Category: Meniere’s Disease

An Accident leads to overcoming a fear…

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness, Meniere's Disease6 Comments
x-ray of right foot poster image from allposters.com
x-ray of right foot poster
image from allposters.com

On Monday, January 20th, my husband left for Las Vegas (I’ll explain more of this later if anything comes from it).  He left the house at 11am, his flight was supposed to leave at 1pm but it was late.  By 2pm he was on his way, and by 3:30pm I had broken my foot.

I keep thinking how nervous I was about him leaving on this trip.  He’s been away before and yes I was a bit nervous, but this time I was scared.  I just didn’t feel good about it.  Perhaps it was because of the many asthma attacks I’ve been having, perhaps it’s because I realized just how phobic I have become about so many things….I don’t know…but I know that I’ve had feelings like this before, and they seem to be almost premonitions.  Something didn’t feel right….and soon something big wasn’t right.

How did I do this?  Well, let’s see if I can explain, I had to explain it over and over and over…but I will admit here, I’m not 100% sure exactly how it happened.  When Stuart is out-of-town we move my essentials downstairs, so I won’t have to use the stairs while he is gone, I have plenty of food in the fridge, and I’m all settled on the couch.  Oh, and one big thing, I promise not to try to walk around the house without my walker, just in case vertigo hits out of the blue, or the disequilibrium knocks me off my feet. (we all know this has happened….often)  So, I got up to go to the bathroom, wheeling along with my walker.  Unfortunately, our bathroom doors are TINY, and we haven’t been able to find a walker that will fit through them, so I leave my fancy walker at the door and hand off to another walker in the bathroom.  The walker in the downstairs bathroom has little wheels.  The walker in the upstairs bathroom doesn’t have wheels, I’m used to it. I caught my foot on the little wheel and was thrown off-balance a bit.  The world swirled and I stepped sideways and fell up against the wall, only a few inches away, I just kind of leaned up on the wall but my foot turned, and I felt a SNAP!  I’m really not sure which foot hit the walker, or anything, it happened so fast, and I was far from being stable.

I knew somewhere in the back of my head that it was a break.  But I didn’t want to admit it.  I often turn one foot or the other, it always hurts, often swells a little, but is alright.  I just ice it over night and the next day it’s better.  So I packed it in ice and elevated my foot.  Then I looked at it, and it looked a bit too puffy….getting a little blue.  I touched it, it just didn’t feel right.  Dangit!  I was a bit paralyzed as to what to do.  Call an ambulance?  For just a broken foot?  Ugh!  And trying to talk to a 911 operator when you can’t hear them…well that was scary…but really I just couldn’t bear the thought of calling an ambulance for a broken foot.  That’s not an emergency.  I could feel my toes, they weren’t blue, I had sensation all over my foot….not an emergency.  And I was still a little bit in denial.  “Maybe it was a tendon just snapping over the bone.  It might just be a bad sprain….”  But as the night went on, I was more concerned.  I instant messaged a friend who I knew would help if he could, and he would at least calm me down.  He did calm me down, but he couldn’t come help, I understood, he has a pretty severe chronic illness himself and lives about 2 hours away.  Finally, I saw an old friend who I hadn’t seen in a long was on-line, so I gathered my courage and instant messaged her and asked if she could help me.  That was very hard.  She has a family of her own, a 3-year-old little girl….a busy life….and we haven’t kept in the best of touch.  Don’t get me wrong, she hasn’t forgotten me, she surprises me with cards and such, and we see each other on Facebook, but it hasn’t been the same since I’ve gotten so ill.  I haven’t seen her in person in a very long time, we don’t have long phone conversations, it’s different.  I asked if my foot was all swollen and blue the next morning could she take me to Urgent Care.  She said, “Yes!”  So the next morning I texted her…I had to go.

Another fear I had to face, going out in public.  Since I’ve been having so many asthma attacks I’m very scared to go out in public.  So many triggers out there, and only my inhaler to help.  But I did it.  We went to Urgent Care, and it was FULL.  A minimum of a TWO HOUR WAIT to be seen, not including if you need x-rays and such.  So we ended up down the street at the Emergency Room.  I was seen right away.  Then sent to X-Ray.  Then taken to a room…in the children’s ward (that was strange, but I guess they had an empty room there).  The doctor looked at the X-Ray and said I had a spiral fracture of the 5th metatarsal (right above my pinky toe), she said I had to see an Orthopedist specialist.  Then they wouldn’t let me eat or drink anything.  I was there for 7 hours at least.  Finally, the Orthopedic Surgeon came.  He decided surgery wasn’t necessary, and I could have a boot instead of a non-weight bearing cast.  I didn’t realize that there was a possibility of surgery, but I was so ready to get out of there, and I could tell my friend was anxious to leave, I didn’t even ask….just let me go.  Later I looked at all the paperwork, and there was a possibility I needed a pin in my foot since it was a spiral fracture.  They discussed putting me in a non-weight bearing cast, but decided not to because I would be at home alone.  If they put me in that kind of cast they would have kept me at the hospital until my husband came home.  After a little research I’ve learned this is the most common broken bone in the foot, and it takes a long time to heal because there isn’t a lot of blood flow to that area….*sigh*.  I’ll have x-rays again in a couple of weeks if it’s healing well – great, if not, surgery could still be a possibility.  I have faith all will heal just fine.

Whew!  What a day!!  After I got home and all alone, I realized I needed a change of clothes from upstairs, and someone needed to take care of Max, our cat…..so again, I overcame a phobia…I reached out again for help.  I texted my neighbor, she has a key in case of emergencies, and asked if she could come over the help me a bit….I’m a lucky person that I have a neighbor who is such a dear.  I cannot say how much I love and respect this woman!  It took a lot for me to ask her for help, but she came!  She helped, and even just visited with me for a bit.

Stuart came home the next night.  I had taken care of an emergency!  Somethings I probably could have done better, but I did it!  And I’m pretty proud of myself.  Stuart is less tense about leaving me alone now.  (FYI..I did tell Stuart what was going on while he was on his trip.  I thought about not worrying him, but that’s not the way we are, we communicate about everything, and it made it easier.)

Sometimes no matter how prepared you are, something might happen you just didn’t expect and you have to deal with it.  No matter how scared you are.

Learning how to hear….again.

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness, Cochlear Implant, Meniere's Disease4 Comments

I know, I got my processors on Halloween, and I’m just now writing.  What took me so long???  I wanted a picture.  But I still don’t have one.  Sorry.  I promise I will soon.

Here’s a link to a page all about my new processors if you are interested. http://www.advancedbionics.com/com/en/naida_ci_q70.html

Here's a photo from the Advanced Bionics site. My Naida processor is orange, not white.
Here’s a photo from the Advanced Bionics site. My Naida processor is orange, not white.

So far I’m pleased with these, but I have a long way to go with the right ear.  Presently everything sounds a bit high-pitched, or underwater.  When she first turned it on people sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher, but I could understand some of the words.  I also find that most people sound like they have a very southern accent.  People whom I know do not have one, people who may not have ever been in the south!

I haven’t really started auditory therapy yet, mostly I’ve just been wearing the new processor every day, trying to get used to how it works, and simply hearing something on the right side. I’ve  been VERY tired lately.  I know it’s to be expected with the new CI, but exhaustion is a bit much.  I’m also having headaches, my headaches have been reduced so much since I’ve been getting the Botox shots for migraines, it’s difficult when I have one every day to the extreme I’ve been having.

photo from medicinenet.com balance disorders slide show.
photo from medicinenet.com balance disorders slide show.

The vertigo has been pretty predictable lately, every evening I normally have at least a small attack, and often more than one different times in the day.  I’m handling the vertigo well, but it’s so dang annoying, and frankly it’s starting to get a bit boring.  When it’s going on all I can do is focus on one spot, often with one eye closed, and tell myself it’s not real, all while keeping my breathing deep and steady….after a while it gets boring.  Never thought I’d say that about a vertigo attack, but the attacks I’ve been having recently are not the horrible fast spinning kind that last for hours.  Sometimes I do wonder if they would be if I didn’t get the meds in me fast and start this meditation type routine that I’ve come up with.  One day last week I had very fast vertigo I couldn’t focus at all, still I calmed myself down.  It has helped so much to tell myself, “This is not real. You are not moving, This is not real.”  But everyone has different ways to cope, and some may not be able to do this.  I know I would not have been able to just a year or so ago.

I realized something the other day….I gave up.  My husband was talking to me about things that have been going on with me lately and how we needed to talk to the doctor about it and how he wanted me to feel better.  He qualified that he knows it will never go away, but it used to be better.  I shut down.  I actually bothered me to hear he wanted me better.  Then I realized it was because I didn’t believe I would get better.  Ever.  I’ve gotten tired of asking doctors about things and hearing, “I wish there was more we could do”.  I didn’t want to hear that again, so I gave up.  This sounds odd after hearing how I handle my vertigo so much better, but I don’t believe the vertigo will get better.  I used to.

Now I’m in this realization mode, and fighting with myself.  I know I can’t give up!  I have a life.  I do want to get better.  Some of my illnesses may not get better, but I know some things can.  I KNOW this. But with the loss of income, and everything else, I have put myself last….and feel guilty every time we have to spend money on me….so I gave up.  I didn’t want my illnesses to sap all of our funds and energy.  It could get better, but it may not, and I got to the point where I just didn’t want to have my hopes shattered again, especially if it was going to take more of money, simply to be told it won’t get better.  As I write this and think more and more about it, perhaps I never gave up, perhaps I felt I needed to put me on hold.  The situation we are in right now is very stressful and taking much out of both of us.  I do not feel comfortable concentrating on me, I need to concentrate on us.  (this does not mean I’m being negligent about my health, if there is something I really need to see the doctor for, I will go.)

A realtor just left the house.  Yes, it’s time to sell.  I’m afraid we’re going to lose money on the house.  The market has come back a lot in this area, but some houses in our neighborhood sold for so little, it is going to cause our selling price to be greatly reduced.  No matter where Stuart gets a job we want to downsize, hopefully, we won’t have to wonder about our future much longer.  Another phone interview for my hubby in the morning…for a job in Las Vegas.  I cannot imagine living in Las Vegas. I wonder if they have decent doctors.  : )

I realize now that I’m rambling.  Yes, I do that when I’m nervous.  I’m still grateful for so much….our life may hold many questions right now, but it’s a mystery…soon to be an adventure, and I’m sure we’ll be happy with how things turn out.  We’ll be together, and that’s all that counts.

Cochlear Implant #2…a short update

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness, Cochlear Implant15 Comments

I haven’t been on the computer much since my surgery.  I simply do not feel well shortly after I get on, I get all hot and dizzy…so no computer for me.  (please note, I didn’t read this after I wrote it, I am just too tired, please forgive any strangeness, grammatical errors, or anything that is just wrong.)

However, I did want to update all as to my recovery.

Incision the Day after surgery,
Day after surgery,  Sorry it’s not cleaned up more, but I hubby just took this picture to show me, and then we forgot to take another one.

Had the Cochlear Implant surgery on the 25th.  The incision looks great.  It still hurts a bit, not terribly bad, but annoying (mostly it’s just itching now!).  The tinnitus has been going Crazy!!  As I mentioned in an earlier post prescription pain relievers have been making me itch, so I’ve had to try different things.

I tried Arnica Montana (most just call it Arnica) in the oral form.  I’ve used the topical gel many times with much success, but I’ve never tried the tablets.  Before surgery we checked to make sure it wouldn’t be adverse to my medications, but didn’t see where it said not to take it if you are allergic to ragweed.  (guess what my number one allergen is?  Ragweed!) So I took it for a day and my muscles seized up.  I couldn’t even sit up without help.  So no more Arnica for me.  It took about 2 days for me to not hurt all over.  Kind of ironic, I used it to help with the pain and ended up in more pain.  But, hey, it took my mind off of my ear!

I am able to take an NSAID by injection.  I can’t take them orally because they have caused me a lot of stomach troubles.  So I have Toradol injections.  Unfortunately, I can only have 2 a week.  But they do help, a lot!  I use this for my most intense migraines too.  We decided to try 1/2 a shot to see if it helped, and it did!  Yay!  So I was able to have more shots just at a lower dose.  This helped a lot, especially when I couldn’t sleep.  But really, over all, I haven’t been in much pain, just uncomfortable with my glasses.

The vertigo started about 3 days ago.  I don’t know what’s going on really, I’m sure it has to do with the fluid from swelling and it going down…or something.  It’s not the normal Meniere’s vertigo.  It’s often positional, so if I lie very still I don’t spin.  I’ve also been having this strange sensation as if I’m having vertigo, but I’m visually spinning.  I feel my body/head moving, but I’m not moving, nor do I see anything moving.  It makes me just as sick as vertigo does.  Strange huh?  I’m still so grateful I was able to get Phenergan injections that hubby can give me.  I think it has saved me many times.

I was supposed to be activated and get my processors on the 8th, but the vertigo would not let me.  I thought I probably could have made it through the doctor’s visit, he is just checking the incision site, but going through the audiologist appointment would have had me on the floor!  That is a LONG visit.  Not only does she actually turn things on, she has to adjust things as I tell her how the beeps sound.(called MAPping for those with CI’s, or those who are just interested).  Then I have to have a hearing test, not just a regular hearing test, but a very long and detailed test.  I get so tired and worn out every time we do this I often have an attack that evening, so going there with me already feeling wonky in the head, would not have been wise.

Unfortunately, that means that I may have to wait until the first week of November.  We/They are trying to work it out so I can get in sooner, but the way I’ve been feeling I wouldn’t say it will be too soon anyway.  The office is looking to set up the appointment with my doctor on one day and then the audiologist on a different day instead of trying to do both in one day.  This should be easier to schedule.  Plus, it should also be easier on me.  At Duke they normally try to schedule as much on the same day as possible because so many people come from far away to be seen.  We often have to remind them we just live about 10 minutes from there.

So that’s my news for now.  I’m tired a lot, sleeping a lot…..guess I’m healing.  (oh who am I kidding, I was sleeping a lot before the surgery!)  Catching up on some reading, and watching TV.  The new season of Rupaul’s Drag Race just started!  (actually, they are showing season 1 again, it’s a hoot!)  If you asked me last year if I watched any reality shows I would have said no, but I love Rupaul’s show! after all……

“If you can’t love yourself how the hell are you going to love anyone else?…..can I get an Amen?” – Rupaul signs off each show with this quote!

Round and Round I go…where or when I’ll stop nobody knows…

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness, Cochlear Implant, Meniere's Disease6 Comments

I feel like I haven’t been here in ages, and I probably haven’t.

I have to make this short, but wanted to give a little explanation as to why I’ve disappeared…when I have so much to say!  And give a tiny update.

On a Carousel at the NC State Fair
On a Carousel at the NC State Fair – I’m on the left, Jenn in on the right, and Stuart is in the mirror.  As you can tell, this photo was taken before I started having Meniere’s symptoms so often.  Taken Fall of 2005….I think.

I’m having a LOT of VERTIGO!  Luckily it’s not the severe- losing control of all bodily functions for hours -kind of vertigo.  It is much slower, and less horrific.  But it’s happening almost every day, often more than once a day.  I’m getting to the point where I’m terrified my worst fear may be realized…..at some point it won’t stop.

I am so happy I am handling it so much better than I used to.  I used to freak out even if it was a mini attack.  These attacks are more than a mini (one that happens for just a few minutes), but not a full blown severe attack.  Hard to explain, but I have a routine now that really helps.  When it starts, I take my meds, I get ice and put it on my chest or wrap it around so it hits my back and chest (I always get very hot and if I can cool down fast it helps).  {I keep these things close when I’m alone, when Stuart is home he helps, but I am always prepared.}Then I put something close I can focus on, usually a cup.  I hold it with my hand…and close one eye, that seems to help a lot….I tell myself….actually I think it is important to say this out loud if you can.., “This is not real, you know your hand is not really moving, so nothing is moving, This is not real…this is not real….”  I also try to control my breathing.  Normally, I start breathing short and fast, now I try to take deeper breaths and tell myself to calm…remember, it’s not real!  At times I chant, Stuart will chant with me…it’s very soothing, even when my body is telling me that nothing is as it should be.  I’m also very lucky that I now have Phenergan shots at home.  My otologist (for those who may not know, an ENT is an otolaryngologist – study of Ears, Nose, and Throat….my doctor just specializes in Ears…the oto- part.) couldn’t give me a prescription for injections, but my Migraine doctor can because she is a pain specialist.  The Phenergan shots help stop the vomiting, and that’s more than all right with me!!!  (I do need them when I have migraines too)  I do still get nauseous but I’m pretty sure that’s mostly because the acid in my tummy gets all churned up due to the stress.

OK…so that’s why I haven’t been around.

Now….why I might not be around…but I might….

My Cochlear Implant surgery for the right ear is next Wednesday, the 25th!  I’m not sure how recovery will go, we know that I can have the same surgery many times and each recovery is different.  I’m really hoping that this one is easy because I’ve developed an intolerance to narcotics.  So, no pain pills for me to come home with.  My husband has a call in to my migraine doc to see if there is any options.  I do have some meds from her for migraines but I don’t want to use those without her telling me exactly what to use and how often.

Depending on my recovery, I may be on here a lot, or I might not be able to be on here much at all.  Hopefully, I can post again before then.

My senior quote in high school: “By the time you figure out what makes the world go around, you’re too dizzy to care”   hmmmmm, prophetic?

Things on my mind….

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness, Cochlear Implant4 Comments
Got Ewe On My Mind by LoopyDave on DeviantArt.com

Please note, this post is just random thoughts I’m having and want to get out of my head for a bit.

I’ve had a lot of time to think recently.  I haven’t been able to type a lot because I hurt my shoulder.  I fell, again.  This time I was going to the bathroom in the middle of the night.  I was not balancing very well, but that’s normal.  I started to fall right at the toilet and fell into the wall.  My shoulder took most of the weight.  So I’ve tried to just do less with it, but it got worse.  So I had to do much, much less.  Now it seems to be getting better.

So if I haven’t been commenting on your blogs, it doesn’t mean I haven’t been reading, I just haven’t been typing much.  I read them in my email on my phone, it’s hard to comment on my phone, and that would hurt my arm just as much, I think.  So in the wee hours of the morning when I’m up coughing, I’m probably reading your blog, and thinking of You.

Stuart has started school.  I’m proud of him.  I’m also scared and stressed out.  I don’t want to live poor again.  Not that we are rich by any means, but I used to live paycheck to paycheck and often ran out of money.  I remember many times living on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for weeks to get by, I’d also accept dates from guys I knew I didn’t want to date just so I would get a good meal.  Stuart has never wanted for anything really.  So I’m much more stressed about it than he is.  In my heart I know things will work out.  But, in my gut, I’m nervous.

I will be going to Duke’s Asthma, Allergy, and Airway clinic on Friday.  Please everyone think about me and send good thoughts that they will be able to stop this dang cough.  I’ve been coughing every day since mid October…yes that’s last year!

On September 3rd, my hubby and I will be celebrating our 9th anniversary.  We can’t really do anything but we’ll be celebrating that we’ve been through so much in our 9 years of marriage and are still madly in love.

The second week of September I go in for Pre-Op for my second cochlear implant surgery.

The surgery is on September 25th.  I don’t know why, but I’m more nervous this time than I was the last time.  Before I was more excited, now, I’m a bit scared.  I shouldn’t have, but I expected a lot from the first CI, so this time I’m not expecting anything.  Which is silly, that’s what I have now.  No hearing in that ear.  Things have to be better when I can hear out of two ears.

Well, I have much more on my mind but I don’t have the energy to write more right now.  And you are probably tired of reading my tirade.

What’s on your mind today?

Being Sick when you are Chronically Ill

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness, Meniere's Disease, Migraines8 Comments

sickduckI’m sure it’s not the same for everyone who has a chronic illness, but for me, being sick on top of it is very hard to deal with.

First when you get sick, you often have to distinguish if your symptoms might be from part of your chronic illness or illnesses.  That can be very difficult sometimes.  I often feel like I’m catching a cold but it goes away in a few days, so for those few days I don’t know if I’m really “sick” on top of things or not.  I also have a lot of gastrointestinal issues due to food allergies and intolerances, it’s really hard to know if I have caught a bug or if I simply got a hold of something I shouldn’t have eaten.  This can be very disturbing sometimes, and it can make me less likely to seek medical attention for things until it has been going on for a while.

(a lot of this post is a recap of what has been happening with me the past few months.  Please feel free to skip this narration, I felt I needed a place to put it all in one place.  The major points I want to make are in bold at the bottom.  thanks for understanding…and if you read everything, you are an amazing person.  *smiles*   It took me three days to write this, between feeling icky and having a vertigo spell….so please forgive any errors…grammar, punctuation, spelling, even train of thought…yes brain fog is heavy these days.  thank you my dear friends.)

 

I’ve written about how sick I’ve been over the last few months….I mean really sick, on top of my chronic conditions…what a mess.  But I’d like to give you a run down of what happened and how I think I really goofed up and made this hang on longer than it had to.

The third week of October both Stuart and I caught colds, it delayed our leaving for Tucson by a week.  At the end of the cold I had this nagging cough hanging on, I’d heard from many people who live near us that they too had been suffering from colds that seemed to hang on for weeks with a cough, so I wasn’t so worried.  We started our trek across country, my breathing got worse, especially when we’d stop for the night.  I assumed I was having a lot of allergies erupting on top of everything.  Often our hotel rooms had a perfume smell, air fresheners, and one smelled like someone broke a bottle of cologne in the bathroom (we did ask to move from that room, but there was a convention in town and no more rooms were available).  We would have researched and found more allergy free accommodations for me, but those places would not allow cats, and Max needed a place too.  We do however always make sure we have a no-smoking room.

By the time we got to Tucson I was having a very hard time with the cough and breathing issues, but again, thought it was more allergies.  I felt that most of the stuff was coming from my nose…but I was wrong, that was only part of it.  Soon after we got here I started having severe vertigo attacks…Meniere’s was not kind to me.  I know the trip took a lot out of me,and I hadn’t been watching my salt intake as much as I should have..so I just thought my one of my chronic illnesses was in acute mode.  I still didn’t think I was really sick, sick.  (big mistake)  In the back of my head I knew I should go to the doctor for the cough, but I was so busy going to the doctor about my ears….and the holidays were upon us, it’s pretty hard to get in to a doctor as a new patient that time of year…so I thought I’d wait.  (again, not a good idea)  I continued to get sicker, no energy, coughing more, not being able to take a deep breath…..ect.  I did not get to enjoy one bit of the holidays (oh how I wanted a family holiday gathering, but I spent all of it in bed).  Finally, I told Stuart to, “Yes, please call and see if you can get me in to see a doctor.”  (he’d asked many times before and I said no, really I thought it was allergies, ragweed was in full bloom here when we got here, and the house we are staying in had been empty for a long time so lot’s of dust…I didn’t think the doctor would be able to do much more than I was.  Yes, I know…silly girl treating herself, but every spring I have severe allergies at home and I’m put on Flonaze, and 2 antihistamines.  So I did that, I was also taking an expectorant to break up the mucus and get it out….really all good things, and the doctor agreed, but I needed more.  And the Flonaze was causing me to have miserable nose bleeds. so that stopped.)

First trip to the doctor, (don’t you love a first trip to a new doctor, explaining all the reasons for your medications, all the things you have going on….ugh!  She actually said I was a very happy person for having so much going on with me.  I thought, well I could show the sad, depressed side of chronic illness all the time, but who would that help?  I may be ill, but I’m still a good person.)  I found out my minor Asthma (I haven’t had but a few attacks in the past 20 years or more, and only when I’ve been around strong allergens or perfumes.) has turned out to be pretty serious.  And I have Bronchitis…the Asthma probably got so bad because of the Bronchitis….and allergens.  So antibiotics, and a steroid….call in 10 days if not all better.  Stuart called after about 7 days because I was worse.  Ironic thing…my doctor had just gotten out of the hospital with pneumonia.  Actually scared me a bit, what if I had pneumonia…many of the symptoms were there, even the cold chills.  But then I laughed at myself…I had the pneumonia vaccine in May, I had to have it before I could get my Cochlear Implant. (that’s what I get for trying to diagnose myself with just the internet.  We can get some clues from there, but I’ve learned never to think it’s absolutely true for me.  Always consult a professional, or two.)  So I saw my doctor again on the 21st, 2 weeks from the first appointment.  Still not breathing well…ect, and my sinuses really hurt.  Diagnosis?  Still Asthma is going crazy, now bronchitis is considered chronic, and I have a sinus infection.   I was given a stronger antibiotic, prednisone (oh joy, more steroids), and I had a breathing treatment in the office with a nebulizer, for the first time in months I could breath, it lasted for hours, I was thrilled.  I was told if the cough was not much, much better in 3 days to call back and I would get a nebulizer for home.  But that night I started coughing so hard I pulled a muscle in my back.  I couldn’t walk without being in severe pain, putting weight on my left leg was almost intolerable.  Thank goodness for my walker, but darn the fact that I haven’t found a bathroom door that my walker will fit through!  So, I could get from the bed to the bathroom, then hobble inside.  What a mess.  I didn’t sleep that night, stayed on heat and ice, and luckily the next day it was much better.  I still rested with ice and heat to insure it got even better, but I could walk with minor discomfort.

So…yesterday Stuart called the doctor’s office…after 3 days, to tell them I need a nebulizer.  (really, I can get a nebulizer, I need the medicine that goes in it)  Unfortunately, they close early on Friday, and didn’t get the prescription called in before the end of the day…so I have to wait until Monday.

Another thing that I’m having trouble with.  Migraines!  Did you guess?   I had very good results from the Botox injections, but they have worn off…I am looking forward to March 7th, when I can see my neurologist at home and have the injections again.  (deep sigh)  I’m having a hard time with pain medication.  I was taking Hydrocodone, but it started making me itch, I’m allergic to Codeine (at least I’m told I am, I had the allergic reaction when I was pretty young, I don’t remember, but why would it be wrong?), Oxycodone makes me stop urinating, I’m allergic to Celebrex (I know this one is right, I have the ER trips to prove it.), and all NSAIDS hurt my stomach (thanks to an old doctor who had me taking Ibuprofen by the handfuls).  Before I left N.C. my neurologist put me on Tramadol (Ultram), well it makes me itch too!  So I’m stuck without a pain reliever stronger than Tylenol.  It’s been rough.  (I do still have other migraine meds, but sometimes you need a pain reliever…when I pulled that muscle it would have come in very handy!)

This post has become MUCH longer than I’d planned. I needed to put all of this in one place, and I wanted to make a point…but I think my point may have gotten lost.  Here’s the summary of what I’d like for you to take from this post:

  • When you are Chronically Ill, you need to pay close attention when you get sick.  Do not assume it’s your “normal” ill feelings.
  • Do not put off going to the doctor, if you don’t have anything worse than a cold, what did it hurt? (Yeah, our doctors may think we come in too often, but really if our doctor thinks that we should probably find a new doctor.)  I’m sure we often feel we go to the doctor too much, but don’t play around with your health.  Don’t be scared because if you are out of town and not close to your doctor.  Who knows a fresh pair of eyes may be helpful in many ways.
  • Often when you have a Chronic Illness you have less resistance to fight off sicknesses, like the “common” cold, than healthy people.  I know my body works over time just to take care of me with my chronic illnesses, throw in getting sick and there just isn’t enough resistance in me to put up a good fight.  I should have known better, and gone to the doctor sooner.

So the biggest point I want to make.  Know your body.  Know how you feel on a day-to-day basis, if you get sick, pay very close attention and take care of you.  You are the only one who can say if you need to see a doctor.  But don’t be like me, please see a doctor before things escalate into a more serious sickness.

I know I will always listen closer to my body than I have the past few months.  Just because there are other things going on in my life doesn’t mean my symptoms aren’t something I should pay attention to!!

 

It’s so bad…

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness, Meniere's Disease10 Comments

This is the third attempt at writing this post.

So I shall not try to explain things, or guess at things, I’m just going to tell what is happening.

Vertigo!!!  Nearly constant.  mini spins, mid-line spinning, and horrendous attacks.  When I was diagnosed with Meniere’s I was told it could be one of the worst things you can get that won’t kill you, but you may wish it would.

For the past few weeks, I wish it would.

I’m so miserable.  I can’t walk without aid, and then it’s very difficult.  I often can’t move my head without going into a full swing.  Right now I’m having a decent moment, so I’m trying to write.

I’m scared.  I went to a doctor here, and he thinks it’s allergies.  (I’m not so sure, I take 3 different meds for my allergies.)  He put me on steroids and gave me drops to reduce the inflammation.  No infection was seen.  I feel have been worse since starting the medication.  I’m supposed to see him again on Friday, the 21st, but Stuart is calling him tomorrow.

I can’t be left alone.  We are having a hard time.  Stuart needs to leave to go grocery shopping and such, but it’s almost impossible.  He left for a bit last night to shop, and I ended up spinning and terrified.  I called him, but of course I could hear when he answered, I just kept saying help.  He found me in a lump on the floor.  I know it scared him as much as it did me.  I am not prepared to take care of these attacks by myself.  I know I have, but it is terrifying even with help.

We came to Tucson hoping I would feel better here.  Oh how wrong I was!  I never thought I would feel worse!  The same maybe, but not worse.  I’ve seen family once the whole time we have been here.  I haven’t seen any friends.  I’m just so sick.  I often can’t even move my head.

I want to be home where my doctors are.  I don’t know if Tucson is doing this to me, or if it would have happened any way, but either way, I want my doctors!  But now, I don’t know how we would get home.  Riding in a car is torture.  I can only imagine what riding in a plane would be like.  I often can’t lift my head without spinning very fast.

So that’s all I can write for now.

I made a huge mistake, I should never have left NC.  Having family and friends close here is nice, we do have some people we can call on…but this is new to them, how long would the charity last?  At home we don’t really have a support system….but I have my doctors….and that’s important!  If I could have the support from those here, and my doctors in the same place, I would be a much happier person.

Anyone reading this who are close to us now.  Stuart could really use some help….it’s hard for him to admit, but he is overwhelmed by all of this, I can tell.

(also my migraines are back with a vengeance.  I think the Botox has worn off.  It really seemed to help for a while!)

 

 

I’m so Grateful for my Emergency Kit!

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness, Meniere's Disease8 Comments

I always hoped I’d never need it.  When I made up my emergency kit it was more a peace of mind thing, not a real thought that I’d ever need it.  On Wednesday, I was so grateful I had that emergency kit!  (TMI -This post contains information that may be too much for some people.) 

The day started off so wonderful.  You can see that in the last post….but later that afternoon I was hit with an attack, and I was in public!  We decided to go out and check out a few stores that carry allergy friendly foods, but we were hungry and thought we’d grab a bite to eat.  (yes I know, too much food out…too much sodium! But I had steamed chicken with vegetables and rice, no sauce….I ordered smart!)  We were sitting in the restaurant and Stuart pointed out something to my left and over my head, I glanced at it and everything spun around.  It scared the mess out of me!  First I started to panic, then I felt it was slowing down.  I thought it was Migraine Associated Vertigo and would pass after I took my migraine medication and emergency pills.  Boy was I wrong!  I took the pills and things didn’t get better.  I was getting sick.  Very sick, and the world was spinning faster and faster.  I handed Stuart my purse and asked him to get my emergency kit.  I needed to cool down, and I needed something to throw up in (just in case).  I have cold packs in my emergency kit that turn cold when you twist them…or hit them really hard.  This was a wonderful thing.  I needed to cool down my core fast.  We left the restaurant as soon as I could stand.  It had slowed down so I thought the medication was finally working and we could get home with minimal discomfort.

I was VERY wrong again!  We drove a ways fairly well, then the spinning got so much worse.  I couldn’t stand the car moving.  I asked Stuart to stop the car, he couldn’t stop where we were, and I started to panic….”Please just stop the car!”  It was torture.  I was actually screaming before he could get stopped. He stopped.  Later he told me he was not in the best spot. It was pretty public and he knew I’d feel uncomfortable. Frankly, I didn’t care, nor did I notice. I was throwing up (thank goodness for those little garbage bags I packed in the Emergency kit), and I was losing control of my bladder. I was devastated. We were in Stuart’s father’s car, it had just been detailed….I mean like an hour before we left in it….it has leather seats! How could this be happening to me, in my father-in-law’s Lexus? (luckily it was his older car, but still, leather seats!!) Stuart swears when he went to clean it up, there was nothing on the seat, and no vomit anywhere. I did miss some the last time and got it on me. I’m so glad I was wearing a reusable pad, I use them for my menstrual cycle, but I also use them most of the time in case I sneeze or cough and pee a little.

We got home, and got me inside. I collapsed on the couch and passed out. I woke up an hour later gagging, but didn’t throw up. My body was spasming, it feels like I’m convulsing (not that I’d know what that feels like first hand), this lasted what felt like hours. I got very scared. I was having a hard time breathing with the spasms, and for the first time during one of these attacks I was afraid of dying. Then i passed out again, but only for a few minutes. When I came to, I decided I wanted to try to get to the bed. We succeeded. Not without much difficulty, but I was out after that for a few hours.

I know most of you have heard my horror stories of my vertigo attacks before, but the main part of this recount is how much my emergency kit helped. In it I have cold packs (to cool me down), small trash bags (to throw up in), large Ziploc bags (to put the soiled items in…and bags that have throw-up in them), wash cloths (to wipe my mouth, and help cool me down when they are wet), extra meds (we always have my emergency pills on us, this is an extra safe guard and it has more meds than I usually carry), a card explaining what is happening to me…and I keep a water bottle with me (normally this is just to drink from, but when I’m having an attack it helps to wet wash cloths and I need to rinse my mouth).

I will never think I can go without that kit again. I was recently thinking it was taking up too much room in my bag, no more! If I go out with nothing else, I will have my kit!

I’ve been working on this post since Thursday, the day after it happened. I’ve had days and days of extreme disequilibrium. I couldn’t move my head at all without seeing the world move. It was like it just didn’t keep up with my head….strange. I just started walking some unaided yesterday. Today I feel better and can get around by myself, but I still feel a bit wobbly. I’m pretty sure this wasn’t just a Meniere’s attack. My hearing in my right ear did drop significantly, and hasn’t returned to its normal level…that’s weird for me, normally after the attack ends the hearing comes back…at least almost to where it was. We think I had another spinal “blow out”, and my Cerebrospinal Fluid Pressure (CSF) dropped. Stuart suggested the first night after the attack to not take my medication that controls the high CSF, it’s a strong diuretic and I couldn’t afford to lose any more fluids. But I started taking them again the next day after I was sure I was well hydrated. Then things didn’t get better. I was scared that I would feel that way all the time. I was having a big pity party for myself (sorry I didn’t invite you all). Yesterday morning, Sunday, I woke up feeling much better. I took my CSF medication, then I got up and fixed myself some breakfast. After making breakfast I turned and the world spun, dang-it! But it was at that time I realized my CSF pressure was too low. I had all the symptoms…the wooshy head, a headache when standing..ect. I went back to bed and lied down flat and the symptoms lessened and went away. Ah…yep, low CSF. So yesterday I spent the day lying flat. I’m holding off on the high CSF medication until I get signs of high CSF, then I’ll ramp back up on them.
Today I’m feeling much, much better, but still weak. My main goals for the day are a shower, and finishing this post…not necessarily in that order.

I’m sure I’ll feel better and better. The weather here is still gorgeous. We had an overcast day, but it was still nice. Today we have the windows open and are enjoying the fresh air.

Migraines, Vertigo, Disequilibrium, Pain – mix and repeat often

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness, CSF, Meniere's Disease, Pain12 Comments

Where have I been you ask?  Or perhaps you haven’t noticed (don’t tell me, I want to think I was missed) I haven’t been commenting as much on other blogs, or chatting away on mine (I know for a while I’ve been a little silent here so you probably didn’t notice), I haven’t even been able to answer emails in a timely manner.  I logged on today and I had over 230+ emails in my inbox.  Normally there are about 30…so how many days has it been??

I’ve been much sicker, if that’s the word to use, lately.  I’m not really sick, it’s my chronic stuff, plus a little oops added in. First I’ll tell about my oops.

I know in my last post 30 things you may not know….. I mentioned how hard it is for me to wash my hair.  It’s normally easier in the bathtub than the shower (I’ve fallen too many times in the shower), but I’ve decided that my bathtub is evil.  I’ve had heart palpitations in the tub and nearly passed out, I’ve slipped a few times trying to get out, once I smacked my head against the wall.  My latest fight with the tub?  I pulled the tendons in my left ankle, and knocked everything out of whack on that side from my foot to my lower back, while I was lying in the tub.  Yes, I said, LYING IN THE TUB!  Only me right?  Ok, it was a little more than just lying still.  I had scooted down in the tub to rinse my hair, then I pushed with my feet to scoot up – my left foot slipped and went in a direction it shouldn’t have.  But I must say, it really didn’t hurt. When I got out of the tub I could stand fine as long as I didn’t go up on my toes.  So I’m thinking, no big deal.  Then Stuart looked at my ankle and said, “Oh My!”.   My ankle was very swollen!!  My lower back hurt, but my ankle really didn’t.  If you touched the swollen area it hurt, but not much.  This happened last Friday night.  On Wednesday the swelling was down and I had a massage, she helped the leg and back, but last night my ankle was swollen again.   (not that I’ve been on it, I had vertigo all day yesterday so I was in the bed.)  So now you know.  I am afraid of my tub and shower….makes it pretty hard to keep up personal hygiene, but I manage….thanks to that darling man of mine.

What else had been causing me frustration and just plan fear lately?  I was supposed to have the Botox shots for my migraines on the 18th, my doctor was sick and they had to reschedule….they wanted to make the appointment in November!  We are leaving for Tucson, AZ the last week on October, we won’t be here in November.  So they scheduled it for October 20th…I cried.  I had the worst time with migraines this past month.  Right before my period started the pain started…they gave me special medication for that time of the month, it didn’t work.  I had 15 days out of 20 were spent in a dark room, often without any hearing device on because the light and sound would make me throw up.  Throw in some vertigo, and we have a great party going on.  Luckily, the appointment has just been changed to October 3rd.  This should be during my period, so it will be a real test.  Big problem now?  If it works I need to have another shot regimen in 3 months, we won’t be here.  I’m not sure I can find a neurologist in Tucson who would be willing to see me just once to give me Botox injections.  Actually, I doubt I will be able to, so it will be more like 5 months between injections.

Recently I’ve been having more vertigo, and constant disequilibrium.  Frankly, it scares me.  I’m pretty sure some of this is Cerebrospinal Fluid Pressure.  We changed my medication that controls the high pressure to a times released form instead of the kind I have to take numerous times a day (I kept missing one).  Since I’ve been on this new version of this medication I’ve been having symptoms like I did when my pressure was too low.  I started back on the regular form of the medication yesterday, I hope this really is what’s wrong.  Because the vertigo is scary.  I’m proud of myself about how much better I’m dealing with it.  I don’t panic as much, I’m sure I would if it was a severe attack.  My biggest fear I have is that when a severe attack hits it will never end.   I’ll give you an example of my days…Yesterday I woke up to the word spinning, slowly, but still spinning…this went on all day.  Luckily, I was able to sleep through some of it.  Then when it actually got to be bedtime, I couldn’t sleep.  So many things going through my head.  I kept thinking, something doesn’t add up….but I’m not sure what…at least I finished Uncle Tom’s Cabin…and still laid awake until 5am.  Today, I’m not spinning, but I can’t walk straight.  I can’t move my head at a normal speed or I will fall down from the disequilibrium.  In the past 48 hours, I’ve been to the bathroom once unaided.

OK…I know this is another venting post.  But I’m scared.  What if the change in medication doesn’t work?  Then why is this happening?  We’ll figure it out, or I’ll learn to live with it!  Right?

The other night I was talking to Stuart and told him that sometimes I envy people who don’t have to feel like I do.  Of course, he said that’s natural, part of self-preservation and all that….  I then told him, I would gladly be the only person in the world who had to feel this way if no one else ever did.  And I mean it.  The thought that others go through this is heart breaking to me.

The Lorax
photo from smh.com.au

I do have some good news about my hearing!  (unfortunately I had to cancel the last 3 appointments I’ve had with my audiologist because I was too ill to go, so I can’t tell you what she has to say, but I have some Wow! news.)  Stuart got The Lorax DVD from Netflix and we curled up in bed and watched it on the computer.   I used the direct link cable and linked the computer sound up to my processor.  I didn’t expect to hear any better than I hear the TV, I thought I’d mostly read the movie, as usual (thank goodness for closed captioning!), but this was different!  I heard the movie!!  I heard the characters the way they were supposed to sound!  I really heard it all, just right!  Isn’t that amazing?  That gives me hope that one day my CI will give me sounds that are normal.  Right now, I hear better with it than my hearing aid, but sounds are a bit off, however, I understand things more.  It’s coming along!  And The Lorax is my new best friend!

 

Invisible Illness Week – 30 things you may not know…

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness, Disability, Meniere's Disease10 Comments

September 10 -16 is National Invisible Awareness Week – If you’d like to get involved check out the official site. 

30 things about my illness you may not know.

(warning, some answers may give too much information, but it’s not detailed)

See, I don’t look sick. This photo was taken in 2009, right before my first ear surgery.
  1. The illness I live with is:  The main illnesses I live with are Meniere’s, chronic Migraines, Bipolar I disorder, and chronic hip and pelvic pain.  If you are interested in my other illnesses please see the the tab above titled The Ants That Bite.
  2. I was diagnosed with it in the year:  I don’t remember any more.  I think I was diagnosed with Meniere’s in 2001, Migraines (I’m not really sure, I’ve had doctors tell me on and off since my teens that I have migraines, but they became chronic in my late 20’s…I’m 49 now), chronic hip pain and pelvic pain – they haven’t figured out what is causing all the pain, so no diagnosis.  Bipolar I – 1990 then was told they were wrong – re-diagnosed in 1994.
  3. But I had symptoms since:  Meniere’s – the first attack I remember was in 1993.  Migraines – the first one I remember, I was 11.  The pelvic pain – in my early 30’s,  in the mid 1990’s.  The hip pain – 2008. Bipolar – in my teens.
  4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is:  These are a few major ones for me….  Losing my hearing.  Not being able to drive.  Not seeing my friends like I used to.  Realizing that I will never be cured.  Not being able to have a sex life without pain.  (but I’ve dealt with, or am dealing with all of these.  They will not keep me down.)
  5. Most people assume:  I can do much more than I can, after all, I don’t “look” sick.  And some assume I use my illness to get out of social situations, but honestly I hate being so solitary
  6. The hardest part about mornings are:  Never knowing what the day will bring.  I often wake up with a blinding headache, I know what that day will bring.  But if I wake up feeling decent I never know if I’ll continue to feel that way, or if I’ll be hit with a Meniere’s attack or Migraine.  However, I try to make the most out of every day.
  7. My favorite medical TV show is: Ummm, funny, I used to watch some medical TV shows, but I don’t any longer.  I think I see too much of the medical community in person.
  8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is:  I suppose I could “live” with out most gadgets, but there are some I wouldn’t want to!  My Cochlear Implant, I can hear so much more now. My laptop -so many of my friends are in there!
  9. The hardest part about nights are:  Trying to sleep, and trying to stay asleep.  Fear.  Fear of having an attack just as I’m falling asleep (this happens more than I’d like to admit), fear of waking up with a blinding headache……However, each night before I sleep I acknowledge my gratitude for the day, and plan what I’d like to do the next day.  I always have hope I will have a good day, and if I don’t I still know I’ll get something out of it.
  10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please)    18 daily (this included the total number, not different medications), 5 as needed, 4 vitamins daily, and one B12 shot a week.
  11. Regarding alternative treatments I:  have tried many, including chiropractic, acupuncture, certain vitamin routines….  I found medical massage helps my migraines and hip pain a lot.  I also use a special diet to treat gluten and fructose intolerance.
  12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I don’t think anyone would choose to have an illness, but I’ll deal with the hand I’ve been dealt. 
  13. Regarding working and career:  I don’t work.  I don’t have a career.  Takes a lot out of conversations with others.  My doctor suggested I look into filing for disability, but I haven’t done it yet.
  14. People would be surprised to know:  I often don’t wash my hair for a month or more.  Water on my head is a trigger for me, especially if I have to close my eyes.  Luckily, my hair is pretty dry, and it’s long so I just tie it back.
  15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been:  There are a lot of times I have to say” I can’t” or “no” to people…and to myself.  Losing most of my independence.  Not being able to drive.  And not being able to have a normal sex life.
  16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was:  Find the positive.  Become my own advocate.  Fire a doctor.
  17. The commercials about my illness:  The only one of my illnesses I’ve seen commercials for is Migraines.  Commercials are always drug companies wanting you to talk to your doctor about their drug.  I’m not comfortable with this, and normally the side effects they list are pretty scary.
  18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is:  I miss being able to go places alone.  (the answer to this question changes often, but right now, not being able to go anywhere alone is very difficult.)
  19. It was really hard to have to give up:  My hearing.  Even with technological help, I have a cochlear implant (CI) and a hearing aid, it is still very hard to hear at times.  I know my hearing with the CI will get better, but it has been very hard to loose all my hearing in one ear, and almost all of it in the other.  Without technology, I can’t hear anything.
  20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Blogging. Reading a lot!  I’ve always liked to read, but now it’s almost an obsession.  (thank you to Kym for my Kindle!   Oh. another gadget I wouldn’t want to live without.)
  21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would:  I would be so very thankful!!  Then I’d spend a day pampering my husband, in and out of bed.  ; )
  22. My illness has taught me:  To be my own advocate.  To be more tolerant…I thought I was tolerant before, but I realize I needed a wake up call on that one.  That I’m not alone….this one relieves me because I needed to feel that someone understood, but it makes me so sad that others have to go through what I have.  And that I can handle much more than I ever thought I could.
  23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: Any form of, telling me I’ll get better.  “When you get better….”,  “You will beat this….”   NO, I won’t.  This doesn’t go away.  I may be able to find something to make it more tolerable, but it will never go away.  And often treatments that work, stop working.   I also hate it when people say, “You don’t deserve this”  I know they are trying to be kind….but I never thought I deserved this!  And one more….”But you look so good.“
  24. But I love it when people:  Tell me how they are doing, want my opinion, want to talk to me as a friend…..Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind if someone asks about my illness, if they are interested and want to know more about it.  But, sometimes I feel like people forget I’m anything more than my illness.
  25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: This may not be the life I expected, so I’m changing my expectations.   I don’t know if this is a quote or anything, it’s simply something I thought one day and it has helped me through accepting a lot of things that have had to change.
  26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them:  Often people who have been recently diagnosed find my blog and it scares them, so I start off telling people:  Everyone’s journey with Meniere’s is different.  Most do not get to the stage I’m at, so please don’t think you are going to lose your hearing….or any number of things I’ve been though.  I’m in the very rare group.  I let them know there are many treatments to keep Meniere’s under control, and point them to sites and other bloggers who can give a different perspective.  Most importantly, I assure them, they are not alone.  They can contact me any time, and there are online groups.
  27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is:  That my husband and I have gotten even closer.  Thank you to our therapist, I think having to go to a therapist about all of this surprised me too.  I was not handling losing my independence very well, and hubby wasn’t communicating very well.  But by going to a therapist we began to communicate out needs much easier, and recognize our needs.  Another big surprise is that people will reach out to me.  I’m very surprised that I’ve touched people, and made some honest friendships with people I’ve never met.
  28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was:  (This does not include things my husband does for me)  Come to visit me.  It doesn’t happen often, but I do enjoy other people’s company.  I hate that I often have to cancel when someone wants to do something with me.  I’m already so isolated, and if I have to cancel people often think I don’t want to see them, or I’m just too much trouble.  I don’t blame them, most of my friends have families, and they have to work their schedule around a lot of things.  So missing a visit makes it harder to make plans the next time.
  29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because:   Because I have more than one. Some people I love and care about have invisible illnesses.  We need to let people know we are still people, but don’t judge us by how we look.
  30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel:  That you care, and maybe you understand some things about me you didn’t before.