Tag: Life

Do you ever wonder?

On By WendyIn Disability, Life, Meniere's Disease8 Comments

What you are about to read is very personal.  I’m not even sure if I should be writing it.  Please, do not judge me, and do not pity me.  I will get through this, but I hit a big bump in the road today…and found out it was a sink hole.  It’s going to take some work to pull myself out.  But I know I can.


Do you ever have one of those days when you wonder if it’s even worth it?

Yeah, you know what I mean.  The thing you don’t dare talk about.

How can I think that way?  My life isn’t that bad.  There are so many people who have lives that are so much worse than mine….but maybe, just maybe, they are stronger than I am.  Or maybe I just want to feel like someone who can do something is listening.

I had the most lovely dream last night, I won’t go into the details.  My husband just doesn’t understand why I let dreams get to me so much.  It’s just a dream…but I know it’s my subconscious trying to tell me something.  Some way to help.

Then I woke up, and realized that I was still here.  And dang it, I can’t hear again.  Then Stuart tells me that he talked to Dr. Gray’s appointment scheduler, and they were trying to get me in sometime in January, but it just doesn’t look like it’s going to work and they don’t have their February calendar open yet.  What?  It’s the middle of January, and you can’t give me a February appointment?  That is just too frigging unbelievable to me.  And yes, I know that they are busy, but I’ve been trying to get someone to help me since December 4th.

Well, everything went a bit down hill from there.  And again, I won’t go in to any more details.  But today has been a very bad day.  After my complete melt down, I tried to sleep.  I kept waking up. I was having the weirdest dreams…these dreams I don’t think meant anything.  They were just weird.  One dream, I was stuck looking at a recipe on how to make Sauerkraut.  I know how to make Sauerkraut.  I just told my husband today that I needed to start a new batch tomorrow, but I don’t think I needed to just stare at the recipe for the whole time I was asleep.  Another dream, I missed jury duty because Stuart told me it was the wrong date, and they were going to arrest me.  In that same dream dog poop was legal tender.  They didn’t understand what checks were.  I was so confused, and so grossed out at the same time.  (but dogs were treated very well)

I’ve cried so much today that I feel like I have blisters around my eye lids.

I scared my husband today.  I feel so bad.  I do wonder if it is really all worth it.  I very logically think.  The problem is with me.  If I were not in the picture the problem would be gone.  Simple.  He completely freaked.  I’ve never seen him so freaked out.  My husband is always so calm and collected.  When I’m having an attack and thinking the world is ending he is my rock, and I saw the rock cracking.

I guess the problem wouldn’t be gone for him, not like I thought it would, I just never believed anyone could care for me that much.  I need to realize just how it would hurt him more if I were not here.  I may be a lot of trouble, but I’m his trouble, and he’s much more willing to deal with that than dealing with not having me here.  My mother died over 17 years ago and I grieve for her every day.  I never want my husband to hurt that bad, and I saw that horror in his face today.  I have to find a way to deal with all of this better than I have been.

Some days I feel so strong.  I feel like I can handle anything.  Then other days it will only take a feather to knock me over.  On most days I will think, how could I even think about such a thing?  But then everything will just come crashing down again.  I don’t feel like I hold things in.  That I don’t allow myself to feel.  But my husband and therapist say I do, then everything comes down at once.

Things will get better for a while now.  I know they will.  But I really need to be careful and not let things build back up like this.

Stuart and I are going to work very hard to find an outlet for us.  To try to not stay cooped up in the house all the time.  We need to find a place where we feel safe, welcome, and where there are people who have similar interests that we do.

Please, don’t worry about me.  I’ll be fine.  I have a good support group to help me.  I’m only writing about this, in case it may help someone else who may have some of these feelings.

Accomplishments

On By WendyIn Life, Medical Tests, Meniere's Disease1 Comment
Sandy out in the snow.

The last couple of days have been filled with accomplishments.

  1. The biggest one first. Yesterday I didn’t have to take Valium or Phenergan all day long.  (I did take it once today, but only once, I’m not positive I needed them, but I was starting to feel a little dizzy and better safe than sorry.)  That’s a huge improvement.
  2. I made dinner last night.  To read all about what I made, check out my blog post on Wendy Cooks.  (a little teaser here: it includes Acorn Squash and wild rice.)
  3. I cleaned up the kitchen today.
  4. I completed messed up the kitchen again today.
  5. I made experimented with dinner again, and made something that I was very pleased with.  I will post about it on Wendy Cooks tomorrow.  (Yes, I made Pesto out of Kale! can you believe?  I served it over penne pasta and grilled chicken…you must see the photos, I promise I will post them tomorrow.)
  6. Stuart talked to Dr. Gray today, and she is setting up an appointment for me to come and have another lumbar puncture (also known as a spinal tap.)  She mentioned that my pressure may still be a little high, but the Diamox is just too strong and they might put me on Topamax instead.  Stuart mentioned that my psychiatrist just put me on Topamax, and she thought it was interesting that within the past few days I’ve started feeling better.  They are now taking me off of the diuretic that I’ve been on from Dr. Kaylie.  (I feel like such a trial and error patient….let’s see if this works…nope? well how about this?…a little…well how about this….)  I guess we’ll see what the lumbar puncture says.

When I look at my little list it doesn’t look like I really got all that much accomplished, but I really do feel like I got a lot done.  I didn’t have to lie still on the couch pumping in drugs praying not to throw up.  I even let the dog out a few times and didn’t have to call Stuart down from work to do it.

Oh, and we had another winter storm here last night.

This winter has been very unusual here in Durham, NC.  It’s never this white.

PFAM Blog Carnival – Guilt

On By WendyIn Disability, Meniere's Disease5 Comments

Drowning in Guilt

Patients for a Moment is a patient-centric blog carnival revolving around those living with chronic illness. Twice a month, bloggers are encouraged to tackle the theme with their own unique voice and situation. Those effected by chronic illness – doctors, caregivers, friends and family members are also thoroughly encouraged to participate!

This month Glass of Win is hosting and her theme is : GUILT.
You feel it, though you know you shouldn’t. In what ways, if any, does guilt come into play in regards to your illness and the way you must live your life? How do you try to overcome feelings of guilt?

One of the definitions Wikapedia gives for Guilt is: a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realises or believes–accurately or not–that they have violated a moral standard, and bear sole responsibility for that violation. It is closely related to the concept of remorse.

The definition that Webster’s gives that I think fits most here is: feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy : self-reproach

My disability is pretty hard to deal with sometimes, but the guilt that I carry around because of it is stifling.  Most of my disability is invisible, and that makes it harder, but I don’t think it makes it less real.  What makes it most difficult for me is being such a burden.

Yes, as the definition points out, I realize this guilt is mostly for imagined offenses, but it is very real to me.

I have this weight that is just bearing down on me every day when I think of how much I can’t do that my husband must now be burdened with.  Most days he has to do all of the house work, he often has to take care of my personal needs, I can’t drive so he has to do all of the shopping, take me to my doctor’s appointments, pay all of the bills, plus he has a full-time job.  I feel like I’m a useless husk of a human being, I can’t work, I often can’t even do for myself, what am I contributing to this life?  How could I not be drowning in guilt?  It is suffocating.

I used to be the friend who was there when others needed me.  I would bring a friend dinner, help clean their house if they were ill, help out when they were pregnant (or right after the baby was born)….now, I can’t do any of that.  I feel guilty that I often can’t even go to a friend’s birthday celebration.  When my husband is sick and I can’t help him, like he has helped me so many times, the guilt is nearly over powering.  (thankfully, he doesn’t get sick very often, and when he usually likes to just sleep.)

It’s funny, but one of the biggest things I feel guilty about is when I can’t cook dinner.  I know my husband doesn’t like to cook.  And I have celiac disease so it’s hard to eat out, plus we are trying to save money and not eat out as much.  We also hate to get things to go, all that wasted garbage that they send your to go things home in, it’s just such a waste.  More guilt.

I will often have a few days where I’ll feel better and I can get a few things done, and I’ll buy some groceries and start meals.  Then I’ll get sicker, and some of the food will go bad, and I feel guilty about that too.

How do I handle the guilt?

I go to therapy!  Actually, my husband and I go to therapy together!

My therapist keeps telling me that guilt is a useless emotion unless you are doing something that is destructive to yourself or others that needs to be stopped (like abusing drugs or alcohol, breaking the law…).  Then guilt can be a good thing and help you to stop, other than that, it’s useless.  I keep trying to remind myself of that.  I should not feel guilty for things I can not control.  I need to give myself a break, and I need to learn to ask for help.

My husband tells me how grateful he feels that he can be here to help me.  That makes me feel so wonderful that I have a husband that is so selfless and loves me so much.  But then I think, how many years can he put up with this?  But you know, that is not for me to decide.  He’s here, he loves me, he wants to help me.  If he needs help with this, he needs to ask, I should not feel guilty because he doesn’t ask for help.

My friends seem to understand.  Or at least they try, and the ones who don’t, well, I’m not too sure they should be my friends.  I would be there for them, if they don’t understand and won’t stand by me, then maybe they aren’t the people I think they are.  Some people are surprising me.  There are some people who I didn’t know would step up and be my friend through this and they are there.  I’m proud to say they are my friends.

I work hard when I am feeling well to make up for when I’m not.  I often feel better in the morning, so I’ve started cooking a lot more in the slow cooker, I just throw things in it in the morning, and it’s done that evening.  On days when I feel better I clean a little.  I don’t take on a big task, but I get something done.  (My husband argued with this point, but I said I’m trying to get better about this.  I used to start way more than I could finish, now I try to do a little at a time, so I can feel like I accomplished something.)

I’m learning to vent more of my emotions on the computer, this blog and other people’s blogs have helped a lot, so I don’t have all this guilt building up with nowhere to go.

I’m finding other people like me who have similar feeling and we are learning together that we need to not be so hard on our selves.

Even my doctor said I need to give myself a break.  This is hard.  I’m working hard even when it doesn’t seem like it.  I needed to step back from the situation and look at it as if I was a friend of mine and think about how I would feel about me.

I would think “Hey, she’s a pretty brave person who is doing her damnedest to make the best out of a very hard situation.  I don’t want to get in the way, but I wonder if she needs help?”  I know a lot of people are very busy and wouldn’t even think about helping.  Others are so afraid they will be bothering you.  But some people really would like to help, they just don’t know how.  I need to learn how to ask for help when I need it, and not feel guilty about it.  (I really hope my husband does too.)

The problem is a lot of people will say, “If there is anything I can do, just let me know.”, but they don’t really mean it.  What they mean is, “If there is anything I can do that is convenient for me on that particular day and time I will be happy to do it, but other than that…..well….not so much.”  Remember, when I said that I’ve found out that there are some people who probably aren’t my friends anyway….well, I don’t feel guilty about that.

This post is linked to Glass of Win for the PFAM Blog Carnival

Reading as a way to cope.

On By WendyIn Life, Meniere's Disease2 Comments

I was looking at my account on Goodreads today and I read 85 books last year!  I was astonished.  Some of them were cookbooks, and health books, and such, but still I did read them.  I read some really good books, and some really bad  books.  But when everything else was kicking me in the butt, and I couldn’t do much of anything, I could read….and I did.

I already have a good start this year… I already have 5 books marked as read in 2011.  2 are Cookbooks, but I swear I read them.  One of them wasn’t that great, but one I actually bought, and it is really good.  One of the books I started in 2010 and finished it on New Year’s Day.  Still, I haven’t been feeling well this week, and I can’t hear very well, so I read.

Most of the books I read are a lot of paranormal, fantasy, mysteryish books.  My favorite authors are Christopher Moore, Neil Gaiman, Carrie Vaughn, Mary Janice Davidson, Stephen King (especially the Dark Tower Series), Kelley Armstrong, Charlaine Harris….

My favorite books are Lamb by Christopher Moore (please don’t let this offend any of my Christian readers.  I don’t think it is meant to.  It is a cute story told by Biff, Jesus’s childhood friend.  It tells the story of all the years that the Bible leaves out while Jesus is growing up.  It is very funny, and I think very thought-provoking.)    To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee (what a brilliant piece of literature, everyone should read.)  Neverwhere, Graveyard, and the SandmanSeries by Neil Gaiman  (I guess Neil Gaiman is just one of my all time favorite authors.  I love all of these books for different reasons.  Neverwhere is a fantastical book.  Graveyard is a piece of juvenile literature that is such a good read. and the Sandman Series is a series of Graphic Novels that morphs the after life with mythology with fantasy….it is just deep and so well illustrated.  And last but not least Stephen King’s Dark Tower Series, this series of books is beyond fantasy.  It is a different world, and yet part of it happens in our world.  It alludes to many of King’s different novels.  A graphic novel series has begun about this series and it is beautifully illustrated.  I don’t usually read graphic novels, but a friend recommended Sandman and I’m so glad I decided to read them.  Then I saw the Dark Tower Graphic Novels and they were just so beautiful, starting before the first book, you know what is going to happen, yet you find yourself wanting to change it.

I also read a lot about health, diet, and anything I can think of that might help me deal with things.  Of course, I also read cook books, because I love to cook, and I’m always experimenting on cooking healthier tastier meals.

What do you read?

Do you have any favorite authors?  Any favorite books?

I made my psychiatrist cry.

On By WendyIn Life, Meniere's Disease2 Comments

I went to see my psychiatrist today for my normal follow-up for my bi-polar medications.  I’ve been seeing the same guy for about 7 or 8 years (except for the break when we moved to California for 2 years) so he knows me pretty well.  He’s a really great guy and I think a lot of him.  He says I’m one of his favorite patients….I hope he doesn’t say that to everyone….I don’t think so, he always looks genuinely glad to see me.  I’ve worked very hard to get my bi-polar disorder stable, and there have been times when the side effects from the medications just made it so hard.  But we work together, and have found something that works (for now).  Actually, I’ve been pretty stable for about 16 years now.  Every once in a while my meds will need adjusting, but it’s nothing like it was.

When I went in today I wasn’t walking straight and my doctor held my arm so I could feel more steady while walking back to his office.  He knows all about the Meniere’s and he so wishes he could do something to help.  When I sat down, I just let it all pour out.  How the blood patch gave me such hope, then it was just jerked away, how upset I am that the doctors say they can help but keep dragging their feet, how I just don’t want to get up in the morning, how the GI problems have made me gain so much weight I don’t even want to look in the mirror any more…..

He listened and tried to comfort me and when he turned to get his papers to start writing things down, I noticed he had to take off his glasses and wipe his eyes.

It has to be so hard to be a good psychiatrist or therapist, you have to really care, but you need to keep a distance or you will get swallowed up by other people’s sorrows.  I love my psychiatrist, and I’m glad that he cares so much about me.  I just hope at the end of the day he can leave it at the office.

I do still have hope that something can be done.  I told him that too.  He agrees, but it’s hard to see me this way.  He asked if I wanted him to up my dosage to try to help my moods, but I told him that I felt like this depression is well justified.  I only get worried when I feel like this and nothing is really going wrong in my life.  He told me that I’m a smart woman, and I was right, that is the time to worry.  He did add a little bit of Topamax back in my medication to try to help the migraines a little, possibly help with this crazy weight gain, and Topamax is also used to treat both the manic and depressive side of bi-polar disorder.  I was on it exclusively, but it just made me so stupid.  I was taking 400mg per day, now I’ll be taking 25mg twice a day.  Hopefully, I won’t feel too stupid.  I did tell my doctor today that right now I’d rather be stupid that fat.  We got a laugh out of that, and he reminded me that I was pretty miserable being dumb.  : )

Tomorrow I have an endoscope scheduled.  I have to leave my house at 7:00am.  (I am not a morning person!)  I am not looking forward to this test.  This is where they put a scope down your throat and look around at your upper GI track, including your stomach and part of your small intestines.  I have 3 reasons I’m not looking forward to it…well, 4 really.  1. When I’ve been fasting, it is very hard to find a vein.  So when they want to start an IV, it’s going to be very unpleasant.  2. The last time they put a tube down my throat (during an operation for breathing under anesthesia) they chipped a tooth.  I really like my teeth, so that really upset me.  3. I’m going to have a very sore throat afterward.  and 4. When I don’t eat regularly my stomach really starts to hurt.  (of course, that’s one of the things they are trying to figure out, and why they think I may have an ulcer.)

I just want them to find something so I can stop all these tests!  I’m so tired of being poked and prodded.   Especially since they haven’t found anything.  5 months of running to the bathroom and gaining 35 pounds…it would seem like they could figure out what is wrong.

The more I have to see doctors, the more I realize how very little they know.

But at least some of them care enough to try.

Welcome to my new blog.

On By WendyIn Life1 Comment

(I’m still working on the look of this blog, please bare with me.)

I decided to change the name of my blog.  No more 365 Days to a Healthier Me.

When I first started 365 Days, I thought I would be able to measure how much healthier I was getting day-to-day.  Now I realize that just isn’t possible.  I have set backs, and this depresses me so.  I feel like I’m failing at getting healthier.

I used to have a blog on Blogger that was called Picnic with Ants.  My husband really loved that name, and I’ve had a few people find that blog recently and wanted to know why I stopped writing there.  The truth is, I was in one of those states where I just didn’t feel like it was worth it.  Blogging, trying, life in general…so I just stopped.

Now, I’m determined again to get better.  Some how I will get this nasty Meniere’s under control.  I will find out what is going on with my gut.  I will be able to exercise.  I will eat even better.  I will get healthier!

I’m going to try to export all of the posts from 365 Days to a Healthier Me to this blog.

I’m making a lot of changes right now.

I’m also changing my Gluten Free Greenie Blog to a Word Press Blog called Wendy Cooks.  There are many reasons I’m moving to WordPress, but it really comes down to 2.  One, I seem to get much more traffic on my WordPress blog.  Two, if I decide to have a giveaway, I don’t want my readers to leave their email address in their post to enter.  I don’t feel like this is safe.  I don’t want to cause anyone to have unsolicited email because they entered a giveaway on my blog.

Wendy Cooks will be all about my cooking.  I cook everything Gluten-Free and Low Sodium.  To find out more please visit that site.  (I don’t have everything up and running on that site yet, but I’m working on it.)

Thank you all for sticking with me during this move.

I hope you to continue to see you all, and some new faces, at my new home.

Happy New Year! Plans for 2011

On By WendyIn Diet, Gluten-Free, Life, Meniere's DiseaseLeave a comment

There are many things I want to accomplish during this coming year.

Of course, I want to get the Meniere’s under control.

I want to figure out what is going on with my gut and get that fixed, including taking off this weight I’ve gained.

I want to exercise more.  I love to work out in a pool.  I just ordered some of the equipment that we used when I had physical therapy in a pool so I could do the exercises on my own.  (a flotation belt so I can exercise in the deep end without sinking, webbed gloves for resistance, and weights for my ankles to help with aqua walking and toning.)

I also ordered a heart rate monitor so I can keep up with that when I’m working out other ways.  (my heart tends to beat a little too fast too soon, so I have to keep an eye on that.)

Stuart and I have decided that we want to start living more in line with our beliefs.  Stop buying so much stuff we don’t need.  Start buying things that are used instead of new.  Stop creating so much trash.  Start buying closer to home.

We are going to try very hard to not buy anything new in 2011.  I’m looking at it as a smaller goal, I plan to say – Nothing new in January, then if I can do that, then Nothing new for the next 2 months, and build up.  I’m afraid if I say, Nothing new for a whole year, I’m just dooming myself to failure.  (of course, this doesn’t include food, necessities like soap and stuff, and we’ve agreed if we need underwear it will be bought new.)  It also doesn’t include services we may need, or the raw materials I need for my art.  I am trying to create recycled art, but there are still some things you just have to buy.  (I’m hoping to find some of this on Craig’s list, or Free Cycle.)

I hate to admit that we did go on a spending spree at the end of the year in anticipation of this upcoming year.  I’ve been wanting a new vacuum cleaner for so long, and I wasn’t going to wait another year for it!

Buying nothing new is going to be hard.  But I think we can make a good go of it.

I also want to eat healthier.  I need to get my cholesterol down (well my triglycerides, the rest is fine).

As most of you know I’ve taken on the challenge to make at least one meal a week from S.O.L.E. (Sustainable, Organic, Local, Ethical) ingredients.  This has been a challenge during the winter months, there just isn’t that much local produce at this time of year.  But I’m enjoying the challenge.

Next, I’m taking on a challenge of going Vegan or at least Vegetarian for 21 days starting January 3rd.  I’ll take it one day at a time, but cutting out a substantial amount of saturated fat from my diet should lower my triglycerides.

I want to spend more time with my friends, and I want to make more friends who have the same interests I do.  It’s hard for me sometimes to go to parties and see how much is being wasted, and so many people don’t bother to recycle.  We are the only people in our group of friends who have a composter.  I also think it’s important to use cleaning products that are safe to the environment.  I feel like many of our friends do some things, but when it’s not convenient they don’t try.  I feel like we’ve fallen into that trap sometimes too.  For example, getting take-out.  What could be more wasteful?  At least when we eat at a restaurant they reuse the dishes and utensils.

We would rather spend our money on visiting friends and family.  Or giving to the charities we believe in.  We are tired of being wasteful.

In a nutshell what we have planned for the New Year is:

  • Get Healthier.
  • Stop being so wasteful.
  • Don’t buy anything new.
  • Make more time for our friends and family.

Are you making any resolutions or plans for the New Year?  I’d love to hear about them.

Happy New Year to one and all!

Hanging in There.

On By WendyIn Life, Meniere's Disease5 Comments

So night before last I couldn’t sleep.  When I went back to bed at a little after 5am I realized that I wasn’t sleeping because I was hurting, I could not get comfortable.  My hip was hurting more than usual, my neck was hurting, I had a head ache….  I didn’t want to take a pain pill because sometimes they can make you a little dizzy, and we know I didn’t need that!  Finally, I decided to take half of a pain pill.  That did the trick.  I was able to go to sleep about 6am.

I slept from 6am until about 2:30pm.  Not bad.  I felt fine when I first woke up, until I tried to stand up and then the world just decided to kind of tilt a little.  I grabbed the wall and held on to the sink so I could get to the toilet.  Then my husband came in the bedroom and I had him help me back to bed and start the meds a flowing.  Again we over dosed me on Valium, and Phenergan.  I had diarrhea so we just kept putting in the suppositories.  I felt like I was going to start spewing any minute but we kept it down.

It was so sweet, my husband sat by me the whole time.  I do a little chant I learned in yoga to help calm me down, and he just chanted along with me.  Then he read to me for a little while, but I was having such a hard time hearing him, it started to make me feel bad.  So we chanted some more.  Finally, I felt like I could eat.  He brought me food up in bed, and I started feeling much better.  I actually made it to the couch around 6pm.

Today, I’ve been feeling a bit better.  I had one time today where I felt like I really needed to just take it very easy.  I took a Valium and Phenergan tablet and it calmed down.  I don’t feel great.  I still can’t hear, and the tinnitus is crazy, but at least I’m not spinning.

I must say though, that I am afraid I will start spinning at any moment.  I told my husband that I feel like I’m living in Hell.  Not just the actual time of the horrible vertigo, but the constantly feeling like it could happen any moment.  I realize there are a lot of things that are worse than this, but it just doesn’t make this any less horrible.

There are many things that I am grateful for, like:

Our Little Happy Family
  1. Having a wonderful husband who loves me and still thinks I’m sexy even through all of this.  (and my weight gain.)
  2. Days where I can get out of bed and off the couch and actually do something.
  3. Friends who have stuck by me through this.
  4. My dog, who still acts like there is nothing wrong with her, even though she has cancer.  She is really such a joy in my life.  She makes me laugh at least once a day, and makes me smile much more.
  5. My dog and cat will cuddling with me when I’m not feeling well, and even when I am if I want.
  6. That I can still read.  Watching TV is hard, especially when the closed captioning doesn’t work half the time, but I can still read.  Since Dec. 23rd, I’ve read 3 books, and I’m almost finished with number 4.
  7. Color.  I love color.  My favorite color is Yellow.  It just makes me happy.  The color of sun flowers, of buttercups, of the sun in a child’s finger painting…..I just love being able to enjoy color.
  8. This blog, the people who read it, and the people who have become my friend because of it.
  9. Hope.  I know it’s hard sometimes, but I always seem to be able to grab a hold of some hope, and pull myself out of the deepest despair.
  10. My doctors, without whom, I probably wouldn’t have much hope.

There are many more things I’m grateful for, but I just felt like I needed to acknowledge a few.

Tomorrow:  Plans for a New Year!

The Spirit of Chirstmas

On By WendyIn Life1 Comment
Charlie Brown Christmas Puzzle

I love the magic that surrounds this time of year.  I wish everyone could feel it.  I’ve been alone on Christmas before and it’s a very sad time.

The Spirit of Christmas to me is in the magic of Giving.

I don’t mean presents here.  I mean giving something of yourself that you don’t normally think of giving.  Donating to your favorite charity, having a friend over to share in your Christmas traditions, surprising someone who isn’t expecting it with just a little something.

I’m not a commercial person.  I hate how Christmas has become a race to see who can get the most expensive, the greatest number of toys.

It is not the gift that counts, it is the spirit in which it is given.

Many people stress being with family on Christmas.  That is very hard on people who aren’t very close to their family, or who don’t have a family.

I’m so glad that I have my very small family.  Stuart and I are just so good together.  Our dear dog Sandy, and our huge cat Max round out our immediate family very well.  As much as my little family means to me, it is the love of my dear friends that continually surprises me.  They are a gift to me.

What I really want for Christmas this year, is the ability to spend more time with my friends this coming year.  Of course, that would mean that I would be feeling better, that would be very nice too.  (I would like for more of my friends to understand that just because I’m having a hard time with my illness, it doesn’t mean I want to be alone all the time.)

May your Christmas be filled with magic.  Make sure that the people you love know it.  It’s very hard not to get so caught up with the business of the season and forget about taking time to reach out to someone in need.

Every year on Christmas Eve we watch It’s a Wonderful Life.  This is a very magical movie that shows us all just how much we affect others without even knowing it.  We should all try to live a good life, because we never know if what we are doing may change someone else’s life forever.

Again, have a very joyous holiday!  May you all feel the magic of the season!

Much Happier Day

On By WendyIn Life, Meniere's Disease2 Comments

The Christmas Spirit has finally hit our household.

I’m feeling much better about things than I have been.  Today I got so much more done than I have in so long.

But let me start over.  Last night I had a complete meltdown!  I hate it when that happens.  It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s not pretty.  I feel so sorry for Stuart when I’m like that.

Now, today things look so much brighter.  I seem to have a renewed sense of hope.

I got so much done today.  I cooked.  I vacuumed.  I cleaned up the kitchen.  It was wonderful!  I felt so useful, and I felt like I was much more me.

Tonight we put together our Lego Christmas Train while listening to Christmas Carols.  Yes, the Christmas Spirit has found its way to our house.  Thank goodness!