“In this moment, there is plenty of time.
In this moment, you are precisely as you should be.
In this moment, there is infinite possibility.”
~Victoria Moran
“The best way to capture moments is to pay attention.
This is how we cultivate mindfulness.
Mindfulness means being awake.
It means knowing what you are doing.”
You may recall from my last visit to the migraine doc (a neurologist who specializes in headaches) that she’s tried just about everything and suggested that I look into studies. Well, she hasn’t given up.
I saw her last week and it was a long visit. I am always impressed when I go there that she never seems to be in a hurry. I never feel like she is rushed to get to the next patient. It’s amazing really, this is a doctor who is backed up over 3 months for an appointment, you know she’s busy. During our visit, I was having slow vertigo, which made it difficult for me to follow everything she was saying. I’m still asking Stuart some things, unfortunately he doesn’t seem to have much of a memory. He must have been worried about me. I did understand most of the visit, there are just little things I remember her saying that I wish I remembered. Like she said that Melatonin was good for something other than sleep, but we can’t remember what…….well I just looked it up and it can help with a bunch of things, including migraines. Who knew? I don’t know if that’s what she said, but I’ll keep taking it. It helps fall asleep anyway.
She is concerned that some of my migraines may be caused because my CSF (Cerebrospinal Fluid) is too high again. I have fluctuating CSF, it tends to run high. The migraine medications that I’m on help keep it lowered. She felt that we need to put me on a drug that will increase this effect. So I was taken off Topamax and put on Diamox. I’ve been on Diamox before, my CSF pressure did not remain stable on it either, we’ll see what happens this time.
She did look in my eyes, it was difficult because I had a bit of nystagmus going on at the time so my eyes were jumping, but she saw that it was bulging a little bit back there, a sure sign that my pressure is up.
The weird things is, if I have high CSF I should have a worse headache when I lie down. Sometimes I have a bad headache when I wake up but often I don’t. When I have a bad headache, it doesn’t get better when I lie down. hmmmm. Makes me wonder. But then there’s the eye thing, she did say it was a slight bulge. Well I’m just not convinced and I don’t want this drug to make my pressure go too low. It’s a very strong diuretic. I’m peeing a lot, but my body will get used to it I’m sure. I’m a little more light headed, but that could just be me, but it could be the drug. I feel very confused, this one has bothered me a lot, but it says it will go away shortly. If it doesn’t I won’t be on this drug long. I do not like being so forgetful. I was angry at Stuart yesterday and couldn’t remember why!! I don’t get angry at him often, you’d think I’d remember why I was mad at him. I think this drug is making me grumpy, or maybe that’s just me. I also think it’s reducing my appetite, as least that would be a good thing.
To sum up, I’m on a new drug (or back on an old drug). I’m not sure about it. I’m keeping an open mind though. I’m keeping a journal of my headaches as always, I’m adding in other side effects I’m feeling and paying close attention to all. I go back to the migraine doc in 2 months.
I can only say: Chronic migraines and New Daily Persistent Headaches suck.
“Don’t believe everything you think.
Thoughts are just that – thoughts.”
~ Allan Lokos
“Feelings, whether of compassion or irritation, should be welcomed,
recognized, and treated on an absolutely equal basis;
because both are ourselves.
The tangerine I am eating is me.
The mustard greens I am planting are me.
I plant with all my heart and mind.
I clean this teapot with the kind of attention I would have were I giving the baby Buddha or Jesus a bath.
Nothing should be treated more carefully than anything else.
In mindfulness, compassion, irritation, mustard green plant, and teapot are all sacred.”
“Health is a large word.
It embraces not the body only,
but the mind and spirit as well;…
and not today’s pain or pleasure alone,
but the whole being and outlook of a man.”
~ James H. West
“The secret of health for both mind and body
is not to mourn for the past,
not to worry about the future,
or not to anticipate troubles,
but to live the present moment
wisely and earnestly.”
~Siddartha Guatama Buddha
**all artwork on Picnic with Ants has been created by W. Holcombe unless otherwise noted. This piece was influence by tarren on Etsy, and was a gift to S. Holcombe.
I’m feeling much better now, but the last 12 days have been rough.
I had vertigo every day since the new year began until yesterday. Finally, yesterday the world began to still.
I haven’t been on line much. I’ve only been able to read during the slower spins, so no blogging, or anything else.
One thing happened during this spell that has me surprised and proud. After days of having vertigo of varying degrees I realized that I can handle it. Now this wasn’t a time when I was throwing up for hours on end, I was nauseous, but I wasn’t vomiting; I was just spinning. (It’s hard to explain) Living a life where the world is constantly moving, where you feel you are in constant motion, this is a life I never thought I could handle, but I can. Every time I have vertigo my biggest fear is that it won’t end, I’m not so afraid any more.
Don’t get me wrong, I do NOT want to live with vertigo. It is hell. I am not conveying here how traumatic it can be, the vertigo I had changed speeds a lot, I had spins so fast I couldn’t make out anything I was seeing, other times it was barely detectable except for the feeling of movement and the exaggeration of motion when I moved my head. (That really is a bad sensation ) I don’t think I could deal it with day in and day out if the world was spinning so fast I can’t make out anything, but I handled the slower spins well. I even handled the faster ones, but they rarely lasted over a couple of hours.
My point is, I’m not as scared. I’m proud of how well I handled this flare. The winter is really one big flare for me, so I’m sure I’ll be looking at the world spinning by again soon, but I’m not as afraid this time. I can handle it.
Hopefully, I’ll be feeling better for a while and I can catch up with everyone. I miss you when I’m gone.
Are you less afraid of your illness now than you used to be? If so, what changed?
#MYMIGHTYMONTH prompt Set a timer for 5 minutes.How are you feeling right now? Jot down your thoughts, and try to limit yourself to just 5 minutes.
5 minutes for me to write a blog post will be a miracle, but if I don’t count editing, maybe I can get something out that will mean something.
How do I feel right now? Less dizzy than I have in a week. I’ve had vertigo so much this week, especially on Monday, I didn’t get Mindfulness Monday out this week. This is the first Monday I’ve missed in over 7 months. I’m so disappointed. I felt guilty at first, but I had no control over it, so I “just stopped” 🙂
I’ve been able to knit some when the spinning in my head would slow down, that’s been nice. I’m making a blanket now for Project Linus. They make blankets for kids who need one. It can be a baby or an older child. They could be sick in the hospital, or homeless, if they need a blanket, they get one. It’s a great project and I’m excited to get involved. I may not be able to make many blankets, but to be able to do anything, it’s wonderful. To be able to volunteer doing something is giving me more of a sense of purpose.
Well, that’s 5 minutes. and that’s okay because I really don’t have much more to say. I haven’t been feeling well, don’t worry, it’s just my normal way of not feeling well. I’m grateful I’m not sick-sick on top of it. (knock on wood) There are so many bugs going around I hope none of you are sick.
How’s your week going? It’s supposed to snow here tonight. It doesn’t snow often where I live in NC, so people aren’t used to it. It will be pretty for a few minutes then people will go crazy on the roads, and I’ll be ready for it to go away. Truthfully, I wish it never snowed. As the weather changes my head is killing me. As it gets colder, and it is, I ache more. I really don’t like cold weather.
Do you like the snow? Does it make your symptoms worse? Or do you love the snow?
Picnic with Ants 