* Photos are from the road traveling from North Carolina to Arizona, We aren’t there yet, we’re in New Mexico should be in Tucson this afternoon.
Safe travels.
Wendy is too busy with all the wonderous changes in her life to present her usual Mindfulness Monday post at the moment. So, I am stepping in with a guest post for her.
I have always found great wisdom, humour and compassion in the words of Pema Chödrön. She is member of/teacher at a Shambhala Buddist community – Gampo Abbey – in Cape Breton, Nova Scotia which gives her words a special resonance with me. My paternal roots, and extended chunks of my adult life were spent in the Maritimes. No better spot for meditation, retreat, and restoration. I just returned from the South Shore of Nova Scotia. My first visit “home” in 7 years; a truly transformative experience.
So in honour of Wendy and Nova Scotia, I present Meaningful Monday as a guest host for Wendy’s wonderful Mindfulness Mondays. All quotes are from Pema Chödrön.
“When there’s a big disappointment, we don’t know if that’s the end of the story. It may be just the beginning of a great adventure.”
“Each moment is an opportunity to make a fresh start.”
“Every situation is a passing memory.”
*painting by W. Holcombe. All rights reserved. Please do not use without permission.
“Everything changes, nothing remains without change.” ~ Buddha
Okay so I started this a number of times and just can’t get my words to come out right, so I’m going to try the mindful writing for this post and see how it goes. What you are about to read will be written with my eyes closed and I’ll be taking a deep breath after each sentence….let’s see how it goes.
Okay, so deep. deep breath. In. Out. Breathe. I must take time to do that more often. The simple act of stopping and breathing with intention has helped to calm my mind and open my awareness. How wonderful that such a small action can do so much. It is amazing to me. Again. Breathe. In…. Out….. calm.
Now let’s see if I can write what’s on my mind.
We will be leaving for Tucson in a couple of weeks. Stuart starts his new job there on June 11th. Everything has been falling into place. Well, kinda, sorta. Enough has fallen into place that it all feels right. This feels like we are making the best decision for all.
A couple of weeks ago Stuart went for a job interview in Tucson, while there he also looked at houses for us to rent. Not only was he offered the job, but he found a little house for us to rent while our house sells and we start looking for a house to buy out there. As I said, it all seems to be falling into place.
Suddenly I was hit with the fact that we’d be leaving in about a month and I may not ever see many of the people on this coast again. I’m being realistic here, not pessimistic. We don’t travel much, I don’t travel well, and a lot of my family is getting older. I scrambled to try to make planes to see everyone. We tried to make plans, but first Stuart got sick with a cold, then I caught it, and my cold turned into a cough and an ear infection. I’ve been running a fever for a week. I just started on antibiotics, and I’m hopeful I’ll be all better before we leave, but it caused a lot of trouble. Between both of us getting sick and people on vacation, I’m only going to be able to see a select few. I was devastated. It really got to me. My anxiety got very high and I was just so sad. Then I started telling myself I needed to just let it go. No regrets. I can only do what I can do, if I can’t see everyone I just need to let it go. I’ll keep in touch the best I can. All anyone can do is their best. So, I let it go. It is the way it is. I accept it and I’m okay with it.
Then there’s the worry about the move itself. I did start to get all worked up about it all, then again, I started using my new mantra. “Let it go” Deep breath…. in and…. out. It’s all good. I will take each day as it comes and deal with it at that time, I will not worry about what may be, that only causes more anxiety and I need to let that go.
I was feeling really good about things. Letting go of what I couldn’t change, accepting each day as it comes, and taking care of things that I needed to take care of. (like getting all my records from doctors, getting all my prescriptions filled, looking for new doctors, taking Kiki to the vet and getting her ready for the trip….so much to do, and I’ve been getting it done) My therapist even mentioned how well I was dealing with all the change and how mindfulness has become so ingrained in me. I admit, I was feeling pretty good about it all.
Then the bottom fell out. I expected to get to Tucson before Stuart’s step mom’s Alzheimer’s advanced too much. She didn’t know who Stuart was when he was there, but that didn’t surprise me too much, she’s really only met him in person once…well a few times over a 5 month period when we stayed in Tucson one winter, but not other than that. She knows Stuart’s dad, and see seems happy. But this week, due to side effects, they had to take her off the medication that helps slow the progression of her disease. They expect her to decline rapidly now. Dad doesn’t know how much longer she will know him. It breaks my heart. and it scares me. I’ve never been around anyone who has Alzheimer’s. I don’t know what to expect, especially if it is so advanced. I’m afraid I won’t handle it well. I just want to make things easier for Dad. If that just means washing his clothes and stuff, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll help the best I can. That’s all I can do. M is in the best place she could be for this, and I’m sure they will help me know how to deal with the situation. I’m also reading as much as I can to learn more about it. Frankly, that disease scares me. The thought of not remembering my husband, that rips my heart out. What would be worse, watching Stuart go through it. It just makes me sad. I’m working on being okay with the way things are. Accepting that I can’t change it, and simply being okay with it. Yes I think I said that before. I also got news that I can’t really talk about on here, but it has stressed me out!! Getting to the place of acceptance on this is going to be harder. No, I can accept that it’s happening, I’m just not sure what that will mean and how it will affect me, more so, how it will affect Stuart and Dad. Stuart’s not worried about it, he’s annoyed by it, but not worried. So why am I? I have to accept this, and be okay with it. This will take a lot of deep breaths. Sometimes my husband puts his head in the sand about things. I hope that isn’t the case with this. I know it will all be as it will be, and I’ll deal with things as they come up. I will try my best not to worry about what may be. One moment at a time.
Well I think I’m done for today. I’ve spilled a lot out, but I’ve been vague enough that you are probably wondering… “what on earth?”
I have a bad cold so today I’m changing things up a bit. In lieu of Mindfulness Monday I’d like to share with you an article I read in Mindful magazine. I found it very interesting and plan to put this practice to use. So you may find me doing a lot more blog posts in the future, as I meditate while writing.
A Writing Practice For Those Who Like To Keep Doing by By Shamash Alidina
I don’t want to copy the whole article here, it’s a short article, but it’s not proper to copy someone else’s work, so I’m going to give you the highlights. However, you really need to jump over and read the article to understand what this entails. It’s fun! go do it!
Shamash starts by saying: “I’m writing this article in a state of meditation. And there’s no editing required (for the first round, anyway). How am I accomplishing this? And how could you join in the fun?”
He gives us instructions on how to find out just how we can do it. I’m listing just the highlight of each point, you will have to read the article to find out more.
He answers the question “What’s the point of journaling…..?” Here are the benefits he says he enjoys as he writes:
Go ahead, what are you waiting for, jump over to Mindful and find out more about mindful writing. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it.
Picnic with Ants 