“The first thing is to love yourself.
You cannot progress by self doubt and self hatred.
You can only progress by self love.”
~ Dipa Ma
“You can search throughout the entire universe
for someone who is more deserving
of your love and affection than you are yourself,
and that person is not to be found anywhere.
You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection”
~Buddha
**another photo by my friend Kara. All rights reserved. Please do not use.
After Saturday’s bout with bipolar rage and my continued mood fluctuations I’m reminding myself about self care. Eating right, getting enough sleep, getting some form of exercise, keeping a routine, abstaining from caffeine, alcohol, watching or reading anything that is upsetting, or anything that may alter my mood, ……these are a must when dealing with my bipolar disorder.
I’m paying very close attention to my moods and trying to step back and refocus before things get out of control. (yes, I’ve had a few moments of quick anger, but I took a step back, cleared my mind and took a deep breath. I’m happy to say it’s been working well, it’s just hard to stay on top of)
I’m trying hard to stay in the moment. Worrying about what has happened, or what may happen will only make things worse. That worry could be a trigger.
I’m attempting to meditate more. Meditation helps to calm my racing thoughts, but I have to realize it’s okay to have those racing thoughts while I’m meditating, I just note them and come back to my breath without judgement. That’s the big thing. No judgement. Beating myself up doesn’t help matters, it will only cause me more anxiety. Being gentle with myself.
I have Stuart watching me too. I know sometimes my moods will shift and I don’t realize I’m overreacting. We realized that if he said I was overreacting I might get really angry, instead, when he sees that I’m not acting like myself, he hugs me. So far, it’s worked. I was started to get worked up and angry, and Stuart came over and just held me and I melted. I know there are times that I would not respond well to this, but after talking about everything this was the best option we could come up with, and it’s working…so far. Another huge thing I’m making sure I’m doing: talking with my husband. We are working hard to make sure the lines of communication are open.
I saw my psych doc yesterday. We are adding another mood stabilizer to the mix that helps more with the anger aspects of bipolar. After I’m on it for a while, we will probably reduce the other one I’m on and hopefully get rid of it, and let the new one take over. Funny to say “new one”, I think it’s the oldest bipolar med. I’m going back on lithium. Wish me luck!
“Waking up this morning, I smile. Twenty-four brand new hours are before me. I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.”
~ Thich Nhat Hanh
“Breathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out, I smile. Dwelling in the present moment I know this is the only moment.”
“Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.”
~ Byron Katie
“All I have is all I need and all I need is all I have in this moment.”
~ Byron Katie
“Do not resist your pain.
Surrender to the grief, despair, fear, loneliness,
or whatever form the suffering takes.
Witness it without labelling it mentally.
Allow it to be there.
Embrace it.
Then see how the miracle of surrender transmutes
deep suffering into deep peace.”
~ Eckhart Tolle
“With mindfulness we have the choice of
responding with compassion to the pain
of craving, anger, fear and confusion.
Without mindfulness we are stuck in the
reactive pattern and identification that
will inevitably create more suffering and confusion.”
~ Noah Levine
*image taken by S. Holcombe, permission is required for use.
Picnic with Ants 