It’s so bad…

This is the third attempt at writing this post.

So I shall not try to explain things, or guess at things, I’m just going to tell what is happening.

Vertigo!!!  Nearly constant.  mini spins, mid-line spinning, and horrendous attacks.  When I was diagnosed with Meniere’s I was told it could be one of the worst things you can get that won’t kill you, but you may wish it would.

For the past few weeks, I wish it would.

I’m so miserable.  I can’t walk without aid, and then it’s very difficult.  I often can’t move my head without going into a full swing.  Right now I’m having a decent moment, so I’m trying to write.

I’m scared.  I went to a doctor here, and he thinks it’s allergies.  (I’m not so sure, I take 3 different meds for my allergies.)  He put me on steroids and gave me drops to reduce the inflammation.  No infection was seen.  I feel have been worse since starting the medication.  I’m supposed to see him again on Friday, the 21st, but Stuart is calling him tomorrow.

I can’t be left alone.  We are having a hard time.  Stuart needs to leave to go grocery shopping and such, but it’s almost impossible.  He left for a bit last night to shop, and I ended up spinning and terrified.  I called him, but of course I could hear when he answered, I just kept saying help.  He found me in a lump on the floor.  I know it scared him as much as it did me.  I am not prepared to take care of these attacks by myself.  I know I have, but it is terrifying even with help.

We came to Tucson hoping I would feel better here.  Oh how wrong I was!  I never thought I would feel worse!  The same maybe, but not worse.  I’ve seen family once the whole time we have been here.  I haven’t seen any friends.  I’m just so sick.  I often can’t even move my head.

I want to be home where my doctors are.  I don’t know if Tucson is doing this to me, or if it would have happened any way, but either way, I want my doctors!  But now, I don’t know how we would get home.  Riding in a car is torture.  I can only imagine what riding in a plane would be like.  I often can’t lift my head without spinning very fast.

So that’s all I can write for now.

I made a huge mistake, I should never have left NC.  Having family and friends close here is nice, we do have some people we can call on…but this is new to them, how long would the charity last?  At home we don’t really have a support system….but I have my doctors….and that’s important!  If I could have the support from those here, and my doctors in the same place, I would be a much happier person.

Anyone reading this who are close to us now.  Stuart could really use some help….it’s hard for him to admit, but he is overwhelmed by all of this, I can tell.

(also my migraines are back with a vengeance.  I think the Botox has worn off.  It really seemed to help for a while!)




10 thoughts on “It’s so bad…

  1. Oh Wendy! You know how I feel about this and worry about you when you have an attack. Obviously the doctor there doesn’t know much about how to help you….can Stuart call your doctor at home so the two docs can communicate? Not that it matters, but is the altitude higher there than at home? I will be praying for you my Friend.


  2. Lisa

    My heart breaks for you and I wish there was a way to get you back here without problems with the vertigo. I will keep you in thoughts and prayers. I love you and Stuart and feel free to message me anytime. There has got to be a way for this to work. Sending huge, healing hugs. xo Lisa


  3. I was just wondering how you were doing a few days ago. I was really hoping for better news. I don’t have comforting or hopeful words for you. I will say this. Knock it off with the second guessing! You went to AZ for all of the right reasons and were incredibly brave to do so. So many people with illnesses like ours never leave the house for fear of what might happen. You set out on a well-planned adventure. Don’t think that you made the wrong choice. You made the best choice for you at the time. Just stay in the moment – that is hard enough for you right now.


    1. Allison, Thank you so much. I really needed to hear that! Hoping this are getting better. Just finished the meds and I’m walking better. Don’t know if there is a correlation, but I’m just glad I’m not crashing into the walls….and Stuart’s not afraid to leave the room.

      It will pass… Or it won’t and I’ll adapt…I’m just ticked it happened now. You know?

      thank you again, wendy


  4. Wendy, I was afraid this might happen. I was so hoping the warm, dry air would be helpful. Could it be that you caught a bug??
    I have a good friend who is very knowledgeable in the use of essential oils. She lives there in Tucson (Catalina). Might that be something you would be interested in exploring?
    Have you asked Dr. Kaylie for a possible referral? Driving to Phoenix is no picnic but you may need to go there to see someone more in the know. I wish there was an easy fix for you. Maybe there is a really great vertigo doc out that way, we just haven’t made the connection yet. We can always hope!!
    Sending you and Stuart both tons of healing thoughts.


    1. Linda,
      Thank you for the healing thoughts. I’m a bit better today….and guess what…the last steroid was yesterday…hmmmmmmm?
      Right now I can’t think about a drive anywhere. I’m heaving just going to the doctor here. My new Mother-in-Law is deaf in one ear with complications, and I’m seeing her doctor right now. If I was going to be here longer, I’d do more research, but really I thought I had an infection.
      And honey if this is a bug, it’s been going on for a month and a half. No, I’m not sick….well I am, but I’m not.
      Thank you for the offer of the essential oils. With my Asthma, I can’t do oils or aromatherapy or heck….stand by someone with too much lotion on. Scents really do a number on me.

      The doctor right now really thinks it’s allergies. I’m mostly allergic to ragweed and grass – outside…..and dust inside. Guess what is on the high allergy charts right now….Ragweed and Grass…since the seasons are a bit different…I went from the ending of ragweed there to the beginning of it here. I really hate that stuff.
      And I can’t clean this house. Stuart is so busy taking care of me and working, it’s not getting really clean. It’s big, and very dusty. So…he may be on track with the allergies.

      I am a bit afraid I did have a blow out….if I was there I’d talk to Dr. Gray. Reducing the Diamox has helped.

      Thanks again.
      May you have a happy and healing Christmas.


  5. So sorry to read how tough things have been for you. We often try to second guess; I agree with Allison to let your reservations about going to Tuscon go if you can. (I know how hard it is to forget about decisions made or not made). Sorry to go on so, I’m sure reading can be as difficult as writing right now, but I have a few thoughts on what might help with your situation.
    Sending you and Stuart (((((hugs))))). I’ve been “off the grid” and just read your blog post this morning (I have the wordpress blogs I follow come as weekly digests, so I’m usually behind in reading/commenting.)
    Don’t know your financial situation, but can you hire a maid service to clean the house? If not weekly, maybe once a month? I got a cleaning service to help me clean up my mother’s house before I put it on the market. It was well worth the money — they did an excellent job — and I could never have done it all myself. If dust is an issue, this might be money well spent. Even if you only have them come in now and get rid of the current dust.
    Again, on the financial level, could you find someone to be with you while Stuart runs errands? Also, some organizations, for free, will help care-givers by being in the house when the care-giver needs to do errands.
    Again, costing money, but would an air purifyer (spelling) help if it is indeed allergies?
    I know it sounds trite, but wishing you the best during this holiday season, and I hope that the new year brings good things into your and Stuart’s life.


  6. deb

    So sorry to hear your bad news. I will offer no advice as I know you are very well versed on all the possible causes and available treatments. All I can do is tell you that my heart aches for you and tell you that I do understand. I know what its like and it is hell. I will pray for you my friend. I will pray for continued healing. I will pray for the allergy season to be over! I will pray for strength for your dear husband.
    I will pray for love and peace for you in this season and always! I will pray that you will receive a miracle!
    See you at the manger my friend!
    Merry Christmas!


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