Oh What a Night! (and not in a good way)

I had a horrible attack last night.

All day yesterday I was following a weird diet because I was supposed to have a hydrogen Breath test today (this checks to see if you are digesting your food properly), then I was supposed to have a breath test for Lactose Intolerance and Fructose Intolerance.  So all day I couldn’t have dairy, soy, fruit, most veggies (I could have overly cooked or canned Asparagus, Green Beans, Spinach, Carrots, and baby Okra.  Ewww, canned veggies.)  I could have lot’s of carbs, but I had to limit them to 30grams per meal.  It was crazy.  I could eat meat, but I don’t usually eat that much meat.  So yesterday I had more meat than I usually eat, and some canned veggies…I know I said ewwww, before but…ewwww.  The Asparagus was slimy and had too much sodium, the Spinach tasted like dirt, I didn’t even try anything else.  Just too icky.

Around 8:15pm I started to feel a little spinny.  Stuart got me a Valium and I thought that would do it, but then it started getting worse, I took a Phenergan, and a Diamox (this is the pill that lowers your pressure), I thought perhaps since I had more sodium than usual yesterday it might have spiked my pressure.  Well, I think taking that pill may have been a huge mistake.

The spinning got much worse, and no amount of trying to keep myself calm was working.  Then came the heat, I know when you start to get really hot, I’ll probably be throwing up soon.  Well, first diarrhea hit.  Yes, I was spinning, about to toss my cookies and I had to run to the bathroom.  Thank God for my husband and my walker.  I made it back to the couch, and started throwing up.  For over 2.5 hours I was throwing up, long past the point of anything being left in my stomach.  And the pain…oh the stomach pain.  The burning and gnawing feeling, and all my muscles working in over time. I was shaking uncontrollably.  I was to the point where I was choking, and couldn’t breathe at some points. Everything was pushing out, and I couldn’t take a breath in.  I hate to admit this, but I couldn’t hold my water at one point when I was throwing up, all the muscles were just not working like they should.

I realized last night how much this would kill me if I had to watch my husband go through it.  He works so hard to make me as comfortable as possible, and allow me to still keep some of my dignity.  He keeps a clean bucket for me to throw up in and switches out the moment there is a break so I won’t have to smell it.  He even puts a little mouth wash in it in case some of the smell lingers I won’t smell it.  He cleans me up, keeps wet wash cloths close by, and holds me tight and lets me squeeze his hand when things get bad.  When I wet myself he simply put a pad under me and when things calmed down he helped me get cleaned up.  He even puts in the Phenergan suppositories for me.  Every time this happens I am so amazed at how well he handles it, you can tell it’s tearing him apart that he can’t make it stop and help me more, but he tries so hard to do everything he can, and tells me that he is just grateful that he can be here for me.  I don’t know what I’d do without him.  I feel like he does so much for me, and I’m just dead weight.  I feel like I’m worthless, I just don’t know how to make things better.

I know, I have hope that things will get better.  I will once again be able to get off of this darn couch.  But today, I just feel awful, and I’m wallowing a little.

I realized the other day that if/when they do make me better, I don’t have any skills to do anything.  I thought about going back to school, but I’ve been out for so long that none of my credits would count now, and since I haven’t been working they can’t take my experiences there into account.  I just don’t know what I would do with myself.  But I would like the opportunity to find out.

Sorry this is such a scattered post.  I usually feel better than this the day after an attack, but I barely have the energy to stand up, and can’t think about walking without my walker.  (of course, I’m still running to the bathroom, but there is so very little coming out.)  I’m pretty miserable today.  I hurt all over, my head hurts, my chest, stomach, bowels….I just feel bad.

So lot’s of Gatorade, and bland foods.  Snuggling on the couch with my dear sweet dog, and sometimes the cat joins us too.  Perhaps I’ll finish the book I’ve been reading.  But for now, I think I’ll take a nap.

Thanks for listening to me rant.  I feel better already just getting it all off my chest.

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Oh What a Night! (and not in a good way)

  1. I feel so sorry for you. The superbad-attacks are not anything you want to experience ever again when you´ve once have been there. I wonder what we would do without our supportive husbands! Your description of your husband helping you could be a description of mine in the same situation. My mother -in-law told me when she was old and needed help from my father-in-law with quite personal matters that “love is letting him help you at the toilet-procedure”. I didn´t understand what she ment then, but today I do. Wetting your pants is a really embarassing moment, but getting help from someone loved who can give the help without showing any disgust, someone standing strong in that moment is of great importance. One of these moments “helping me to the toilet but not really got there in time” ended up in a big laughter. We just couldn´t help laughing when we suddenly saw the absurdity in the situation. Laughing is sometimes a great medicine!!

    Like

  2. As long as I am able, I will always be there for you. We will get you through this and then you will be able to find out what you can do. As far as school, 3 or 4 years of grad school isn’t that long :).

    Like

  3. Your description could be my husband too. I teared up just reading your blog knowing all too well how you felt then and now. And as always, my husband saw me reading the blog and wanted me to stop reading as he knew I was stressing and this could cause an attack. I kept reading anyway and my heart just bleeds for you. Feel blessed to have the support (I know you do), but don’t feel guilty. That is a trick the enemy uses. Do not feel useless either. We all have a purpose. You have already helped so many of us. We go through all our trials for a reason and hopefully we come out the other side stronger for it. Thank you for sharing, it means so much to me to continue to know that I have community in this illness!
    Take care, be well,
    Deb

    Like

    • thank you Deb. It took a lot for me to share the details that I put in this last post. But I knew someone else out there must be going through the same things I am. It helps me so much to know I’m not alone in all of this. I’m so relieved to find out that there are other husbands out there that as wonderful as mine. I feel so blessed to have him in my life. It is very hard not to feel useless and guilty. Especially, the useless part. But I’m working on it. Again, thank you so much for taking the time to support me and sharing your many words of wisdom. I look forward to every one of your comments. (do you have a blog? I can’t find it.)

      Like

  4. Hi Wendy,
    Yes I do have a blog…it was in one of Nicki’s posts that she encouraged me to blog. It has been so helpful to vent, track treatments and to share. It’s at
    http://www.faithhopefightingspirit.wordpress.com
    I will look forward to your visits as well. I check your blog daily for inspiration and recipes (and ideas to make my blog look better..your’s is so cool!) I bought a new slow cooker today on sale for 1/2 price and it came with a free little dipper! I am a terrible cook but I am hoping to become better soon! Thanks for all the tips 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s