I know I’ve been very slack at updating my blog lately. I hope you haven’t given up on me.
Remember when I posted that I had a little dizzy feeling, not much, just a little off? Well, it happened again during one of our classes. I stood up during the break and the floor moved under me, this was pretty alarming considering we were on the 6th floor. Then I realized that no one else noticed it, so that could only mean it was just me. *sigh* I was also having pain in my left ear. I saw the audiologist for a follow-up on my hearing aids, and she said my ear drum was a little red, so I could be getting an ear infection. This was on a Thursday, I had my physical scheduled for the next Tuesday so I decided to have my doctor look at it then. On Tuesday, my doctor looked and said I had one of the worst classic ear infections she has seen. I was told to not wear my hearing aid for a week or so. It was very painful, and I was off-balance for about a week, but I’m so glad it was something that could be easily fixed. And not a relapse. Whew!
I was surprised to find out that my blood work, cholesterol and all that stuff, was better this year than it was last year, and I weigh about 40 pounds more now. Go figure. It seems that elevated triglycerides can be caused by fructose intolerance. My triglycerides have been high for years…many years! They are still a little high, but much lower than they have been in a long time! Now if the weight would just start to come off. I just don’t understand why I’m not loosing weight. One step at a time I guess.
Fostering Classes have taught me so much. Not just about becoming a foster parent, but also about myself. I’ve been looking inside much more than I have in a long time. The classes have been emotionally draining, but I feel I’m much more resourceful now. I may need help, but now I feel that I’m more prepared at knowing where to get the help I will need. I also know that no matter how much I learn, I will feel a bit lost when a child actually comes into our home. Hands on is going to be much different from in a classroom.
I am so disappointed that we aren’t getting more support from our family and friends. My father has hurt me to the extent that I am at a loss for what to do. We haven’t ever been close, and I know that he is very prejudice. Not only did he say that he could not accept it if we got a child of a different race. He told me that he didn’t believe that I would be happy with this. He is completely against it. If it comes down to me choosing between my father and my child, my father will lose. (but really, he lost me a long time ago)
My sister and I were estranged for many years. This past year we started talking again. She doesn’t say much. A couple of sentences here and there, nothing of substance really. I’ve mentioned to her about us fostering in 3 separate emails, and she hasn’t acknowledged it. I’m certain she feels the same way my father does.
It’s hard feeling like I would be better off if I just didn’t have a family. Since my mother died, I haven’t felt like I had a family at all. I’ve remained in touch with my father and sister because it makes it easier if I want to see or even talk to anyone else in our family. (like aunts, uncles, cousins..) But recently, I’ve realized I haven’t had much contact with any of these people in years. So why do I continue to try? It’s so confusing.
One of the exercises in our classes we had to write down 5 things we were close to, that made us who we are. Most people included their family. I wrote: My husband, My pets, Art, Friends, and my Blog. The friends I’ve made from my blog have been more supportive of me than my family, and most of my in person friends. Thank you all.