Why do I write? PFAM carnival

Sharon at Bed, Body, and Beyond is hosting the PFAM (Patients for a Moment) blog carnival this go round, and she asked, why do we write?  The carnival will be posted on December 7th, be sure to go by there and find out why other’s write, and what they write about.

Drawing Hands by M.C. Escher

I’m an artist, not a professional writer, I never really considered writing anything that was meant for others to read.  I kept a journal, off and on, for years.  Now and then, I still find little books with partially filled pages buried deep in a box, little segments of my life, meant for no one’s eyes but mine.

The first thing I wrote that was intended for other’s to hear (or read) was a poem I wrote the day my mother died.  This became the largest part of her eulogy.  A poem I still cherish to this day, it’s not professional, it’s not prize worthy, but it comes from my heart, and it helped me get through the first few hours of saying goodbye to my mom.

Memories of Mom and Me

I look around me and all I see,
brings back memories of mom and me.
The clouds in the sky; for hours we’d look,
picking out colors and shapes and books.
Oh, look there’s a snap bug – remember him?
a play thing for me and mom again
.A sea shell reminds me of a walk on the beach;
my diploma, a goal, she believed I could reach.
Let’s go to a movie – her favorite E. T.
then go to the park and swing with me.
An ice cream cone, a frog, a snake,
a Thanksgiving dinner we attempted to make.
All the things around me I see,
bring back memories of mom and me.
The people who loved her, I see in their eyes,
the love that she gave them was no surprise.
She had a heart as big as the world
and the soul of a little girl.
People who knew her will never forget,
because she affected everyone she met.
Reminders of my mom are easy to see,
for there are parts of her inside of me.

After that day, I filled many more journals with not just accounts of the day, but prose.  Still, only for my eyes, or to be shared by a very select few.

For years I’ve had health problems..too many to mention.  I wrote about this – privately.  Then a few years ago I found out I couldn’t eat gluten.  It appeared that this little ingredient in so many foods was one of the things making me sick.  I started learning a whole new way to eat, to cook, to shop, to talk to wait staff…ect.  I started a little blog to help me keep up with recipes, places I’d eaten, products I tried, all of my experiences being gluten-free.  At first it was private, I only wrote for my information.  Then I noticed other gluten-free blogs and thought others could benefit from the things I was learning…and that started me on a road to writing publicly.

My gluten-free blog was pretty popular, but I started having other health issues, and even found out I had another food intolerance.  Not only did I feel that the gluten-free blog no longer fulfilled what I needed, I didn’t think I could put as much time and effort into it.  So that blog had to change.

I started having more issues with Meniere’s Disease.  However, it wasn’t ruling my life…yet.  So I decided I wanted to start a blog about getting healthier.  Yes, I was going to take a year to focus on my health and fix things.  My body had other ideas, so 365 Days to a Healthier Me, changed to Picnic with Ants.

With this blog, I have thrived.  I started writing this blog to tell my story, living with chronic illnesses.  To get it all out before I exploded.  Then I found others who understood what I was going through.  I found support, and friendship, things I never expected to find, simply by writing about my life with all its struggles, dreams, hopes, milestones….

I found myself opening up and telling the nitty-gritty honest description of my emotions, and my diseases.  What my Meniere’s attacks are really like, how it feels to find that your husband is now your caregiver, how losing your hearing changes your life, how having chronic pelvic and hip pain affects your sex life, what it means to be bi-polar and (mostly) stable….I write about my life, and how I strive to live it to the fullest, with chronic illnesses.

I tell everything, in detail, not just to get it out, and find support or give support, I use it to explain to those who have no idea what we go through.  I have become an advocate for myself and for others with chronic issues.  I’m even considering writing a book detailing different people’s experiences living with an invisible illness.

There are many things I can no longer do because of my illnesses, one of the things I can do is write. Therefore, to put it very simply,
I write because I can!

10 thoughts on “Why do I write? PFAM carnival

  1. *sigh*… I too said “I write because I can” I loved your poem about your mother. I lost my mother a few years ago and yet she continues to be omnipresent in my life. We are the custodians of their stories too!


  2. Your poem is beautiful, heartfelt and you can feel the love in the words you wrote.

    I am so happy you went public with your writings and that I and others were able to find you. It has helped with the journey we are all on.

    Hugs and kisses.



  3. Thank you so much for contributing to PFAM! I was touched by this post.

    Also, one of my PCAs is a visual artist (abstract photography), and I was explaining about artists using blogs, so I showed her yours (this one and the healing one), and she loves your work and your blog backgrounds. She pointed out that you seem to have been influenced by Escher, which I hadn’t picked up on, but I like Escher, and I like your work and now see what she meant.


    1. funny, I never really thought about being inspired by Escher, but I’ve always loved his work, so perhaps subliminally. And then I picked his hands drawing each other as the photo for this post!
      I’m also very influenced by Futurism, and Impressionism. (if you look at my old work on one of the top pages on the other blog, you will probably see that.)

      thank you for the complement.
      I’m glad you liked the post.
      I will read the other contributions soon.
      this recovery is kicking my butt!



  4. What a great post– and thank you for sharing the poem. Don’t sell yourself short– you may have a smaller audience than most “professional” writers, but that doesn’t mean your writing has any less impact on the people it touches!


    1. Megan,
      How Ironic! That is exactly what my therapist said today!!
      But she’s trying to figure a way for me to have a larger audience.
      one step at a time, I’m just thrilled if I can make one person think…or feel better…
      If I can touch someone, I don’t feel like I’m disabled.


  5. bipolarmuse

    Truly beautiful. And a poem indeed…. a wonderful tribute to your Moms life shared with you.
    Thank you for sharing this poem and heartfelt love. It is magnificent.


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