So night before last I couldn’t sleep. When I went back to bed at a little after 5am I realized that I wasn’t sleeping because I was hurting, I could not get comfortable. My hip was hurting more than usual, my neck was hurting, I had a head ache…. I didn’t want to take a pain pill because sometimes they can make you a little dizzy, and we know I didn’t need that! Finally, I decided to take half of a pain pill. That did the trick. I was able to go to sleep about 6am.
I slept from 6am until about 2:30pm. Not bad. I felt fine when I first woke up, until I tried to stand up and then the world just decided to kind of tilt a little. I grabbed the wall and held on to the sink so I could get to the toilet. Then my husband came in the bedroom and I had him help me back to bed and start the meds a flowing. Again we over dosed me on Valium, and Phenergan. I had diarrhea so we just kept putting in the suppositories. I felt like I was going to start spewing any minute but we kept it down.
It was so sweet, my husband sat by me the whole time. I do a little chant I learned in yoga to help calm me down, and he just chanted along with me. Then he read to me for a little while, but I was having such a hard time hearing him, it started to make me feel bad. So we chanted some more. Finally, I felt like I could eat. He brought me food up in bed, and I started feeling much better. I actually made it to the couch around 6pm.
Today, I’ve been feeling a bit better. I had one time today where I felt like I really needed to just take it very easy. I took a Valium and Phenergan tablet and it calmed down. I don’t feel great. I still can’t hear, and the tinnitus is crazy, but at least I’m not spinning.
I must say though, that I am afraid I will start spinning at any moment. I told my husband that I feel like I’m living in Hell. Not just the actual time of the horrible vertigo, but the constantly feeling like it could happen any moment. I realize there are a lot of things that are worse than this, but it just doesn’t make this any less horrible.
There are many things that I am grateful for, like:
- Having a wonderful husband who loves me and still thinks I’m sexy even through all of this. (and my weight gain.)
- Days where I can get out of bed and off the couch and actually do something.
- Friends who have stuck by me through this.
- My dog, who still acts like there is nothing wrong with her, even though she has cancer. She is really such a joy in my life. She makes me laugh at least once a day, and makes me smile much more.
- My dog and cat will cuddling with me when I’m not feeling well, and even when I am if I want.
- That I can still read. Watching TV is hard, especially when the closed captioning doesn’t work half the time, but I can still read. Since Dec. 23rd, I’ve read 3 books, and I’m almost finished with number 4.
- Color. I love color. My favorite color is Yellow. It just makes me happy. The color of sun flowers, of buttercups, of the sun in a child’s finger painting…..I just love being able to enjoy color.
- This blog, the people who read it, and the people who have become my friend because of it.
- Hope. I know it’s hard sometimes, but I always seem to be able to grab a hold of some hope, and pull myself out of the deepest despair.
- My doctors, without whom, I probably wouldn’t have much hope.
There are many more things I’m grateful for, but I just felt like I needed to acknowledge a few.
Tomorrow: Plans for a New Year!