Prompt for today….Personify your health. If your health focus were a person – what would they be like? Describe them. Visually, emotionally, physically, and personality-wise. What kind of person are they?
I’m again using one of the Bonus Prompts. I liked this one more than the original prompt. However, once again, I took a different take on it. Recently I made a mask showing what I looked like on the outside to most people, and then on the inside I showed my true self. I felt this answered all the questions put forth in this prompt, but with a little creative flair.
Some of you have already seen this, but I think it’s worth repeating, and for those who haven’t, I hope you enjoy!
Outside of Maxk. by W. HolcombeInside if Mask by W. HolcombeMask Inside Top W. HolcombeMask Inside Bottom
Prompt for today: 5 Challenges. 5 Small Victories. Make a list of the 5 most difficult parts of your health focus. Make another top 5 list for the little, good things (small victories) that keep you going.
I think this is a very good prompt, and normally I’d be able to write it very easily, but the depression I’m feeling right now will make this more difficult. (yes depression, but it’s deserved, I’m not clinically depressed at the moment. I’ve had a lot to deal with, and the loss of a loved one, so I’m depressed. Please no worries about my sanity. *smiles*)
A Difficult Challenge - Deciding on treatments.
5 Challenges – 5 Most Difficult Parts of My Health Focus
The constant changing. Things seem to be settling down, and wham I either get new symptoms or a whole new diagnosis.
Making hard decisions. Do I get the surgery that may help? Do I try to live in the deaf world? Do I take this drug even though it has some harsh side effects? Do I get another opinion…..
Keeping Positive. OK, I’m not doing this very well right now, but it will get better. I know it will. (there see still positive! I just think it will take longer this time.)
Risking leaving home. This sounds like I’m afraid to leave home, and sometimes I am. I have vertigo attacks with no warning. If I’m more than 30 minutes from home and have an attack start, it terrifies me.
How to keep my caregiver from burning out – How to keep my marriage strong through all of this.
A small victory, a night when I can cook.
5 Small Victories – 5 list for the little, good things that keep you going.
For dealing with the constant changes. I decided long ago that life isn’t going to be as I expected, so I decided to change my expectations. I’m usually pretty flexible now at thinking, well this will change some things…what will it do, and how can I change to keep myself going. (I will admit here, I’ve had a new diagnosis that has thrown me for a bit of a loop, the treatments are hard, the decisions are hard. I haven’t quite gotten to the point where I feel I can think about my new expectations, I simply don’t know what to expect…but when I do, things will fall in order I’m sure.)
Making hard decisions is still difficult, but I feel better about it because I know how to look up many resources, I know other people (on-line) who have the same issues I have so I can ask them what their experiences have been, and I’m very lucky to have a husband who helps me weigh the pros and cons and is able to look at things objectively. However, he always leaves the final decisions up to me.
Keeping Positive. – This hasn’t been a hard thing for me until recently. I get a bit upset about things when things change…I’ll have a pity party. Then I say “Enough!” And start thinking of how I can stay positive. I think of things I can still do. I think of others who are going through the same thing, and know many of them help me see that it can be alright, and I want to help others know that too. Yes, again, recently this has been hard. I’ve had a lot dumped on me in a relatively short period of time. I’ve lost a lot. But I have no doubt that I will get back to the positive me. I still believe in living every day you feel well enough to the fullest. Even if that means just sitting out in the backyard. Do not take things for granted. And try to think of something you are grateful for every day. Sometimes I write the same thing every day for a few days because that’s all I’m feeling grateful for that I can think of….but other days I can list many things. (Toni Bernhard’s book How to be Sick, has helped me keep positive thoughts, and helped me to look at things a bit differently…I highly recommend it!)
I risk going out of the house much more than I used to. I’m still afraid of having an attack, but I carry an emergency kit with me all the time. It contains emergency meds, water, wash cloths, small trash bags to throw up in, some Zip-Loc bags to put cloths in after being sick…..things like that. I’m still a bit leery about going more than 30 minutes from home. When I have an attack it is not pretty. I feel humiliated and degraded. I can’t stop throwing up, I can’t walk, I often have diarrhea, and cannot control my urine. So I recently decided if I’m going on a longer trip, I will need to wear disposable adult incontinent panties….just in case. If I have an attack in public, I do not want to be mortified by strangers seeing me defecate and wet myself. I also always carry emergency medication for migraines. These measures may seem a bit drastic to some, but it has made it so I can go out and not be terrified that if I have an attack I will be left with no help. I also carry my phone with me all the time and it has an emergency button if I need to call 911. I won’t be able to hear them, but I can tell when they pick up and tell them what is happening, and where I am.
Making sure my caregiver takes care of himself, and keeping our marriage strong. This has been a bit difficult. My husband will not admit that caring for me wears on him. He will say sometimes he feels weary then he thinks about what I’m going through and it goes away. He also says it is an honor to care for me. He loves me so much, he feels honored that I trust him so much with so much that he has to see. He never gets grossed out, and always makes me feel loved, even during the most degrading moments. We keep our marriage strong ….in many ways. I thank him every day for the things he does, and when I can do things, I do. I try to do little things he really likes, for example when I can cook, I try to make things I know he loves, and that is healthy. In many ways my being sick has brought our marriage closer. One BIG thing we do, we see a counselor together. Sometimes we individually go in, but normally we are together. We can say things there and it’s safe, and if we thought it might hurt the other, she can defuse it and make us understand where it’s coming from. This has made a HUGE difference in how we treat each other.
We also take advantage of my good days. We even try hard on the bad days. We always show each other that we care. We curl up together, we massage each other (I admit I get more than I give here), we go for drives together….and on special nights when I’m really feeling good, we go on a date.
This was easier than I thought it would be. I do still have some positive outlooks still in me. Yes, I’m depressed, but I should be, as I said before. I think the only reason I haven’t been able to deal with the latest diagnosis (Intracranial Hypertension) is that I’m getting conflicting news from different doctors in my team. And I just don’t know what’s going on with this….my migraine specialist thinks most of my symptoms are caused by migraines. So the IH, may not be a big deal right now. But the medication for it is still helping, so that says I should have it….but I’m confused. So confused. But I’m positive, it will get better.
So yes, this was a good prompt. It made me think about my health issues, and it made me look deeper about things than I had been. I’ve only been dealing with the overwhelming emotions, not the thought process behind them.
Today’s Prompt: Pinboard. Create a pinterest board for your health focus. Pin 3 things. What did you pin? Share the images in a post and explain why you chose them.
I chose to pin a few more than 3 things, and probably could have done more. However, I only pinned photos and artwork I created. I chose these images because I felt they were closer to me and expressed what I wanted to say many times.
Here are the photo’s I shared on my Pinterest Board, titled, My Illnesses….pluses and minuses.
Stupid computer can’t figure out what I want to do Can’t get the dang program to close…ugh….can’t make a slideshow…I know I’ve done it before…why do I want to throw it out the window.
Heard from friend was nice, but it’s hard. Can’t do so much. Other friend told me I wasn’t a good friend because I didn’t keep in touch and didn’t make time for her when I was feeling good, she’s the busiest person I know, I looked back in my emails, the not getting together wasn’t all my fault..I apologized. A lot. But the reply I got back seemed so cold, so sterile. I just couldn’t put more of me out there…..not with everything, I just couldn’t. She wanted so much more than I could give. I want more..but when you can’t just chat on the phone, and people don’t like to email or take your written words wrong it’s so, so hard. And to see someone in their prime doing everything you will never be able to do and everything is about that, and all I can think about is my illness, what is left? I miss her…I miss them…but I have nothing….I really feel I have nothing to offer. What can I offer. I can’t even hear them to talk to them. I focus on if I can get out of bed, brush my teeth, walk outside….maybe if I’m lucky a little more….what can I talk about to people who have a full life? a job, children, acitivites, friends, interests? I’ve been so consumed with just staying alive the past 2 years. Well that’s stretching….Well no it’s not!
This past year I’ve been through so much…and I’ve persevered, and now I’m mad at me!!
I was told I was better, and would be better!!! Damn the doctors! How could they do that to me!
I had 5 months of a new life! A better life! No vertigo. I was moving on. I started to become a Foster Parent, I started to drive, I got a CAR! I was making a life….I didn’t think it would be ripped out from me.! I was so busy….I didn’t think it would end…
After those 5 months I went through 7 more lumbar punctures SEVEN with 5 or 6 sets of patches down my spine. I spent about 6 months in bed with not only CSF problems but gut troubles too. I’ve gained nearly 60 lbs. I feel old, fat and ugly. I don’t like me any more….yet I do. I do. I’m proud of the way I’ve handled things.
I’ve had 2 in depth surgeries on my ears. Surgeries that took my ears almost completely off and drilled to my brain, and left holes in my skull the size of a 50cent piece. But they worked…I think.
I’m now told I have high CSF pressure…Intracranial Hypertension. Serious, rare. My hearing in my “good” ear is almost gone.
Now I’m falling apart….and I’m angry at myself about it!!!?????
I’ve been so resilient, so adaptive, so….I can handle it.It may not be what I expected…so I’ll change what I expected…NOW….I’m just plain scared and mad. I thought I was mad at everyone, I’m taking it out on everyone….But I’m so angry at me. I’m angry I’m not bouncing back, and I’m angry I’m not more tenacious, and I can’t do more and damnit….I’m angry that my body is doing this to me! I’m angry I can’t lose weight….I’m MAD AS HELL!
I’m angry I’m sick! And I have to deal with it. I have been dealing with it. But right now…I’m not doing the best with that. However, I know me, and I will. I’ll get it together, and get myself another lease on life. Life is good.
I have such a good husband. It can’t be all bad. I must think of the good days.
Today’s Prompt is Best conversation I had this week. Try writing script-style (or with dialogue) today to recap an awesome conversation you had this week.
I had an entirely different post written for today….then Saturday afternoon Stuart and I were out running errands and decided stop in a fast food restaurant for a drink and a snack. (not the best place for a snack, but dinner was a long way off and we were both hungry!)
We ordered our food, got our drinks and sat at our table. We were just chatting and planning the rest of the day waiting on our fries. An elderly lady who smelled of Channel No. 5 walked up, she was dressed in a floral dress, with a bright sweater, costume jewelry that was stylish many years before I was born, and lipstick that mostly covered her lips. She was delightful!
She smiled broadly and asked, “Are you married?”
I looked at Stuart and smiled, we both shook our heads yes, and answered, “Yes, yes we are.”
“Oh! I thought so! You just look at each other as if you are! My husband and I have been married for 58 years!”
Stuart, “Oh, my! That’s admirable, I hope we can make it that long!”
Me – “How amazing, you look so happy!” “We’ve only been married for 8 1/2 years.”
Dear Lady – “That long?? I thought you just got married the way you look at each other! You look like you are still on your honeymoon!”
We looked at each other and smiled, then looked at her and both agreed, it still feels like we just got married. She was thrilled….and so were we.
there was a bit more gushing, thank you’s and congratulations and she disappeared as mysteriously as she arrived. I never did see her husband, he was behind me. I kept thinking, I wonder what it was about us that made her come up and do that…..now, I keep thinking…I don’t care. I’m so happy for such a chance encounter with such an amazing woman.
For that moment…I was not a sick person. My husband and I were simply sharing a moment, acting as we normally would, and it sparked something so deep in this marvelous woman that she felt compelled to come and tell us how in love we looked. Stuart said that I can never tell him that he doesn’t show me how much he loves me, but I wouldn’t. He does, every day. And on a normal day, we do hold hands, and gaze in each others’ eyes. We laugh with each other, and sneak a quick pinch on the butt….is the honeymoon over….truthfully, we never had a real honeymoon. I can tell you, when we talk about our wedding we still feel like it just happened. We get all mushy about it. I can also tell you, every day I love my husband just a little bit more.
I started writing about my health because I wanted to log how my health was improving. It was after a couple of surgeries, and I was ready to start exercising, eating better, and making some grand changes in my life, but I still wanted to keep up with my symptoms and start talking to others who had some of the conditions I did to find out how they dealt with them. I knew not all of my conditions were going away, I just didn’t understand how much they could take over your life. (for a list of my conditions, please see the page above, titled “My Ants”)
Soon my health started getting worse, and my writing became more important to me. Reaching out to others became more important. Finding out all I could about my illnesses was very important, I had to know what was going on, and I needed to share what I found with others. I felt alone, and I needed to make sure others didn’t have to feel the same. If they could find me, then they didn’t have to feel alone any more….a grand idea I know, not everyone will click with me, but they may read something here and think…”Yes, I feel that too.” I soon found out way too many people did feel the same. One of the ways we no longer feel alone is through our blogs, and our online communities.
Now there are many reasons I write about my health –
to get to know others who are in the same or similar situation I’m in.
to get more information out there about my illnesses
to let people know they aren’t alone, and so I won’t feel so alone
to promote more knowledge about my conditions, especially Meniere’s and Intracranial Hypertension (most people don’t know much about those.)
to put a face on invisible illnesses
to make it easier for people to talk about having a chronic illness
to learn ways manage my illnesses easier. (for instance, using aids for assistance, like my walker or hearing aids….)
because I love myself, and writing makes it easier for me to accept my illness, and to constantly adapt to new expectations.
and one huge reason I write about my illness – so I won’t drive my husband crazy constantly telling him every little detail over and over and over!
This whole brain thing is interesting. One moment I’m doing pretty good, then, like today, I started feeling a bit woozy, not unusual. I ask Stuart to help me move upstairs. He got my computer and stuff said he’d be back to help me. I thought, I’m not that bad yet, I can go upstairs. So I start. I get to the top of the stairs, and my head pounds…this seems to happen a lot, my pressure must raise when I climb stairs. Then I walk a few steps and start to lose control over my legs. I just kind of flop like a rag doll. My head flops, my arms flop, my legs don’t want to listen to me….My body just doesn’t want to listen. I think I almost killed Stuart, he did not expect to hold all of my weight all of a sudden, he expected to just guide me because I was staggering. We got me to the bed, I decided I have to pee now. Of course, I am headstrong, and I have more control over my head now, and little more control over the rest, and I knew if I laid down, I wouldn’t be getting back up. So I’m determined with minimal help, I’m going to pee. He holds me, “No. I DO IT!” He lets go…I slide down…he grabs me, I grab for the sink….”I DO it! OK….I inch my way there….and grab the wall and can’t pull my pants down. Uhhhhh….*little bitty voice now* can you help? He does, and I pee. Yay!!! I kick my jeans off (we’d had an appointment earlier), we get me back to bed. A little easier, my control is coming back, and get me into a t-shirt. I lie down, and he says, I’m taking blahbla *yeah not hearing well* down stairs I’ll be back *at least that’s what I got* OK. So a little latter, I call out. “You upstairs?”
He comes in. I say in a very calm voice. “I’m having vertigo, I thought you should know, just in case.”
A friend of mine, who is also going through having Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertention,because of her pregnancy. (Hopefully, her’s will go away after the baby is delivered.) posted this on Facebook for me…..I thought you might like to see it, but truthfully, I had no idea how add a video to my blog.
Hhahahaha
So I asked one of my blogging buddies who puts videos on her WordPress blog all the time and is going to school for IT stuff. (Thanks Fiona) I hope it worked!
(I must confess, I thought I’d already posted this before I got her instructions and you would have just gotten a link to the video. Then I looked today, and there it still is, unpublished! Ha! How lucky! Now you can see the video embedded in the blog. It is very well done, and not terribly long, I hope you enjoy it.
I read something about Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertention last night, and I had a light bulb moment. They used to call this, a pseudo tumor. Because it acts like a tumor. I heard that but it didn’t really sink in as to what it meant. Then the doctor, who I was reading explained, it causes the same symptoms as a brain tumor. I thought, “Oh Shit!” This really isn’t good. A friend of mine had a brain tumor, she really only had horrible headaches then they took it out through her nose! She’s doing great now! I thought….I’d rather have that. (then I felt kind of guilty. But…ummm, if her’s never comes back, she got off a bit easier don’t ya think? I’m sure she’d agree, I know she would actually.) I am such a bitch lately. But I do love this friend, she has been a good friend to me through all of this and I didn’t mean I’d switch with her, I’d just like to have something easier to cure. Or be able to cure at all!
But there are options, I’m in good hands. Called Dr. Kaylie’s office today, well Stuart did. and he said if I needed a shunt I’d be getting an LP shunt. Meaning it would be attached at the Lumbar Puncture site, not to my brain, so it would not interfere with the cochlear implant. So I will never be completely deaf! Whew! One thing less to worry about.
Stuart also asked about disability, Dr. Kaylie said to just send him the paperwork. My psych. said the same thing. I think I might have a chance at this. A vestibular specialist, a psychiatrist, a neruoradiologist, and a neurologist…and possibly an orthopedist all saying I can’t work. Someone should listen. But I was just looking at the paperwork, and it asked, what date I could no longer work. Heck, I don’t know. When I finally completely stopped working, it was because Stuart got a job in California. I had gone from full-time to a part-time job where I only worked 15 -20 hours a week, and made my own hours. I also went from being a Custom Picture Frame Shop Manager to merchandising greeting cards. Because that was all I could do…and it hurt like hell. I was already having trouble with my hip, and had to quit my framing job because of the Meniere’s. So when we moved to CA, we decided I’d just pay attention to my health. Then I was never able to go back to work. I tried one Christmas to work in a retail store a couple of days a week. I lasted 3 days and couldn’t stand after that for over a week. I had surgery shortly after that. So what date do I put down? When could I no longer work….what magical date? I kept trying and trying damn it! Hell, just last year I worked for 1 week answering the phones for Stuart’s job, but I couldn’t even do that now.
Stuart’s ready to ask a lawyer to handle the whole thing, but that can get expensive can’t it? I don’t even care about the money. I just want to have the label. That sounds kind of sick. But there are advantages through the ADA and other organizations if I am officially declared disabled. Plus, I need to accept it. The money would be helpful. don’t get me wrong, but right now, there are more important reasons I need to have this done.
I have really begun to hate WordPress.
There is a button at the top of my screen, “Congratulations, you win the prize! The chance to take our 5 second survey : )” so I clicked it….It asked if I would reccommend WordPress to my friends and family, I said 0 – Not on your life…it comes back saying I’m not an authorized user for this Dashboard. What? I’m using the Dashboard! You )%(%*^&$. I went to the Users tab, and I’m the only authorized user? What do they want? That’s just strange.
I can’t get any Theme to look like I want.
They want me to PAY to change the size of my Font! I didn’t realize this before, but now that I’m visually impaired, it makes a difference. (and it’s killer to read white on black now, I see gray on Black and it’s very hard, I had to change my other blog.) I feel horrible, some blogs I’ve been reading a long time, now, it’s so hard. There are some I can still read, but I can’t read their side bars. I guess that’s OK. I used to love a black background. Heck, my Create To Heal blog still has one. But since the font is so big and a bit yellow I can still read it, but I may have to change it.
I want to say right now!! IF ANYONE HAS ANY TROUBLE READING MY BLOGS, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I WILL GLADLY CHANGE THE COLOR AND (IF I CAN) THE FONT OR FONT SIZE) I am writing to WordPress today about my concerns about the font sizes. I do not like that I have to hit Control + to make my screen bigger so I can read my own blog!
I’m not happy with the look of my blog right now.
Not cute enough.
Not Wendy enough.
But I don’t want to change from Word Press, I’m afraid I will lose my followers…and those who are just now finding me through the WEGO Health Activist thingy.
what to do.
WordPress, really wants me to pay for everything. I can’t do that.
*sad face*
I’ll figure out something. I’m sure I will, I’ve come up with some kind of cute looks. We’ll see.
Today was a breath-taking beautiful day. The sun was shining, it was in the 80’s F….yes the 80’s on the first day of March! A good friend of mine just got married! I’m so very thrilled for her, you may remember me passing along the candle lighter award to her….Congratulations Fiona and Jeremy…I adore you!
I slept longer than I have in a long time, I woke up with a minimal headache (my normal every day type of headache). I was still seeing double but it didn’t seem to last as long. I lounged in bed for a while with the window open and enjoyed my breakfast. Then I read a bit on the computer and decided to get dressed for the day. We were refinancing out house to a better rate, and we had to sign all the papers at the lawyer’s today, so I had places to go. I decided to start getting ready very early. About 2 1/2 hours early. Just in case. I wanted to do a little then rest, do a little more, rest…eat lunch….rest….you get the idea.
You would be so proud of me…I know I was. Darn I should have gotten a picture!! I French braided my hair. I’ve never been able to do that! It has always turned out lopsided or with straggling hairs, but usually it is a “Dutch” braid. A French braid lies flat against your head the Dutch braid is kind of backward, it looks like a braid stuck to your head….it sticks out. It’s kind of neat, but not what I wanted. And…imagine this, I did it on the FIRST try!!
I tried on a few things to wear, but the one’s that I don’t look like a blimp in were too hot, I admit I was getting sad and upset. Then I thought of a white tank top with an orange cap sleeved sweater over it that has one button around the abdomen that makes me look much thinner. I actually put on makeup!! I got ready, got dressed, and got down stairs….all by myself. I was beaming with pride.
Stuart and I decided if I felt well enough after our visit to the lawyer we would have a date night and go to Fishmonger’s. I LOVE crab legs. I know he just got them for me on Valentine’s day…but it was so nice to have a date night with my hubby. In a restaurant right across the street from where we met.
Fishmonger’s is one of those little seafood restaurants that make you feel like you are on the Carolina Coast.
This is the type of tables they have there.
I am having a very hard time with my hearing. Stuart needs to step up his ASL practice. On average I have to ask someone to repeat themselves at least 3 times, and after that I just drop it. It’s too embarrassing. And it’s usually just some small talk. I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned it here, and I’m too tired to look back and finish this so I’ll give you the short version. Saw Audiologist on Monday. She thinks I’ll need a cochlear implant soon but the requirements change with insurance companies. We have new insurance starting this months. (they are going to love this) The first question Stuart is going to call and ask is what
their criteria is for covering a cochlear implant? The surgery cost between $30,000 and $100,000 and our out-of-pocket will be $150 Yay!!!
So I may have told you…forgive me.
So while we were out, it came time for my medication. All of a sudden I had a sharp pain in my head, I asked what time it was, exactly time for my medication! I asked if we happened to remember….ooops, nope. So I was 2 hours late taking it. By the time I got home, I was not able to walk unaided, I was slurring my words, I had to really concentrate to understand things…..it’s kind of funny, in a way I feel like I’ve taken some drug…like a downer or something. But it’s all being caused because I missed my medication. Ahhhh!
Right now I’m running a fever again. Every night, only at night. Strange huh? I take some Tylenol it goes away.
I still have a lot fo figure out with all of this, and it will take some time. It is apparent that I’m getting better with the side effects and I’ll probably get even better when I get some potassium (Diamox is known to deplete potassium.) I have been trying to eat a banana a day, but it’s hard when that’s the cap on the amount of fruit I can eat in one day. So we went to buy some and the store was out. How rude!
I’ve been watching these cooking shows and now I’m just dying to cook. But I need to be more steady on my feet for that. Perhaps I see some slow cooker meals in the future. (much less dangerous, I can just instruct Stuart.) I bought some herbs recently, and got a free ounce of Saffron….oh….what will I do with this delectable spice?
Also, if you have never heard of or tried Pot Herb – it is a mixture of Chives, Chervil, Parsley, Thyme, Marjoram, and Bay leaves. This was delectable in Chicken Soup..and just on chicken….I can imagine so many things to do with this blend…why have I never heard of this french blend of spices before?
So…
What a difference a day can make. Do I feel this much better from all the well wishes? The joyous feelings I have for my friend? The fact that the Topamax was uped? The beautiful weather (you know I got to take the top off!!), or have I once again, simply decided enough. I can’t stand to live with you like that! Get up! Pick yourself up…even if you need help, and find something that satisfies you. even something small…and build it up again.
That’s why I say those silly expectations I had for this life…they must be fluid now, and change as I do.
Weeks ago Phylor honored me with the Candle Lighter Award. I am honored Phylor chose me as a recipient of this award. To say that I am a candle in her life who helps to light the way…this brings tears to my eyes. How could anyone wish to be more? I hope I can live up to this honor and light a candle in the darkness to help light a few paths along the way.
Kate Kresse, of Belive Anyway, originated the Candle Lighter Award to: . . . “light a candle in the darkness that envelopes us all at times. I want to lighten loads and light the way. I gravitate towards positive people and positive blogs. I want to start a blog award that reflects my love for the positive in the blogosphere.”
Kate asks little of the winner – to link back to her comments when the blog has been posted, and to, of course, if you choose, to pass the award along to anyone you feel deserves it. You can award it as many times as you like, all that Kate asks is that you link your post back to her site.
I pass this award on for the same reasons Kate started the award. She stated, “I think people that are going through the efforts to be positive and make the world better through their efforts and blogs deserve to be recognized. I am always looking for encouragement and ‘light’.”
I have so many people who have been a light for me. I wish I could honor each one with this award, but there are simply too many to list, at this time I do not have the energy to properly acknowledge you all. I’ve decided to limit it to 2 recipients. Two very special women whom I feel do not get the recognition they deserve. Two women who have been through torment and trials and come out with a positive can-do attitude that lights the way for many others.
Fiona had a horrific experience that brought about severe panic disorder with agoraphobia (according to Pub Med Health Panic disorder with agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder in which there are repeated attacks of intense fear and anxiety, and a fear of being in places where escape might be difficult, or where help might not be available.)
Fiona, is an amazing young woman. She is working so hard to overcome these intense fears. I feel such inspiration when I read her posts, hearing how she made it out and about one day. Even on her bad days, with severe migraines or a panic attack, you can still hear her positive attitude and hope.
Said said in one post, “So yes, I have agoraphobia and Panic Disorder, but it definitely does not define who I am, I have never become depressed about it, I have got frustrated a few many times and had a huge cry, got it out of my system, and then moved on again. This is my life, I am happy with it, it sure could be a hell of a lot easier, but who has the perfect life anyway? everyone’s life is hard at some point, mine just happens to be hard to do simple things, but I AM OKAY WITH THAT!”
In another post she said something that really stuck with me.”bad days are ALWAYS followed by good ones and I always remember that and keep it in mind.”
Thank you Fiona, for not only lighting the path for others with panic disorder and agoraphobia, but for anyone who needs inspiration!
The second person I’d like to pass this award to is Kelly from Fly with Hope.
On her blog she shares her ” journey of learning how to manage chronic illness and hold onto Hope.” Kelly is very involved in advocating for herself and others who have chronic illnesses. She reaches out to people and shares this profound Hope, and deep spirituality that she has.
Her light shines through her, with every word that she writes. She has personally been a great inspiration for me and a light to help guide my way thorough a lot of pain.
To carry on the Hope, Kelly recently started Project Migraine Hope. Please go and check out this amazing project Kelly started where people can post videos telling their experiences with migraines and how they have found hope. If you have migraines, or are a caregiver or loved one of someone who does, please consider telling your story.If you haven’t done so already, Please, Please for all of us who suffer from migraines and those who care for us sign the petition that the Alliance for Headache Disorders Advocacy started to Urge Congressional Hearings on the Impact of Migraine and Headache Disorders. This is very important to all of us who have migraines and a project Kelly has been working very hard on.With the excruciating pain that Kelly lives with daily, she still has Hope, still finds a way to be a health activist, and finds the time to reach out to others sharing her light and sharing Hope.
Again, I’d like to say that there are MANY people who have helped light my way, and given me hope. MANY who still do each and every day. Please know how much I appreciate you all.
I chose these two very special women because of the horrors they have been through, and are still going though, yet they still find a way to be positive and share their light with others.
Picnic with Ants 