Out Of The Darkness

abstract 2 (1)
In the Swirl, by w. holcombe

I have Bipolar I, that means that I have the highs (mania) and the lows (depression) that go with Bipolar.  I’ve been mostly stable for the past 20 years.  However, for over 2 years I’ve been fighting depression pretty hard.  I’ve been on different medications, but I was not feeling better.  I kept thinking it was everything that was happening in my life.  Having vertigo almost every day, losing more of my independence, moving so hubby could have a job after being laid off for over a year, having to have my hip replaced due to Avascular Necrosis, well you get the picture.

I saw a new psychiatrist last month, he took me off of one antidepressant that obviously wasn’t working and put me on another medication.  It is like a veil lifted from over me, the darkness has given way to light.  I no longer cry every day.  I’m feeling hopeful. I feel like me.  OK, now I’m going to cry, from from relief and happiness.

My new psychiatrist told me something interesting, he said that often later in life a person with Bipolar I doesn’t have as many highs they have more depression. (I’m 52, I’ve shown signs of Bipolar since I was a child.)  So he so he decided to put me on a drug that is for Bipolar Depression.  The drug is is “a psychiatric medication that belongs to the class of drugs called atypical antipsychotics. It works by helping to restore the balance of certain natural substances in the brain.”  It has been a month and I’m amazed at how much better I feel.  Even when things have happened that would have upset me, I’ve handled it with ease.  How cool is that?

I’m so very grateful that someone and something was able to help.

I haven’t mentioned the names of any of the drugs because I don’t want anyone to think I’m advertising for it.  If you want to know, I’ll be happy to tell you in a comment.

today is a good day.

one moment at a time.


13 thoughts on “Out Of The Darkness

    1. Thank you Rita. I’ll be seeing his PA after the initial visit, but he will always review everything and if I feel I need to see him personally I just have to ask. I’m sure she will be good to though, it sounds like it’s a great office.


  1. Oh my goodness! This is simply amazing!! As one who has battled depression since childhood, I can truly relate. I never had the highs and lows, perse, but that dark cloud of depression. I am beyond over the moon for you!! Hope keeps getting more and more substantiated!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What a relief!!!! You know, there’s such a stigma around mental health medications, and there shouldn’t be. I mean, we take birth control pills so we don’t get pregnant – why shouldn’t we take pills so we don’t get so darned depressed? So glad this is working for you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly! It’s obvious this spell was more than environmental, I needed some help, and the old antidepressants weren’t doing it. Thank goodness I was able to try this one.


    2. @ akiwifreund — Beyond the incongruence of stigmatizing mental health medications when birth control is considered okay — certain forms, anyway, and at THIS point in history — what about the HUGE world-wide marketing success of Viagra? Hmmmmmmm . . . It seems to be okay with society at large for others to “take a pill” only for physical difficulties that other people can see and empathize with.

      Personally, I’m grateful that chemical problems have chemical solutions – once we find the right substance (as long as the FDA/DEA/politicians allow it to remain available, and/or the pharmaceutical companies continue to make enough profit to keep it in production!!!)

      Despite the shameful politics of mental health care throughout most of America, I’m SO glad to know that you’ve found something that has lifted your long-standing depression, Wendy. May you find similarly effective relief for all you struggle with – physical or mental. Ditto, everyone who reads your blog and leaves a comment.
      (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com)
      -ADD Coach Training Field founder/ADD Coaching co-founder-
      “It takes a village to transform a world!”

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Fabulous. One day they will have a simple test to determine what neuro-chemical needs tweaking – until then it’s trial and error. However, having a good doctor like your new one seems to be is critical. I’m so happy for you, Wendy, that this med is working.

    Liked by 1 person

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