mini update…it’s all about me

20180902_140241It’s Labor Day, for most it’s a time to a honor the workers of America, and send the summer off with a bang.  For me, Labor Day this year marks my 14th wedding anniversary.  I can honestly say, I’d marry this may again in a minute!  It sure doesn’t feel like our wedding was 14 years ago, yet, it feels like we’ve known each other forever.

We had planned to go on a day trip to just get away, but things haven’t quite turned out as we’d planned; maybe we’ll make it there soon.  Instead we went to the botanical gardens here in town, it was like walking into a secret garden, I really needed to get out and commune with nature.  I’m so glad we Stuart talked me into going.

(I’m actually starting to get sleepy, but I really wanted to post this now, so I haven’t read over this, please excuse any and all errors, if something doesn’t make sense, let me know.)

sleep: After reading the comments left of my post about my lack of sleep and extreme fatigue, I have tried a few things and I think I may have discovered a couple of things that may have been contributing to it.

  • One – allergies.  It was suggested that this might be the case so I checked looked up what might be causing that, and found out that ragweed is causing MODERATE pollen counts.  I’m very allergic to ragweed, so I increased my antihistamines and have been doing a saline spray.  I wish I could use a Neti Pot but it causes vertigo.
  • Two – mood swings.  Someone mentioned that when she is feeling the way I have been that she knows she is a bit manic.  Well that sent up bells and whistles.  I realized just how quick to anger I have been lately.  I’ve been cutting myself off from people.  I am trying to make an effort, but it has just been so hard.  I’m simply having a hard time putting forth the effort.  I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting my people.  I’m also having uncontrollable crying spells.  Today (I’m wring this on Sunday night) I just couldn’t stop my eyes from leaking.  It annoyed the hell out of me.  So, have I been a bit hypomanic, that would cause the anger and the lack of sleep, but it doesn’t explain the tears.  Could I been depressed?  Is it possible to be experiencing both at the same time?  After being diagnosed with bipolar I over 22 years ago, you’d think I could figure this out, but I must admit my moods have not been as stable this past year as they have been for many, many years.  I’m not having full blown mania or severe depression, but I’m having a very hard time coping.  I’m also having a very hard time holding my tongue, and unfortunately I have been hiding how I’ve been feeling from almost everyone (I do share these things with Stuart, we are in this together) including someone who is causing me some severe anxiety.  I’d really like to cut this person out of my life, but it’s just not possible, at least not right now.  I’m trying hard to just let it go, and be gentle with myself.  I understand that I’m really getting upset because this person is not behaving as I expect people to, it is these expectations that I have to let go of.  But the drama is affecting other people in my life and that is causing me more anxiety.  I’m sure most of that makes no sense, but it felt good to get it out, even if it is a little cryptic.
  • Gabapentin – I’ve been taking 100 mg of gabapentin 3 times a day for a while now, and it hasn’t really bothered me.  I take 200 mg at bed time and 100 mg upon waking.  If I don’t take this my arm goes to sleep and aches, my back hurts more and my aches and pains are more intense.  Since moving here I’ve needed to refill my prescription a couple of time and I noticed that the manufacturer is differnt than the one who supplied my pharmacy in NC.  I can’t help but wonder if that changed things.  so for the past couple of days I haven’t been taking my morning dose and honestly I haven’t been nearly as sleepy during the day. That’s unfortunate because my pain has increased quite a bit.
  • Stress and anxiety.  We’ve talked about this before, but I have spent a number of hours awake lately when I simply could not shut my brain off.

What I discovered was not an issue.  My use of medical marijuana.  For the most part I’ve been using mostly CBD during the day. You can read recent studies on sleep and CBD on NCBI  To make sure the CBD was not causing my insomnia and/or my daytime fatigue I decided to stop taking it for a while.  After 2 weeks I saw no difference with my sleep, but did notice an increase in my headaches and anxiety.  I haven’t been using any cannabis with THC duing the daytime.  I have still been taking it right before I go to bed, it does help me sleep for about 4 hours at least.  (note I’ve been using marijuana to help me sleep for a couple of years now)

Increase in physical symptoms: I’ve been much better for a while now…my vertigo has been almost non-existent at least 9 months now.  This past week, it has been worse again.  I haven’t been having full rotational spins for the most part, but I have been seeing things move and I feel like I’m moving.  I’ve had a few spells this week that caused Stuart to come home early to help me.  I haven’t thrown up from vertigo in quite some time.  Even before I stopped having vertigo on a regular basis, I had stopped vomiting.  I normally use a little cannabis to stop the nausea and vomiting, but I was trying hard this week to not do that, I wanted to make sure it wasn’t causing me to lose sleep.  Well, it wasn’t and I will be using it to help with the vomiting the next time I have vertigo.  My migraines have also increased, and I don’t feel like the gammaCore is doing much.  That makes me sad.  To be completely honest, I’m having a very hard time staying in the present and not freaking out over the thought that I might get back like I was.  I’m already afraid to drive again.  Shoot.

House search: We still haven’t come close to finding a house that is suitable, there just aren’t very many houses that have the features we want/need.  Now we’ve found a little snafu on our credit report that we need to clear up.  It’s sad when someone has a credit score of over 800 and the ability to put down a down payment of over 20%, and we are having trouble getting pre-approved.  There’s something wrong with that picture.  We are hoping we can get it straight soon.  If not we’ll just rent for a while. I’m trying hard not to stress over it.

Eating:  I still feel like food is controlling my life.  I recently had a week where I wasn’t starving all the time and I was able to stay in my calorie range.  I’m terrified of gaining all that weight back, yet I can’t seem to stop eating, and that is simply tearing me up inside.  I did find a cool app called Mealime and it has been a great help in planning meals that are pretty easy and healthy too.  Now if I could just control the snaking, especially in the middle of the night.  How did I go from having to force myself to eat, to overeating?

Doctors: It has been a challenge finding doctors here.  Most of the doctors I found on the BCBS site who said they were accepting new patients actually weren’t.  I do like the PCP that I found, except for a couple of things, I’m hoping those things will resolve themselves after we get to know each other better.  (like she isn’t comfortable prescribing my Valium for the vertigo.  I don’t take if often, but if I’m having vertigo that is the only thing that helps calm it down.  I do not take it as an anxiety medication, nor do I over use it.  My last prescription of 90 pills lasted me almost a year!  She doesn’t seem to understand that it is the best vestibular suppressant out there.  I will have to find an ENT.  I want to see a neurotolgist here in town, but he only sees patients that have been refereed by an ENT.  So I have to find one of them first.  Argh, what a pain!  I am hoping he can treat both my Meniere’s an my migraines though, so I really hope I can get in there to at least talk to him and see if he can offer any help at all.  I do like my neurologist now, well what I learned in my first visit to see him anyway, but I do not like how hard he is to get in touch with, nor do I feel like his staff is very helpful.  Recently I had a seizure, my first in a very long time, the next day he called my neuro and left a message about it.  No one ever called back.  I had a seizure and NO ONE CALLED BACK?!?   The doctor who operated on my wrist was not as thorough as I felt he should have been.  Every time he was in the exam room with me I felt he was always on his way out the door.  I didn’t feel like he answered all my questions and I didn’t feel like I had clear enough discharge instructions.  He also didn’t even talk with Stuart after my surgery.  Talking to me right after I wake up is not a good time to expect me to retain information.  They did send me a survey to fill out and I spoke up about my feelings, I’m proud of myself for that. I was told by the resident who took my stitches out that I could have pain from the healing for a year. wow!  Didn’t expect that one.

That’s all for now….I guess that was a bit longer than a “mini update”  perhaps I should have called it a “maxi update”  🙂

*photo taken by W. Holcombe at Tucson Botanical Gardens, Tucson, AZ – all rights reserved.  Please do not copy without permission.

 

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Finally I understand….they really aren’t bad people.

I wrote this a few days ago, but did hit enter.  I wanted to read over it and make adjustments….but I had a vertigo attack..and another, and another.  I’ve been having many vertigo attacks since November 1st.  They come on fast and the spinning is very fast.  They last anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 hours.  Yesterday I had 6 of them.  I can’t be on the computer very often the rare occasions when I can.  I can’t read much.  I don’t know if this is Meniere’s or Migraine Associated Vertigo, or a combination.  My guess is a combination.  We have calls in to both my doctor at Duke and the doctor here….yes the doctor here….I’m desperate…and read below you will understand why I’m giving him another chance.

So I don’t know when I’ll be back.  and I didn’t read this over.  thank you all for supporting and hanging in there with me.  You are the best!

So the people at Charlotte Eye Ear Nose and Throat are not so very horrible.  Stuart talked to the head of the Audiology department today.  She said that the doctor I saw has spoken to her twice about making an exception to see me.  Shockers!  Also there seems to be a pretty good reason for them to not see people from different clinics.  They don’t get paid for it.  Yep, it’s in their contract that they don’t get paid for MAPping cochlear implants that they didn’t implant.  Sad.  (for those of you scratching your head right now thinking, what on earth is MAPping? It mainly means when the audiologist adjust the CI’s so you can hear better…but here’s a link to nice explanation with more detail, if you are interested.  It is in easy to understand terms to don’t worry. Mapping a Cochlear Implant).

The audiologist then told Stuart that they made an exception in 2 cases, if it was a hardship for someone to go back to the place they had their CI surgery done, or if they couldn’t travel that far because of a physical problem.  She said, in my case it is both.  Because of the Meniere’s it is a hardship because I can’t drive and I have to depend on getting someone else to drive me.  I am also physically unable to ride that far because of the herniated disc, and because of the vertigo.  So, they are going to see me at this office!

I really wish they had told me this before.  I do understand they they don’t want everyone to know there are exceptions because then people would be trying to bend the rules.  However, if they had just told me they didn’t get paid, I would have understood.  That would have made me very understanding.  I feel horrible that they don’t get paid.  I do not feel right taking advantage of them.  If I only have to see them once a year or so, we will just pay them for the visit.  If I have to go numerous times, I will try to go back to Duke.  Right now, I really need to have this done, and I can’t afford to pay for the visit.  I am so very thankful that they are willing to help me.

My suggestion to them in the future…explain to the patient that they don’t get paid.  I sure wouldn’t have thought they had awful business practices if they had told me that.

On a not so good note.  Well, first a good thing…I woke up on Halloween…No vertigo.  Yay!   By late that night I had a little.  It decided to come back faster than before.  I fell like its toying with me.  Oh my goodness it has not been fun, if I move my head I get sick to my stomach.  I have a headache all the time because I have to concentrate so hard to focus.  Then night before last….major attack!  Dang!  I didn’t handle this well.  Mindfulness…yeah I’m not doing well.  My brain is not staying in this moment.  I keep thinking, what if it doesn’t stop.  After all this slow stuff has been going on for a while now.  I can’t stop my brain from saying building up these stories.  It’s harsh.  And it is making it worse.  Last night I had a little bit more than a mini attack but not a major attack.  I handled it better, and got it to slow down.  I’m just so sad about it.

I’m working on a lot of self care.  Eating well, pampering myself a bit, reading things that make me happy, watching good things on TV, reaching out to people I know give me good advice or just make me feel good, getting good sleep, and enough rest.  Making sure I take my medication on schedule.  Keeping a routine as much as possible.  This is very important.  If I don’t do these things I know I could slip into a deep depression.  I know this because I’m biploar.  But this is important for anyone.  Especially those of us with chronic illnesses.  We can get sick easily when we are under stress, we have to take care of ourselves, and when life hands us some extra challenges we have to be diligent about taking care of ourselves.

I also have to rest more…that may mean taking a nap, or just resting more.  I need to meditate more….now during these times I won’t be able to quiet my mind.  I know that.  and that is ok.  I will just sit quietly, and breathe.  As a thought comes up I will acknowledge it and tell it to move along…I will probably be doing that the whole time…and that is ok.  It will still do me some good, and I’m sure I will feel better.  I need to not give in to my impulse to eat more, especially junk.  Yes, when I get upset, I want junk.  I can’t do that to myself.  Just as I can’t drink or do drugs.  I have to stay as healthy as I can to keep my depression at bay.

So I’m off to do some reading that makes me laugh.

Just wanted to share this great news!

Hubby decided we needed to celebrate.    Dinner tonight…Steak with roasted green beans and new potatoes.  And for desert….a parfait made with bananas, berries, Greek yogurt, walnuts and a touch of maple syrup.  Double yum!   (Ok, so I have that desert often.  It’s really good and good for me!  I feel good knowing I’m taking care of me.)

A Tiny Bit of Independence Restored.

On the 18th I had an appointment with my neurologist, she is a headache pain specialist, to get the Botox shots for my migraines.  I get these injections every 3 months.  They do help.  No, they don’t take away all my migraines, but I don’t have to take near as much medication, and I’ve noticed the migraines I do have are very often much less severe than they used to be.  Also, No, they don’t work on wrinkles.

fairy doctor

Doctor Fairy: fairiesbynuria
(Please click on image to be taken to fairiesbynuria’s etsy page,
she makes the cutest fairies for all occassions)

My doctor is a little lady, so very cute and sweet.  She reminds me of the good fey (for those of you not into fantasy books, according to Wikipedia, “Fey is an umbrella term referring to fairies, pixies and sprites in the broadest sense“…this is a very simple definition, but you get the idea).  I have told her she’s my sweet good fairy who gives me little bee stings that make me better.  It has become our little joke.  It’s also quite amusing to me as fairies are normally very mischievous and often not of a good nature…so giving me little bee stings would be something I think just might do!  *giggle*

This dear sweet woman has the softest most feminine voice I think I’ve ever heard.  I cannot imagine that she could ever speak loudly, believe me, I’ve seen her try.  She has tried to hard to make sure I could hear her, but I just couldn’t.  Therefore, I’ve never been able to have a conversation with her.  She always looks so sad, yet hopeful, when talking to me.  Sad that I haven’t been able to hear her, yet hopeful that I will be able to some day.  I have been seeing her since before my first Cochlear Implant surgery.  Now I have 2, and the last time I saw her I had recently had the second one turned on.  I still couldn’t hear her.  She looked so….well, sad.

When she walked in the room yesterday the first thing she said was, “How’s your hearing? How are the new CI’s working?”  And I answered her.  I heard her!!!  So I could actually answer her, not stare at my husband waiting for him to answer for me.  She was absolutely giddy!  I know I kept her too long and made her get behind schedule because she and I just chatted for a little while.  I’ve never seen her so delighted.  She told me when she saw my name on the list of patients for the day she was hoping I could hear.  Isn’t that just the nicest thing?  I thanked her for thinking of me, she answered that she thinks of me often.  Wow!  What a great doctor!  And she’s not even my ear doctor!  (Just a note, if you are suffering from Migraines, try your best to find a neurologist who specializes in headache pain, this has made the world of difference for me.  It has given me a better quality of life…at least on that front.  If you want to ask me about my doctor at Duke, feel free to write me.  Look under the About Me page.)

After receiving my “B” stings.  (yes, B stands for Botox…hahaha…I’m being a little silly today too!)  We wrapped up the visit and she started to leave, I came so close to grabbing her and hugging her, but I wasn’t sure about how she would feel about that.  She started out the door, then suddenly came back in and grabbed ME and gave me a hug!  I was so surprised, she was just so thrilled about my progress!  She made my day!  I would have been thrilled at the fact that I could hear her, but to have her get so emotional about it, well that made me feel so loved.

Before this visit I thought about requesting CART (Communication Access Realtime Translation) for my visits to see her.  I decided not to because while giving me the shots she spends a lot of time behind me, and I have my head down so I can’t see anything, a translator wouldn’t help much.  To find out more about CART, please hover over the word CART and click to follow the link to the National Association of the Deaf.  I’m so thrilled I didn’t have to use this service to be able to hear my physician.  Hearing her without my husband’s help was so liberating.  Just a tiny bit of my independence restored.

Customer Service and Health Care

Doctor's Waiting Room, by CarolynYM at DeviantArt.

Doctor’s Waiting Room, by CarolynYM at DeviantArt.

Why do a lot of doctors and/or their staff think they are doing patients a favor by seeing them?  We are their customers, we are paying them, there are plenty of other doctors in the same field; we do not have just one choice!  (I do recognize that some in rural areas do often have just one choice, I grew up in an area like that.  We had to drive 2 hours for me to see an orthopedist, but still, they need to treat us with respect.)

I am so tired of going to a doctor’s office only to wait way past my appointment time, then I’m rushed through my appointment, and when I leave I feel like I wasn’t seen as a person, I was seen as dollar signs.

I have felt this way too many times.  Often, I only feel this way with the doctor’s staff.  I’ll love the doctor, but their staff is rude and inconsiderate.

I can give you many examples of this, but I will just give you 2 that have happened to me recently.  I wish I could say these were isolated events, but unfortunately they aren’t.

Recently I was looking for a new gynecologist.  The last time I went to my old GYN I had trouble with billing (during my annual visit she found something, I had to go to her office to give me a paper on it, I was subsequently sent a bill for an office visit…What?? Even if I was to be charged this, why was I not told in the office?), and feeling like she wasn’t listening to me or answering my questions.  But, this is a different story.  I asked my migraine specialist if she had a recommendation for a GYN who would work with my hormones to possibly help with my migraines, and who knows more about menopause than delivering babies.  She recommended someone who sounded perfect.  My husband made an appointment, unfortunately I was not feeling well the day before and knew I would not feel well enough the next day.  He canceled before the 24 hour required notification, and rescheduled.  The next time I woke up with a vicious migraine, and soon had an asthma attack.  No way I could make it.  Stuart called and explained, they said they understood and would not charge the late cancellation fee.  He decided to wait to make the appointment again.  In a few days he called to make an appointment, and set one up.  The person making the appointment said that they realize his wife has health problems but she really needs to make sure and keep this appointment.  Stuart wasn’t happy with this, “You can’t say you understand and then follow up with something like that.”……Then he received a call from this doctor’s office saying that the doctor would not see me.  He told Stuart that we had canceled 3 times with less than 24 hours notice.  Yes, my husband was livid.  He got off of the phone and told me about it.  He then called the office back and asked to speak to the office manager.  First, he told the person he wasn’t upset with him personally, but he was upset, so please don’t take what he was going to say personally.  (he is so thoughtful, I would have been upset with him, the man is the office manager, he needs to take care of these things.)  Stuart then complained about the way he was spoken to, and proceeded to explain that they lied.  He explained what was said, and what the truth was, and also said it wouldn’t matter now because I would not go to a doctor who allowed their staff to do such things.

Unfortunately for me, she was the only gynecologist I have found who is just a GYN and not an obstetrician too.  But I did find one who practices Integrative Medicine, and works with balancing hormones.  I will be seeing her in 2 weeks.  Let’s hope things go better at this office.

The other incident happened at my General Practitioners office.  I went to see my doctor about my asthma, I was still having a VERY hard time.  I walked in the office (with the aid of my spiffy walker) and the perfume smell hit me in the face!  I started to cough more and wheeze.  I was having a very hard time breathing.  I asked the front desk if there was somewhere else I could wait because of my asthma….I explained I couldn’t breathe with all the perfume in the waiting room…and it was obvious!  She got all snippy and said no.  So I said I would have to leave. Then she said, “well only if a room is empty” and she went to check. I felt like she took forever.  I could tell I was making people in the waiting room uncomfortable.  I had to use my inhaler 5 times just so I could catch my breath.  Then she comes out and gets me.  I was a mess, and ended up blacking out in the exam room, luckily my doctor and Stuart saw how pale I was getting and got me on the table lying down and helped me before I hit the floor.  My doctor was not happy.  (I must say that since this incident the staff there have been much more supportive.  I think my doctor said something to the front desk. Plus, I think we have been lucky to talk to staff who are much more likely to help.)  Now when I go there I wait in the hall until they can take me straight back.  Luckily, my doctor is in a building that has a huge hallway.

Do others notice that you get poor customer service from the health care industry?

Yes, I have had some awesome care, and awesome customer service.  I have some nurses and doctors that make me feel like family.  But, it amazes me how many times I’ve gone to a doctor and felt like I wasn’t wanted there….that I was a bother.  (once I actually had a doctor, who I was referred to, ask me why I was there???  Ummm, because my doctor told me I needed to come see you.  This was after she left me in the room with the door open and talked to a friend in the hall for half an hour.  She left a lasting impression on me, and not a good one.  I’m often very nervous now about going to a specialist now, thinking they may wonder….why am I there?  I’ve never been so embarrassed or pissed off (well I’ve probably been that pissed off, but boy was I ticked, and for some odd reason, my feelings were really hurt.)

Please note, I do understand that the staff at many doctor’s offices deal with a lot of strife, but every patient is different and should be treated that way.  I’ve worked in customer service, and I would be ashamed if I treated anyone the way I have been treated at some health care provider’s offices.

Lesson Learned the Hard Way – #HAWMC Day 17

Today’s Prompt: Learned the Hard Way. What’s a lesson you learned the hard way? Write about it for 15 today.

When I read this prompt I knew exactly what I’d write about, but not exactly sure the story I’d tell.

I think with my health, the Greatest Lesson I Learned the Hard Way was that Doctors Do NOT always know, they CAN’T always fix you, and they WILL lie.

At 10 I broke my arm, it was a silly way to break a bone, so no one really thought it was broken, until the next day.  My shoulder, and my arm down to my elbow was black and blue.   Amazing. My mother felt such guilt because couldn’t believe it could be hurt that bad.  You see, I was climbing up the side of a hill, not a big hill, I grabbed a root that was sticking out to help pull me up, and it let go.  I fell back.  My feet were only inches from the ground.  I fell on my left arm.  It was my RIGHT arm that was hurting.  No one could understand.  No one but me, you see, I heard the bone snap.

We got to the Navy clinic, and they performed x-rays of my arm.  It caused quite a stir.  At one point, I counted 8 doctors in the room trying to get a glimpse of my x-rays.  They were confused.  Was my collar-bone broken too?  What was all those lines?  We better send her to a specialist.  So my whole side was immobilized, and we were sent to the big Navy Hospital, downtown Charleston, SC.  My mother hates to drive in traffic.  She didn’t get her license until after I was born.  But my father was at sea, she had to be brave, and be the only parent.  I remember being in much more pain during and after the x-rays.  Could they not be a little more gentle with a 10-year-old child?  and maybe give her something for pain?

So we arrived at the big Hospital, to this little girl, it was the biggest building I’d ever seen.  Again, there were many doctors looking at my x-rays.  Many having no idea what they were looking at.  Finally, saying this is very rare in such a young child.  And then taking my mother out in the hall.

That should have been my FIRST lesson – Doctor’s KEEP SECRETS.

When they returned my mother looked a bit confused, stunned, and scared.  I was told I had broken my arm.  But I also had a bone cyst.  A fibrous mass in my bone instead of a solid bone.  It was “NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT”.  However, we needed to keep an eye on it, and I’d have to have a special cast.  I couldn’t have a whole cast, just a partial cast, because the cyst “needs to breathe” – I will never forget that phrase, I was only 10, but I thought, so I have some foreign thing living in me that has to breathe on its on?  What really was happening, was the tumor would make my arm swell and go down and swell and go down…ect….so a regular cast would not work.  And this was in 1973, so those fancy hard velcroed on casts weren’t around yet.  (actually, the very first one of those was a prototype made for me! after my surgery, isn’t that cool?)

So I broke my arm 5 times.  They kept saying they were watching it, and I wasn’t supposed to be doing anything strenuous because I could break it.  Um, Someone opened a door into me while I had a cast on (was days from getting it off) and broke my arm.  I don’t think I was being strenuous!  I never learned how to play any sports, I wasn’t allowed, I am so uncoordinated and so dumb about any sport activity.  I’ll be asked to play soft ball, I’m so embarrassed, I’ve tried to play, and volley ball…ect.  I can’t do it.  I simply have no eye hand coordination and I’m like a 2 year old learning to play a game.  But I digress.

Finally, I was almost 16, I had stopped growing, it was time to operate.  The bone in my right arm had not grown at all in the past 6 years!  They took some bone from my left hip, shaved it off from around the tip of the pelvic girdle.  (I know what you are thinking, she has chronic pelvic pain, I don’t think it’s from this, most of my pain if on the other side.)  They opened the upper right humerus of my right arm and scraped out the mass, and packed it full of the hip bone pieces.  So they had to fuse together.  (yes, my father says I can literally say, I carry my ass on my shoulder!)

So then the lies start to come together.  While I’m in the hospital I started to hear things.  Like the tumor that was removed.  And the malignancy.  I was given medication via IV, that had a little radiation symbol on it.  I got very sick.  And I was in the hospital for over a month.  I was never told the whole truth.  You know I’m not even sure my mother was told the whole truth.  I do think my father was.  It was that kind of times.  Tell the father, let him decide what to tell the family.  But from the things I got a hold of in the hospital, and the questions people answered before they thought about it….it sounds like, I had a tumor.  Yes, this I do know, I did hear the doctors say that…well, over hear.   I also over heard from the nurses when they thought I was sleeping.   It was mostly benign, but had some malignant cells.  I handled the chemo and radiation treatment well.  “It’s a good thing they got it when they d

That quote still haunts me.  They waited 6 years for my bone to grow.  If they had operated earlier, I probably would have had NO CANCER.  I would not have lost so much of my childhood.  I would have had a solid bone, yes it would have been shorter, so what!  It still is!!!  And I still have pain from it!  They still didn’t fix it.

And remember I was never told this.  I heard it all second-hand.  Not long ago, I tried to get my records from the Navy Hospital.  They said I needed my father’s authorization since he’s still alive.  If he was dead, it could even be harder from what I’ve heard.  I asked him to get them for me.  “For what, you don’t need that.”  I tried to explain, I’m having a lot of medical problems now and any information from my past might help my doctors now.  “I don’t believe that, it’s too much trouble.  I don’t know why you’re always wanting to bring up the past.”  Okay????  Where did that come from?  but I guess no medical records.

So my Lesson I Learned the Hard Way…Doctors do not know everything!  Doctors can’t always fix everything. and Doctors will Lie, or in this instance, at least keep things from you.

However, I have had them lie to me at different times….that was a Lesson Revisit.