my hearing in my left ear has been down dramatically for 4-5 days. Today, I spent the majority of the day too dizzy to do anything.
No, I didn’t have full-fledged vertigo, but I came close. I slept late today, I’ve been doing that a lot lately. (I don’t feel like I’ve been sleeping very well since my shoulder has been bothering me so much.) I wake up and just don’t feel that I have the energy to get out of bed, I either just fall back asleep, or get up and soon end up back in bed to sleep a little longer. Today I got up around 10:30am, ate some breakfast, and started feeling worse and worse. I staggered back to bed, took some medication, and hoped it would go away.
For the first time since I had the patches in January, I closed my eyes and could see the shadows behind my eyelids slowly rotating. I was so very tired, and just wanted to sleep, but I couldn’t, because every time I closed my eyes it felt like things were moving.
Finally, around 4pm, I started to feel mostly normal again.
I feel so….oh, I don’t even know what my feelings are right now. Scared and worried, yet confident that the symptoms can be controlled again. Perhaps, I have another leak. Perhaps, they need to patch the last leak. Perhaps, a patch didn’t hold. And in the back of my mind I hear, “Yeah, and perhaps you had a 3.5 month reprieve and your are just S.O.L. now.” As I told a friend of mine today, I feel I need to hope for the best, but expect the worst. If things turn out well, then that’s a happy time, if not, then I won’t be devastated.
I already feel like this darn disease is controlling my life again. We were supposed to have a CPR class tonight, and we had to cancel, because of me. There’s so much I’d like to get done on the house, but that will have to wait. However, Stuart has done a lot. We still have a home visit on Thursday, but who knows when we might be able to take a CPR class again. I’m just so afraid, everything is going to fall apart. But I must say, if things are going to fall apart, I’d rather it happen now. I’d hate to have a child and decide we can’t take care of him or her because I’m too sick. These children have undergone enough losses, they don’t need to get in a home and then lose it too.
I’m going to see Dr. Kaylie, my Oto., tomorrow at 4pm. We have a call in to Dr. Gray. She may want to do another lumbar puncture. Who knows.
I know, I’m jumping the gun. Dr. Kaylie may look in my left ear and tell me that the infection hasn’t cleared up and that’s what is causing my problems.
All I know is that the last few days have felt just like it does when I’m in acute mode with the Meniere’s. Things aren’t happy, and I could have an attack at any moment. There is no doubt in my mind that if I hadn’t taken the Valium and Phenergan when I did, that I would have ended up with a full-blown vertigo attack.
I’ll let you know what the doctor says.