Stress? Who’s stressed?

On By WendyIn Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Mindfulness, stress

I swear if I hear one more person say that something that is wrong with me is due to stress I will scream!  I have felt this way for many years.  When I was having vertigo daily they said it was made worse by “stress”.  When my asthma went crazy, they said “stress”.  When I had severe GI issues for months, I was told I needed to reduce my “stress”.  You know the last time I looked stress does not cause Meniere’s Disease, or allergy onset asthma, or fructose malabsorption.  Don’t get me wrong, I know stress can do a number on you, but I feel like it’s a catch all.  If they don’t know, then it’s stress, after all if they can’t fix it then it has to be MY FAULT.

Finally, I am having issues that I think may actually be caused by stress.  I will be the first to admit the last few months have been pretty stressful.  My mother-in-law was placed in long term care, we moved across the country, I left my sister with the understanding that we may never see each other again, Stuart started a new job, I’m finding new doctors, I have to have surgery on my wrist on TUESDAY, I don’t know how long to expect to be out of commission to recover from said surgery (I hate being so dependent, not having use of my dominant hand is hard), we’re looking for a house (and not finding what we want), we’ve been looking at cars (for me),  I’m starting to drive again, we’re living in a small house that I can’t get organized because we don’t want to get too settled since we will be moving again soon, I’m suddenly surrounded by family (some of that’s good, some not so good)…………….WOW. writing all of that out was stressful, and I haven’t listed everything.

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This is me with a migraine, the right side of my face gets all numb and droopy.  #realmigrainepose

For over a month my migraines and cluster headaches were much, much worse, is this because of the stress, or is it causing more stress….short answer, Yes.  I must say though, for the past week they’ve been getting better, I think it’s because of the medical marijuana I’ve started using (more about that soon).  I’m having some GI issues that just don’t want to stop.  (it’s even waking me up at night, and I haven’t made it to the bathroom a couple of times…is this all from stress, who knows, but I doubt it’s helping),  I’m irritable, quick to anger, and just plain grumpy.  I’m overwhelmed and in pain, and I’m taking it out on everyone else.  I don’t like myself right now.  My anxiety has increased, but it’s not too bad, yet.  I’ve been a little depressed, but it’s not all consuming.  So, there’s a lot to be stressed about and it’s kind of taking it’s toll.

I’m trying to meditate every day, but it seems the more stressed I am the harder it is for me to meditate.  I feel like I’m not being very mindful either.  I’m living too much in the future.  We are buying our forever home and I keep thinking things like, “I don’t want a pool because I don’t want to keep it up when I’m 70”, “I don’t want any stairs because I might get sicker again, and I also we might now be able to climb stairs in a few years.”, and my personal favorite, as I’ve been going though things and deciding what to keep I keep thinking, “will anyone care about this when I die?” ….I just turned 55, I’m not that old, but I sure am living like I am.  (except I want a cool yellow car, that will keep me young)  I worry about how M’s condition will advance.  I worry about Dad, he spends all his time at the home what M, and she’s beginning to have moments where she doesn’t remember who he is exactly.  How is he going to handle it when she no longer knows who he is.  Then I think about what M’s daughter said, she told me about another relative who had Alzheimer’s and how they told her that they may not know who she is, but they know they love her.  I think Margaret will always know she loves Dad.  It breaks my heart every day though to see this amazing woman slip away.  (she just turned 77)

I really want to get back to focusing on living in the moment and simply not worrying about the rest.  Why worry about the now? It’s going to be gone in an instant.  I want to invite joy in my life.  I want to step away from the drama that I’ve found myself dropped into.  I need to nurture my inner self.

Little update on me: My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, the 7th.  It is a minor surgery, I’m not even put under general anesthesia.  They just put a little incision on the inside of my wrist below the thumb (on the side, not the palm) and snip a little to release the tendons.  When I saw the doctor in Charlotte, NC, he told me that often when the injections don’t do anything that there are actually 3 tendons running through the sheath instead of 2.  He said they don’t know why but it often doesn’t show symptoms until middle age.  This is even more probably since I have it in both wrist, luckily the injection worked pretty well in the left wrist though.  The doctor here didn’t mention it, but he did comment that the orthopedics department at Atrium Health (formally known as Carolinas Heathcare System) is one of the best in the country.  (right now they are ranked number 3)  So I kind of believe the doctor at CHS.

My migraines have improved some since I started using medical marijuana.  Most of what I’m taking is a very high grade of CBD oil.  I will write a post soon telling you all about my journey through getting a card, learning what to buy, and my experience in the dispensary.  The gammaCore has still not arrived.  The doctor’s office dropped the ball when ordering it, then they didn’t put in the request for the free trial for the first month.  (they did change offices this month, and my doctor is new and has been the only doctor in the group to prescribe the gammaCore, all of those factors led to the good up)  The gammaCore company called Stuart last week and told him that it should be no problem getting it approved by my insurance.  If that is the case, why haven’t I received it yet?  I sure could have used it this past month, the cluster headaches have been killer (literally, if I thought I had to live in that kind of pain all the time, I’d kill myself.  Cluster headaches are called Suicide Headaches, because of that very reason, people will kill themselves to get relief.  I start Botox in about a month; I was supposed to start on Thursday, but that was my original surgery date so we cancelled it.   The monsoons are causing a lot of severe barometric changes almost daily, I’m sure this has been one of the reasons my migraines have been so bad, so hopefully they will get much better in a month of so, when the monsoons are over.

 

It’s late and I have a headache, so this post was not even read over to check for errors, please forgive any typos, grammar errors, or other atrocities.

 

 

 

 

17 thoughts on “Stress? Who’s stressed?”

  1. blindzanygirl

    Oh gosh! You have taken the words right out of my mouth. This “stress”;thing drives me crazy too. I was told I had stress when all the time it was cancer, and they finally admitted it was not stress when my cancer was discovered at Stage 111b. Stess? Nope.

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    1. Yes!! You get it!!! xoxox
      I read your latest post, I need to get over to your blog and comment so you know I still love you. (I read your post in my email)
      Once you commented on a post of mine with 2 simple words…. “I care” You have no idea how much that meant to me. I really needed to hear it.
      After that I have found that I am much more likely to tell people that I care, I think we all need to hear that sometimes.
      you know I care about you. xo

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  3. You’re not wrong for being frustrated and overwhelmed. You have a lot going on and I promise if you were a man, they wouldn’t just dismissed you with “stress…”
    gentle hugs Calm yourself….the storm will pass. 😉

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    1. My goodness you know how much I hate the double standard for men….argh! Good old boys need to go away!
      I do find that doctors listen to me much more when Stuart is with me. If they doubt me they will ask him…..umm, really? I was lying?
      deeeeeep breath!! innnn….oooouttt….. ahhhh….much better. love you chica.

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  4. I’m swinging the opposite direction. I automatically assume whatever is wrong with me is because I belong at the funny farm. Maybe it’s because I dream of escape. 😏

    I’m so glad the mmj is giving you some relief. I hope it keeps up. Now let’s see what we can do about the other…ahem, stuff.

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  5. Dorothy Murphey

    Wendy – thank you for the update – keep up the the CBD I’m sure it will help. Hope the surgery went OK. I had a great talk with John the day before his birthday- he sounded good and we had a good talk about Margaret. I was able to help him some about her condos my ex-mother-in-law also went thru the same think and we as the family did also. He will find that the visits with her will get shorter and when you all live together that will sure help him. He will have something else to do. Thatythe big issue at this point – what to do with my time so I guess I will go see Margaret. Anyway that you for your update hope the surgery goes well. Hugs and kisses to y’all. Zia Dot

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    1. Thank you Zia Dot! I’m so glad you and John had a good talk, and I’m so glad you shared some of that with me. I might need to call on you to ask how to handle things, I feel a bit helpless. We are trying to set up a day every week that we get to see John with just us and him. Those are good visits. I hope we can find the perfect house for the 3 of us. I would like him with us soon. Stuart is a bit stressed too, he said that everything just fell into place when we decided to move here, that he just expected us to be able to find a house quickly. Yeah, that hasn’t happened. It will, it’s just going to take a little time. I’m sure the surgery will be fine, I’m just not looking forward to not being able to use my right hand for a while. Of course I haven’t had a lot of use of it for the past few months…it will be all better soon! I just know it. 🙂 Hugs and Kisses….love you wendy

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  6. I’ve just had to pop another Sumtriptan this afternoon so I can see; migraines are getting the better of me lately too, and they’re so incredibly debilitating, so I’m sorry you suffer with them so much too. I seem to be getting them every day for a week, then a day off, then the cycle repeats, but I’m not sure whether I could say that’s stress related or not at the moment. I have, however, always seemed to battle the issue of ‘it’s stress’ with doctors and specialists. For years everything went undiagnosed, I was made to feel it was in my head or due to stress and fast forward to now, well, some things have been diagnosed but it’s all rather too little too late. So yep, I understand the frustration with that! Keep persevering. But in terms of real stress and its effects, you definitely have had a lot to deal with (understatement) and it’s not surprising it’s been a challenge; I think that meditating and trying to live in the moment and with less worry are all wonderful things to aim for, but not the easiest to achieve when there are practical issues at hand that make it more difficult (like practicalities of being dependent after surgery). Don’t be too hard on yourself, you’re fighting the good fight. In the mean time, just wanted to wish you all the very best for Tuesday! Sending love Wendy  ♥
    Caz xx

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    1. Aw Caz, you are the best. You always make me smile and I know you get it. I’m so sorry you have to deal with migraines too. Wicked ugly things that they are. Right now I can’t open one eye, so why am I on the computer you ask? well I was filling out paperwork for the surgery! After that I had to come here to get support from my peeps. I feel the love, thank you Caz. Love to you on this Saturday evening. xo

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  9. Healing hugs and kisses for your surgery. 💛

    As for stress, if they just would listen to us when we say the illness happened first, then came extra stress, so much time and energy would not be wasted. Followed by one of my hated things I was told by a doctor…”I have been doing this for xx years and I know what I am talking about”. That doesn’t inspire confidence and trust or reduce stress when you really need it the most. There is some serious lack of training that needs to be addressed so current and future doctors have a better understanding of how to work with us.

    Love you. Wish I could be there for you.

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