I have found myself dreading coming to my blog. I don’t want to talk about me, but I have always kept this blog open and honest and I don’t want to stop that. As I look back at the many years I’ve been writing here, I’ve been up and down and up and down and up and down….have I really made any progress? How do we measure progress? I think that’s the real question, and not one I’m going to answer today.
I have a lot going on right now and I simply don’t feel like talking. Ummm, that may not be true, I just don’t want to feel worse when I do. I’ve reached out and been ignored…not sure what happened there. I spilled my guts to someone who told me I could always talk to them, when I finished they said, “WOW. You have a lot going on. Praying you get some relief very soon. Love you bunches.” and that was the end of the conversation. I cried for most of the day after that. That is what happens when you try to talk to someone who does not have chronic or mental illness. She may love me, but she has no clue. And it makes me VERY wary to talk to anyone unless they are my peeps. But I don’t have many peeps and I don’t want to wear out the few I have. I do have a very good friend who hears almost everything and she is amazing, but she has her own crap going on and I can’t just keep unloading on her all the time. Of course, Stuart’s here, and he has never made me feel like I can’t talk to him, or made me feel bad about how I feel, but he needs to get away from it sometimes and he thankfully he doesn’t have a chronic illness. Support groups do not work for me, those people get on my nerves. I have a therapist, but let’s face it, one hour a week is not always enough, and sometimes you don’t get that. (like when I’m so sick I can’t go, and soon she’s going to Thailand for 3 weeks…Ahhh! I am happy for her, she’s never done anything like this before. What a dream trip.) Oh, dang I’ve completely lost my train of thought. So anyway…I don’t want to talk, or maybe I don’t trust talking, I don’t think it’s doing much good, and I feel like I’m losing the few friends I have because of it. I have some new treatments coming up and as that happens I’ll post about them. I would love to know more about other people’s experiences with these treatments, so I’ll be sure to post mine. (I just started Aimovig for my migraines, I’m going to be trying ketamine (esketamine nasal spray) as soon as my insurance approves it for my depression, and I’m going to be going to a pain clinic for my neck pain caused by my migraines…or the neck pain contributing to my migraines…anyway…pain.) So there will be posts.
I’ve decided to try to start putting out more posts, but they will be posts that are about my chronic illnesses and not so much about just me. I will probably put in there how it relates to me personally. But I have soooo much going on right now there may not be a lot of posts coming out, but I’m going to give it the old college try. (where did that saying come from?)
Well, that’s what’s on my mind today. Plus a whole heck of a lot more, but most of that is a mess!
Before I go, I’d like for all of you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to I’ll listen. Well, not with my ears, but I’ll text, message, email…. There is a contact form right here on my blog just go up to the top and you’ll see the “About Me /Contact Me” tab…you can contact me right there and it will email me. Now, if you are someone who wants me to sell something on my blog, or do some strange post, or something like that…don’t waste your time. I’m really not into those things. But if you need a to talk, I’m here for you.
7 thoughts on “I don’t want to talk about it.”
I’m your peep and I love you, no matter if you’re up or down or inside out. 🥰
I’ve had undiagnosed weirdness going on over here since beginning of June. On fourth doctor (rheumatologist)…19 more blood tests…going back on 24th for test results. I understand getting tired of talking about your health issues. You have many more than I. Hang in there, sweetie. 🙂
Let’s see if wordpress will let me post, I have been having problems, don’t know if it is me or wordpress.
WHO wants to listen to us??? People don’t know what to say, they don’t usually t understand what we are talking about. I have few people to talk to, but I don’t share much. I am tapering off my anti-deppressant (has been hard some days) just changed up my blood pressure medications, was at the urologist for another UTI and antibiotics last week and stopped taking an anti inflammatory drug (Diclofenec) that gave me some serious side effects. That’s a lot of shit…..who wants to hear all that? My back and hip pain has turned into body wide pain without the diclofenec, and I have turned to tylenol 3 for some relief…..which I hate.
Taking the dog to the vet tomorrow, she is getting old and I’m afraid of what the vet will say. You know what that is like!!
Hoping some of your new meds help you out. We both need a break from all this.
Love ya, Mo
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I am so glad to “hear” from you Wendy, as I have been thinking about you. Thank you for the update and I look forward to reading more soon…………
I completely understand about friends, unless they are CI, they don’t get it and most don’t want to hear it. It can make you feel very alone…………
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Wendy I hear what your saying. My partner has a lot physical issues- knees, shoulders. He going in for surgery on November 8th for his shoulder – this will be #3 for this shoulder – he tell his friends and they really don’t know what to say – just I’m sorry and hang in there. Dottie
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It’s awful when you answer the ‘how’re you’ question honestly and you get a crappy response, or little to no response at all. I’ve cried because of it as well and always end up wishing I’d never said anything. It’s a miserable place to be. Oh shit, I’ve never done anything like that with you have I?? I’m glad you have a good friend who’s there to listen, and I’m sure you do likewise for her with the stuff she has going on so she’d probably hate to think you’re feeling like a burden in anyway with sharing your stuff.
No idea where ‘the old college try’ came from but it sounds good. You have a lot going on though so don’t overwhelm yourself with the blog if you’re not up to it, maybe just shorter posts or less frequent or anything that makes it more manageable for you. Give it a ‘high school try’ not a ‘college try’ 😉
It just shows how compassionate you are that despite everything you’ve got going on, you’re still reaching out to others who may need to talk. And I’m always here, even if I don’t always get to emails straight away because I’m sitting out a migraine or behind on everything (which seems to be all the time lately). Take good care of yourself lovely. Sending hugs ♥
Hugs and more hugs.
I used to ask people right at the beginning of conversations to tell me what was going on with them. Just didn’t want to talk about myself. Especially in the beginning when I couldn’t work and doctors couldn’t figure out what was going on with me. And when you’ve had a life and then it feels like you suddenly don’t… ALL I could do was think about what was happening to me. Very little could distract me but thoughts of my lack of good health was very consuming. Even when I slept. Even now, I rarely dream of myself as a healthy person anymore. And I didn’t want to have to say, again, they still don’t know what is wrong with me, no I really can’t go back to work, etc. etc., and have the looks of pity or worse, are you faking it. I so understand not wanting to feel worse afterwards (and I usually also felt lost and alone too).
But, to give you a heads up, the cold I’ve had off and on this past month seems to be going away again, (fingers crossed) naps are down to one or two a day (seriously, was doing 3 a day, that is a new thing for ne) and my attention span is coming back. For better or worse for you. Also been doing some retail therapy. For better or worse for me. 😁
You’ve been warned. 😘