We’ve been home almost two weeks, it doesn’t feel that long to me. The first few days I felt better, just exhausted, so I rested a lot. Then I started feeling wonky, and having a lot of migraines. Nearly every day I turn to Stuart and say, “It’s not a good day.” The disequilibrium has been so very bad, I’ve only been on the computer once since I’ve been home. (I hope I haven’t had any important emails). When I try to read on the computer I feel car sick. I can’t stay on for very long, but today I’m going to try to do some things, a little bit at a time. I also haven’t been out of bed other than to go to the bathroom except one day, and I didn’t last long. I think I’d try to venture out more if we didn’t have someone staying with us. (our house sitter asked to stay until June 14th, she’s moving then, and Stuart said yes….long story). It terrifies me to have an attack in front of someone other than Stuart, or a doctor. Even doctor’s make me uneasy. So, going downstairs takes a lot of courage right now. (not that she’s here all the time, but I’m still uneasy). Don’t get me wrong, I do like her, but right now I would feel this way about anyone staying here. I’m simply not having good days.
There really isn’t much more to say today, I wanted all to know I’m still alive. I’m going through a time of change. We’ll see where it leads, but Picnic With Ants may change considerably.
I can tell I’m very depressed, and have been for months. Last year was very difficult for me, and the beginning of this year hasn’t been a walk in the park. I see my new psychiatrist on Thursday, I think, I’m anxious to see if she has any suggestions. I’m really tired of doctors telling me that if I could exercise more it would help my moods….well I can’t, so what am I supposed to do?
I have lot’s of doctor’s appointments over the next two weeks. I’m overwhelmed just thinking about it. Hopefully, all will go smoothly.
Thanks for staying around. I feel like I’ve lost so much over the last year…or more… But that’s for another post.