Mindfulness Monday – Family (Ohana)

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“I don’t care whose DNA had

recombined with whose.

When everything goes to hell,

the people who stand by you

without flinching-

They are your family.”

~Jim Butcher

 

“That’s what people do who love you.

They put their arms around you

and love you when you’re

not so lovable.”

~Deb Caletti

 

“You must remember,

family is often born of blood,

but it doesn’t depend on blood.

Nor is it exclusive of friendship.

Family members can be your best friends, you know.

And best friends, whether or not they are related to you,

Can be your family.”

~Trenton Lee Stewart

 

*photo taken at Wendy and Stuart’s wedding (I’m the one in yellow)

Thank you to all who are members of my Ohana.  I love you.  ( Part of Hawaiian culture, ʻohana means family (in an extended sense of the term, including blood-related, adoptive or intentional). The concept emphasizes that families are bound together and members must cooperate and remember one another.’)

“Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.” ~Lilo and Stitch

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Just because they are gone, doesn’t mean they will ever be forgotten.  Pets are Ohana too.

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I want to be a better friend to those who are in pain.

 

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*Content warning: This post discusses suicide and depression.

A friend of mine shared this on Facebook and I had to share it with you.

Why “I love you” and “Please reach out” are the crappiest things to post after someone has died by suicide – by Deanna Zandt

I have been one of those people with good intentions who have simply said the wrong things, and for that, I’m deeply sorry.  I have been there, yet I still don’t know what to say when a friend is in their darkest moments.  I need to always remember, I didn’t want to die because I didn’t feel loved, I simply wanted the pain to stop.  It helped me to have someone sit with me, hold my hand, and simply be a witness to my pain.  It helped me to know that they would help if they could, but that they didn’t try to force this false help on me.  I know these things, but it’s very hard to do these things for someone from afar.  I can’t simply sit with someone when they are in pain if I can’t be physically with them.  Often, when I reach out to someone through texts, or messages, I don’t know what to say after that initial contact. Silence is unacceptable when you are texting.  I want them to know that I care, and I simply want to be there for them.  I know I can’t fix it, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to.

I also read another article I found interesting: Depression and Suicide: Being mindful and accepting of the pain of the dark days – by Jack C. Surguy M.A. 

Jack Surguy mentions something that I found helpful for me; by accepting that everything changes I can take solace in knowing that these feelings will not last forever.  (even if they feel like they will)  When I’m am suffering I know that it will end, that is actually my mantra when my emotions are all out of wack, “this will end”.  I guess it’s a variation on “this too shall pass”, but that sounds trite to me for some reason.  I promise no matter what you are going through right now, good, bad or indifferent, it will change.

I hope you find both of these articles interesting and possibly helpful.

Right now my wrist is killing me, so I need to stop typing, but after the deaths of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade, I felt I needed to talk about this, I want to do better.  I want my friends (you) to know I love them, that I care, and that I respect their pain.  I want them to know this every day, not just times like these.

 

* photo by W. Holcombe.  A red yucca plant viewed while lying down looking at the sky.  I found it stunning.

 

Better. Functional Medicine and a Visit from a Friend.

On April the 18th I saw a Functional Medicine practitioner.  It was interesting.

She asked me a lot of questions, a thorough medical history, a short exam….it was a long visit.  But tell me, why do providers send you the information to fill out before you get there if they aren’t going to look at it until you are sitting in the office.  I feel like that’s a waste of time.  Me just sitting there while they read the information they’ve had for days.  Of course, I don’t feel they should do a lot of work when I’m not there, they don’t get paid extra, but being prepared would be nicet.

We talked quite a while.  She thinks I have an autoimmune disease, just like other doctors do, they think they just don’t have a test for it.  I don’t really see what difference it makes to know if I have an autoimmune disease or not.  There isn’t a one stop treatment for those diseases.  Mostly I see doctors giving those with autoimmune steroids.  Something I can’t take.

She wants me to get some blood tests done.  One for allergies, one for genetics, and one for….oh golly, I don’t remember what the other one was for.  My insurance doesn’t pay for any of this.  It’s expensive.  I haven’t gotten them done yet.  I was waiting on my insurance to see if they pay for anything, and now I’m waiting on my ride.  It’s a little difficult when you depend on someone else to drive you places, and that person works full time.  Stuart doesn’t mind taking me, but his time is limited.  We’ll get there.

We talked about my migraines, she is hoping to find a trigger with the tests.  She suggested Magnesium Threonate (see the image above, I got mine from Amazon)and turmeric for the pain.  I started them within a couple of days and boy has it made a difference.  I’ve had days without migraines.  That’s HUGE!  I have that base line headache all the time, it’s been there most of my life, but the migraine on top of that has left me for a few days at a time.  I’m shocked at how much this has helped me.  Shocked!  Why hadn’t my migraine specialists suggested this in the past.  It really bothers me that I may have been helped years ago, if only someone would have suggested the right form of magnesium.  Heck, I never had a doctor suggest magnesium at all.  I started taking it because I read about it.  But I didn’t know there were different kinds and I couldn’t tolerate the kind I was taking.  I’m just so grateful for the relief.

I’ll go back to the functional medicine practitioner after I get the blood tests done.

me and kym

This week a very good friend of mine came for a visit.  It was so nice to see her.  She lives on the opposite side of the country from me, our visits are rare, and precious.  It was so nice to have a real friend come and spend time with us.

Kym and I went shopping.  I went out without Stuart for the first time in over 5 years.  It was liberating, but it was also a little scary.  However, Kym is one of the most level headed people I know and I knew she would not freak out if something happened.  She did something so right.  At one point I felt I needed to go home and I said so, she just said, “Okay, let’s go.”  She didn’t freak out and ask me countless times if I was okay.  She trusted me to tell her if things were getting  bad.  I admit though that I may have pushed it further but I was a little scared and tired.  It was a very good shopping trip.  No I didn’t go crazy with the spending, but I did find a couple of cute things that fit.  (I’ve lost a lot of weight recently, so I need clothes that actually fit me now.  Kym is a good person to shop with.

Vertigo has been kind to me recently.  I’ve had very little spinning, and when I do it is just a slight spin, nothing to worry about.  I did fall last week, and hurt my back a little, but really it’s nothing to be concerned about.  If things go as well as they have been I won’t have anything to write about.  LOL

Mindfulness Monday 21

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“Old friends pass away, new friends appear.
It is just like the days.
An old day passes, a new day arrives.
The important thing is to make it meaningful:
a meaningful friend – or a meaningful day.”

~ His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

 

 

“When you think everything is someone else’s fault,
you will suffer a lot.
When you realize that everything springs from yourself,
you will learn both peace and joy.”

~ His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

 

*all artwork on this site created and owned by Wendy Holcombe unless otherwise noted.