Monsoons 2018, by W. Holcombe. all rights reserved
“You can’t calm the storm,
so stop trying.
What you can do is
calm yourself.
The storm will pass.”
~ Timber Hawkeye
“You will not be
the same after the
storms of life;
You will be stronger,
wiser and more alive
than ever before!”
~ Bryant McGill
“The great benefit of
practicing mindfulness…
is the presence of mind
within a storm
of emotions.”
~ Phillip Moffitt
*photo was taken in Tucson, AZ , off my front porch, during monsoon season 2018. It’s am amazing time, I wish I could get better pictures for you. The monsoons are full of beauty and power, but…another of it’s secret powers is to cause super duper migraines. Ahh. Please do not use this image without permission.
Today we visited Aqua Caliente Park, it’s located on East Roger Road in Tucson, AZ. I never expected to see anything like this in the desert. Funny though, I saw several oasis in the Sonoran Desert outside of Palm Springs, CA; when we lived there, yet I never expected to see it here.
You can read about this park on the Pima County website, but I’d like to share some of the sites I saw there, I hope you enjoy them.
First you’ll find the Flora, followed by the Fauna. (some of the plants are not actually native, but they’ve been here a very long time)
The fish in the photo by himself was a monster! If anyone knows what kind of fish he is I’d love to know. I’m pretty sure he’s not a catfish; if he is, he looks different than SC or NC catfish. 🙂 ***I just read that the part has grass carp and bass in it, I think this might be a carp. I think it should be noted that none of the fish or turtles are native. However, here are many bird species that call this place home.
The frog was also huge! Bigger than my foot! He was so patient and let us take a photo of him, there was another frog close by, but he didn’t want his picture taken so he jumped in the water very fast.
I had severe migraines all week, I was lucky enough to have a few hours respite and a few more hours with the pain reduced enough that I could function, still at a slower pace and I was probably a cranky bitch at times, but I’m grateful I was able to enjoy part of the weekend.
*I have one last photo to share, but I’ll save that for Mindfulness Monday 😉
**Remember all photos and artwork on Picnic with Ants are personal property and are not to be shared without permission from the creator. (in this case, Wendy Holcombe took all the above photos and is the sole owner of all rights)
“May I be easily able to let whatever needs to go, go.
And may whatever wants to come
be radiantly and joyously born.”
~ Tosha Silver
“The purpose of our lives
Is to give birth to the best
Which is within us.”
~ Marianne Williamson
“Every morning we are born again.
What we do today is what matters most.”
~ Buddha
You might be able to tell from the the quotes….Today is my birthday! I hope you have a wonder filled day, and have a grand un-birthday. (unless of course it is your birthday too, in that case, I hope your celebration is grand!)
Image is “Silly Goose” a silly doodle by me. It’s one of those doodles that comes from a stray mark on a page in my drawing journal. Try it, make a swoop on the page and let it be the start of a doodle. You can even make it silly. 😉
I don’t know who to credit for this image, but it is so true I had to use it. If you know who I should credit, please let me know.
June has been Migraine Awareness Month. I had planned to do a few posts about migraine, what it is, who gets it, how disabling it can be, new treatments….ect… unfortunately I’ve been having some severe migraines this month and simply haven’t been able to focus well enough to write and get all the facts straight. It’s not just the pain of the migraine that has stopped me, it’s all the other symptoms that go with it, the fogginess, nausea, insomnia, sensitivity to light, sound and smells….I simply can’t concentrate or get things done.
New Migraine Doctor – On Tuesday I saw a new migraine specialist. He’s with Banner Health/University of Arrizona’s neurology department. First impression, he was pretty thorough, and seemed to know what he was doing, however, there were some things he said that I felt were just rude, but it may just be his sense of humor that I didn’t get. For example, after we went through my history he looked at hubby and said, “Did you know she had all these issues before you married her?” Then he laughed a little and said he was joking, but honestly that did not make me feel good at all. But he did take the time to go over my records and listen. At first I felt that he was going to be a butt, because when I told him all my different types of headaches (chronic migraine, vestibular migraine, cluster headaches, and Intracranial Hypertension), he said, “I don’t believe it” He questioned if I could have Intracranial Hypertension on top of the rest. I told him I had numerous lumbar punctures and that diagnosis came from Duke, he seemed to understand then that I really have been diagnosed with these things, they weren’t just speculation. We went through a huge list of drugs I’ve tried and if they worked at all, and we discussed other treatments that haven’t worked (acupuncture, chiropractic, a ton of supplements….). He finally said, “So, it sounds like nothing has worked” and I agreed. (Oh, I was given a complete exam, testing all my reflexes, checking my optic nerve….he really was thorough) He left the room for a moment and came back with a gammaCore.
Using the gammaCore – The gammaCore is a non-invasive vagus nerve stimulator. It’s pretty darn cool actually. Most of what I’m including next can be found on the gammaCore site, you can read more about it there if you’d like. https://gammacore.com/
“gammaCore (nVNS) sends gentle, patented stimulation through the skin to activate the vagus nerve, providing relief from migraine and cluster headache pain in a different way than drugs.
The vagus nerve is an important highway of communication between your brain and many parts of the body
The vagus nerve plays an important role in regulating pain”
He gave me a demo and it was interesting. You take this little device and put a gel on the electrodes then place it on your neck, right where you’d check someone’s pulse, you increase the signal until you get the results you are looking for (a twitch of your mouth or side of your face) you keep it there for 2 minutes and it cuts off by itself. They say there’s a beep, but I can’t hear it, I just notice that it stopped, I don’t know why you’d need a beep to tell you that it stops, you can feel it. People like to give sounds for all kinds of things that really don’t need them, in my opinion anyway. After it stops on one side, you repeat it on the other side, and that’s it. That’s a treatment. If pain persist after 20 minutes, do it again. After 2 hours, if you still have pain, or if it returns, repeat a treatment.
I will be receiving my gammaCore in the mail in a few days. The first month is free, I don’t know how much it will cost after that. When it was first approved earlier this year Stuart called to see if insurance would cover it and they weren’t there yet. If it helps, I sure hope that insurance will cover at least part of it. You are supposed to use it at the first sign of migraine pain, unfortunately I am NEVER without a headache, so I need to use it at the first sign that it’s getting bad. I still don’t feel that the doctor understood that I have a headache ALL THE TIME. I actually plan on using it as often as I can to see if I can get some lasting relief, maybe I’ll actually have a day without a migraine! I am cautiously optimistic. If it doesn’t work, I haven’t lost anything. If it does work, I will have to decide if I can afford it.
One HUGE thing I hate about the gammaCore is that it’s disposable. Why can’t they make it so you can charge it or change the battery or something, having to replace this device every month is so wasteful and bad for the environment. I’m having a very hard time coming to terms with that. I can only think that they do it this way so that people will have to buy a new one each month, that’s just a rip-off. What am I supposed to do with all these used devices? If nothing else, they need a recycling program. (Yes, I will be suggesting this to them)
Medical Marijuana – I also had an appointment on Wednesday to get approved for my medical marijuana card. Medical marijuana is legal in Arizona and severe migraine is on the list of conditions that can be treated with it, so I decided to apply. I should get my card in a couple of weeks.
Full disclosure here, I have been using marijuana to help me for a couple of years now, but I had to rely on what I could get on the street, I don’t know the strains, or anything like that, so results have varied. Sometimes when the pain hits I can vape a little and it is gone, other times it just makes me feel funny, and other times it does nothing. I’m hoping that getting it from a dispensary where I will be assured of quality and will know what strains and hybrids I’m getting, I will be able to medicate more successfully; more pain relief with less high feeling would be optimal. After I started using a little every night before I go to bed (I made brownies) my vertigo has been reduced drastically. When I can’t get it, I have more vertigo again. This is not an approved condition in Arizona (Meniere’s is an approved condition in some states), but it should be. I can’t be 100% sure that it’s the marijuana that has helped my vertigo, but it would be some strange coincidence if it isn’t. It even helps stop an attack….if I start to have a vertigo attack I will vape just a little and it will often stop it, even if it doesn’t stop the vertigo, it stops the vomiting. I cannot stress how important that is. The only reason I will go to the ER with all of this (vertigo or migraine) is if I’m also dehydrated. Throwing up for hours on end will cause dehydration, I know that the marijuana has stopped me from going to the ER numerous times. I’m so very grateful I have found some relief through medicinals.
As I navigate this new world of treatment, I will post more about it and give you lots of updates. To learn more about how medical marijuana can help with migraines there’s a great article here: https://www.marijuanadoctors.com/conditions/chronic-migraine/
Now, it has taken me many hours to write this post, so I will close for now. Hopefully my head will calm down soon and I will be able to write more often. I would like to thank Lorraine for being so kind and helping me keep up my weekly Mindfulness Monday posts. They mean a lot to me and it was really hurting me when I couldn’t post. Thank you Lorraine, you are the best, I love you my friend!!
Have any of you tried the gammaCore? If not, would you?
How about medical marijuana, have you tried it? Did it help?
I’m still not able to type much, a lot of hunting and pecking with just my left hand, but I’m managing to do a little. My wrist has not improved, the shot did not work, I go back to the doctor on July 2nd (which just happens to be my birthday). Wish me luck.
Welcome to our home. The top photo isn’t very good, but it’s of the front gate. The middle row from left to right: the front porch, the pool off the right of the house, the kitchen over looking the living room. the bottom row, left to right: the bathtub/shower, flowers from my neighbor, the sick in the bathroom.
When I first visited Tucson I wondered why so many houses had bars on the windows and walls around their homes, well I found out. The bars are because so many houses eight used to have, or still have, a Swamp Cooler. For a Swamp Cooler to work, you have to have the doors and windows open. So it’s not because the whole town has a lot of crime, it’s a deterrent for when people have the Swamp Coolers going. (Swamp Coolers cool by adding moisture to the air, it’s really cool actually. but it only works in places with no humidity). The walls are often added if you have a pool. It is also a law that if a window in your house can open and it opens out to the pool, it must have bars. The pool must also have a gate that locks, or has a latch way out of reach for a child.
The house we live in was built in 1943, I think the realtor said, that surprised me since that was a time of rationing. The bathroom was tiled in the 1970’s, the owner loved Fiesta-ware and the tiles were bought to kinda match that. I love it!! The kitchen was also tiled like it at some point, but they remodeled the kitchen not long ago and the cool tile went bye-bye. You can see the new stove in the tiny kitchen, and the tiny living room beyond that. The living room is so small we had to get rid of our couch, and the dining area is so small we couldn’t fit a regular size table in it. Too bad, because the house is pretty cool other than the tiny rooms, if they were bigger we would consider buying this house, but it simply won’t work, so we are on the hunt for a house to buy that meets our needs. This property also has a guest house, which would be perfect for us when Dad moves in, but as I said, the main house just doesn’t work.
There are many suns all around the outside of the house, that’s kinda cool.
I took a walk around the neighborhood the other day and I saw all these cactus! The barrel cactus, the paddle cactus, prickly pear, and the big daddy of all the Saguaro. (you might not be able to tell from the photo bur the Saguaro has blossoms (well buds or dried of blossoms anyway), they don’t bloom every year so this was a treat.
These photos are all from around the house. I especially like the last one.
I hope you have enjoyed the little trip around my new digs. I have a few shots from the trip across country if you’d like to see them let me know and I’ll post those too. 🙂
*all photos were taken by me, W. Holcombe, please do not use without permission.
Family members can be your best friends, you know.
And best friends, whether or not they are related to you,
Can be your family.”
~Trenton Lee Stewart
*photo taken at Wendy and Stuart’s wedding (I’m the one in yellow)
Thank you to all who are members of my Ohana. I love you. ( Part of Hawaiian culture, ʻohana means family (in an extended sense of the term, including blood-related, adoptive or intentional). The concept emphasizes that families are bound together and members must cooperate and remember one another.’)
“Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.” ~Lilo and Stitch
Just because they are gone, doesn’t mean they will ever be forgotten. Pets are Ohana too.
“Everything changes, nothing remains without change.” ~ Buddha
Okay so I started this a number of times and just can’t get my words to come out right, so I’m going to try the mindful writing for this post and see how it goes. What you are about to read will be written with my eyes closed and I’ll be taking a deep breath after each sentence….let’s see how it goes.
Okay, so deep. deep breath. In. Out. Breathe. I must take time to do that more often. The simple act of stopping and breathing with intention has helped to calm my mind and open my awareness. How wonderful that such a small action can do so much. It is amazing to me. Again. Breathe. In…. Out….. calm.
Now let’s see if I can write what’s on my mind.
We will be leaving for Tucson in a couple of weeks. Stuart starts his new job there on June 11th. Everything has been falling into place. Well, kinda, sorta. Enough has fallen into place that it all feels right. This feels like we are making the best decision for all.
A couple of weeks ago Stuart went for a job interview in Tucson, while there he also looked at houses for us to rent. Not only was he offered the job, but he found a little house for us to rent while our house sells and we start looking for a house to buy out there. As I said, it all seems to be falling into place.
Suddenly I was hit with the fact that we’d be leaving in about a month and I may not ever see many of the people on this coast again. I’m being realistic here, not pessimistic. We don’t travel much, I don’t travel well, and a lot of my family is getting older. I scrambled to try to make planes to see everyone. We tried to make plans, but first Stuart got sick with a cold, then I caught it, and my cold turned into a cough and an ear infection. I’ve been running a fever for a week. I just started on antibiotics, and I’m hopeful I’ll be all better before we leave, but it caused a lot of trouble. Between both of us getting sick and people on vacation, I’m only going to be able to see a select few. I was devastated. It really got to me. My anxiety got very high and I was just so sad. Then I started telling myself I needed to just let it go. No regrets. I can only do what I can do, if I can’t see everyone I just need to let it go. I’ll keep in touch the best I can. All anyone can do is their best. So, I let it go. It is the way it is. I accept it and I’m okay with it.
Then there’s the worry about the move itself. I did start to get all worked up about it all, then again, I started using my new mantra. “Let it go” Deep breath…. in and…. out. It’s all good. I will take each day as it comes and deal with it at that time, I will not worry about what may be, that only causes more anxiety and I need to let that go.
I was feeling really good about things. Letting go of what I couldn’t change, accepting each day as it comes, and taking care of things that I needed to take care of. (like getting all my records from doctors, getting all my prescriptions filled, looking for new doctors, taking Kiki to the vet and getting her ready for the trip….so much to do, and I’ve been getting it done) My therapist even mentioned how well I was dealing with all the change and how mindfulness has become so ingrained in me. I admit, I was feeling pretty good about it all.
Then the bottom fell out. I expected to get to Tucson before Stuart’s step mom’s Alzheimer’s advanced too much. She didn’t know who Stuart was when he was there, but that didn’t surprise me too much, she’s really only met him in person once…well a few times over a 5 month period when we stayed in Tucson one winter, but not other than that. She knows Stuart’s dad, and see seems happy. But this week, due to side effects, they had to take her off the medication that helps slow the progression of her disease. They expect her to decline rapidly now. Dad doesn’t know how much longer she will know him. It breaks my heart. and it scares me. I’ve never been around anyone who has Alzheimer’s. I don’t know what to expect, especially if it is so advanced. I’m afraid I won’t handle it well. I just want to make things easier for Dad. If that just means washing his clothes and stuff, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll help the best I can. That’s all I can do. M is in the best place she could be for this, and I’m sure they will help me know how to deal with the situation. I’m also reading as much as I can to learn more about it. Frankly, that disease scares me. The thought of not remembering my husband, that rips my heart out. What would be worse, watching Stuart go through it. It just makes me sad. I’m working on being okay with the way things are. Accepting that I can’t change it, and simply being okay with it. Yes I think I said that before. I also got news that I can’t really talk about on here, but it has stressed me out!! Getting to the place of acceptance on this is going to be harder. No, I can accept that it’s happening, I’m just not sure what that will mean and how it will affect me, more so, how it will affect Stuart and Dad. Stuart’s not worried about it, he’s annoyed by it, but not worried. So why am I? I have to accept this, and be okay with it. This will take a lot of deep breaths. Sometimes my husband puts his head in the sand about things. I hope that isn’t the case with this. I know it will all be as it will be, and I’ll deal with things as they come up. I will try my best not to worry about what may be. One moment at a time.
Well I think I’m done for today. I’ve spilled a lot out, but I’ve been vague enough that you are probably wondering… “what on earth?”
Picnic with Ants 