Prompt for today….Personify your health. If your health focus were a person – what would they be like? Describe them. Visually, emotionally, physically, and personality-wise. What kind of person are they?
I’m again using one of the Bonus Prompts. I liked this one more than the original prompt. However, once again, I took a different take on it. Recently I made a mask showing what I looked like on the outside to most people, and then on the inside I showed my true self. I felt this answered all the questions put forth in this prompt, but with a little creative flair.
Some of you have already seen this, but I think it’s worth repeating, and for those who haven’t, I hope you enjoy!
Outside of Maxk. by W. HolcombeInside if Mask by W. HolcombeMask Inside Top W. HolcombeMask Inside Bottom
Today I’m using a prompt from the Extra prompts they sent us.
Daily Schedule. Write a list of your daily routine from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to bed. Be honest!
photo courtesy of istockphoto.com
Honestly, I don’t have a set schedule for any day. My days are ruled by my conditions. If I’m having a day filled with vertigo, or migraines I spend the day in bed. If my hearing is way down, I spend the day as alone as possible. I often have doctor’s appointments. My days change from one to the next, a lot. If I’m feeling a bit better, I do more….
Here’s a recent weekend day.
After a restless nights sleep I awake around 9am with a blinding headache. I’m seeing double, with shadow spots on the walls. I take the medication that should lower my CSF pressure(cerebrospinal fluid pressure), and wait to see if it will relieve the pain. My husband brings me some breakfast in bed, along with the rest of my morning medications. The headache has not eased. Finally, I decide I should take some migraine and pain medication also. I try to sleep some more, this time sitting up, hoping my CSF pressure will lessen.
Noon – The headache is still there but much better, I’m hungry, but not sure I’m steady enough to go down the stairs. My husband brings me lunch. I decide to check my email, and do some things on the computer. Focusing up close is much easier than focusing at a distance.
2pm – Time for my next CSF pressure pill. I’m feeling much better, and steadier. We decide to take advantage of this time feeling a bit better. I want to go to the local Co-Op to pick up vegetables and meat for dinners for the week. We had a good trip to the store, and a nice ride home.
4pm – Home. I’m tired just from the little bit of shopping we did, and the ride. I help put the groceries away, and start to plan dinner. I turn and feel the world move. Oh no.
5pm – 9:30pm I have vertigo. This vertigo is caused by the Intracranial Hypertension, not the Meniere’s. I can tell because if I keep my head in one position and concentrate on something still close to me I will stop spinning, but if I move, the vertigo returns. If I was having a vertigo attack from Meniere’s I would not be able to stop it, no matter what.
9:30pm I am completely exhausted from the vertigo attack. Finally, I can move. I eat a little something, and head to bed….with a lot of help from my husband. Take my nightly medications, and try to sleep.
This is a somewhat normal day. I don’t always have vertigo. I do normally wake up with a blinding headache that often takes hours to get under control. And we always try to take advantage of any time that I’m feeling well enough to do something. (I know going grocery shopping doesn’t sound exciting to most, but I love to cook, so shopping for food is exciting to me.)
Bonus Prompt: I keep writing because… Start your post with this sentence and, as the title says, keep writing. Free write for 15 minutes without stopping and see where it takes you.
(today’s original prompt was to post a Health Mascot. My dog Sandy is my mascot, but I couldn’t right about that today. She died April 18th, one day I’ll write about what a brave, and wonderful dog she was, how many health issues she had and over came, how she was as the vet often called her, “a Wonder Dog”. But not today.)
photo from Flicker Sharing by earthunderheaven (to find more of their work click on the photo.)
I keep writing because…recently I keep writing because I am determined to finish this challenge.
Actually, I’ve begun to wonder, why I keep writing. I know why I started, I know I have made some good contacts, friends, and my heart has been here. This blog has really helped me through some tough times when I felt no one else was listening. I’d write, just to write, and I found there were others out there, others who felt like I did, others who needed to have that contact too. Now, I’m hurting so much. I’ve had so much loss this past year. I felt I dealt with each one, I was strong, and positive. I was told I was the most positive person someone knew. I was proud of myself and how I was looking at life.
Then another diagnosis came earlier this year, and it has been hard to deal with. I couldn’t be that positive about it. I’m still a bit in shock from it, and simply not sure how to look on things positively. I’m larger than I’ve ever been, and the doctors just seem to be ignoring it, yet they tell me my triglycerides are high, and I’m borderline high blood pressure….ect….but they all say, don’t worry about the weight right now, you have to focus on this. I’m afraid I’m on my way to diabetes. I read all these books on nutrition, cut out soda, all High Fructose Corn Syrup, snack on nuts, cheese, fruit, veggies, eat at home more, cut out gluten….all these will help you lose weight…but I do all of that. so why can’t I lose weight? I need help, I’ve been to a nutritionist, no help. Most don’t even know what fructose intolerance is….I know more than most of the “professionals”. I’m grieving for the loss of what I used to be, what I used to look like. I now have no energy, can’t exercise because it will raise my CSF pressure, I can’t walk for long because of my hips, I can’t even enjoy sex.
I’m grieving because I lost everything that I gained early last year. I can’t drive again…but I have a cute little car. I can’t be a foster parent, even though we went through all the classes had all the references…everything…but no, I can’t because it wouldn’t be fair with my health issues to bring a child into this. And frankly I don’t think I’d pass the physical now.
and worst of all I lost my best friend, my little baby dog. A HUGE part of me died with her. I have to find a way to make that part live again. To put the pieces of my life back together, even if some of the pieces are missing
Why do I write? Because I need to.
But I also need to take a break.
I may write sporadically for a while to let you know what is going on, but I need to take a break from the internet. I won’t be reading other people’s blogs as much or commenting as much. I need to take some time to focus on me. I may write about it, I may not. right now I’m simply trying to figure out how to get past all the grief of things I’ve lost this year, or how to grieve without losing myself. I need to focus more on the spiritual side of me. I need to make some huge decisions. My husband and I need to grieve over our Sandy together, and figure out how we will carry on with our family now that such a huge part of it is gone. We may end up moving. As I said a lot of decisions….and a lot of needs.
But yes I will write again. Because I must.
End 15 minutes…plus a little to put in the photo. : )
Today’s Prompt: Miracle Cure. Write a news-style article on a miracle cure. What’s the cure? How do you get the cure? Be sure to include a disclaimer 😉
My Miracle Cure would not be for a cure of a disease, it would be to ease the pain of so many….including myself, I’m not completely altruistic. A world where chronic pain, and severe acute pain could be managed with ease. No weird side-effects. No matter what illness you have. Fibromayalgia pain – no problem, Pain from Cancer – gone, Chronic headaches – not any more, acute migraines – no worries!…… You can be helped. This would be the miracle I would like to see happen.
This is a fake article. Do not take this post seriously.
Breaking News: Pain Relief for All
FDA Approves Painfree –
First Non-Addictive Pain Medication – for the Management of Acute and Chronic Pain
HOPELANDS, England and JUSTINTIME, N.J., April 20, 2012 /PRNewswire/ — Panacea Pharma Ltd., and its subsidiary, Panacea Pharma U.S. Inc., today announced that the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved Painfree (nomorsus) for the management of severe acute and chronic pain. Painfree marks the first FDA product approval for Panacea Pharma. Painfree is marketed as NoMorPain (nomorsus) in Europe, where it is presently available in five countries.
Severe Acute pain comes on quickly but lasts a relatively short time compared to chronic pain. Chronic pain persists over time and is often resistant to medical treatments.”Painfree is an important new option for patients with severe acute and chronic pain,” says Ivanna Ubetter, chief executive officer of Panacea Pharma. “Painfree, is designed to deliver medicine in a rapid, but controlled manner, and provides patients with an effective alternative to manage their pain.”
“As the first non-addictive pain management drug in the U.S., Painfree provides a new approach to managing the often debilitating and inadequately-treated episodes of acute and chronic pain that millions experience,” said Ibe Live, M.D., director at Paeon Research LLC., and clinical investigator for Painfree. “Current treatment options typically utilize short-acting oral opioid medications that cannot provide pain relief without many side effects, often leaving the patient with little quality of life. Painfree’s non-narcotic formulation is much better suited to help patients control their pain, and continue living the life they want.”
Ubetter said, “Panacea Pharma looks forward to working closely with health care professionals to ensure safe and consistent access to Painfree for the patients who are seeking relief from unbearable episodes of acute and chronic pain in.”
Today’s Prompt: Pinboard. Create a pinterest board for your health focus. Pin 3 things. What did you pin? Share the images in a post and explain why you chose them.
I chose to pin a few more than 3 things, and probably could have done more. However, I only pinned photos and artwork I created. I chose these images because I felt they were closer to me and expressed what I wanted to say many times.
Here are the photo’s I shared on my Pinterest Board, titled, My Illnesses….pluses and minuses.
With Meniere’s I have fluctuation hearing loss, with eventual permanent hearing loss.
If you are a regular reader you know my situation, if not I’ll fill you in.
Right now, my left ear has 0% word recognition and cannot be helped with a hearing aid, my right aid has about 80% word recognition with the help of a hearing aid. However, the hearing fluctuates. My hearing fluctuates more with weather changes, and when I have a Meniere’s attack. (to learn more about Meniere’s please see the page above).
One day a few weeks ago I woke up and could barely hear. Every sound sounded like it was coming through a busted speaker. The same went on for 3 days. I admit this had me concerned. When I lost the hearing in my left ear, the majority was lost in just 3 short months. The loss started in this fashion. Sounding like a busted speaker, having a tinny sound. Normally, in my right ear when the hearing fluctuated, it simply dropped, then would return, sometimes not quite all the way, but when it dropped, it was just a bit softer, not this tinny sound. So I was nervous. And I realize, this could still be a sign of potential nerve damage.
However, in about 3 or 4 days, I had a vertigo attack. Classic sign of a Meniere’s attack. Fluctuating hearing, then a vertigo attack, ending in complete exhaustion. When I woke the next day. I could hear again! I was so thrilled. I had a horrible headache, but I could hear. Who knows how long this hearing may last. I decided to do something I rarely do, I took much medication to get my headache under control, and went outside hoping to hear some birds. Sadly I didn’t hear any birds. I was not the right time of the day. But being outside was so nice. I decided to sit on the back porch and enjoy the beautiful spring late afternoon. Soon I was joined by a friend.
Photo courtesy of mr.brown thumb click photo to be taken to his blog.
A huge bumble bee decided I would make a good friend. I was out on the back porch for at leash half an hour possibly more, this lovely bumble bee kept me company the entire time. He would come closer, then go a little bit away. He faced me, then raced away and buzzed right back. I talked to him and told him how beautiful he was and how I was out there hoping to hear things I may not hear much longer. As if he could hear me, he came up right beside my head, I could not only HEAR this beautiful Bumble Bee BUZZ, I felt it!! He then came around in front of me and looked at me. I know, this was just by chance, and perhaps because I had on a bright orange shirt. However, no matter how long I live, and no matter if I lose all of my hearing, I will never forget the day I heard a bee buzz.
This is on the ugly side. Probably a post with too much information for some. It’s very emotional, and I’m not exactly sure where it will all end…
"Turmoil" computer graphic wendy holcombe - 2012
I’ve noticed a lot since I have been diagnosed with Intracranial Hypertension that my emotions are a bit out of whack, and I haven’t had the best filter on my mouth. I cry a lot of the time, and try to be as strong as possible. I feel alone and keep reaching out trying to ask for help, but just keep alienating people.
I continue to help others if they need to talk, if they need a shoulder…but my shoulders are just so soggy lately. There are days I feel I have it all under control, my headaches are better, my vision is better, I’m getting around a bit better, so why am I a mess? Why can’t I relate to people like I normally do?
I asked the doctor, is it the condition, the medication side effects, one medication mixing with other medication, do we need to adjust my bipolar medication??? I was told, “Yes. Maybe. It’s complicated.” then I was told, “I’m sorry your condition is not easily fixed.”
Well that’s all well and good, but I’m losing everyone around me. I feel like I’m going insane. I’m so alone, and scared. It’s getting to the point that the only one who will put up with me is my husband. At least I think I do remember to tell him how much I love and appreciate him.
Then the terrors start. I’m terrified of being alone, not all the time, just some of the time. It’s more than that, I’m afraid of being without my husband. (again, not all the time, sometimes I feel very capable, then other times…Panic!!!) What if something happens and he’s not here and I have vertigo and can’t stand up, and can’t stop throwing up, and …… panic, panic….what if I’m upstairs and he’s gone and I can’t go downstairs and my blood sugar is too low and I need to eat, but can’t get down the stairs safely….panic, panic….what if….I Fall??…..what if…..OH remember to BREATHE! There are just so many things he does for me, he has no idea how much easier he makes my life. Often just by being here so I know if I need him, he’s here.
So, what do we do first…how do we sort this out? Already 2 medication changes. Soon another. This week I see my Psychiatrist to see if there is anything we need to change there. Is there any medication that is working against anything. Should we add something to help ease some of this? Will it help?
Does anyone really have any idea?
I do have bipolar I disorder, I know what it feels to not be myself. I know I’m not going through a depressive or manic swing, but I know I’m not myself, and that tells me I need to back away. Unfortunately, I wasn’t listening to that little voice when it first started screaming at me a few weeks ago.
Will I have any friends left at the end of this. I admit I didn’t have many at the beginning. Having a chronic illness for this long is not good for keeping good relationships. No one’s fault really, it’s just very hard. But I’d like to stop alienating the few people I do have supporting me.
Right now, I plan to finish this months writing challenge then take a Hiatus from my blog for a while and try to get this straightened out. I don’t feel like I’m myself lately, and I don’t want to be putting words out there that aren’t really want I want to say.
I hope those of you who have been on the confusing end of my emotions recently can find a way to understand and forgive. After the 1st of May, I plan to just take a break, I hope to see you soon.
I did not do this piece of art work! However I really admire the piece and thought it was perfect for this piece. Please check out the artist other works. "Taking Control" by http://katelynalainstudio.com
So…Yesterday I was having another icky headache day.
I hadn’t been able to hear well for days. The day before I had vertigo for hours. Not bad, throw up for hours vertigo, just a slow spin that made me nauseous and was most annoying, but was better if I focused up close. I could not find a position I was not having vertigo, I also had the other things that often go along with my Meniere’s attacks. Diarrhea, and those wonderful hot moments, and the complete exhaustion. So I’m thinking possibly it was a Meniere’s attack, not Intracranial Hypertension. Especially after what I realized next:
I was lying in bed and realized I can hear today. Not tinny sounds, no strange warp. just hearing! Clear sounds! I decided to take control! (and I have been feeling completely out of control of everything in my life, so this was a major thing!) I decided to dope myself up. I hate to take too much migraine medication or pain medication because I do not want to get dependent on it, or have rebound headaches. But yesterday, I decided to take a rescue medication, and a pain pill, and carried a second pain pill with me in case I needed it. I also carried emergency Meniere’s med’s so I was prepared, to venture outside.
Yes, I wanted to go outside to possibly hear a bird. After all, who knows how long this hearing will last? Unfortunately, it was the wrong time of day to really hear a bird. Some people were just starting to come home from work and things like that. It was such a pretty day. I sat on the porch, I’d told Stuart I’d bring my phone outside with me in case I needed him, he said “I’ll do better than that” and out he comes with me. I was a bit sad, all I heard were cars, and sirens. Human made sounds. Stuart said, “I think I may have heard a bird.” BIG MISTAKE! I said, in a much nicer tone than I was thinking…because I was feeling kind of raw about my hearing…”Ummm. Please don’t do that.” “What?” “Don’t point out to me things you can hear that I can’t. That’s not helping the moment, do you understand that?” He said he did, and we went on to do some other things. I will talk about…but may I say, he later did point out another sound he heard. I know at that time it wasn’t, ‘I know you are trying to hear this thing so I’ll point it out so you can listen and maybe hear it. It was more…Oh, I’m excited I’m hearing this, I grew up in a place where we didn’t hear sounds like this. So I over looked it. And I did hear it, but if I hadn’t, it would have hurt. Even if I have excepted it, there are little things that I’m feeling sad about. Just not knowing. Will I ever hear you again?
However, as I said, we did a little more. Stuart planned to sit out on the porch and work while I enjoyed the day. I asked if he could hand me my pots of herbs. I have 12 -14 pots. I can’t remember how many exactly. I know I grew 11 different herbs last year, but I had a couple duplicates, and one died. So I’m thinking somewhere between 12 and 14. He brought them to me one by one. Many had started to come back. Some I didn’t think were annuals. I guess we had such a mild winter they just didn’t die all the way. The Bee Balm (not technically an herb, but I grow it in with them, the bees like it.) is already 6 inches high and very, very full. It never bloomed last year, I think we’ll see some flowers this year. The mints are doing well. I cleaned out the dead branches in their pots and aerated the roots. So more peppermint, spearmint, and lemon balm (yes in the mint family) this year. The Lemon Balm has also taken off. There is a full pot of it already! YAY! It keeps the mosquitoes and other bugs at bay. I need to make sure it’s beside my Basil so the Japanese Beetles will leave it alone. I really hate those things. They aren’t very smart though. If they do find the basil, I just move it, and it takes them a while before they find it again, so I move it again. Stupid bugs, but they can strip a plant….oh they don’t like oregano either. so I put the Basil between the Lemon Balm and Oregano. Great deterrents! The Thyme came back! And of course the Rosemary never left. The lavender kind of went all gray and looked dead, now it’s looking like it’s turning green. I think I should have cut it back. I had a lavender plant before that stayed green all winter, this must be a different variety. So I have a few things to replace…like the Basil, and marjoram, think we may try Chocolate Mint this year, just because it sounds so decadent, not sure what else I may put in.
I may not be able to keep a garden, but my herb garden. I just have to do it. I have to feel that much in control. Just a little. (and please oh please, let me be able to start cooking again soon!!)
Stuart did take a break from working, and cleaned out the little flower bed, got the day lilies ready to bloom, and got the bed ready to add some compost. So he will add a little compost and some flower seeds this weekend, and we will have our little wild flower garden surrounding our herb garden pots. Minimal fuss, and muss, it just has to be watered. (and I’m thinking about paying the next door neighbors boys to do it when we are having a rough time. They should be 12 -14 now, I think they can be responsible, and she’d like it. One is her nephew/ adopted son, and one is her foster son. A great family. She was one of our sponsors when we were going to foster.)
OH….I did hear some insects making those noises they do. And a very big BUMBLE BEE thought I was very interesting, and buzzed me! REALLY! Oh Goodness Gracious, I had a Bumble Bee talk to me. I have an upcoming post about it.
So control. I’m working on feeling like I have a little bit more back.
I tried to start dinner today. I was feeling pretty good, and almost fell out in the kitchen. This bitch is weak! So how much is the head crap…granted I did start feeling like I had a very SMOOSHY HEAD, but how much is me just being so weak? We went by the grocery store on the way home from the doctor today, we left and Stuart asked if I could carry these two light bags, no problem…after a very short distance. BIG PROBLEM. I was soon swearing at Stuart, “I don’t know why you can’t ever roll the ($*%ing cart out to the car anyway!” He keeps telling me to give them to him. NO, he had enough, and I had them. I’m dying, the muscles in my shoulders are screaming. Then I think, well if I have to lift these thing put them to use, and start using them as weights to tighten muscles I need tightening.
And now it is about 8 hours or so later, and I am so sore I can barely move. From carrying LIGHT grocery bags, and cutting up a chicken!! what has my body been reduced to?
But I am determined to take more control over more of my life. I don’t like feeling like I’m not in control of anything!
Today I saw the headache pain specialist (neurologist specializing in headaches). She is changing up a bunch of medications. Taking me off 2, adding 1, and putting me on a round of steroids to see if we can’t knock this headache OUT, and give me a fresh start! I’m feeling good about the changes. Unfortunately, it’s going to take a while to ramp off the meds I’m on, ramp up on the new meds, and get it all sorted out.
Dr. Gray wants to do another Lumbar Puncture. I’ve decided not to go that route. I’ve decided to wait and see what this medication does first.
A little Control.
it feels good.
My new friend Mary, will be proud of me. (I know my many other friends will also be proud of me, but Mary and I were just talking about this yesterday.)
This whole brain thing is interesting. One moment I’m doing pretty good, then, like today, I started feeling a bit woozy, not unusual. I ask Stuart to help me move upstairs. He got my computer and stuff said he’d be back to help me. I thought, I’m not that bad yet, I can go upstairs. So I start. I get to the top of the stairs, and my head pounds…this seems to happen a lot, my pressure must raise when I climb stairs. Then I walk a few steps and start to lose control over my legs. I just kind of flop like a rag doll. My head flops, my arms flop, my legs don’t want to listen to me….My body just doesn’t want to listen. I think I almost killed Stuart, he did not expect to hold all of my weight all of a sudden, he expected to just guide me because I was staggering. We got me to the bed, I decided I have to pee now. Of course, I am headstrong, and I have more control over my head now, and little more control over the rest, and I knew if I laid down, I wouldn’t be getting back up. So I’m determined with minimal help, I’m going to pee. He holds me, “No. I DO IT!” He lets go…I slide down…he grabs me, I grab for the sink….”I DO it! OK….I inch my way there….and grab the wall and can’t pull my pants down. Uhhhhh….*little bitty voice now* can you help? He does, and I pee. Yay!!! I kick my jeans off (we’d had an appointment earlier), we get me back to bed. A little easier, my control is coming back, and get me into a t-shirt. I lie down, and he says, I’m taking blahbla *yeah not hearing well* down stairs I’ll be back *at least that’s what I got* OK. So a little latter, I call out. “You upstairs?”
He comes in. I say in a very calm voice. “I’m having vertigo, I thought you should know, just in case.”
I have been feeling somewhat better, on and off. So we have thought the medication has been working.
However, I’ve been under a huge amount of stress, not just my illness…so much more. I could probably do a bullet list, but I’ll share one big one. (Please if you are sensitive to pet issues, do not read this. Or if you do, please know ahead of time, it has a happy ending – as much as it can be for a very, very old dog. But she’s happy and fine, don’t worry.)
Last Saturday, we decided to go for a ride, just get me out of the house. It was a lovely ride. We had a nice lunch outside, and came home. We weren’t gone over 2 hours. When we got home, our dog got very excited, as usual. You know how dogs can get. It’s precious. Unfortunately, Sandy is a small dog and has a collapsed trachea. It’s common in toy breeds, but Sandy’s about 22lbs, so not that small. However, she has it none the less. When she gets excited, she breathes fast, this causes her trachea to close, literally choking her. She started to cough. We tried to calm her. She staggered while coughing to her pad to pee. She fell down. Went rigid, threw her head back and yelped a few times…she was seizing. Then she stopped, everything. She stopped breathing. I started to breathe for her. She didn’t start breathing on her own. She voided her bowels. We really thought we’d lost her. I couldn’t find a pulse, but that’s really hard for me to do anyway. So I started CPR. After about 5 -6 rounds, she stuck her tongue out and licked, took a deep breath, and started to groggily move her head. She came back to us. We took her to the Emergency Vet. But now we have to try to keep her calm. She can still show she’s happy, but no running, so jumping, not getting overly excited. I feel like we are being forced to take a little bit of her personality away. But she is 19, and she still seems happy. The vet says she’s in no pain, and she shows so much love. We do have a huge problem with incontinence, and realize we will have to replace all the carpet in the house at some point. But for now. We have our lover dog. She has bladder cancer (but they can’t even feel the tumor), Alzheimer’s, cataracts, hearing impairment, and well she’s just plain old. But she’s happy, she loves us, and she is in no pain. So for now, all is good.
Our Sandy Dog.
However, a big stressor! And this isn’t the only one!
The more stress I have, the more I can feel my symptoms increase. I’ve never been a big believer when doctors say,”you’re just under too much stress”. I’ve often felt that was a cop-out. And sometimes I still think it is, after all. life is stress. There is no way around it. But recently, I’ve had more than my share I think. Way too many tears have been shed, and I’ve been way too tense over situations I have no control over.
I can’t help but wonder if what happened on Thursday had anything to do with the culmination of stress I’ve been under. On Wednesday night I couldn’t lie down to sleep without having a very bad headache, so I attempted to sleep sitting up. Not the easiest thing to do. Needless to say, it was a fitful night. I woke in the morning, still needing more sleep, but feeling pretty decent. I decided to travel downstairs and surprise Stuart by making some rolls for breakfast. Just a mix, nothing fancy. However, I never made this mix before, and it was the most annoying thing. It may as well have said, we give you the gluten-free flour, you provide the rest. Then it said to roll out gluten-free dough! What? If you’ve ever worked with GF dough you know you get a very sticky mess, try to roll it out, and you get a glob on your rolling-pin. I knew this and tried different things. I have a short temper these days, I get very irritated easily, and then cry. So I decided to just spoon the stuff in muffin cups and bake it, if it tasted cinnamony, then we had a success….I did not care what it looked like. That was a very good thing. They were very ugly, but okay. Not a mix I’ll buy again, and very glad it was not expensive! But a nice surprise.
Then I took it upstairs to Stuart, still asleep. As I was climbing the stairs my headache began to get worse. Bu I was so proud of my ugly cinnamon muffin thing. I crawled in bed and laid the muffin thing beside Stuart and he woke up with a big smile. He loves cinnamon. He looked at me, “You made this?” I smiled. “Wow” I felt good, and proud…and then the headache got worse. I took something, and Stuart went to make more for breakfast. He came back, I ate, and took pain and nausea meds. I took migraine meds. I’d already taken the medication for the pressure. The headache climbed rapidly soon I couldn’t focus, I was gagging but nothing was coming up. I had ice packs on my head. My headache had risen to a category 10 – go to the ER. But I couldn’t go. I just couldn’t.
Severe headache with ice on my head. 3/22/2012
It scared me so much the thought of strange doctors treating me. With everything that’s going on and my confusion…I just couldn’t think clearly, I couldn’t go. NO. I was screaming from the pain, and the fear. It took over 2 hours to get the pain level down to a tolerable level. During this time I was panicking, feeling claustrophobic, confused, paranoid….ect. It was a horrifying afternoon. My head hurt so much for the rest of the day. But as long as we can get it to a category 8 or under I can handle it. Truthfully, I’d rather take the medication I have at home, and not go to the ER and have them give me other medications which I am not familiar with. Who knows what side effects they may cause. So many pain medications make me throw up. I just don’t want to go through it. And I do not want anyone to ever accuse me of drug seeking.
So, we’ve been playing tag with Dr. Gray for a few days. We’ll get in touch soon I’m sure. The headaches are better today. But still constantly never under a 5. The medication is working to a certain degree. The side effects, are not comfortable. I think we need to figure something out. Unfortunately, there are only 2 medications to treat this disorder. If they don’t work you get a shunt. That’s it. It’s a rare, not a lot of research money spent on it. I hate being on this part of the journey…wait and see. Increase the dose. Add this drug, adjust this amount…ect….wait and see. Dang it all, I want to feel better. Remember when you were little you got sick, you went to the doctor and they gave you some medicine and you felt better. Why isn’t it that easy any more?
Picnic with Ants 