Mindfulness Monday – Kindness

water scene2“Three things in human life are important:

the first is to be kind;

the second is to be kind;

and the third is to be kind.”

~ Henry James

 

What does it mean to be kind?  Often kindness is confused with compassion, but there is a difference.  Kindness is simply being friendly to a person whether they are suffering of not.  Compassion is reaching out to someone who is suffering. 

When I read Toni Bernhard’s book, How to Wake Up, (and later an article she wrote about kindness) I was touched by what she calls “friendliness practice”.

She describes it like this, “As I turn the front doorknob to leave my house, I consciously resolve to maintain an attitude of friendliness toward all the strangers I see…If I’m waiting in line, I look at each person around me and silently say to each one: ‘May you enjoy this day’; or ‘I hope you have fun today.’”

I have tried to do this practice and have found that it lifts my heart, simply sending loving kindness to those around me fills me with joy.  

I find it so fulfilling to see the joy on a stranger’s face when I am nice to them, whether it’s a complement or simply saying having a small conversation, kindness can make your day so much more joyful.

However, there are times when I find myself automatically judging people I don’t even know.  For example, recently we were riding in a “questionable” part of town and were suddenly stuck because someone pulled out in front of everyone, just to go from one convenience store to another on the opposite side of the street.  The man was driving a new Cadillac that was all tricked out, and when he smiled you could see gold teeth.  We both automatically thought, drug dealer. We knew nothing about this man except what we saw on the outside, yet we found ourselves judging him.  This is something most of us do, and I’m sure I’ll do it again, but I’m trying to be kinder.  When I find myself having these judgments I’m trying to follow Toni’s example and silently say something kind to this person anyway.  Just as Toni said, I found that this action normally stops the judgment…but sometimes it doesn’t, it’s at those times I need to be kind to myself and continue to try my best.

 

“Kindness is within our power even when fondness is not.” ~ Samuel Johnson

 

I’m certain that no one is fond of everyone, but being kind to someone doesn’t mean we have to like the person.  In this day of political tensions, prejudice, racism….I know I have never been surrounded by so much hate.  The Buddha taught, “Hatred does not cease by hatred, only by non-hatred.”  We can “not hate” someone without liking them.  When you don’t hate it’s much easier to be kind.

It has pained me to find out that some of my ‘friends’ have such differing views than I have, many of these views are, in my opinion, unethical and morally wrong.  Because of the extreme differences in our views, and often the venom that I hear spoken by others voicing their opinions, I’m finding that I don’t really like many of these people any more, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be kind to them.  I try to find what we have in common, I think we all want to be happy and to stop suffering, when I look at someone in that light, I find it much easier to be kind.  I don’t have to agree with someone to be kind.  That doesn’t mean I’m okay with their views, it means I can be nice to them, that’s a lot more than I sometimes think I can do, but let’s face it, being kind to someone feels a whole lot better than hating them, hatred makes me feel really bad.

 

That brings me to this quote:

 “Kindness can become its own motive. We are made kind by being kind.” ~ Eric Hoffer

The more often you are kind, the more natural it will become.  Kindness becomes a habit and it grows within you, by being kind to others, you are in turn, kind to yourself. 

 

** I hope you enjoyed this different take on Mindfulness Monday, be sure to remember to be kind to yourself.

I highly recommend Toni Bernard’s books, especially “How To Be Sick; A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers”.  This book changed literally my life, and I refer back to it over and over.  If you, or someone you know, is dealing with chronic illness, do yourself a favor and check this book out.  (This is completely my opinion, no one asked me to post this, and I’m not being compensated for it.  I simply love this book.)

 

(image created by Wendy Holcombe using Autodesk Sketchbook, please to not use without permission)

 

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Mindfulness Monday: Kindness

My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.

~ Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dali Lama

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.

~ Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dali Lama

This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.

~ Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dali Lama.

Wendy needs some quiet time, this Monday, to recover from a migraine.

Given the season, kindness seems an appropriate theme.

And the Dalai Lama speaks so eloquently and mindfully of it.

Be kind to yourself.

Lorraine

image: (c) Lorraine

Mindfulness Monday – Kindness

20170806_110510

“Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”

~ Mark Twain

“Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.”

~ Og Mandino

*photo by W. Holcombe. Please do not use without permission.

Be kind.

Back? Hip? Pain! What is going on…. We may be closer to finding out..

Last Wednesday I saw the spine doctor, and good news, the herniated disc is doing great.  So, why am I in so much pain?  My physical therapist and spine doctor think it is my hip.  So do I.

(If you are ever in Charlotte, NC and need a recommendation for a spine doctor, give me a shout out.)

The spine doctor I see is a really good doctor.  He has a great bed side manner.  I never feel rushed when I’m in there, he makes sure to always look at me when he talks, he explains everything very well, and he is very thorough.  He examined me and decided I needed to see the hip doctor again.  I told him how I did not have any respect for the last hip doctor I saw, and why.  I’m not sure if I mentioned it here, and if I did, it probably bears repeating.  The last hip doctor breezed in, did not examine me, and told me that all my problems were from my back.  I asked him why then did I have hip problems before I hurt my back?  He simply ignored me, and said nothing showed on the CT scan, so good news, I had nothing wrong with my hip, good bye.  The spine doctor decided I should see a different hip doctor.  One he said he was sure would treat me with much more respect.  thank you very much.  I will not go to a doctor who does not respect me.

Today I had an appointment with the new hip doctor.  First I had an x-ray of my back.  After all the stuff going on with my back too, he wanted to get a view of it, and looked like no problems there.  Yay.  Then the doctor’s assistant came in and got a good history and did a good exam.  He told me what he suspected and that he wanted to go over everything with the doctor and he would come in soon.  I then had to have another hip x-ray to compare to the one I had in September.  They suspect I may have necrosis of the hip bone, caused by steroid use.  I have been given steroids a lot over the years of my life.  Doctors seem to hand them out like candy, they don’t think about the long term effects of what they can do to you.  Not once when I have been prescribed steroids have I ever been asked how often I have been prescibed then in the past.  Well, they can kill your bones.  The bones that have blood in them, it can kill the blood tissue, then the bone will collapse on itself.  Pretty gnarly huh?

Image taken from the Journal of the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons  linked from http://osteonecrosis.me

Image taken from the Journal of the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons linked from http://osteonecrosis.me

The x-ray that was taken in September had a very round ball socket, the one taken today looked a little bit flatter on the top.  It could have been just the angle of the x-ray, or it could be the beginning of Stage II.

If you are interested you can read more about the different stages here: Osteonecrosis.  Right now it looks like I’d be around Stage II, just starting to show outward signs….maybe.

My doctor wants me to send in my information about my cochlear implants to the MRI people there to make sure I can’t have an MRI under any circumstances.  They said sometimes they can do something and they can do them.  So I’m sending in my information.  I’m very wary about this, and think I might just refuse it even if they say it’s alright.  If they try this and (even if it doesn’t rip them out of my head) if it damages them, I don’t think it would be covered under my warranty, and I don’t want to have to have unnecessary surgery to replace them.  So unless they’ve done this many, many times before, I just don’t think the risks are worth the benefits.  I think he will understand that.

If I can’t/won’t get the MRI he said I will get another CT (Computerized tomography) scan.  CT scans are cross sectional.  Normally they are done at a certain width apart, I forgot how wide he said, he will order my new one to be done much closer together to try not to miss anything.

If you were reading my blog before when I went to the hip doctor and had the hip injection and it didn’t help at all  (another reason the original hip doctor said there was nothing wrong with my hip) this doctor said the hip injections often don’t help with this issue.

I was very impressed with this doctor and his assistant. He was very behind in his schedule, but I could understand why, and I didn’t mind.  He did not make me feel rushed when he was with me, he was very careful to make sure I understood everything.  He was great.  Also, before he came in to actually see me, I was seen by his assistant, and I had 2 sets of x-rays.  I wasn’t just sitting there twiddling my thumbs.  I was also impressed that when I got there he had already reviewed my chart and had questions waiting for me and orders for the back x-ray.  He walked in and knew all about me before he started talking to me.  I love it when a doctor does that!

This is a scary diagnosis.  However, if this is what it is, it is a diagnosis!  It can also be fixed pretty easily…I’ll have a hip replacement.  There are a lot of things that a lot of doctors do to work on this that don’t replace the hip, but there’s a lot of risk and most treatments don’t work very well. shhh, don’t tell anyone I said that.  I don’t want to worry people who are having those treatments done.  Just my opinion from what I have read…today…and from talking to my doctor.   Looks like most people have to have their hip replaced anyway, after many more years in pain.   I’m thinking I’d rather just get my hip replaced now.  I know I’m a bit young to have it done, but really not all that young, and with the new technology I hope the new hip will last as long as I do. That is…if I have to have it done.  I can’t predict the future.  Just preparing my mind for it in case that is a possibility.  Heck, my father has had both hips replaced, and I think one he has had done twice, or they are talking about redoing one of them?  He’s hard to keep up with.  All his artificial joints….shoulders, knees….ect….He’s bionic!  He has all the body parts, I have the ears.  Now if I get a new hip, I’ll be working on body parts too!  hahaha

I will be going back to PT, working out in the pool.  The doctor wants me as strong as I can be in case I have to have any kind of surgery.  Also he doesn’t want that leg to get too weak, and I can work it out in the pool because it is non-weight bearing.   Maybe I will hurry up and take this weight I gained from the steroids off and continue to lose more weight!  According to the scales at the doctor’s office I’ve lost about 8 of he steroid pounds.  (I gained almost 16 – that was depressing!  I’ve worked hard to take this weight off…and I want to keep taking it off! Go weight….get off my body!  Not that my body isn’t fantastic just like it is, but I want to make it easier on my hip…less weight to carry around….less pain!  I do not think beauty is determined by size!!)

 

drawing by w. holcombe copywrite - 2015 quote - unknown

drawing by w. holcombe copywrite – 2015
quote – unknown

Now for some awfully sweet news.

When I walked in this office I was met by 2 of the nurses there that just grabbed me and hugged me.  They we so happy to see me and to see me in less pain than I was in the last time I was there.  I also had a small vertigo attack last time I was there.  I’ve only been there 3 times, and I haven’t been there since October, but these girls remembered me and were so thrilled to see me.  I was amazed.  I told them I couldn’t believe they remembered me like that.  They said, they don’t remember everyone like that, nor do they treat everyone like that…only the nice people.  They kept saying how wonderful my spirit is.  How nice I was even though I was in so much pain.  I just cried.  My nurse couldn’t believe I was crying.  Just think, I am home alone most of the time, and on the rare occasion when I go out it is usually to the doctor’s office, I’m amazed I could touch a person’s life like that, in the little amount of time I see people.  We never know just how we may touch another person’s life.  So watch what you say, and always try to be the best person you can be.  On a day when you feel scared and a bit down, you just might run into a couple of people who grab you and hug you and tell you how special you are because you are who you are, and you just make them feel special because of that.  It was an amazing feeling!