Leaving in a Mini-Van….

don’t know when I’ll be home again…  (yes I butchered the song, “Leaving on a Jet Plane”).

We will be leaving Tucson tomorrow, Tuesday, March 19th.  I’m very ready to get home and absolutely terrified of the trip!  Terror to the point of making me sick.  What to do? Oh what to do?  I know I’ll be alright no matter what.  Stuart will be with me, and he’s just wonderful at handling things when I’m not at my best.  I feel so guilty, Stuart has been packing everything and getting food ready, and washing clothes…..yes, he’s been doing everything, as I lay in bed with ice on my head in the dark, trying not to throw up.  My stomach hurts so bad I’m getting scared….do I have an ulcer?

OK…now you’ve seen me at my most anxious.  Not pretty is it?  Getting  here wasn’t that bad.  I had that horrible cough and every room we stayed it smelled way over fragranced.   I’m sure it’s because we have to have a room where pets are allowed, but it kills me!  But I didn’t get sick…I mean sick, sick….until we got here.  Then I had a horrific attack, in a car!  I think that is one of the things that is scaring me the most.

I am ready to go home, or at least I’m ready to leave here.  This was one of the most miserable trips I’ve ever been on.  Spending the little bit of time, I was able to, with my niece made much of the misery worth it.

I noticed something the last time I was with my niece, I push myself more when she is around.  I have a ball with her, but I do more than I normally would…and I pay for it for a few days, however, it’s totally worth it!  Her imagination is incredible!  I wish I was able to spend more time with her.

I have so many appointments when I get back to NC.  First I see my CI (Cochlear Implant) audiologist.  I may have mentioned on here that I haven’t been thrilled with my hearing with my CI…but I figured something out!  My CI audiologist adjusted things so it would work best with my hearing aid.  After all we hear better with two ears.  The trouble started when my right ear decided it was going to go defunk since we’ve been here.  I can barely hear anything out of my hearing aid…on good days…and it is distorted.  So I’ve just been wearing my CI…it wasn’t set up for that, so I’m feeling much better about that.  It does look like the second CI will be happening….after all, the hearing aid isn’t doing much.

Second appointment, my therapist.  Oh how I look forward to talking to her about this trip, what a let down.  Plus, I’m really over loaded with guilt lately.  I think I should say…GUILT!  Not that it’s justified.  Most of it is about things I can’t do anything about.  But one big issue I’m having is my grief over Sandy, and my guilt surrounding her death.  I simply will never know if I did the right thing, if we could have done more?  I simply miss her so much, there still has not been a day since she died that I have not cried.  On April 18th it will be a year since I lost my little girl.  (funny how we say “lost”, I didn’t lose her,  I know where she is…in a little brown box wrapped up in her favorite blankets with her favorite toys and a raw hide)  I’ll always love you Sandy girl….but I need some help dealing with the loss of my very best friend.

I’ll also be seeing my Otologist for a CI check up, and to discuss the possibilities of another one.

In May I’ll be seeing my headache pain specialist and get more Botox shots!  Yes I’m looking forward to that appointment, too bad it’s so far out.

Some time in there I’ll be seeing my GP, time for blood test, have her check out this cough thing and all that kind of stuff.  Including this horrible stomach pain.

So I’m all caught up…I think.  Not sure if I’ll be able to do anything on the computer while we are traveling.  I know we’ll have Wi-Fi in our rooms, .but don’t know if I’ll feel like looking at the computer.



13 thoughts on “Leaving in a Mini-Van….

    1. We are home! I’m sorry your life has been so turned upside down. Ben caught us up on things when he called to see if Max would like a playmate. However, you know Max will not put up with another cat. I hope things are settling down and going better for you. love to you my friend.


  1. Will be sending you and Stuart good thoughts and special travel dispensations. You could be like Willie Nelson: “I’m on the road again, making music with my friends, oh to be on the road again” Lyrics off the top of my empty head, so probably wrong, lol.
    Good luck, and safe home.


    1. That’s ok if they are wrong. I can’t really hear music any more. I’m told I still might…your hearing gets better and better the longer you have a CI…but I could hear Willie in my head.

      However, I hate being on the road. Scared about attacks…and my hips and tail bone kill me!!!
      But your wishes for us came true…we are home and safe.


      1. Glad to hear that you made it through your “road movie,” and are now safe home.
        Traveling can be such a pain (excuse the pun). My sis-inlaw keeps wanting me to go to PA with her (to visit her sister). Besides the fact she drives like a maniac, I’m not sure I’d do all the well right now with an extended trip in a car to an unknown place!
        Welcome home.


  2. Wendy, I’m praying for your safe travel. Take care of yourself and hope you can rest up once you are home. It’s difficult dealing with all your problems when one is so far away from home. I hear your pain over the death of Sandy, and the anniversary of her death is nearing. You’ve been amazing to care for her, and she cared for you. Sandy’s death is a tremendous loss. Do know I am thinking of you, and keep us posted on your CI appointments and others as well. Take care and stay safe, Edie


  3. stillstrange

    Have you ever been tested for Hypogammagobulynemia? = Weak Immune System. It’s a blood test and apparently, there are IV treatements for it. Turns out I have it and am waiting to start my treatments. You may have the same thing and the treatments may help with your Fibro. Something you may want to consider w your doctor. Just a thought.


  4. Wendy, I am not a good traveler either. Last time we had a long car ride, I took a benadryl so I would sleep the whole way. Please have a safe trip, and I pray that you will feel better back in your house.


    1. mo,
      I wish Benedryl would knock me out. I take 2 at a time when my allergies really kick in. They’ve never made me sleepy….now Stuart, if he takes one he’s asleep for 3 days. No lie!!
      I do feel better back in my home. Being away sure does make you appreciate what you have. (or in this case, what you don’t have…we are much more minimalist than Stuart’s father is)


  5. deb

    So glad you are home! I hope the comfortable surroundings help you feel well again. Now that it is spring it’s allergy season but also a season of new beginnings.
    Wishing you all the best 🙂


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