Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt, crept in. Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely, with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.
I started this blog as a journey in my life, I don’t feel that I’ve been talking much about what has been going on with me recently. I’ve decided to try to write a post every week that gives a little update about what is going on in my life. This may end rather quickly as my life is rather boring. So that’s 3 post I’m going to try to write each week. Mindfulness Mondays, An Informational Post, and All about Me. All about me is a bit of a therapeutic post.
This past week has been a bit emotional. I realized just how much I’ve been focusing my stress on a certain person. All the anger and sadness I’ve been feeling was focused on this person. I’m dealing with a lot since my father died. There’s a lot to process. Some I don’t think I really want to process, but it’s coming out if I want it to or not. I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress the past few months and all of that built up and I focused it on one certain person. I didn’t realize it. I thought everything I was thinking was true. I thought everything I was feeling was true. Some of it may be, but I don’t think most of it is. This week it all came to a head. First I told this person that everything was wrong and they just needed to go away. Then I broke down. What was happening to me? Why was I acting like that? I realized I was obsessing about this. I felt out of control and thought this was one thing I could control, but it wouldn’t make things right. Therefore things simply could not be right. What was going on in my mind? After breaking down in sobs and talking with Stuart the realization came out. It’s not that person at all. They were just a convenient scapegoat. They were in the way of my wrath. Gods forgive me, I was being a complete bitch. And I’m still crying about it. I’m trying really hard to make amends, I hope they can forgive me. I can’t honestly say that everything I was feeling was because of miss-focused stress, but I know most of it was. I don’t know if things will work out, I know I want it to, we can only try.
Other things that happened this week. I saw my psychiatric PA. I just love her. She just moved offices and now we have to drive 45 minutes to get there, unfortunately this trip took an hour because of an accident, but I’m not willing to stop seeing her and start all over trying to find someone I click with. As soon as I saw her she gave me a hug. How many psych PA’s give their clients a hug when they see them? I do like to think I’m special. 🙂 We decided that I need to increase my anti-depressant. I’ve had very good response with Latuda but I still need a bit of tweaking. I’ve just felt blah, angry, and I’m arguing much more than normal. I’m sure Stuart will be very happy if that stops.
I didn’t see my therapist this week. She’s moving. Not her office, she’s moving her home. I do look forward to seeing her again next week.
I did have PT for my neck on Monday. I’m a little frustrated there. Evidently the trigger points in my neck are getting better. I’m not nearly as tight. Yet, I left the PT session in much more pain than I was in when I got there. The pain continued to be worse for a few days. I had an appointment scheduled for Wednesday, but I canceled it. I simply didn’t feel like going. I had a migraine, I was very off balance and my neck really hurt. I didn’t feel like going through all that again on that day. I’ll go back next week.
Today we are going to go and look at cars. We really need a new car. I’m going to miss my little yellow convertible VW bug, but it isn’t practical and it is starting to need work. This was supposed to be my car. We bought it when we thought I was better. Then I got worse again. I’ve barely driven this car. It makes me sad to think about that. Getting rid of it is like getting rid of…oh I don’t know how to put it into word. I got this car when I believed I was better. I guess I’m getting rid of the last bit of that time. I lost so much when it was over.
So that’s the end of this week. I’m going to end with things I’m grateful for this week.
I’m grateful I realized how I’ve been focusing my stress and anger on the wrong person.
I’m grateful I have a wonderful psychiatric PA, it really helps.
I’m grateful we are able to get a more practical car. It might bring up some sad memories, but I’m very grateful and happy we are able to get a car we need.
I found a post on Hearing Health and Technology Matters that I felt would be of interest to many of you.
Thoughts on Migraine HypersensitivityBy Alan Desmond On July 18, 2016
“As the director of a balance and vestibular clinic, I see many patients with complaints of dizziness, disorientation, and motion sensitivity related to migraine. We work closely with our neurology colleagues in managing these patients. The International Headache Society has an official classification of “vestibular migraine.”
Stress is widely known to cause the chronically ill to get sicker, to have flares, to generally feel worse… Stress is an ugly word that I hate to hear my doctors say. “This is being made worse because of stress.”, “You need to get your stress under control.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this.
The amount of stress I’ve been under the last few months would make the healthiest person feel bad, for someone who is chronically ill, with both physical and mental illnesses this has been a very trying time. I’m sure you are wondering, “What has been going on in Wendy’s life?” Well let me tell ya!
This may not be in order, I’m just going to get it all out. We moved, we had a friend move in with us, I was having vertigo a lot for a while, I’m constantly afraid I will have a vertigo attack, I’ve been having migraines daily for months, my father passed away, I went through all the stress building up to my father’s death, the stress of the funeral….I feel like it has been non-stop.
I’m wondering if my migraines are worse because of the stress? My chronic daily headache now has a base line of a 4-5 where it used to be 2-3, on a 0 – 10 scale. The pain in my neck and upper back due to degenerative discs has greatly increased, I’m in physical therapy for that now. (going to PT is another stress, as Stuart has to take time away from work to take me to my appointments, this time has to be made up, that’s hard on both of us; and some PT sessions seem to make things worse, that’s a stressor too.) I can’t take pain relievers which causes a certain amount of stress too because I never have any relief. My tinnitus has been very loud. Some days my balance is worse than usual. My emotional state is not well. I’ve been depressed. (yes I know I have reasons to be sad, but this is more than that). My anxiety is very high. I am extremely irritable (I’m shocked at how much Stuart and I have been arguing, and bickering, normally we rarely argue) I’m restless, yet tired, excessively worried, feeling like I’m trembling inside, very sad, my appetite is out of control, I am extremely self-conscious, I have very little self-esteem and I keep beating myself up for things I have no control over. I can’t relax; I can’t give myself a break; I’m not being kind to myself. I’m just a mess.
I’ve been having a very rough time. This is upsetting because I’m at the best place I’ve been with my vertigo than I’ve been in a couple of years. I haven’t had a bad attack in almost 2 months. This is surprising because it normally gets worse when I’m under a lot of stress. However, It is often much better during the summer. I know I would be feeling even worse if I was having vertigo as often as I normally do. But I can’t stop having profound fear that it will get worse any moment. I’m having a hard time enjoying this break because I’m so terrified I’ll have an attack at any moment.
I was trying to take better care of myself, but I have to admit in the last few weeks most of that has gone out of the window.
When we are under stress it is imperative that we practice self-care.
Things I plan to do to increase my self-care:
Be sure to see my therapist and be open and honest during appointments.
Give myself a break. This is more easily said than done, but I need to really make a conscious effort to do so. When I have negative thoughts or feelings I want to start being more gentle with myself.
Meditate more.
Take more baths.
Watch funnier TV shows and/or movies.
Read funny or inspirational books.
Cuddle with my hubby.
Cuddle with Max (the cat) and Kiki (the little dog).
Eat healthier.
Do as much as my health will allow that makes me happy.
Be creative.
Stay in touch with those who love and nurture me.
Try to get outside more.
Keep up a gratitude list every day.
Laugh
Sing Silly Songs
Dance
Give my body 10 minutes of mindful attention.
Take a nap.
Take Deep Breaths
Get Positive Feedback (ask 3 friends what they love about me)
Write out my thoughts (for 15 minutes free write what ever I’m feeling, I can tear it up after, just get it out.)
Drink water (I’ve been drinking soda recently, something I haven’t done in years)
How do you take care of yourself? Any self-care suggestions? I’d love to hear them!
Don’t miss a post, be sure to follow Picnic with Ants! I also have a Facebook Page, just click on the icon to the right and Like the page. I post extra things there that I don’t post here, go and check it out.
I don’t often reblog a post from so when I do you know the person said something I think is important. What Denise, from Hearing Elmo talks about is important. We have to stop apologizing for our “normal”. Please check out her site for many more important topics, Denise is an amazing advocate.
The other day my iPhone died before I was getting ready for bed. I was a little shocked, because I rarely have it just “die” on me. The new ones have batteries that last much longer – even if you are a frequent user of the device like I am. I stood there with dead […]
Hello. My name is Wendy. I just turned 53 years old and I have chronic illnesses, including Meniere’s Disease. Unless something amazing happens, they are not going to go away. Sometimes I feel I need to make this statement before anyone speaks to me.
Recently I was asked a few things about my health. This was not by people who see me often, or have much knowledge about my illnesses. This is how I handled a few of the questions, some of it was good, some not so good.
Have you tried yoga? It can really help your balance. I used to do yoga regularly until the Meniere’s Disease got so bad and I ended up on my face during a class. It can only help your balance if you have some to start with! After having a disease ruin your balance system, yoga isn’t possible. (ok, this may have been a bit harsh, and some people with Meniere’s may get some help from yoga, I don’t know. However, anyone as advanced as I am, who has been through Vestibular Therapy and still has balance issues all the time, cannot do yoga. And if you have had a disease the compromises your balance for as long as I have, do you not think I would have heard about YOGA by now?)
I heard about these positions you can get in that will make vertigo go away. Why can’t you just do that? There are maneuvers you can do to help certain types of vertigo. However, there are numerous causes for vertigo and what causes mine can not be helped by those maneuvers. (do people think my doctors would just let me suffer this much if it was so simple to “cure” my vertigo?)
Do you think this could have been caused by all the drugs back when you were younger? Okay, this one caught me off guard. I thought, what the heck is she talking about? I may have experimented a little when I was younger, but she wouldn’t have known that. I must have looked shocked and said,“nooooo?”She then explained, “All those psychiatric drugs they put you on.”I was shocked. How could someone think that the treatment I received for my mental illness caused me to get chronically ill? I’m sure I looked shocked when I answered,“No.”“Well I was thinking….” I stopped and said,“I know many people with Meniere’s disease and really we have nothing in common except some of us have relatives with the same disease. They have no idea what causes this.”“That’s good to hear, I’ve been so worried about it.” “Well there is no need to worry about that. The medication I’ve taken for my Bipolar did not cause me to get ill.” AHHH!
This last question has continued to plague me. Is this one of the reasons people do not seek help for their mental illness, they are afraid of what side effects the medications may cause?
I have Bipolar I disorder. I take medication for it. I also try to keep a good sleep schedule, eat well, keep my stress controlled, and see a therapist…there is a lot more to taking care of yourself when you have a mental illness than just taking your medication.
I have never been afraid of taking my medication. Each time my medication is changed my doctor and I talk about it. We discuss exactly what it is supposed to do, any side effects, if it will react with any other medications I’m on at the time, and if the side effects are worth it. I don’t just take a medication not knowing what it will do to me. No one should do that. If your doctor does not automatically discuss these things with you make sure you ask BEFORE you fill your prescription and start taking a medication you are not familiar with. I also advise you to read the information the pharmacist gives you about your new medication just in case your doctor forgot something. It happens, doctors are human too.
I have decided to take a medication even though I knew there was a chance it could cause damage to my thyroid. It did. I now have to be on medication for hypothyroidism. Am I upset that the medication caused this side effect. No. I went into this with my eyes wide open. At the time there were very few medications to treat Bipolar I and I decided the pay off from the drug was worth the side effect that it may cause. I’m still happy I decided to take that medication and have those years as a stable person. Truthfully, I would take it again today if that was the only medication that would keep me stable.
I would hate to think that people would not seek out treatment for any illness because they are afraid of the side effects of the medication they might be put on. Become informed. Know what the medications will do. Know how it will help you and the side effects it may cause, you decide if it is the right medication for you.
Many of you may be thinking that there are times that a certain side effect is unknown. You are right. There are many stories of someone who took a medication and had a severe reaction. There are stories of people taking a medication and years later they find out that it hurt them in ways they never knew it could. These stories are not typical. We simply can’t live in fear and not be treated because of the “what ifs”.
I can tell you, if I hadn’t been treated for my Bipolar for all these years, my life would be totally different, and not in a good way. I can almost tell you for certainty that I would not be alive to write this post. I will never regret taking the medications that helped save my life.
Last night, I read about the poem Royce Mann, age 14, presented in a school competition… he won the competition. This morning I found it on YouTube. I knew it would be controversial but was still surprised at the flood of nasty comments the video received.
Whether you agree with it or not, I think the content deserves to be heard and thought about.
I started this blog as a journey in my life, I don’t feel that I’ve been talking much about what has been going on with me recently. I’ve decided to try to write a post every week that gives a little update about what is going on in my life. This may end rather quickly as my life is rather boring. So that’s 3 post I’m going to try to write each week. Mindfulness Mondays, An Informational Post, and All about Me. All about me is a bit of a therapeutic post.
Everyday He Loves Me
Picnic with Ants 