“Mindfulness of the breath is, in my opinion, one of the most powerful practices. Our breath is with us always and as we develop our ability to remember to focus on the breath, we can ride the breath through many waves and storms in our lives. The breath will carry us and help us to be present for what is showing up, whether it is in people, situations or our own hearts and minds.”
Diana Winston and Greater Good Science Center
“Relax. You are enough. You do enough. Breathe extra deep, let go, and just live right now in this moment.”
Shunryu Suzuki
“Mindfulness is when you are truly there, mind and body together. You breathe in and out mindfully, you bring your mind back to your body, and you are there.”
Anonymous
“De Quervain’s tenosynovitis in my left wrist/thumb earlier this year (you can read about it here), but you may have missed that I now have it in my right wrist. The left wrist was treated with a cortisone shot and since then I’ve had no problem. I’ve had 2 cortisone injections in my right wrist and I’m still in pain. … My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, the 7th. It is a minor surgery, I’m not even put under general anesthesia. They just put a little incision on the inside of my wrist below the thumb (on the side, not the palm) and snip a little to release the tendons.”
But, during the recovery/rehab period, Wendy isn’t sure if she can use her dominant hand to type out wonderous things like Mindfulness Monday. So, I’ve stepped in to give her a “hand” – pardon the pun.
First, of course, I know you will be sending good, healing thoughts Wendy’s way. She may have difficulty communicating by keyboard for up to six weeks; if she doesn’t post or respond to a comment, it doesn’t mean she hasn’t been writing them in her head.
My Tai Chi instructor has been focusing on co-coordinating our breathes with out movements. Each pose has an inhale and exhale component. As we relearn each pose with breathing, the meditation in motion of Tai Chi is strengthened.
So, today’s post concerns mindfulness breathing. Hope you find the quotes intriguing enough to explore mindfulness breathing. It is the key, the core to mindfulness in many ways.
I swear if I hear one more person say that something that is wrong with me is due to stress I will scream! I have felt this way for many years. When I was having vertigo daily they said it was made worse by “stress”. When my asthma went crazy, they said “stress”. When I had severe GI issues for months, I was told I needed to reduce my “stress”. You know the last time I looked stress does not cause Meniere’s Disease, or allergy onset asthma, or fructose malabsorption. Don’t get me wrong, I know stress can do a number on you, but I feel like it’s a catch all. If they don’t know, then it’s stress, after all if they can’t fix it then it has to be MY FAULT.
Finally, I am having issues that I think may actually be caused by stress. I will be the first to admit the last few months have been pretty stressful. My mother-in-law was placed in long term care, we moved across the country, I left my sister with the understanding that we may never see each other again, Stuart started a new job, I’m finding new doctors, I have to have surgery on my wrist on TUESDAY, I don’t know how long to expect to be out of commission to recover from said surgery (I hate being so dependent, not having use of my dominant hand is hard), we’re looking for a house (and not finding what we want), we’ve been looking at cars (for me), I’m starting to drive again, we’re living in a small house that I can’t get organized because we don’t want to get too settled since we will be moving again soon, I’m suddenly surrounded by family (some of that’s good, some not so good)…………….WOW. writing all of that out was stressful, and I haven’t listed everything.
This is me with a migraine, the right side of my face gets all numb and droopy. #realmigrainepose
For over a month my migraines and cluster headaches were much, much worse, is this because of the stress, or is it causing more stress….short answer, Yes. I must say though, for the past week they’ve been getting better, I think it’s because of the medical marijuana I’ve started using (more about that soon). I’m having some GI issues that just don’t want to stop. (it’s even waking me up at night, and I haven’t made it to the bathroom a couple of times…is this all from stress, who knows, but I doubt it’s helping), I’m irritable, quick to anger, and just plain grumpy. I’m overwhelmed and in pain, and I’m taking it out on everyone else. I don’t like myself right now. My anxiety has increased, but it’s not too bad, yet. I’ve been a little depressed, but it’s not all consuming. So, there’s a lot to be stressed about and it’s kind of taking it’s toll.
I’m trying to meditate every day, but it seems the more stressed I am the harder it is for me to meditate. I feel like I’m not being very mindful either. I’m living too much in the future. We are buying our forever home and I keep thinking things like, “I don’t want a pool because I don’t want to keep it up when I’m 70”, “I don’t want any stairs because I might get sicker again, and I also we might now be able to climb stairs in a few years.”, and my personal favorite, as I’ve been going though things and deciding what to keep I keep thinking, “will anyone care about this when I die?” ….I just turned 55, I’m not that old, but I sure am living like I am. (except I want a cool yellow car, that will keep me young) I worry about how M’s condition will advance. I worry about Dad, he spends all his time at the home what M, and she’s beginning to have moments where she doesn’t remember who he is exactly. How is he going to handle it when she no longer knows who he is. Then I think about what M’s daughter said, she told me about another relative who had Alzheimer’s and how they told her that they may not know who she is, but they know they love her. I think Margaret will always know she loves Dad. It breaks my heart every day though to see this amazing woman slip away. (she just turned 77)
I really want to get back to focusing on living in the moment and simply not worrying about the rest. Why worry about the now? It’s going to be gone in an instant. I want to invite joy in my life. I want to step away from the drama that I’ve found myself dropped into. I need to nurture my inner self.
Little update on me: My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, the 7th. It is a minor surgery, I’m not even put under general anesthesia. They just put a little incision on the inside of my wrist below the thumb (on the side, not the palm) and snip a little to release the tendons. When I saw the doctor in Charlotte, NC, he told me that often when the injections don’t do anything that there are actually 3 tendons running through the sheath instead of 2. He said they don’t know why but it often doesn’t show symptoms until middle age. This is even more probably since I have it in both wrist, luckily the injection worked pretty well in the left wrist though. The doctor here didn’t mention it, but he did comment that the orthopedics department at Atrium Health (formally known as Carolinas Heathcare System) is one of the best in the country. (right now they are ranked number 3) So I kind of believe the doctor at CHS.
My migraines have improved some since I started using medical marijuana. Most of what I’m taking is a very high grade of CBD oil. I will write a post soon telling you all about my journey through getting a card, learning what to buy, and my experience in the dispensary. The gammaCore has still not arrived. The doctor’s office dropped the ball when ordering it, then they didn’t put in the request for the free trial for the first month. (they did change offices this month, and my doctor is new and has been the only doctor in the group to prescribe the gammaCore, all of those factors led to the good up) The gammaCore company called Stuart last week and told him that it should be no problem getting it approved by my insurance. If that is the case, why haven’t I received it yet? I sure could have used it this past month, the cluster headaches have been killer (literally, if I thought I had to live in that kind of pain all the time, I’d kill myself. Cluster headaches are called Suicide Headaches, because of that very reason, people will kill themselves to get relief. I start Botox in about a month; I was supposed to start on Thursday, but that was my original surgery date so we cancelled it. The monsoons are causing a lot of severe barometric changes almost daily, I’m sure this has been one of the reasons my migraines have been so bad, so hopefully they will get much better in a month of so, when the monsoons are over.
It’s late and I have a headache, so this post was not even read over to check for errors, please forgive any typos, grammar errors, or other atrocities.
Last week was my first time participating in the Ten Things of Thankful challenge, and it made me feel really good. This week my ten things were not as obvious; I think that makes it even more important to take note of them. I’ll be the first to admit, I did not have a good week. A lot of pain and stress has taken hold of my body, I’m holding on, but it’s getting difficult. It’s time to step back and figure out how I can make things a little less demanding. Every weekend is filled with so much to do, when it gets to be Monday I’m in full flare. That has to stop, but I really like my busy weekends. I haven’t been able to do any of these things in so long, it does my heart good to be able to do them now, but my body is not as happy with me, and I’m afraid if I don’t slow down my body is going to make me.
I’m so very thankful:
for my amazing friends who keep me going every day. Some I “talk” with almost every day, some I don’t keep in touch with as often. but I know they are there for me, and I am so very, very thankful for that. I can only hope they know I’m there for them too. I love my people.
that I didn’t get really hurt when I fell down the other day. Yep, I fell, again. Hey, it’s been a while, and I didn’t fall because I was dizzy or anything like that, I fell because I stepped on something slippery and my foot flew out from under me. Mostly, it just scared me.
that I was able to go back-to-school shopping with my niece. It’s so much fun getting to know my niece and nephew, I’m so grateful we can now spend so much time together.
that a local friend of mine texted me today saying that if there is every an emergency I can call on her. That really meant the world to me. She’s local, and I haven’t even seen her yet, I must rectify that.
that I have Air Conditioning. It has been dangerously hot here; I honestly don’t know how anyone could live here without A/C. There are so many homeless people here, I don’t know how they survive in this heat. I’m so grateful I have a safe home and don’t have to live on the streets, my heart goes out to those who do.
that I have been having fun learning to decorate cookies. I’ve only just begun to learn about it, but I’m having so much fun discovering this new art form. I attempted my first watercolor on a cookie this week, it turned out pretty cool, not perfect, but not too bad.
That my father-in-law is letting me use one of his cars, and it’s a really cool car too. I’m just beginning to drive again, after a few years, so it feels amazing to be able to get to go somewhere whenever I want. I’ve only gone on one errand so far, I’m very nervous driving here because I don’t know the area and I can’t hear the GPS. I need to get a GPS that I can see without taking my eyes off the road, that would make things much easier.
for cooler mornings. I’m trying to get up earlier so I can enjoy the weather before it gets too hot, some days I make it, other days, I don’t get out much.
that my surgery is soon. Just got a call this evening that my surgery date has been changed to the 7th. This is causing a bit of inconvenience with Stuart and work. as that was supposed to be a training day for him, I’m grateful he will still be able to take me.
that I was able to do write a post. With my wrist pain, migraines, and additional pain this week, I didn’t think I’d be able to get this done, I’m so grateful that I could do it.
What are you thankful for this week? I’d love for you to share with me just one thing you are grateful for this week!!
I’ll try and write more about my surgery soon, a little mini update before I have to disappear for a while.
Monsoons 2018, by W. Holcombe. all rights reserved
“You can’t calm the storm,
so stop trying.
What you can do is
calm yourself.
The storm will pass.”
~ Timber Hawkeye
“You will not be
the same after the
storms of life;
You will be stronger,
wiser and more alive
than ever before!”
~ Bryant McGill
“The great benefit of
practicing mindfulness…
is the presence of mind
within a storm
of emotions.”
~ Phillip Moffitt
*photo was taken in Tucson, AZ , off my front porch, during monsoon season 2018. It’s am amazing time, I wish I could get better pictures for you. The monsoons are full of beauty and power, but…another of it’s secret powers is to cause super duper migraines. Ahh. Please do not use this image without permission.
After writing this it dawned on me that judging is not always negative. However, in this post, please assume all references to judging are meant negatively.
I found myself judging people recently. I touched on this a couple of weeks ago when I posted on Kindness. I realized just how much people judge others. I don’t think many of us mean to, it just happens. There is something, someone does, that simply doesn’t mesh with what you believe in, and, let’s face it, gossiping is so easy. Often I find myself not having anything in common with someone I’m forced to talk with except for out dislike of someone else, this often leads to gossip, does that happen to you guys?
In Buddhism, one of the Eight Fold Path is “Samma vaca: Right speech: No lying, criticism, condemning, gossip, harsh language. Right
Speech involves abstaining from lying, gossiping, or hurtful talk.” I find this very hard to follow. In further teachings, one is taught that you much have Right thought: This goes one step further than Right Speech, you don’t simply not talk ill of someone, you don’t even have that thought. Now that is something to aspire to! If I have to do that one to obtain Enlightenment, I probably won’t be getting there any time soon.
In Christianity, the Bible states in Matthew 7:1 “1“Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” (there are several other mentions of judging people, but the all pretty much repeat what Matthew has said here or they have expounded on it. You can find out more here.
In Islam, Allah said : “O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other.”, among other verses that condemn judging others.
If being non-judgmental is taught by so many religions, why is it common practice amongst almost everyone one? Heck, most religions judge other religions and their followers. I don’t know if it’s even possible to go through life never judging anyone, but wouldn’t it be a much better place if we could. I doubt I’ll ever get there, but I am going to try my best to not gossip; well, I might bitch a little to Stuart just so I won’t hold explode, but other than that, I will try…I can’t promise, but I’m going to try.
(I mean how could you not judge someone who signs a car financing agreement without looking at how much the car cost? She’s either stupid, or lying. Since moving to Tucson I’m listening to this kind of thing a lot, I’m judging, and it’s stressing me out big time! I’d go so far as to say, it’s making me sick. What am I going to do? The judging seems to be automatic, that guilt is causing enough stress, add to that the stress of feeling like I shouldn’t talk about it, I’m wound up tight as a tick! (if you aren’t from the South, you can find out what they means here. Suffice to say, pretty darn stressed)
Don’t judge yourself by your past. You don’t live there anymore. ~Unknown
The world would be a happier, more peaceful place if we all tried to understand instead of judging, paused before reacting, and gave each other the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming the worst. ~Lori Deschene
Please don’t judge people. You don’t know what it took someone to get out of bed, look and feel as presentable as possible and face the day. You never truly know the daily struggles of others. ~Karen Salmansohn
Aqua Caliente by Wendy Holcombe Hmmm, I’m judging these oranges to be beautiful. Funny how an adjective that change the meaning of a word, isn’t it?
Today we visited Aqua Caliente Park, it’s located on East Roger Road in Tucson, AZ. I never expected to see anything like this in the desert. Funny though, I saw several oasis in the Sonoran Desert outside of Palm Springs, CA; when we lived there, yet I never expected to see it here.
You can read about this park on the Pima County website, but I’d like to share some of the sites I saw there, I hope you enjoy them.
First you’ll find the Flora, followed by the Fauna. (some of the plants are not actually native, but they’ve been here a very long time)
The fish in the photo by himself was a monster! If anyone knows what kind of fish he is I’d love to know. I’m pretty sure he’s not a catfish; if he is, he looks different than SC or NC catfish. 🙂 ***I just read that the part has grass carp and bass in it, I think this might be a carp. I think it should be noted that none of the fish or turtles are native. However, here are many bird species that call this place home.
The frog was also huge! Bigger than my foot! He was so patient and let us take a photo of him, there was another frog close by, but he didn’t want his picture taken so he jumped in the water very fast.
I had severe migraines all week, I was lucky enough to have a few hours respite and a few more hours with the pain reduced enough that I could function, still at a slower pace and I was probably a cranky bitch at times, but I’m grateful I was able to enjoy part of the weekend.
*I have one last photo to share, but I’ll save that for Mindfulness Monday 😉
**Remember all photos and artwork on Picnic with Ants are personal property and are not to be shared without permission from the creator. (in this case, Wendy Holcombe took all the above photos and is the sole owner of all rights)
I was over at my friend Faith’s blog, Little Lord Oscar Dandelion, if you haven’t been over there, check her out, she has some amazing short stores and she’s just really cool too! She shared a post from Ten Things of Thankful and posted her own list of things to be thankful for, you can check her list out here. I think this is a wonderful idea, I have not been paying enough attention to the things in my life that I’m very grateful for, I think this will help me bring that front and center. I think it’d be super cook if you joined us on the challenge.
Ten Things of Thankful (I do want to point out that the rules say “Although the number ten is in the title, that is more of a suggestion than a hard and fast rule. Had a rough week and can only come up with one thing? That’s OK! “I’m thankful that situation X wasn’t worse” is a perfectly acceptable post.”
I’m thankful my surgery has been scheduled. (I’ll be having surgery on my wrist on the 9th of August, I’ll post more information on that soon)
Our house closes tomorrow….unless something unforeseen happens our house in NC will no longer be ours soon.
We started looking at houses here in Tucson this week and we already have a couple we are interested in…cross fingers we pick the perfect house, this will be our forever home.
My father-in-law has a car he’s letting me drive…and it’s a really cool car too.
I’m learning to decorate cookies, it’s an edible art form…cool.
I’ve been able to admit I might possibly have an eating disorder. I know I’ve written about this before, but it’s worse/different and I’m scared/desperate. Admitting this is the first step, I think, to getting better.
I was met by my niece and nephew today with the tightest hugs ever! I feel so loved.
I was able to play a game with my husband, his sister and her husband and I didn’t get competitive, I just found it so much fun, I laughed so hard…mostly at myself!
I went to the medical cannabis dispensary for the first time and it was very interesting, I learned a lot, and found out I need to learn much more.
I had a few hours yesterday with a great reduction in migraine pain. (I took a heck of a lot of medication to get to that point, but it sure was nice to have that break)
I think I could actually add a few more, like I’m very grateful we have A/C in this 112F+ days, I have a big bathtub, I have been able to cook often, I found a few new cooking shows….yes I can find all kinds of things to be grateful for….Oh I have one! Stuart took me to this little park today and it was gorgeous! A little oasis in the middle of the desert, it was amazing!
Aqua Caliente Park – photo by Wendy Holcombe, all rights reserved.
Don’t forget to share your list Thankful list, I’d love to hear all about it.
I know you can normally find Mindfulness Monday here each week, I tried, but I haven’t been able to write much and I thought I’d explain why. (it has taken me many days to write this post, so bare with me…mmmkay?)
You may recall that I had De Quervain’s tenosynovitisin my left wrist/thumb earlier this year (you can read about it here), but you may have missed that I now have it in my right wrist. The left wrist was treated with a cortisone shot and since then I’ve had no problem. I’ve had 2 cortisone injections in my right wrist and I’m still in pain. (you can see pictures from the first injection here) I had the second shot on my birthday (July 2nd) my wrist felt better the first day after the injection, but by the second day I was back to the original symptoms and by the 3rd day it was actually worse. When I went in for the second injection he gave me the option of having surgery or trying the injection again, he told me that if it didn’t work to just call and schedule the surgery I didn’t even need to come in again. So I chose to try the injection again, to say those injections are not pleasant is a huge understatement, but I was really hoping to avoid surgery. After a week, when it was evident that the shot didn’t work, we called to set up the surgery and were told that it was too soon after the injection, I have to wait 4-6 weeks. I was not a happy person. I have a lot of limitations because of this issues; I can’t write or draw, I have extreme difficulty brushing my hair, typing, cooking, picking things up with my right hand, swimming…I’ve wearing a brace that holds my wrist and thumb stable, if I don’t wear the brace, I can’t do much at all…unfortunately the brace has started to cause issues on it’s own,
so I have to stop wearing it. The good news is that the surgery is almost always successful, and it’s very minimally invasive, in fact they often do it with local anesthesia. (I will admit I’m a bit intimidated by that, I don’t want to see them cut on my arm…ewww, but I also hate going under general anesthesia, so we’ll see) I was having a hard time accepting that fact that they were making me wait for the surgery, honestly I was pretty pissed; then I remembered that the way to happiness is acceptance. I decided to look at the whole situation differently. It’s only a few weeks difference, they aren’t saying I have to be stuck like this forever. I stated taking extra supplements that are supposed to help with joint and inflammation issues, hopefully this will reduce the swelling and some pain. (if you’re interested I’m taking extra turmeric, collagen, glucosamine..I think that’s all) Even though I’ll still need surgery, if the swelling is down, it should help with recovery. Accepting this situation made life a bit happier.
On another note, I’m having increased migraines, often with migraine associated vertigo, and cluster headaches. When we first got here my head actually felt better, but that didn’t last long. Bright lights are a big trigger for me and it’s really bright here, more than that, now it’s monsoon season so the barometric pressure has been all over the place with crazy storms almost every day, my head is definitely feeling it.
I’m also having a lot more cluster headaches and I don’t have anything to help them. I saw a new headache specialist about 3 weeks ago, I wrote about it here. I felt optimistic after that visit, but I haven’t received the gammaCore that he prescribed, it was supposed to arrive in about 5 days. We called to find out the status and no one called back, so we called again, and still no call back. I know that the office was moving but that doesn’t excuse them from paying attention to their patients. **Update** They called late yesterday and it seems that the doctor didn’t have us fill out a form that he should have, so it delayed everything. The nurse who called said she’s fill it all out and we could sign it the next time we are there, so the gammaCore is now on it’s way! I should receive it by the end of the week! Thank goodness. (the gammaCore treats both cluster headaches and migraines! again, Thank Goodness!!
So that’s what’s been keeping me away….along with other stress, but that’s for a different day when I can actually type without being in intense pain. Hunting and pecking with my left hand is not fun. 🙂
“Accept – then act.
Whatever the present moment contains,
Accept it as if you had chosen it.
Always work with it,
Not against it….
This will miraculously transform your whole life.”
What does it mean to be kind? Often kindness is confused with compassion, but there is a difference. Kindness is simply being friendly to a person whether they are suffering of not. Compassion is reaching out to someone who is suffering.
When I read Toni Bernhard’s book, How to Wake Up, (and later an article she wrote about kindness) I was touched by what she calls “friendliness practice”.
She describes it like this, “As I turn the front doorknob to leave my house, I consciously resolve to maintain an attitude of friendliness toward all the strangers I see…If I’m waiting in line, I look at each person around me and silently say to each one: ‘May you enjoy this day’; or ‘I hope you have fun today.’”
I have tried to do this practice and have found that it lifts my heart, simply sending loving kindness to those around me fills me with joy.
I find it so fulfilling to see the joy on a stranger’s face when I am nice to them, whether it’s a complement or simply saying having a small conversation, kindness can make your day so much more joyful.
However, there are times when I find myself automatically judging people I don’t even know. For example, recently we were riding in a “questionable” part of town and were suddenly stuck because someone pulled out in front of everyone, just to go from one convenience store to another on the opposite side of the street. The man was driving a new Cadillac that was all tricked out, and when he smiled you could see gold teeth. We both automatically thought, drug dealer. We knew nothing about this man except what we saw on the outside, yet we found ourselves judging him. This is something most of us do, and I’m sure I’ll do it again, but I’m trying to be kinder. When I find myself having these judgments I’m trying to follow Toni’s example and silently say something kind to this person anyway. Just as Toni said, I found that this action normally stops the judgment…but sometimes it doesn’t, it’s at those times I need to be kind to myself and continue to try my best.
“Kindness is within our power even when fondness is not.” ~ Samuel Johnson
I’m certain that no one is fond of everyone, but being kind to someone doesn’t mean we have to like the person. In this day of political tensions, prejudice, racism….I know I have never been surrounded by so much hate. The Buddha taught, “Hatred does not cease by hatred, only by non-hatred.” We can “not hate” someone without liking them. When you don’t hate it’s much easier to be kind.
It has pained me to find out that some of my ‘friends’ have such differing views than I have, many of these views are, in my opinion, unethical and morally wrong. Because of the extreme differences in our views, and often the venom that I hear spoken by others voicing their opinions, I’m finding that I don’t really like many of these people any more, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be kind to them. I try to find what we have in common, I think we all want to be happy and to stop suffering, when I look at someone in that light, I find it much easier to be kind. I don’t have to agree with someone to be kind. That doesn’t mean I’m okay with their views, it means I can be nice to them, that’s a lot more than I sometimes think I can do, but let’s face it, being kind to someone feels a whole lot better than hating them, hatred makes me feel really bad.
That brings me to this quote:
“Kindness can become its own motive. We are made kind by being kind.” ~ Eric Hoffer
The more often you are kind, the more natural it will become. Kindness becomes a habit and it grows within you, by being kind to others, you are in turn, kind to yourself.
** I hope you enjoyed this different take on Mindfulness Monday, be sure to remember to be kind to yourself.
I highly recommend Toni Bernard’s books, especially “How To Be Sick; A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers”. This book changed literally my life, and I refer back to it over and over. If you, or someone you know, is dealing with chronic illness, do yourself a favor and check this book out. (This is completely my opinion, no one asked me to post this, and I’m not being compensated for it. I simply love this book.)
(image created by Wendy Holcombe using Autodesk Sketchbook, please to not use without permission)
“May I be easily able to let whatever needs to go, go.
And may whatever wants to come
be radiantly and joyously born.”
~ Tosha Silver
“The purpose of our lives
Is to give birth to the best
Which is within us.”
~ Marianne Williamson
“Every morning we are born again.
What we do today is what matters most.”
~ Buddha
You might be able to tell from the the quotes….Today is my birthday! I hope you have a wonder filled day, and have a grand un-birthday. (unless of course it is your birthday too, in that case, I hope your celebration is grand!)
Image is “Silly Goose” a silly doodle by me. It’s one of those doodles that comes from a stray mark on a page in my drawing journal. Try it, make a swoop on the page and let it be the start of a doodle. You can even make it silly. 😉
“Three things in human life are important:
Picnic with Ants 
