Author: Wendy

I'm taking a journey learning to live a mindful and happy life, while living with Chronic Illnesses. I'm a bit of an idealist. I want everyone to be happy and think everyone should want the same for others. I don’t understand mean people. I cry easily and laugh often. I love cartoons, Dr. Who, and my wonderful husband...not in that order!

Another Day of Feeling Crappy

On By WendyIn Meniere's Disease6 Comments

I woke up yesterday and my hearing was down.  I thought, well, here we go again.

Today, has been a pretty bad day.

I got up, still can’t hear as well, felt off-balance; and as usual as soon as I woke up I was off to the bathroom, the diarrhea starting all ready.  (I must say though that for the past couple of days things have been better on that front.)  Not today.

I ate breakfast.  Decided I’d look work on some photos on Photoshop.  All of a sudden I had to RUN to the bathroom, and as you may have guessed, I didn’t quite make it.  I’m so grossed out by this.  What if I had been out in public?

Shortly after this I could feel a vertigo attack coming on.  I quickly took some Valium, and Phenergan.  I even decided to not wait and took a Phenergan suppository too.  I tried to stay calm, but this

is driving me crazy.  At least one attack per week, I just want it to end.  I asked Stuart to call Dr. Kaylie’s office and tell him that I am going to kill myself if they don’t do something soon.  Of course, Dr. Kaylie is out of the clinic this week.  I realize that everyone deserves some time off, but why does everyone seem to think that the world stops this time of year?  I am just so miserable, and all of my doctors are on vacation.  *sigh*  I’m sure they will take care of things as soon as they can as soon as they get back.  Yes, I could see the doctor on call, but that really wouldn’t do any good.  He wouldn’t be able to do a spinal tap, or set up surgery.  So I wait…

After a little while the vomiting still hadn’t started, but I was still feeling very bad.  We decided that I would get another suppository, and take another Valium.  I usually don’t take them so close together (it was about an hour and a half since I took the first round.)  But I’m glad I did.  Things really started calming down.  I even feel almost normal now.  Thank goodness.  I’m still a bit off-balance, but nothing I can’t handle.

I’m getting so tired of feeling sick and tired.

I can’t exercise.  I’ve gained so much weight since this diarrhea started.

Look at these two pictures.

Taken at Christmas Party 2010
Taken last year about this time.

Can you see how much weight I’ve gained?  Just look at my face.  I know it’s a little hard to tell in the top picture, but it’s the best one I have of me right now.  I must say, I’m kind of avoiding the camera.  I hate to even look in the mirror.  I gained the majority of this weight in 2 months, when the diarrhea first started.  30+ pounds.

I have enough to worry about without having to worry about this too.  It’s just so depressing.

Don’t worry, I haven’t given up.  I do believe something can be done, but I’m just tired of waiting for that something.

Slow Cooker Roasted Chicken

On By WendyIn RecipeLeave a comment

 

This is part of the meal I made for the Dark Days Challenge put out my the (not so) Urban Hennery to produce one meal a week during the winter made from primarily from S.O.L.E. (Sustainable, Organic, Local, and Ethical) ingredients.
For the rest of the meal I made Baked Blue Sweet Potato Fries, and Stir Fried Collard Greens.  (you can find these recipes on my Gluten-Free Greenie Blog)
Roasted Chicken in a Slow Cooker

(this is my take on Shirley’s Crock Pot Rotisserie Style Chickenrecipe from A Year of Slow Cooking)
1 chicken (I used a local, all Natural Chicken) that will fit in your slow cooker easily.  Mine was about 3 lbs.
4-6 whole cloves of garlic
Seasoning of your choice.  (I used McCormick’s Montreal Chicken Seasoning this time.  I often use a Garlic Herb seasoning blend, but I’ve used a Jerk Seasoning blend and a lemon pepper seasoning with sliced lemons too.  It just depends on the flavor you want.)
Remove the Chicken from the wrapper, remove any giblets if there are any in the cavity, and rinse the bird inside and out.
Sprinkle the whole bird with your seasoning mixture.  You can even rub it in if you want.
Place the Chicken in your slow cooker breast side down.
Toss in a few peeled garlic cloves.
Cook for 4-5 hours on high, or about 8 hours on low.
It took my bird about 4 hours on high, cooked in a 3.5 quart oval cooker.
This is the easiest, and one of the tastiest ways I’ve found to cook a whole chicken.

 

 

The Spirit of Chirstmas

On By WendyIn Life1 Comment
Charlie Brown Christmas Puzzle

I love the magic that surrounds this time of year.  I wish everyone could feel it.  I’ve been alone on Christmas before and it’s a very sad time.

The Spirit of Christmas to me is in the magic of Giving.

I don’t mean presents here.  I mean giving something of yourself that you don’t normally think of giving.  Donating to your favorite charity, having a friend over to share in your Christmas traditions, surprising someone who isn’t expecting it with just a little something.

I’m not a commercial person.  I hate how Christmas has become a race to see who can get the most expensive, the greatest number of toys.

It is not the gift that counts, it is the spirit in which it is given.

Many people stress being with family on Christmas.  That is very hard on people who aren’t very close to their family, or who don’t have a family.

I’m so glad that I have my very small family.  Stuart and I are just so good together.  Our dear dog Sandy, and our huge cat Max round out our immediate family very well.  As much as my little family means to me, it is the love of my dear friends that continually surprises me.  They are a gift to me.

What I really want for Christmas this year, is the ability to spend more time with my friends this coming year.  Of course, that would mean that I would be feeling better, that would be very nice too.  (I would like for more of my friends to understand that just because I’m having a hard time with my illness, it doesn’t mean I want to be alone all the time.)

May your Christmas be filled with magic.  Make sure that the people you love know it.  It’s very hard not to get so caught up with the business of the season and forget about taking time to reach out to someone in need.

Every year on Christmas Eve we watch It’s a Wonderful Life.  This is a very magical movie that shows us all just how much we affect others without even knowing it.  We should all try to live a good life, because we never know if what we are doing may change someone else’s life forever.

Again, have a very joyous holiday!  May you all feel the magic of the season!

Much Happier Day

On By WendyIn Life, Meniere's Disease2 Comments

The Christmas Spirit has finally hit our household.

I’m feeling much better about things than I have been.  Today I got so much more done than I have in so long.

But let me start over.  Last night I had a complete meltdown!  I hate it when that happens.  It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s not pretty.  I feel so sorry for Stuart when I’m like that.

Now, today things look so much brighter.  I seem to have a renewed sense of hope.

I got so much done today.  I cooked.  I vacuumed.  I cleaned up the kitchen.  It was wonderful!  I felt so useful, and I felt like I was much more me.

Tonight we put together our Lego Christmas Train while listening to Christmas Carols.  Yes, the Christmas Spirit has found its way to our house.  Thank goodness!

S.O.L.E. Foods Menu this Week

On By WendyIn Recipe, whole nutrition1 Comment

As I posted on my Gluten Free Greenie Blog I’ve unofficially taken on the 4th Annual Dark Days Challenge from the(not so) Urban Hennery.
The challenge is to make a meal a week during the winter using SOLE food ingredients. (Sustainable, Organic, Local, and Ethical).

This week I made Field Peas in my Slow Cooker, Sauteed Broccoli Raab, and Mashed White Sweet Potatoes.

If you are interested in the recipes please see my post on Gluten-Free Greenie.

Chicken Noodle Soup

On By WendyIn Gluten-Free, Recipe2 Comments

Nothing is better when you are sick than Chicken Noodle Soup.  My husband loves it, and it makes me feel good when I can pamper him a little when he is sick.  Unfortunately, I also got sick, but at least I home made Chicken Noodle Soup to make me feel a little better.

First I made Homemade Chicken Stock, but you can use purchased stock.  I like stock much more than broth because it much more flavorful.  Broth is usually watered down too much.  If I use a purchased stock I prefer Kitchen Basics Unsalted Stock.  Most purchased soups, broths, and stocks have way too much sodium, Kitchen Basics makes an unsalted version that is very flavorful.

Homemade Chicken Stock

  • You can use a whole Chicken, but I save up all the bones that have little bits of meat left on them from when I buy chicken on the bone and then need boneless chicken for a recipe.  (I hardly ever buy boneless, skinless chicken breast.  I buy split chicken breast and de-bone and skin it.  It usually cost much less that way.)
  • 3-4 medium carrots with tops cleaned and cut into big chunks.
  • 3-4 stalks of celery with tops (if they have them on there, a lot of celery I buy lately doesn’t have the leaves) chopped in big pieces
  • 1 medium onion, chopped in big pieces.
  • Enough water to cover everything

Place the chicken, veggies, and water in a stock pot that is big enough to hold everything without boiling over.  Bring to a boil.  Reduce heat to low, and cook for at least 45 mins, until the chicken is tender and the veggies are pretty much falling apart.    You can remove the Chicken and Veggies by straining them through a colander and let the liquid run into another pot.  Return the liquid to the stove and cook until the stock is as strong as you would like.

I used part of the stock immediately in my soup, but to save the rest I dipped it in muffin tins and froze it (don’t fill it all the way to the top).  When the stock is frozen remove it from the pan and put the cubes in a zip loc bag for future use.  (each muffin tin holds about 1/2 cup, this is a good way to know how much stock you have, you can even measure out 1/2 cup muffin tin to be certain.)

Chicken Noodle Soup

  • Chicken Stock from above.  (about 4 cups)
  • The chicken that you pulled off the bones from making the chicken stock.  (if you used left over bones and pieces like I did you may need to add a little more chicken.  I added a breast cut into very small pieces.)
  • 3-4 medium carrots cut in small rounds
  • 2-3 stalks of celery sliced in small pieces
  • 1 medium onion chopped
  • 2-3 teaspoons minced garlic
  • 2 sprigs fresh rosemary
  • 2-3 teaspoons Italian seasoning.
  • Gluten Free Noodles (I had Tinkyada Elbows on hand so that’s what I used.)

Add all ingredients to soup pot. Bring to boil then reduce to a simmer. Cook until veggies are tender.  Remove Rosemary, (if some leaves fall off it’s ok, I just like to take most of it out because the soup starts to taste more like Rosemary than anything else.)  Return soup to a boil and add pasta, reduce heat to simmer and let cook for about 15 mins (depending on the pasta you use.)  When pasta is ready the soup is ready to eat!


A Crisis of Faith

On By WendyIn Meniere's Disease5 Comments

I try so hard to believe that things will get better.  I want to believe that the Meniere’s will become manageable, that I will start having normal digestion again, that I can have a life again.

A friend of mine sent me a note on Facebook that said I was her hero, because I’ve been through so much in the past couple of years and still I can be optimistic about the future.  Well not today.

Today, I’m not optimistic at all.  Today, I can’t see past the pain and horror that my life has become.  I read on Facebook all the fun things that my friends are doing, and I’m a prisoner in my own home.

I continue to have horrible Meniere’s attacks.  It just hurts too much.  Not just the attacks, but the unknowing.  Is it going to happen today.  Is this weird feeling I’m having the beginnings of an attack.  I can’t drive any more.  I can’t even take care of my house.  Some days I can’t even get out of bed by myself.

Then there’s the digestion problems.  Today was horrible.  I ate dinner, my stomach hurt a lot.  I went to bathroom and nothing really happened, then I was standing at my kitchen sink and I lost control of my bowels.  Yes, just standing there and Wam! I had poop running down my leg!  (I can’t believe I’m actually telling anyone this.)  I went upstairs, sat in the bathroom for a very long time, then took a shower and put my clothes in the washer.  But during that time I had a complete melt down, and I don’t think it’s over.

I’m really tired of living like this.  I’m ready to just, I don’t want to say die, but that’s really what it comes down to.  I feel like I’m fighting a loosing battle.  The doctors at Duke tell me there is so much they can do for the Meniere’s…so when are they going to do it?  I know I just had the blood patches on November 24th, but since December 4th my life has been a living hell.

The digestive health doctors have no idea what is going on, and the last two tests I was scheduled for I had to cancel because the Meniere’s had control of my life.  I have a scope planned for Wednesday, where they put a scope down your throat and have a look-see.  Now if the Meniere’s will let me go through with this test, maybe they will find some answer.  I have a feeling they are just going to tell me I have IBS.  Something else that has no cure, that I will be stuck with for the rest of my life.

I want to have faith, and most of the time I do.  I’m not religious like a lot of people, but I have my own beliefs.  But that’s not the kind of faith I’m talking about.  I simply feel so out of control.

All my life when things happened to me, I always knew that I could fight back and over come.  But now I don’t have that.  I feel like I’m fighting so hard, but I don’t have the right ammunition.

Even now I want to say, don’t worry, I’ll be fine, I’ll get through this too.  I don’t want pity, and I feel like I see that in so many people’s eyes.

I can accept a lot of strife in my life.  Loosing my hearing, I could deal with.  Walking with a limp and living in pain, I could deal with.  Not having control of my bowels, I can’t life with.  Never knowing when the vertigo will hit, I can’t live with.  (I used to have signals, but now the vertigo will come on so fast.)  I can’t deal with feeling so out of control.

On top of everything, my dear sweet dog has bladder cancer.  In July they gave her 6 months to a year.  She’s still doing very well.  Right now she has a staff infection, the vet says that isn’t unusual for dogs with bladder problems, but I’m afraid it’s the first of her going down hill.  I’ve had my Sandy for over 16 years, I don’t know what I will do without her.

But tomorrow is another day.  I’m sure things will look better after a good night’s sleep, and I will once again have my optimism back.  I’m just so tired.

Sick House

On By WendyIn Meniere's DiseaseLeave a comment

My house is sick.  The hubby and I both have colds.  Luckily they aren’t too bad, at least not yet.

I’m glad I felt well enough yesterday to make a pot of chicken noodle soup (I even made the Chicken Stock fresh), and I made a big crock pot full of field peas that I picked up at the farmer’s market.  I have lot’s of veggies I need to cook up, but they will probably have to wait today.

My Meniere’s symptoms always seem to be worse when I have a cold, or any other illness for that matter.  I’m dizzier, and my stomach can’t make up its mind if it wants to eat or barf.  I’m just so tired, and my head hurts…a lot.

I think I’m going to warm me up some left overs and crash on the couch.

I’d much rather be pampering my husband since he doesn’t feel well either.  Hopefully, he’ll just take it easy today too.

The name of my blog doesn't fit.

On By WendyIn Life7 Comments

I’ve been thinking and I just don’t think the name of my blog fits.  When I started it I thought I was going to be able to make more strides toward a healthier me in a shorter amount of time, but things are moving pretty slowly.  That’s ok, I know I will be making strides, but I don’t feel like my blog is just about that.  I want it be more about me.  Not just my health issues.  I want to talk about my love of cooking, my art, being environmentally conscious, working on becoming Foster Parents…..

So I need your help.  I need some ideas to rename my blog.  So far I have:

  • Determined Lady
  • Wendy’s Musings
  • My Unexpected Life
  • My Life: The Adventure

I’m leaning toward My Unexpected Life, Stuart voted for that one too.

I did check to make sure these were not already blog names, but now WordPress says My Unexpected Life is unavailable.

The rest of the suggestions are available.  I’m disappointed though, I liked My Unexpected Life.  I felt like that summed my life up pretty well.

What do you think?

Do you have any other suggestions?  (suggestions are very welcome)

Thanks for sticking with me.

Oh What a Night! (and not in a good way)

On By WendyIn Meniere's Disease5 Comments

I had a horrible attack last night.

All day yesterday I was following a weird diet because I was supposed to have a hydrogen Breath test today (this checks to see if you are digesting your food properly), then I was supposed to have a breath test for Lactose Intolerance and Fructose Intolerance.  So all day I couldn’t have dairy, soy, fruit, most veggies (I could have overly cooked or canned Asparagus, Green Beans, Spinach, Carrots, and baby Okra.  Ewww, canned veggies.)  I could have lot’s of carbs, but I had to limit them to 30grams per meal.  It was crazy.  I could eat meat, but I don’t usually eat that much meat.  So yesterday I had more meat than I usually eat, and some canned veggies…I know I said ewwww, before but…ewwww.  The Asparagus was slimy and had too much sodium, the Spinach tasted like dirt, I didn’t even try anything else.  Just too icky.

Around 8:15pm I started to feel a little spinny.  Stuart got me a Valium and I thought that would do it, but then it started getting worse, I took a Phenergan, and a Diamox (this is the pill that lowers your pressure), I thought perhaps since I had more sodium than usual yesterday it might have spiked my pressure.  Well, I think taking that pill may have been a huge mistake.

The spinning got much worse, and no amount of trying to keep myself calm was working.  Then came the heat, I know when you start to get really hot, I’ll probably be throwing up soon.  Well, first diarrhea hit.  Yes, I was spinning, about to toss my cookies and I had to run to the bathroom.  Thank God for my husband and my walker.  I made it back to the couch, and started throwing up.  For over 2.5 hours I was throwing up, long past the point of anything being left in my stomach.  And the pain…oh the stomach pain.  The burning and gnawing feeling, and all my muscles working in over time. I was shaking uncontrollably.  I was to the point where I was choking, and couldn’t breathe at some points. Everything was pushing out, and I couldn’t take a breath in.  I hate to admit this, but I couldn’t hold my water at one point when I was throwing up, all the muscles were just not working like they should.

I realized last night how much this would kill me if I had to watch my husband go through it.  He works so hard to make me as comfortable as possible, and allow me to still keep some of my dignity.  He keeps a clean bucket for me to throw up in and switches out the moment there is a break so I won’t have to smell it.  He even puts a little mouth wash in it in case some of the smell lingers I won’t smell it.  He cleans me up, keeps wet wash cloths close by, and holds me tight and lets me squeeze his hand when things get bad.  When I wet myself he simply put a pad under me and when things calmed down he helped me get cleaned up.  He even puts in the Phenergan suppositories for me.  Every time this happens I am so amazed at how well he handles it, you can tell it’s tearing him apart that he can’t make it stop and help me more, but he tries so hard to do everything he can, and tells me that he is just grateful that he can be here for me.  I don’t know what I’d do without him.  I feel like he does so much for me, and I’m just dead weight.  I feel like I’m worthless, I just don’t know how to make things better.

I know, I have hope that things will get better.  I will once again be able to get off of this darn couch.  But today, I just feel awful, and I’m wallowing a little.

I realized the other day that if/when they do make me better, I don’t have any skills to do anything.  I thought about going back to school, but I’ve been out for so long that none of my credits would count now, and since I haven’t been working they can’t take my experiences there into account.  I just don’t know what I would do with myself.  But I would like the opportunity to find out.

Sorry this is such a scattered post.  I usually feel better than this the day after an attack, but I barely have the energy to stand up, and can’t think about walking without my walker.  (of course, I’m still running to the bathroom, but there is so very little coming out.)  I’m pretty miserable today.  I hurt all over, my head hurts, my chest, stomach, bowels….I just feel bad.

So lot’s of Gatorade, and bland foods.  Snuggling on the couch with my dear sweet dog, and sometimes the cat joins us too.  Perhaps I’ll finish the book I’ve been reading.  But for now, I think I’ll take a nap.

Thanks for listening to me rant.  I feel better already just getting it all off my chest.