I don’t have the stamina to be on the computer for long today so we’ll have to make this chat a short one. Go ahead, pour yourself a cup of tea, grab a biscuit (cookie) and let’s have a talk shall we?
Oh wouldn’t it be grand to meet in a coffee house, or even my house and have a beverage and just chat, like I used to with friends…go out to lunch….play with their kids…go shopping…ect. But that was my yesterday. Do I want that life back? No. I want to do some of the things I used to, but I like me more now. I know me better, and I like me more. I used to speak and feel I had such conviction about something, then I’d talk with a different friend and find I didn’t feel the same when I was with them. I would get caught up in the gossip chain, or maybe even start one, I was moody, people would hurt me without knowing it….or maybe they did, doesn’t matter. I took too much to heart, and really didn’t know myself well enough to have a true friendship. At least I feel that way now, after all, there isn’t really anyone out their any more. And I’m sorry, but Facebook does not a friend make…not without a lot of effort off Facebook too. But that was many yesterdays ago.
Oh boy, already not a short chat. Guess I needed to have a heart to heart.
Just about me…..I’ve had a LOT of severe disequilibrium and minor vertigo attacks. By a LOT, it means I’m feeling disequilibrium most of the time, unless I’m very, very still. The vertigo, pretty much every day, often more than once. But if I can get the Valium and Phenergan in fast the vertigo attacks don’t last long. I told Stuart I feel like everything is so surreal. He didn’t understand, maybe one of you will. The world starts to move and my brain seems to slow down.
Last Thursday, I was excited about getting my Cochlear Implant processors and getting activated. I got up and started to get ready. I brushed my hair, and started to get dressed. I put on one article of clothing, and turned around too fast. I did a nice twirl in the room and tried to get close to the wall or bed, but I knew if I fell toward the bed from my distance I’d hit the foot of the bed hard. So I turned and hit the floor, twisted my left wrist a little, kind of did a flip and BAM! Flat on my back! First thoughts, “Stupid! I know better!” “Ouch! My head hurts!” Then Stuart rushed in. “I fall down” (sad face) He agreed I fell down. He asked to help me up, I told him my head hurt and when I tried to move it my neck hurt….I thought I’d just lie there for a bit. He was cooking breakfast so I shooed him away so he wouldn’t burn my breakfast. (smile, I just didn’t want to worry him too much and needed time to check things out). I rolled over, and climbed carefully back on the bed. I was so sore, already. I knew I couldn’t go to the audiologist to get my processors, the appointment takes about 3 hours, no way could I go and be a good patient. So we had to postpone……AGAIN. So, today I’m recovering from Whiplash!
Tomorrow, I have my rescheduled appointment with the Cochlear Implant audiologist. This is actually an administration day for her, but she wanted to get me in as soon as she could. (how sweet is that?) Barring no strange incidents, or my normal horrors, I will be getting my bright orange processors tomorrow! Then I’ll hand out candy for Trick-or-Treaters. I hope I have the energy, hubby will be in class. Halloween is my favorite holiday, so good things will happy, I just know it!!
There it is my short chat for today.
Perhaps next time we can have cake. (gluten-free, of course…really I make a really good cake!)
PS. I just read this post and realized it only pointed out the troubles I’ve been having, there is much more to a day than that! There is much I’m grateful for, and some wonders I’ve accomplished. I’ve been going down stairs almost every day!! After a doctor’s appointment I went out to eat with my husband! I’ve been reading a lot and have enjoyed several books I found free on Amazon for the Kindle that I normally wouldn’t have read. I’m sooooo thankful that Stuart was able to fix my Kindle! I missed it so much when it wasn’t working.
There is much more…oh like a bath all by myself! A lot of deep breathes and positive talks to do that one, of course I had vertigo within a couple of hours, but not in the tub! Victory!!!
Just wanted to end on a more positive note, after all, these are the things I think more about each day. The rest is just stuff. I would compare it to having a job that takes up so much of my time and I don’t enjoy it, but it’s stuff that has to be done. Then there is the rest of my life. Walking up and down the stairs one foot at a time, with no help! Cuddling with my hubby! Writing letters. Having heart to heart “talks” with my friends…..amazing how I haven’t actually met most of these people I consider my dearest friends.
I love you friends!