Hard to Get Started Again…

I miss blogging, I miss my blogging friends….but it’s hard to get started again.

Now I think of things that have happened since I’ve been away that you don’t know about, and things that are going to happen….so much to talk about I’m overwhelmed.   Eh….maybe not so much.  My life really isn’t that exciting.

I went through a bout of depression, that knocked me off my feet.  By that I mean, I didn’t want to get out of bed.  I’d wake up and think, what reason to I have to get up?  I couldn’t think of a reason, and the sleeping side effect was not helping!

Vancouver Sunrise by Lauazee from DeviantART http://fav.me/d32s7vm

I know part of the depression started when Sandy died.  But the biggest problem is a bit strange….at least to me, my therapist says it’s normal.  I’ve been feeling better.  The Meniere’s isn’t bothering much at all since the surgery in December.  The Intracranial Hypertension (High CSF), is minor and under control with medication.  My migraines are not as painful, but they are causing vertigo often!  So much so that there is no way I’ll ever be able to drive again.  The Migraine Associated Vertigo (MAV) gives me NO warning.  I wouldn’t even be able to pull over to the side of the road, the world just goes crazy immediately.  I can’t even walk around the block by myself, or do things in the yard.  I tried one day, and it did not end up good.  So I’m stuck in our house, unless I have someone with me (meaning Stuart).  I know there is plenty I could do in the house, but when you can’t do things you want….well everything else kind of falls flat.

But I’m better.  Really.  It’s kind of funny.  I was watching Sponge Bob Square Pants and he was singing, “I’ve got an attitude of gratitude….”  And I realized I used to every day think about things I’m grateful for, and I hadn’t been lately.  So I started thinking about it, and I felt better.  Also we’ve been talking about fostering a dog, or perhaps adopting.  Sandy was a rescue dog, and we’ve been thinking that taking care of another dog who needs rescuing would honor her.  This has made me feel better about things, I really miss Sandy, and do NOT want to replace her, but the thought of honoring her by helping another dog….that makes me feel better inside.

Now that the sleeping has gotten back to normal, I’m feeling better about other things too.

We went to see the audiologist on Wednesday.  I picked out all the options for the Cochlear Implant (CI) that I want!  We expected to have heard from the insurance by now, but it’s seems to be a big old pain in the butt.  And all I can do is, wait patiently.   I’m not the most patient person!

Now, I’m started… let’s see if I can’t make a habit of this!

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16 thoughts on “Hard to Get Started Again…

  1. Glad to see you back!! 🙂
    I’m stuck at home, but for different reasons–and alone. You adapt to what you have to. I hope the implant will all go smoothly and well. Sorry about the migraines and vertigo. I think fostering another rescue dog is a great idea! In Sandy’s honor, yes. Who doesn’t need more unconditional love in their life. 😉

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    • Rita, you really are an inspiration to me. I was doing very well about all of this, handling what has been thrown at me. I always think…I’ll just adapt. But since I’m feeling better, it’s hard to not get sad that I can’t do some things. And it’s summer, which makes it worse for me…I love warm weather. Hate the cold. that’s why we are going to spend the winter in the desert this year! : ) Have been checking in on your blog. Not commenting much, but I do read it in my email. thank you for all the encouragement…always. wendy

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  2. Glad to read that you feel better in many aspects! Grieving is a normal part of losing someone special to you, and when you add in the health concerns, well, it’s not unusual for depression to be apart of this whole process.
    Is there any organization in your community that might provide a “companion” to help you go for walks or work in the garden? I know some high school stress community service as part of the education process (even over the summer), and some university’s require field experience or count this towards the degree. You’ve probably looked into this, but you know me — always suggesting the obvious!
    Take good care, and blog when you can. Of course, we all miss you and wish you the best!

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    • I haven’t looked into this. It’s a good idea, but I’d feel a bit silly. I’m fine a lot of the days, it’s just some random days, moments…that I’m spinning and need help. the problem is I don’t know when it may happen. Plus, I’d really like a friend instead of someone that has to be here. I’m thinking about asking in the neighborhood if there is anyone who would like to walk with me. Explain that it’s a slow pace, and I may get sick…most of our neighborhood knows my predicament…and are very nice. I have a lot of numbers to call if I need someone and Stuart isn’t here. So I’m thinking that may be a good idea. and I just thought of it because of your suggestion. Thank you.

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  3. I’m guessing it feels a bit strange because you were so worried about Sandy and are now going through the grieving process. You’ve also been fighting your health issues and having tests and procedures done along with the associated stress. Now, that some of that is over, some of your health is being better managed and the stress is easing, you’re feeling better. It’s basically like after a battle, you look around you, take stock of what has happened and decide on how to move forward to the next phase.

    It’s so wonderful to hear you’re feeling better. Hope the insurance gets figured out soon.

    From one non-patient person to another. 🙂

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    • : ) I suppose we both need to practice our patience huh? well, we can try. haha Yes, we were worried and even grieving over Sandy for a long time before she died. We expected it for 2 years before it happened. They told us over 2 years ago she had about 3 months until we’d have to make the decision. I’m grateful for those years, most of the times were very happy, but we did watch her change a lot. Just as we watch our elderly change a lot. She didn’t die the way we expected, and that made it difficult. But I have to say, if we hadn’t been expecting it for so long, I don’t think we could be thinking of this now….we’re even afraid it’s too soon now…but we aren’t in a hurry. And it’s good for me to start thinking about carrying on Sandy’s memory, but caring for another rescue.

      But we went to the shelter yesterday….let’s just say, that was very, very hard.

      thank you., wendy

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  4. I was so depressed after Callie died, she was my first dog and my lap dog. After relatively a short time, I rescued Lexi and I’m so glad I did. She is totally different from Callie and she makes me laugh but I must warn you…she will never be a replacement for Callie. I still get sad about my sweet Callie but admittedly having another dog, from a rescue, does help. I’m so glad you are thinking about it and happy that you are happier. I had a feeling you were depressed, how could you not be? You’ve gone through so much. Here’s to the future, the exciting future!!!! Love, Laurie

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    • Laurie, As you said, no other dog could ever replace Sandy. And we don’t want them too. After starting to look, we aren’t sure it’s time yet. We keep going back and forth…we want to be careful and choose a dog who will be a fit for our family, but it’s so hard looking at all these dogs who need homes and we can’t help them all.

      We’ll keep talking about it, looking a bit, but I think the search may need to wait for a bit. (but then I’m not sure about that either….I’m very indecisive about this. I know looking at rescue dogs is VERY hard on Stuart, so I don’t want to drag things out, but I don’t want us to make the wrong decision.) We may foster. But I’m apprehensive about that too.

      So a lot of jumbled up feelings. But we’re working through them. thanks for thinking of me w

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    • I have gone through the evaluation…everything is picked out…we’re just waiting on insurance, then we’ll set up surgery time.
      I decided on Advanced Bionics. Duke is a 2 processor clinic so I could have 2 of the same processors from AB or one of 2 different ones. I’m getting a Harmony, and a Neptune. I have learned some sign, but not as much as I’d like. I tried taking a class a few months ago, and it was a disaster, the class was geared to hearing people. I can hear some, but only in my right ear, (I have about 30% word recognition in the right, I’m deaf in the left)…so a class in a big room with 18 people in a circle, well, I was lost! I talked to the teacher and she was sympathetic, but not helpful. So I’m still searching for a good class. But my husband and I work at it with a book…I’m sure a lot is wrong, but we understand it, and that’s important right now.

      Thank you for coming by.
      I look forward to hearing more about your journey getting you CI.
      w

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  5. You back ! 😀 sorry to hear you were feeling so depressed, but it is a big change not having your best friend around, hugs from me.
    I know how you feel with the MAV – sucks doesnt it ! ! I have no idea how to move forward when i cant really do things by myself and J is always at work. I wont go walking by myself but i will happily go into the backyard now, i think only because i think i was sooo bored inside for 6 weeks lol ! I figure im pretty safe if i fall down out there at least.
    and adopting a dog would be fantastic if you feel ready, it would be so great to help out a poor doggy with no home. I remember when our dog passed 1.5 years ago and i never wanted to replace him, and we adopted midget who was going to be put down and he has helped me loads, if i am stuck at home he brings his ball to my bed when i am sick and makes me throw it out the bedroom door and into the kitchen, then he brings it back to the bed……..and then he gets sneaky and gives me the ball and waits outside my bedroom glass door so i HAVE to go out to throw it LOL J is calling him my ‘psychologist dog’ haha ! Make sure you feel ready though before you do it and you will have a little helper around the house 🙂 xxxxxxx

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  6. Wendy, I’m trying to see what’s happening. I’ve been dealing with depressive symptoms lately but I have two new grand-dogs! We bought my daughter a puppy for her 39th birthday for July 4th and she’s finally a “Mommy!”. She’s so happy now. She has mild cerebral palsy along with multiple medical issues. But our son couldn’t leave “Belle’s liter mate behind so he took “Scooter”. I love these grand-dogs! Dogs are the next generation for us, and we are happy with that.

    I think about you losing Sandy and I saw someone walking a very old dog the other day and I started crying hoping I never need to make that decision for my dog “Shaky”. Oh, what a delight that animals bring us. How is your other dog doing? We though about rescue dogs but had some problems with the agency and I also have another friend in Florida having similar problems. She has since decided to get a puppy because of similar issues. Regardless, a pet has such unconditional love. Do know I think of you and hope you are feeling better. Is your depression contagious…because I got it!LOL Take care Wendy! Edie

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  7. Wendy,
    I too was not blogging so I didn’t know you weren’t blogging either. Sometimes I just have to let myself take a step back and down when I’m down.
    I can not imagine what it would be like to have vertigo nor have an inkling of what you have so patiently and impatiently endured.
    Sending you lots of love
    j

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    • Thanks Judy,

      Blogging is still hard for me right now….it’s strange, normally when I’m like this I turn to my blog, but there are some things going on I can’t talk about there…as certain people may see it…and they are causing a lot of my stress and confusion right now. (family…ugh!)

      I’ve been keeping up with your posts…when you have posted, I haven’t been commenting as much lately. Haven’t been on the computer as much….but I’m here. Really.

      I’m still trying to be patient, but really thought my surgery would have happened by now. Great disappointment! I want to go and strangle someone at the insurance company until they do what they should do properly! No wonder people “go postal”. heh.

      thank you for your comment, and please make sure Max has some extra love, I’d give it to him myself if I was near, but since I’m not, please give him some extra love from me for such a wonderful comment that he left me.

      ❤ w

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  8. Dear my best friend Wendy,
    Just want to let you know that we never feel replaced because we are irreplaceable. But we do like it a lot when you Humans adopt or foster one of us because we are all connected. When you give love to any creature – I hate to admit it, even to c * a * t * s –
    we feel loved no matter where we are.
    My Human, who was a bit self centered waited a year after Sammy Dog and Miss Molly Dog died. We dogs don’t usually condone that kind of behavior but I’m glad she did because then she got ME!
    Lickingly yours, LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
    Max

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    • Thank you Max, How very kind of you to give us encouragement. We have decided we may not be ready yet. Our hearts are in the right place, and want to help another, but no dog we’ve met seems right, and we think that may be because we aren’t ready. And it’s so hard to meet so many dogs and not take one home. We have decided fostering wouldn’t work, because you don’t know anything about the dogs that will be placed with you, and what if they hate kitties? We are afraid our Max…the c*a*t, may not handle that very well. We have to think about our whole family. We have one more dog to see, if she doesn’t seem like a good fit then we are going to wait for a while. It may be a year, or more, but we know when we find the right dog, we’ll know it.

      Thank you again, for thinking of me, and my family. The words you have spoken mean a lot to me. I’ll be sure to tell your human to give you extra love (and hopefully treats) from me. snuggles to you wendy

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