I broke down and sobbed at the ear doctor’s office yesterday. I actually left there sobbing…in the elevator, out the door, in the parking lot…had to stop in the parking lot and catch my breath because of the sobs…then into the car…….
I could not believe what I had just heard!
Not from the doctor, that hurt but I wasn’t surprised. He mainly said, I had to live with it. I didn’t realize I was hoping for more until he said it. but I was crushed. I was about to cry then. But I held it together, I knew I would cry later, but just a little…a little mourning once again. Knowing that I may live with this constant vertigo forever. The fact that my worst feat was coming true….well just a little. It isn’t fast vertigo, that is my worst fear. I will not build up that fear. After all I may not live with this forever. I do not know the future! but the wound was open, and it was raw….I was acknowledging these feelings…it hurt.
Then we went to set up an appointment with the Cochlear Implant audiologist. Thank goodness, I really need my CI’s adjusted. When ever I have a Meniere’s attack my hearing goes wonky. They refused to see me!!!!! What The *%&^??
First the doctor had said that they didn’t see people who went from Charlotte to Duke to have their Cochlear Implant surgery because they do the surgery there. OK? well that makes sense I guess….still that is not right. So you choose to have your surgery somewhere else, then we will not help you after your surgery. They want to people to have their surgery there that badly?
But he said, since I lived there and moved here, maybe it would be OK. So they went to set it up….NOPE.
Then they came back saying it is their policy not to take transfers from anywhere in NC. What? Charlotte is on the far side of NC. NC is a VERY long state. If someone moved here from the far side of NC they couldn’t get their CI’s adjusted here? That is like 10 hours away. What? That is just messed up. What if my surgery had been done poorly and I needed help? Oh I’m sure they would help me then, that would be surgery. This is just seeing the cochlear implant audiologist. I still don’t understand. They get paid for this. It’s not like it is free. The appointment last for 1 1/2 to 2 hours. It’s expensive. Frankly it feels like discrimination. You are one of those people from Duke, we don’t like your kind here. I am just floored.
So, they say I will have to ride 3 hours to Duke to get my CI’s adjusted. Yes, that is just torture for someone with vertigo!! Then to have the CI adjustment is very hard on me. It always makes me sick and I get a migraine. Then I will have to endure the ride home…another 3 hours. (of course if I have vertigo really bad it will take us much longer, we may even have to stay the night somewhere.) Ugh!
I am at a loss.
There is no other CI clinic in this city.
Right now we are making an appointment at Duke. I can’t see me actually going to this place after this anyway. How could I trust my care to them?
I’m complaining to the manufacturer who makes my CI’s because I was told by them I could get my adjustments done there. I’m sure they have no idea that this place is refusing patients who have Advanced Bionics Cochlear Implants. (or any other implant from another clinic)
I am really beside myself and this is starting me to spiral out of control.
I am going down…down…down…
I am working hard not to let it.
I am tired of feeling that everything is out of my control.
I can’t even make calls about this.
I want to call that audiology department and find out why this is a policy and see if they understand my situation. I feel this is malpractice, but according to the Audiology society where I could file a complaint it isn’t. It is their business practice rules and that isn’t considered something I can lodge a complaint against. It is discrimination! I am being discriminated against because of where I had my surgery.
I just can’t believe this.
Normally I would never think of going there after this.
I would want to make them pay, but I wouldn’t let them touch me.
but I don’t want to go so far away every time I need to be seen.
I don’t have a choice.
I can’t do anything, and let’s face it, Stuart is not good at these things….and this stupid office had no way for a deaf person to get in touch with them!!!!
I can’t email them!
I’m not good on a computerized caption phone. There is always such a delay, and there is always words that are translated so wrong. I gave up.
I want to scream. guess I could since our neighbor moved this past weekend. LOL
I’ve vented enough.
That’s my predicament
on which I will lament.
Wanting to take care of me
but have to depend on he.
How do I reconcile myself to this half-life?
or do I continue to wrestle with this internal strife?
Many of life’s offerings I willingly accept,
but loss of all control, I’m not so adept.
This is today, I can’t predict tomorrow.
let me, wipe away these tears, let go of the sorrow.