20 years and I still miss you every day….I love you mom.

My mom as a young lady.
My mom as a young lady.

The anniversary of my mother’s death was June 23rd.  I simply cannot believe it’s been 20 years since my mother passed away.  Cancer is not prejudice it will attack anyone at any time.

Having such a hard time with Asthma lately has brought back some dark memories of watching my mother fight to breathe……  Lung Cancer is an ugly way to die.  If anyone who is reading this is a smoker, I beg you to stop.  If you don’t want to do it for yourself, please think of those who love you.

OK…enough of this…it’s not how I want to remember my mother.

My mother was a marvel.  She hated to cook, yet she could make a feast out of next to nothing.  Growing up I didn’t realize we had less than others, I actually thought we were well off, but as I look back I realize just how much that was because of my mom.  She was the ultimate in reusing things, and she’d never heard of “Reduce, Reuse, Recycle”.  She even had a compost pile, before anyone knew what to call it.  She was raised that way, and now I live that way.

She was one of the only people in my life….before my husband….who accepted me just the way I am.  She believed in me.  I believe she is the only one who believed I would graduate from college.  I did it!  With honors!  She was not surprised….I think she was the only one.

I went to a college that was just a little over an hour from home.  One morning before my classes I talked to my mother and told her how much I missed her banana pudding, when I got out of class and came back to the dorms my mother was waiting, with a huge dish of banana pudding.  She was always surprising me.

She grew up on a tobacco farm (so. of course. she became a smoker), she didn’t experience much while growing up, even when she was a young adult she really didn’t know much about the world.  I don’t mean she was naive, she simply had the heart of a little girl, but the inner strength of Super Woman.  We would go places and she would be so awed by the sites.  I shared my love for art with her, and she soaked it in.

Amazingly, my mother never graduated high-school, dropping out in the 6th grade to care for her ailing grand mother, who was raising her.  She also didn’t know ho

Head Shot of my mom. Christeen Hutchins (Moore-Calloway)
Head Shot of my mom.
Christeen Hutchins (Moore-Calloway)

w to drive until after I was born, and didn’t have a pair of blue jeans until she was in her 50’s.

I remember going to the library with her.  She was so intimidated at first, but soon she was deep in the words, looking up things she had been interested in, but never had the nerve to research them.   I remember when she got a Camaro, this woman who didn’t drive until her late 30’s loved speed….but she was very careful.  Until she backed into a mail truck, but that’s a different story.

She may have gotten her first pair of blue jeans when she was in her 50’s, but after that you couldn’t get her out of them.  She loved jeans.  Almost as much as she loved pizza!

I don’t think she had pizza until I was a girl.  She was thrilled when the cheese would leave a string from the slice to her mouth.  I once heard her say she could eat pizza hot or cold, for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.  And she liked everything on it!

I mentioned how strong she was, one day on her way home she was attacked and she fought of the attacker by grabbing a rock and bashing him in the head.  For days she looked in the paper to see if she had killed him.  No notice, but the attacks in the area stopped.  She always wondered.   Her first marriage ended in tragedy.  Her husband had a meeting one evening, he asked if she and their one year old daughter wanted to come, but my mom said she needed to wash diapers.  Hours later she found out he hit ice on a bridge and ran off into the water.  He drowned.  My mother was suddenly a single mother, with no income.  She moved in with her mother, went to cosmetology school, and started a life for her and her daughter.  Then she met my dad…and the story goes on.

We had such a very special relationship.  I do miss her ever moment.  I’m so honored to have been raised by such an amazing woman!


14 thoughts on “20 years and I still miss you every day….I love you mom.

  1. Fiona

    What a beautiful and moving post! She sounds like such an amazing and strong woman and the ability to make everything from nothing is admirable. I won’t write too much in case my comment doesn’t go through like normal but fingers crossed it works, trying on my iPad for the first time. Love to you xx


    1. Hey Lady!!
      Your comment came through! I’m so thrilled, I’ve been thinking about you so very much lately.
      I need to email you, I really want to hear about the new house, new address, and the move.
      Oh just everything!
      miss you, and love you


    1. Yay! I’m so thrilled to hear you quit. It makes my heart soar!
      Aren’t those pictures amazing? I just got them this week from my cousin. I have so few photos of her, this was such a treat!


  2. I’m crying for you, so eloquently written, so heart felt. So much pain and power. I envy people who still have both parents alive but I do understand your pain. You know I do. What a lovely tribute to your mom. I know she is so proud of you, at the person you are. Love, Laurie


    1. Laurie,
      Thank you so much. It was written just as it came out, no editing, or second guessing….I just wrote what I was thinking.
      I’m glad you liked the tribute. I know she was always proud of me. She and my hubby are the only two people in the world who I believe have always been proud of me.


    1. What a compliment! These are some gorgeous photos of my mom, I just got them this week from my cousin.
      I think my mom looks really hot! I think when I’m thinner I look more like her. More incentive to lose weight huh?
      thank you for your comment my friend.
      hope to see you soon.


  3. What a wonderful tribute to your mother! She was a lovely woman. My mother is still living, and a smoker who will never quit, my grandmother is 93 and one of the most amazingly strong women I’ve known. I’ve been blessed to have a mother who, although insecure and dependent on my father, was a positive role model in that she was non-judgmental of people…she is a caring woman who loves animals and gardening, and enjoys her cigarettes and beer…no matter what people think of her…my grandmother worked her whole life in a factory, raising 4 kids alone…never accepting assistance from anyone. She was the independent woman before it was vogue to be so. Her mother, my great grandmother, died when she was just a young girl, yet she remembers vividly resting her head on her mothers shoulder during church services…her mother was a strong role model for her, even though she died before my grandmother was 8 years old…our mothers are the first people we love…they can be wonderful, mediocre or awful…but they are our first attachments…if we have mothers who love us our whole lives…we are among the lucky…I’m a mom of 2…grown children…though it shocks my mind to hear me say they are now 25 and 19…and even more shocking to say I am the grandmother of twin infant girls now…I can only pray that I have had a positive influence on them…God knows I have tried to be the best I can be and I love them all with a fierocity that amazes even me…but we all make mistake, and I’ve made my share…but my main goal in life has been to love my family and do all I can for them while I am able. I am sure most loving mothers have the same desire…thank you for sharing your tribute to your mother…who I am sure would be very proud of her daughter.


    1. Wow, your family sounds so strong, but I’m not surprised, you are a strong woman.
      My grandmother died at 93….on my dad’s side. He’s still with us, at 81. She was a feisty woman! but with 7 children and 2 step children, you had to be tough, I guess. : )

      It always breaks my heart when I hear someone who has had a bad relationship with their mother. It has been a relationship that I will always cherish, and know it will continue through all time.

      Thank you for sharing.


  4. You’ve painted a wonderful portrait of your mother. Having a mother like that is very special, and I can understand why you would still miss her. And, you know me, I always think that special people, like your mom, are with us in spirit and remain in our hearts and souls. My dad died 22 years ago, and I still talk to him.


    1. Phylor,
      Thank you. I do still miss my mom. I often can remember her being with me places after she died. It’s hard for me to believe she never met Stuart. sometimes I’ll talk about her to him and think, oh but you know that, you knew her…..but he didn’t. I think that’s strange, but kind of lovely too. she is simply with me all the time. As your father is with you.


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