A little tattered around the edges, but all in all, not bad.

I could not sleep last night.  Hopefully, that will be rectified soon.  All day today I’ve been feeling like I’ve been right on the verge of an attack.

We went out this morning.  (I was determined.)  To go to the Farmer’s Market.  There were icy patches, so I stayed in the car and just let Stuart run up and get our pre-ordered box of goodies from one of the local farms.  (Carrots, Radishes, Italian Leaf Broccoli, and Spinach)  Next stop, pick up a prescription for me at a local pharmacy. (Not the pharmacy we usually use, but my insurance won’t cover one of my prescriptions and the drug company has a plan with a certain kind of drug store and if I buy from them it only cost me $60 a month instead of about $200.  I’ll buy from them.)  Then off to breakfast.

After a small breakfast we went to the library, and I was running to their bathroom…I just love having to be close to a bathroom all the time.  We dropped off read books, and picked up ones that were on hold.  I started feeling funny so I took a Valium and Phenergan.  (and dropped all of the pills in my little holder all over the floor right were people have to walk through to get in the library, *a thank you to my lovely husband for picking them up for me.*)

Then off to our regular pharmacy, but as we pulled in I said, “I need to go home.”  Yes. the world was starting to spin.  We got home, got a suppository, and settled down.  All was decent with the world.

However, about 7pm I started getting a migraine.  Guess what we were picking up at the drug store?  You guessed it, my migraine pills.  So now, my head hurts.

I hope I can sleep.

Stuart and I had a long talk about what happened yesterday.  I feel much better about things.  I think he does to.  We have to work hard to not let things escalate to that point again.

Sometimes in the middle of the night I will wake up and write.  Well, the other night I wrote about living in fear.  This disease leaves us living in fear all the time.  We aren’t just afraid of an attack.  We’re afraid to make plans, we’re afraid to be happy because it could be taken away so quickly….I’m just so afraid.

Well, I’m not going to be locked in this cage with fear any more!  Yes, I will respectfully be afraid of an attack, but I have symptoms that tell me one is coming on.  Why should I be so afraid when I’m not having symptoms?

I need to make the most of my Good Days!  A lot of the time I use those days to catch up on house work.  Well, that’s all well and good, but I need to start having fun.  And Stuart has decided that on my really good days he’s going to take time off work and we are just going to go and spend the day together.  (he has a lot of vacation time built up, and if he wants he can work odd hours or on the weekend to make up time.)  The point is, we need to start taking time for us.

I’m also thinking about getting a maid to help out with the house.  We usually have a service come in and help with spring and fall cleaning, but I’m thinking I may need more help than that.  I have nearly $3000 saved from birthday and Christmas gifts, I think I’m going to take some of it and get a maid to start coming once a month.  This would take a huge load off of my mind, and it take a lot of responsibility off of Stuart.  (I think he will agree.)

So considering the fact that I’m running on 3 hours of sleep.  I think today is looking pretty good.  Tomorrow, has to be even better.