I’m finding the drawing journal to be very therapeutic.
Day before yesterday was a very, very bad day. I was awakened by one of the worst headaches I’ve ever had. The lower part of the right side of my skull, and down my neck was…well, I can’t think of a good adjective…let’s just say, I was in a huge amount of pain.
Throughout the day I kept trying different meds to see if anything would work. They sometimes made it better, often not. I was nauseous, and just miserable. That afternoon, I turned to look at Stuart and the world moved. I felt all the symptoms of an attack starting. The world was off-balance, but not completely spinning yet, I got HOT, I didn’t feel like my head and my body were listening to each other….I told Stuart…”It’s coming!” He ran and got my medication, some cool wash clothes, and trash cans….he was getting prepared. I’m happy to say the whole world spinning part didn’t happen, I didn’t throw up…but I was amazed when it started to calm down and didn’t become a full-fledged vertigo attack. (I have a question, anyone else out there who has these attacks, when it first starts to you really have to go to the bathroom…bad? Every time it starts, I have to go! I don’t want to get up and move to go to the bathroom, I just want to stay as still as possible…but I can’t I have to go!)
For the rest of the day, the tinnitus was very loud, my head hurt, and I was exhausted. I had to use my walker. (very strange thing I’ve noticed, a lot of time when the tinnitus is at it’s worst, I can hear better….isn’t that the strangest thing you’ve ever heard?)
I’ve decided that I have an Evil Goblin living in my Head! And he looks something like this:
These are his torture devices:
Here’s another sketch of my Evil Goblin (the original looks better. I didn’t realize photographing graphite was so hard.)
I hope you have enjoyed a view in my head.
Wanted to let everyone know that my appointment with Dr. Gray has been moved up to the 22nd. I’m still on the cancellation list and if anything comes up before then…keep your fingers crossed.
Living for the day. One day at a time.
10 thoughts on “An Evil Goblin Lives in my Head.”
Wendy, As much as I love your pictures….I feel bad that you are having such a hard time. And yes…when I have any kind of really bad day, either from Addison’s or Crohns I am often in the bathroom all day. Lots of diahhrea and nausea. Hoping you get in earlier to see Dr. G!
Sorry that you have an evil goblin in your head; at least you were able to capture his image. Maybe you can use that against him! The noises in my ears are more tied to sinus and pressure issues (like footsteps, butterfly wings, or talk radio or opera playing far off in the distance), but I do get the occasional white noise/buzzing. I can’t imagine having to live with the volume you do. I really hope that your dr. can help with the headaches, etc.
There are funny health coincidences like your hearing being better when the tinnitus is bad; when I have a migraine, even if I haven’t been able to take (or keep down) my regular meds, my left-sided facial pain (same side as most migraines and sinus headaches these days) doesn’t seem so bad. I don’t know if it’s because my head hurts so much, or because I try and lie as still as possible, or, if I’ve been able to take migraine meds, something about them helps my face. You would think it would hurt the same (or more if there’s no lyrica in my system!)
Fingers crossed there’s another cancellation, and you get in to see the dr. sooner than the 22nd.
I’m relieved it didn’t turn into a full attack. And I’m impressed with Stuart’s quickness!
I love the how the Evil Goblin looks. Remind me to draw the demon that lives in my throat sometime.
Thank you to all for understanding, and sending me such good thoughts.
I’m tickled that the drawing journal is helping me get out some of this emotion. I’ve had a lot of anger issues surrounding this lately…and anything else that may be said to me…I’m just pissed most of the time it seems. So, finding a good creative outlet has been useful.
healing thoughts. wendy
While I’m glad you were given an earlier appointment, I hope there’s a cancellation and you get in even sooner.
Do you have cold compresses in your freezer? I realize that, if you’re in your bedroom, it’s probably easier to get cold clothes, but I find they help cool me off quicker. I have 3 small ones and a larger rectangular one that fits in a knee brace. And I don’t know how I did it but one of the smaller ones has frozen solid. I will wrap the larger one around the frozen one. When the one side gets warm I switch sides and I’m always able to have the cold side against me. Saves on having to go back and forth to the fridge when all I want is to lay still. Hope I explained it well.
And yes, I have noticed when I get really light-headed, I have to go to the bathroom. I don’t know if it’s the adrenaline or lower blood pressure or what’s happening, but…UGH!!! Like we need something else to think about.
Maureen, I too hope I can get in earlier. I’m happy to say yesterday and today have been good days. Very light headache, roaring minimal, and my balance….well, I’m not falling down, and not using the walker..so that’s good. Couldn’t sleep last night though. Up until 7am! can you believe? My apt on the 22nd is at 7:30am! heck, I might not even sleep that night.
I do have ice packs, and use them sometimes. Especially when I need to just cool down. I like to put them on my head when I have a migraine, but I can’t have them too close to my right ear. Where the hole is in my head for the endolymphatic sac…if it gets too cold, I start to spin immediately. Made that mistake once…not again. This week my migraines have been right in that area. I wonder if I would be having a major attack if I hadn’t had that surgery. I wonder if the migraines there mean the sac has filled and is very expanded? eh, who knows…and I’m tired of guessing.
I really need to write a post on my anger issues. trying to figure out a way to put a positive spin on it.
love to you! wendy
Wendy, I’m still composing an email to you. But as I’m really not feeling well at all, I’m having a hard time finishing it, but know its coming.I wanted you to know that I TOO have to go to the bathroom really badly at the onset of an attack. It was crazy you said that because oh my goodness, yes, I have to go.
Sorry about the goblin. You know I really get it.
Yes! It’s not something you like to talk about, but absolutely…when that attack comes on the bathroom can’t be close enough. The tough part for me is is getting home if I am at work. Holding a “barf” bag is one thing in a colleague’s car but what do you do when its the “other” end????? Ugh. This disease is humbling.
P.S. Have you seen David’s recent post on CSF on My Life and Menieres? You would really have a great comment to add!
I added a comment, to David’s post. I’ve commented about it before on his blog, and he’s commented on a post here and there here. funny.
glad he’s talking about it.