So night before last I couldn’t sleep.  When I went back to bed at a little after 5am I realized that I wasn’t sleeping because I was hurting, I could not get comfortable.  My hip was hurting more than usual, my neck was hurting, I had a head ache….  I didn’t want to take a pain pill because sometimes they can make you a little dizzy, and we know I didn’t need that!  Finally, I decided to take half of a pain pill.  That did the trick.  I was able to go to sleep about 6am.

I slept from 6am until about 2:30pm.  Not bad.  I felt fine when I first woke up, until I tried to stand up and then the world just decided to kind of tilt a little.  I grabbed the wall and held on to the sink so I could get to the toilet.  Then my husband came in the bedroom and I had him help me back to bed and start the meds a flowing.  Again we over dosed me on Valium, and Phenergan.  I had diarrhea so we just kept putting in the suppositories.  I felt like I was going to start spewing any minute but we kept it down.

It was so sweet, my husband sat by me the whole time.  I do a little chant I learned in yoga to help calm me down, and he just chanted along with me.  Then he read to me for a little while, but I was having such a hard time hearing him, it started to make me feel bad.  So we chanted some more.  Finally, I felt like I could eat.  He brought me food up in bed, and I started feeling much better.  I actually made it to the couch around 6pm.

Today, I’ve been feeling a bit better.  I had one time today where I felt like I really needed to just take it very easy.  I took a Valium and Phenergan tablet and it calmed down.  I don’t feel great.  I still can’t hear, and the tinnitus is crazy, but at least I’m not spinning.

I must say though, that I am afraid I will start spinning at any moment.  I told my husband that I feel like I’m living in Hell.  Not just the actual time of the horrible vertigo, but the constantly feeling like it could happen any moment.  I realize there are a lot of things that are worse than this, but it just doesn’t make this any less horrible.

There are many things that I am grateful for, like:

1. Having a wonderful husband who loves me and still thinks I’m sexy even through all of this.  (and my weight gain.)
2. Days where I can get out of bed and off the couch and actually do something.
3. Friends who have stuck by me through this.
4. My dog, who still acts like there is nothing wrong with her, even though she has cancer.  She is really such a joy in my life.  She makes me laugh at least once a day, and makes me smile much more.
5. My dog and cat will cuddling with me when I’m not feeling well, and even when I am if I want.
6. That I can still read.  Watching TV is hard, especially when the closed captioning doesn’t work half the time, but I can still read.  Since Dec. 23rd, I’ve read 3 books, and I’m almost finished with number 4.
7. Color.  I love color.  My favorite color is Yellow.  It just makes me happy.  The color of sun flowers, of buttercups, of the sun in a child’s finger painting…..I just love being able to enjoy color.
8. This blog, the people who read it, and the people who have become my friend because of it.
9. Hope.  I know it’s hard sometimes, but I always seem to be able to grab a hold of some hope, and pull myself out of the deepest despair.
10. My doctors, without whom, I probably wouldn’t have much hope.

There are many more things I’m grateful for, but I just felt like I needed to acknowledge a few.

Tomorrow:  Plans for a New Year!