself!!

I HATE it when I want something…like food…and I’m brushed off…oh I’ll get it in a little bit.  Then, he offers,  “how about a (insert something tasteless that I’ve had every day for a week here)?”  “NO!  I’d like some REAL FOOD.” (sometimes I’ll even suggest something…”ummm, that’s so hard, and I’m tired.”  Damn…the I’m Tired Card.  That makes me feel guilty EVERY TIME.

But today,  something tasty was discussed, pizza, or Chinese….Chris decides he’s going to make Chicken soup….hummmm…I – do – not -want –  Chicken soup.  I’ve had that a couple of times this week….  “Oh it’s just to make sure the chicken won’t go bad, we will be getting something else…something good.”  “OK.”, I said dubiously.  “What do you want?”  I said to ask Penelope, I’m good with either the Chinese or pizza….secretly I really wanted the rolls from Pei Wei…but pizza is good too. (Really, I didn’t want to be difficult.)

He comes back….much later…how about soup tonight and we do the other tomorrow.  Fine. {grumble, grumble}  (Now he remembers this whole scenario much differently than I do….but we know I’m right.  He swears I never said I didn’t want soup tonight….uumph!)

I got all flustered with him…I’m hungry…now, dangit…and I don’t remember what happened next or why but I told him to please leave.  I did some other stuff on the computer and…an hour later…I finally called out for him…”OK it has been 2 hours since I said I was hungry is there a reason I’m not eating?”

I Want It NOW! (image by horrificbeauty - Veruca Salt - click to link to artist site)

(yes, you can see the red flames coming out of my eyes at this point….I think you may have been able to see horns and a tail.)  I get sicker and dizzier when I’m hungry…and I’m already pissed that I have to ask for food like a puppy!

I hear…”the soup isn’t quite ready yet”…”Don’t care, it’s been 2 hours…I want something to eat NOW!” “I can find you something.” But he just sat there looking at me… (I actually shooed him away like, well, be off with you fetch me some food damn it! Why are you still here? …I vaguely remember him saying something about being a slave boy, but I was way past hearing reality at this point.  Really?  I did this?  Why does this man put up with me?)

He brought me grapes.  I almost threw them at him….but I took a deep breath and ate the 6 grapes I’m allowed to eat in a day…and waited.  then he brought up some chicken with some mayo/mustard type dressing on it and called it chicken salad….I looked and didn’t comment on what he brought only that it was only about 3 bite fulls.  “But the soup will be ready in 15 mins!”  I thought…that better be some damn good soup!

Luckily it was.  Oh, yes, it was some of the best Chicken Noodle Soup I’ve ever eaten.

Was it what I wanted tonight?  No.  Was it satisfying…mostly.  Would anything else have been any more satisfying?  Sadly..I doubt it.

Then came the humbling, groveling, feeling extremely guilty time….Yes by ME!

Sometimes, it just gets to me (this time of the month much more than others, unfortunately).  I hate being dependent upon someone else for everything.  I HATE to have to ask someone to do something for me that I use to be able to easily do for myself.

Soon I had another problem.

I have been smelling vomit on and off all day.

I have not thrown up today, or yesterday even.  I did wake up last night very sick, feeling like I was going to vomit and I did gag a few times but I did not, I repeat I DID NOT throw up!!  So why do I keep smelling vomit?

I smelled my clothes…no, but I washed up at the sink and changed them any way.
My pillow case, no.

My sheets, no.

Finally this evening, I asked Stuart, do I smell like vomit?  He looked at me, “I can’t imagine why you would. Everything around you is clean.”  Still, I got him to smell me, and YES, I smelled like vomit!  EWWWWW!

OK, Bath time.  I was feeling better than I had been so it was time to brave the bath.

I ran the water, added some Epsom Salts for my aches and pains and got in….and got sick!  OH…the walls started to breathe.  I ran cold water over my wrist.  Please do not make me give up my bath.  I tried and tried…but no…Stuart was holding on to me and leaned over to let the water out.  I cried.  I looked up into his eyes with the biggest saddest eyes anyone has ever seen with tears rolling down my cheeks and said, “But I’m still Stinky.”  Then I burst into uncontrollable sobs.

"But I'm Still Stinky." (Vintage Big Sad Eyed Child painting - artist unknown)

My dear husband got in the tub and helped me up, dried me off, and got me out of the tub.  I sat on the toilet, and said, “of course, now I feel better.”  Without a word, Stuart soaped up a wash cloth and gave me a sponge bath while I sat there.  Very gently, with lemon scented soap.

He helped me back to bed.  I looked at him, and said, “I’m not stinky any more.”  He just smiled and said, “No more Stinky.”

**Please note:  I started to post this last night.  I was entering the photos when suddenly I went into a full spin.  Stuart was kind enough to save the draft so I could put it out today.  This is how life has been for the past 16 days.  I may have been the bitch from hell yesterday, but I promise I’m not like that often, and he says it gives him a little bit of insight into what I’m dealing with…as long as it doesn’t happen every day.  : )  I must say, having 16 days of severe symptoms and now PMS on top of it all, I was a volcano ready to blow.

Thank you to my darling husband for not throttling me.  And by the way….that soup was damn good!!