And The World Spins Madly On

Early yesterday the barometric pressure took a nosedive and my head went with it.   My head started to throb and the light was excruciating; I took meds and carried on…or I tried to.  I realized I wasn’t up to grocery shopping or cooking to I looked in the pantry and threw a few things in the slow cooker for soup.  Then it was a sit in the chair and knit kind of day, and I was okay with that.

After Stuart got home we had soup…I’m so thrilled with how well that soup turned out, btw.   I left the room to go to the bathroom and I felt it hit….the bottom dropped out of my stomach, I got all hot, and my view began to spin….vertigo.  I leaned, for support, with my forehead and palms resting flat on the wall before me, knowing if I moved I would fall down, I called out for Stuart.   He came and helped me to the bathroom and back to my chair.  The worst had not arrived…

As we got ready for bed I took my nightly meds and started to settle down when I started to feel bad, really bad.  I mentioned to Stuart that my meds were kicking in really fast and I was feeling loopy.  (this does not happen, normally I take my meds and I start feeling sleepy, I read some and then go to sleep, I never feel “loopy” from my night meds)  I decided to just lie still and try to sleep, then I suddenly got hot all over and my stomach wanted to rebel! I laid very still trying hard not to move my head, but it didn’t work, the room began to spin and I felt like I was moving….vertigo…again…damnit!

I tried so hard not to disturb Stuart.  He has to get up really early to go to work and I hate when I have to disrupt his sleep.  He stirred a few times and I admitted I was sick but told him to go back to sleep.  I knew I could handle it, at least I told myself that.  I did sleep some, on and off, all the while feeling like I was moving.  Every slight movement of my head caused the room to spin faster, and my stomach to lurch.  I was not doing well, but I was dealing with it.  I survived the night, and I didn’t vomit, that is a miracle.

Today, I still have this feeling of motion and if I turn my head quickly the room spins, but for the most part it settled down.  Now it’s all the other symptoms that go with vertigo that are still getting to me.  The gastro-intestinal upset, the extreme fatigue, the anxiety, and, of course, my balance is completely compromised.  It’s been a challenging day.

As I sit here writing this I’m reflecting on this illness of mine and how it has manifested itself over the years.  It came on sporadically, having severe vertigo attacks once or twice a year without any other major symptoms, then it turned into me having vertigo multiple times a day, sometimes minor, sometimes very severe, I was basically bed bound for almost 3 years.  Then less than 2 years ago I started having less and less vertigo and the attacks I had were not nearly as severe as they used to be, I have been so much better that I started to drive again.  I even bought a car a couple of weeks ago.  Now, I’m being reminded that this will always be with me.  I will never escape Meniere’s disease, and I’m scared.

The fear escalated through the night and all day today.  My thoughts keep running to the “what if”s.  What if this is a new stage and it’s worse?  What if I can’t drive and I just bought a car?  What if I need more help than is available now?  What if?????

Can you see me spiraling out of control?

Time for a reality break.  Yes, I have Meniere’s and I always will.  Yes, it is unpredictable.  Yes, it could get worse, or it could get better.  Nothing is certain.  Life is not as I expected, so I will change those expectations, or better yet, I won’t have any.  Now, it’s time for a deep breath and a good night’s sleep.  Tomorrow is a different day.

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13 thoughts on “And The World Spins Madly On

  1. I understand that “gasp — what if this is a new phase; the remission is over.”
    As you say, life happens. This could be a blip on an otherwise clear screen. Or, it could mean more than that. You’ve had set backs — vertigo experiences, and the aftermath. Not to lessen the seriousness or scariness of the last few days. You know when it’s on the cusp, but if remission is possible (I know it never goes away, just doesn’t keep you bed-ridden), then it can happen again. Flip it from, will I ever drive again to I drove again, so maybe. . .
    Sending soft, gentle (((((((((((Wendy)))))))))) hugs, and if you need to rest and step away from certain things, then do so to take care of yourself. I believe there still are infinite possibilities for you, as wonders never cease, and the good shines through and around you.

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    • Thank you Lorraine. Today has been a better day. I’ll take it as it comes. I might get all freaked for a bit, but I calm it down and get the self talk back under control. Whatever comes comes. Thank you for always being there for me. 💕👄

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      • It’s easy to be there for you. And yes, relapses are scary. When my pain goes out of remission (the jaw pain deal with by the orofacial clinic), I feel like emotionally I’m going backwards too. That retro pain makes for retro emotions. Even though I am assured that I am still moving forward. So much of our lives, despite attempts otherwise, remains wrapped up in our diseases/health problems. You deal with yours so well, don’t fret too much. A relapse can happen and then remission returns. Hang in there, take it easy, and be easy on yourself.

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  2. Wendy, I’m so sorry this is happening. I’m hoping, of course, that this is a bump and not a mountain. As much forward progression as you’ve experienced gives me hope that this is a bump. Keeping you close in my heart.

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  3. Oh Wendy, reading your post I realize what similar experiences we are both having. It’s the unpredictability of Ménière’s disease that I find the most difficult to deal with. I hope you are able to take time to rest and sleep, and feel better very soon. I’m also hoping that this is just a ‘one off’ for a very long time. Like you, my attack has forced me to think about the reality of this condition and has brought back a lot of worry. But we are strong. You are right, tomorrow is a different day – and that day can be a great one! Take care Wendy. Sending you a smile. Xxxx

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  4. Oh Wendy – I’m so sorry this is happening to you again. But your a strong girl with great family support, I just wish we lived closer so I could help. Hugs and Kissis to the whole family. Zia Dot

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  5. It’s crazy all the things we have to try to stay on top of, isn’t it? I get migraines and always wonder if this one is from the weather, hormones, r is it just my tumor is being an arsehole that day?
    Living with all the crap is one thing, wondering if it’s getting worse or you’ll need more treatment, more surgery…or if there’s actually nothing left to do. I get it. hugs

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    • Thank you. I am feeling better.
      Nothing like a vertigo attack and a disability review to give me that “reaity check”. Trying to take it as it comes, but I’m stressing.
      Much love my friend

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  6. Oh Wendy…I know! I so know…. I have been in mostly remission for 5 years now, Praise God, but I have had a couple of relapses. They were only 1 time attacks…not like the old days that keep you sick for months or years. Even as recently as this summer when we were on vacation in Nova Scotia, i woke up, was fine, got ready to golf, then out of no where it hit. The next day I was “hung over” but have been fine since. Please do not worry that “it” is coming back. Shake off those worries and know you are healed! You are well! I am so proud of you for taking that leap of faith and buying a car. It was the right decision. You will be rewarded for stepping out! Hang in there!

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    • Thank you Deb, trying hard to focus on now and not fret a out what may be or relive the past. The majorish attack was a week ago, but I’m still having some vertigo and I just feel off. Hung-over.
      Have too much to do this week, this is a very cruddy week for it to hit. Halloween is my favorite holiday.
      I’m only driving short distances and I have my emergency kit with me. In also paying close attention to the littlest symptoms, if I’m off. I’m not driving.
      Just being responsible. 😁
      Thank you for checking on me and commenting. I miss reading about you.
      Thank you for caring

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