Image by Jan Alexander from Pixabay

It seems like I often stay away from here more than I intend to. I will come here and sit and think of a hundred things to write and feel like none of them are worth actually putting into words. I have some ideas for posts I want to write about that I think are interesting, but I just can’t get those out right now. Things just aren’t settled enough in me to get the words out right, I’m too self absorbed, I guess, to sit down and write about anything intellectual. So for now, if you will hang in there with me, you are going to hear more about me.

I made a huge decision this weekend, I’m backing off on some treatments. Yep, you heard right, I’m so tired of it all I’m taking a break. This is simply taking way too much out of me. More importantly, it’s taking way too much out of Stuart. He isn’t complaining, but I see it. I have at least 1 appointment a week, normally 2, often more. He has to leave work early at least one of those days. If I have an appointment at the pain management doctor he has to take half a day off because it’s an hour away. He also has to do most of the dishes, the laundry….he’s really an amazing man. Luckily we found a housekeeper and she will be coming in starting next Monday once a month to do the major cleaning. We still haven’t finished getting all our moving in stuff straight and we have been here 2 months. I simply cannot do it. We are both so overwhelmed it’s crazy. He’s being made to feel like he’s having to choose between me and work. That’s going to make him hate his job real quick, he’s already talking about looking for another one. I’m freaking out about that. He has to feel better about things. I have to take some of this off of him and the only way I can do that is to remove some of the responsibility from him. Getting rides to doctor’s appointments is not a solution. I cannot hear well enough in the appointment to handle it alone, he has to be there to help me answer questions, and to help me understand what the doctor says. He also needs to be there in case I crash. I often have vertigo attacks due to the stress that comes with these appointments, I would need someone there knows how to deal with that.

I’ve canceled all the pain management appointments, I’ll consider going to another clinic if I can find one closer to us that has appointments at times that won’t take Stuart away from work so much. I do admit I’m having more migraines this month since the occipital block wore off, but it’s not worth the stress of going an hour in one direction to their office. It’s a hard trip, and I don’t really like the doctor. I see my psychiatrist next week, we are normally able to get a late afternoon appointment with her, so Stuart doesn’t miss work, but if I get approved for the Ketamine I’m not sure if I’d have to go in earlier, so that would have to be part of that decision now. I’m changing my primary care physician to a doctor that is very close to me, so I it will be very easy to get there. I don’t think I need to go to a kidney doctor any more, so I’m canceling that. I will keep seeing my migraine doctor, I don’t see her but every 3 months, so it’s not that bad. And if Stuart can’t go, my neighbor said she would take me. I know I can hear her, and I think she will listen to me. A lot of doctors don’t listen without Stuart backing me up, there is definitely a prejudice against women in the medical industry, we have really noticed a marked difference in how doctors treat me when I’m alone and how they treat me when Stuart is there to back up what I’m saying.

There has just been so much going on and I just can’t see where there has been that much improvement. Yes, I do see some improvement, but when you are doing so many things how can you know which one is the one working? I started the Aimovig 4 months ago, they say it takes about 3 months before you can judge if it’s working, well that was the same month I got the occipital block, so I don’t know if the shot or the block was the one working. I think it’s a wise idea to find out which one is helping before I keep spending money on both. I’m also not fond of the idea of continually putting steroids into my body after having avascular necrosis. They told me that it was most likely caused by steroid use and that it’s possible to get it in other joints; I don’t want any other bones to die, having one hip replacement is enough. However, if the occipital block is the one that worked then they can cauterize the nerve and that could last a couple of years. But they want to do an occipital block on the other side first and then they plan on doing injections in my back to help the muscles that won’t stop firing….that’s a lot of steroid injections. I think seeing another pain specialist to get another opinion might be a good idea anyway. I think my back might need some myofascial release. I found a pain clinic that does that kind of thing too, they are only 30 mins away, well at least I’m getting closer…sigh. First I’m taking at least a month off from that kind of stuff. Next I’m going through my medications and deciding which meds I know are working and which ones I’m taking because I think they may be doing something and I’ve been afraid to stop just in case. I’m tired of taking things that I’m not positive are helping. Lots of decisions to be made.

I do have some exciting things I’ve been doing and coming up, including a chronic pain group I’ve been attending and a migraine retreat I’m going to in April, I’ll write about those soon, I promise, but this is getting long. So I’m going to close and get this posted before I decide it isn’t worth posting and scrap it.

Have any of you decided to just take a break from some treatments? I’d love to hear your experience.


15 thoughts on “Decisions

    1. It’s hard. I’m torn, ya know. I feel like, what if I’m not doing everything I should to make myself better? But we can’t keep up this pace. It’s a full time job, and I’m disabled for a reason! 😆 Thank you for your support, as always. xo.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. it’s always so difficult to make these kind of decisions, but the good thing about this is, this decision is reversable!
        sending you and your husband thoughts and prayers of peace and health, healing and love………..

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thank you my dear. It looks like I’m mostly just going to be moving most things closer to home. I got a recommendation for a good pain specialist that’s really close. And now I have TWO neighbors offering to take me places. Man I love this neighborhood. I really hope this sense of community here doesn’t fade away. It’s just so very nice. I feel like it was just meant to be that we got this house. 😊 I have been reading most of your posts in my email, I’m sorry I haven’t been over to comment and let you know. Love to you. I hope you are having the best day possible for you. xo

          Liked by 1 person

  1. I hope this gives you (and Stuart) some much needed respite. If I went to follow-ups as recommended, I’d expect a paycheck. It’s hard work! However, if ketamine gets approved…you already know what I think about that. Love you!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It sounds like a lot is happening all at once and that would be hard on anybody! I get it, sweetheart! That’s part of the reason I haven’t posted in so long. I just needed to refocus and decide on some priorities.
    But now I have some new stuff coming up. I’ll put info out on my FB page when I know more.
    Take care of you! huggles

    Liked by 2 people

    1. New stuff, that sounds like it could be scary.
      I’m always here for you sweetie. and always take care of you.
      (I’m horrible about checking FB, if you remember, give me a heads up to check it.)
      snuggies xoxo

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Good luck with your therapy break.
        I tapered off my pysch meds to to point I no longer take any. It isn’t easy, but I needed to reach rock bottom.
        Being a consumer of health care due to multiple reasons is, as Kara suggested, is a full-time job. Except we pay rather than being paid, lol.
        Having access to a chronic pain group and migraine retreat is so encouraging and interesting.
        I get occipatil nerve blocks on both sides . I am not sure of the type blocking agent is used. It’s not so much I notice the blocks into until they wear off, and I get a headache.
        My semi- permanent neck nerve block about 15 years ago, wore off much sooner than suggested. A different method was used to make the block; it was a chemical block.
        Good luck. I hope you find what combination works best. Taking a step back from all the flurry could be very “therapeutic” in it’s self.


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