Eyes Wide Shut

I’m so tired.  I’ve experienced fatigue before, but nothing like this.  I can’t stay awake, except at night, when I can’t sleep.  I’m restless, yet I can’t get it together.  I started exercising more this past month, but this past week I haven’t been able to do more than what is absolutely necessary.  A little while ago I put some dishes in the dishwasher and now I’m ready to take a nap.  I am having a very hard time keeping my eyes open.  Lifting my limbs is a challenge.  This in conjunction with extreme brain fog, yes writing this post is a challenge, it’s also why I haven’t been able to follow through on promises made.  I really hate that.

What changed?  I honestly don’t know of anything that has changed so much in the past week that would cause this.  I don’t think I’m sick.  I’m not running fever or anything like that.  My headaches haven’t been worse, they aren’t better, but they aren’t worse.  I haven’t increased my medication.  I am taking CBD oil during the day, but I’ve been doing that for over a month now, so that’s not new.  I’ve actually been taking less this week because I keep forgetting.  As it has been pointed out to me countless times by numerous people, I have been under a huge amount of stress, but honestly, the stress hasn’t really intensified recently, it’s been pretty steady for months now.  I’m dealing with it pretty darn well, if I do say so myself.  The only thing that has my mind racing is our house hunting, it’s taking longer than we expected, and it’s just getting to me a bit.  I’ve decided to step back from the search for a few days at least, a bit of breathing room, get refocused and start again next week.

I’ve been using marijuana to help me sleep for a long time.  (full disclosure, I was using it long before we moved to a legal state)  for some reason it’s not working like it used to.  I can’t sleep, yet I can’t stay awake, what’s up with that?  When I try to go to sleep at night I just toss and turn, often I just give up for a while and get up.  It’s hard not to snack in the middle of the night when you’re up all night.  OK, I’m exagerating a little, I am sleeping …some…

My sleep last night recorded on my Fitbit.

Okay, my brain is not working.  I’m about to fall asleep…probably not really, but I feel like it.  It is storming like crazy right now.  Monsoon season is almost over, as much as I’m tired of the storms every day, I’m going to really miss them when we go for months with no rain.  Plus, they are really cool.

Some reasons I might not be sleeping…hmmm….pain.  My wrist is getting better, I’m not having those horrible sharp pains and I have much more range of motion.  I can pick up dishes without extreme pain! That’s awesome!  But, now it hurts all the time.  The pain is not as intense, but it’s always there.  I bought some CBD salve yesterday and I’m rubbing it all round my wrist and hand, not the actual surgical site yet, I get my stitches out on Friday. after that I’ll rub it all over.  Cross fingers it helps ease the pain a bit.  I feel silly complaining, it’s not that bad, it’s just constant.  (sometimes I do still have some sharp pains, I was just reminded of that a few moments ago when I tried to help with dinner)

Thank you all for listening to me rant.  I do accept that this is the way it is right now, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try to figure out what is going on and take care of myself the best I can.

Any suggestions?






23 thoughts on “Eyes Wide Shut

  1. Suggestions for sleep? Pssssha, if we were neighbors I’d suggest we go outside and howl at the moon. That might put us to sleep. 😉

    Didn’t you say that your new GP reduced some of your medications? Might that have something to do with it? I could also be imagining things. I’m a little short on sleep myself.

    I bet you’ll be glad to get those stitches out!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Perhaps I should howl at the moon in your honor. It’ll be full soon…or is it now? Maybe that’s what’s wrong, a full moon a coming.
      New GP hasn’t reduced my meds yet, she wants to eventually, and she “isn’t comfortable prescribing Valium”. Umm, it’s not like I use a lot, average once every 1 – 2 weeks, only when I feel vertigo coming. It’s the best vestibular suppressant out there. Aaargh. So I have to go to a neurotologist just to get that, he cant do much else. I am hoping he or someone in his clinic can take over treating my migraines.

      Yes, these dang stitches have been in too long! It’s going to hurt like a bitch to get them out, my skin has grown over them. Ouch.

      I hope we both get some sleep. I just took a gummy that’s a strain that is really supposed to help sleep, cross fingers it kicks in soon. 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Rita McGregor

    No help here. I was up till 5:15am last night and only slept a few hours. And yet I was falling asleep in my chair earlier in the evening. Makes no sense. I just have times like that sometimes.

    Even putting the oil on your wrist–that gets absorbed all over really. Could be making you day drowsy? Or maybe house hunting is bothering you more than you think it is. That happens to me, too. I think I am doing just fine with things and yet I’ll be having my stress reactions I can’t ignore–LOL! It will straighten out. Taking a step back is a good idea. Give yourself a few days. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The topical I’m using has no THC so even if it’s absorbed it shouldn’t make me sleepy, and I just got it yesterday this has been going on longer. Good thought though.
      I do think house hunting is getting to me. It’s getting to Stuart, when he gets stressed it makes me anxious. Foot. I wish it was easier. Houses here stay on the market about a day, how can people make that kind of decision that fast?

      You are right, it will straighten out. It’s happened before, I just dont remember feeling this fatigued.


  3. I won’t say the “S” word…I won’t… I was reading the above responses and I would like to say “All of the above!” Sleep evades me at times in unexplainable ways. Yes, I have worries, but they aren’t the kind that make me lose sleep, not usually. And if there is a worry, I know what it is and allow that to process, with my mental list and then try to sleep. That sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t. You do such a great job of taking care of yourself, that I am stumped for suggestions that you have not already tried. My best is to hold you up to the universe and ask for calm to overtake you as you try to rest. I read somewhere that when we don’t sleep a full night, but lay and try to relax, that our bodies will catch up what it needs. Napping might help, but it may affect evening sleep. I go to bed about 8:30 and read for awhile after taking all my meds, to allow them to kick in with the hope that I can sleep. I made it until almost 5 a.m., so that’s not a bad night. I sometimes have 2-3 nights where I am asleep by 11 and up by 4 and some nights I get maybe 2-3 hours sleep. I sometimes day nap, but mostly not. It seems like on weekends I rest better. It’s a weird cycle. So, while I have no real answers you got my feels for what you are going through. I reckon that’s something, right?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Are you using a different strain of marijuana now? Or if the same strain, is it different growing conditions than what you used before? Never used or grew it so don’t know how much of a difference there is.

    Does reading help you sleep? I joined a website where authors give you a free copy of a book they wrote in exchange for you leaving a review on goodreads and/or amazon and getting added to their email list (which you can unsubscribe from when you want). It’s called voracious readers and the books seem to be self-published. Just finished my first one and it was good. Some are debut novels, some are the first in a series. And did I mention they are free?

    Can’t really offer much else. I like the allergies suggestion. You may notice the fatigue isn’t as bad when monsoon season ends since weather affects us. Perhaps it’s a combination of both?

    Let us know if howling at the moon works. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I can empathise, and it sounds like what you’re going through is awful. It won’t be any consolation, but I’ve been experiencing similar for just over a week; absolutely exhausted, more than usual and I don’t know what to do with myself. Brain not getting itself together, can’t focus, feel utterly awful and sleep isn’t good either, not that sleep would get rid of the bone-weariness. I can’t pinpoint a reason either, though I do think the pain you’re in, even if it’s lower-level it doesn’t matter because it’s there and constant pain of any level is awful, will have a reasonable impact on how you’re getting on. I wish I had some suggestions but all I can say is that you’re doing the best you can. I hope that these kinds of days are temporary and we just have to do whatever we can to get through them, to look after ourselves, to not get too frustrated at doing little (easier said than done) and things will turn a corner again before too long hopefully. Sending hugs your way Wendy xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh Caz. I hate you have been going through the same thing.
      I have gotten a decent amount of sleep the last 2 nights, but I still feel weary, so tired everything is a chore. But i think it’s getting a bit better since i slept.
      I get my stiches out today, I’m going to ask for more instruction on my limitations. Yes, i think I’m overdoing it. 😕
      Gentle hugs my dear, I wish I could help you sleep.
      (I got a different strain of cannabis, it helped, but I really want a nap.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. It must be contagious because I’m not sleeping as well lately either. But I do believe (if you’re anything like me) an increase in stress doesn’t necessarily mean it isn’t finally affecting you physically.
    When we were mid-orders mid-move, still house hunting I got through it but 3 am & I hung out a few times. I’m just saying I get it. (I see my pain doc Monday, Imma talk to them about some other pain control options now that we’re becoming a legal state, and I’m going to talk to her about my right thumb. Thank you for sharing your story, I don’t feel like I’m making something else up for pain.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh honey, I don’t think you’d ever make anything up, if anything, I think you’d make light of it.
      I did sleep “better” the last 2 nights, but I dont seem to sleep as soundly so i think it’s still messing with me. You are right about the stress. I get it, i just dont like it.
      Let me know what the pain dr says, but regular drs dont prescribe it, special drs i promise I’m going to write a post about it soon.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I completely flubbed that reply…oops
        I was trying to say there are special drs you have to go to and the recommend you for a card. It’s different in different states, but I think all are like that.
        If you get it I’d love to talk more about what strains work.
        Love to you my friend. xo

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I know you wouldn’t think that but docs love to doubt women saying something hurts. I’ve found a couple of doctors and dispensaries, I just need “permission”.
          I hope you get some decent sleep soon my friend! ♡♡♡ & gentle hugs!!

          Liked by 1 person

          1. It is a shame that most doctors doubt women. Stuart has to go to all my appointments so he can hear what I miss, I think having him there to back me up makes a difference. That’s sad.

            I use a site called leafly to research different strains. Good luck sweetie.
            xoxo 💕

            Liked by 1 person

  7. I couldn’t stay awake (started falling asleep at stop lights when I was driving). Turned out it was a dopamine enhancing medication I was on – literally creating narcolepsy! Stopped the medication and the falling asleep stopped.
    However, I slept all night. Sounds also like your bio-rhythms are off which could be related to the CBD etc.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Nan

    I’m sorry. I was in the same boat . Yet I know that I’m manic when this happens , and this is what my manialooks like. I’ve found a solution in a very low dosage of serequil 1/2 of 25mg. Sleep like a baby. But journaling about sleep really helps me to see the patern, if you have one. Mine is very seasonal, or stress driven. So any trigger, alerts on phone, alert about emails, bright lights, even no likes can trigger a restless week or month without this med. So I hope this helps.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nan, you have no idea how much that helped. I hadn’t considered my mental health, being bipolar, I should have.
      I will take note of my emotions. I know I’ve been quick to anger, and that is a sign of mania for me.
      Thank you


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