Early yesterday the barometric pressure took a nosedive and my head went with it. My head started to throb and the light was excruciating; I took meds and carried on…or I tried to. I realized I wasn’t up to grocery shopping or cooking to I looked in the pantry and threw a few things in the slow cooker for soup. Then it was a sit in the chair and knit kind of day, and I was okay with that.
After Stuart got home we had soup…I’m so thrilled with how well that soup turned out, btw. I left the room to go to the bathroom and I felt it hit….the bottom dropped out of my stomach, I got all hot, and my view began to spin….vertigo. I leaned, for support, with my forehead and palms resting flat on the wall before me, knowing if I moved I would fall down, I called out for Stuart. He came and helped me to the bathroom and back to my chair. The worst had not arrived…
As we got ready for bed I took my nightly meds and started to settle down when I started to feel bad, really bad. I mentioned to Stuart that my meds were kicking in really fast and I was feeling loopy. (this does not happen, normally I take my meds and I start feeling sleepy, I read some and then go to sleep, I never feel “loopy” from my night meds) I decided to just lie still and try to sleep, then I suddenly got hot all over and my stomach wanted to rebel! I laid very still trying hard not to move my head, but it didn’t work, the room began to spin and I felt like I was moving….vertigo…again…damnit!
I tried so hard not to disturb Stuart. He has to get up really early to go to work and I hate when I have to disrupt his sleep. He stirred a few times and I admitted I was sick but told him to go back to sleep. I knew I could handle it, at least I told myself that. I did sleep some, on and off, all the while feeling like I was moving. Every slight movement of my head caused the room to spin faster, and my stomach to lurch. I was not doing well, but I was dealing with it. I survived the night, and I didn’t vomit, that is a miracle.
Today, I still have this feeling of motion and if I turn my head quickly the room spins, but for the most part it settled down. Now it’s all the other symptoms that go with vertigo that are still getting to me. The gastro-intestinal upset, the extreme fatigue, the anxiety, and, of course, my balance is completely compromised. It’s been a challenging day.
As I sit here writing this I’m reflecting on this illness of mine and how it has manifested itself over the years. It came on sporadically, having severe vertigo attacks once or twice a year without any other major symptoms, then it turned into me having vertigo multiple times a day, sometimes minor, sometimes very severe, I was basically bed bound for almost 3 years. Then less than 2 years ago I started having less and less vertigo and the attacks I had were not nearly as severe as they used to be, I have been so much better that I started to drive again. I even bought a car a couple of weeks ago. Now, I’m being reminded that this will always be with me. I will never escape Meniere’s disease, and I’m scared.
The fear escalated through the night and all day today. My thoughts keep running to the “what if”s. What if this is a new stage and it’s worse? What if I can’t drive and I just bought a car? What if I need more help than is available now? What if?????
Can you see me spiraling out of control?
Time for a reality break. Yes, I have Meniere’s and I always will. Yes, it is unpredictable. Yes, it could get worse, or it could get better. Nothing is certain. Life is not as I expected, so I will change those expectations, or better yet, I won’t have any. Now, it’s time for a deep breath and a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow is a different day.