Finally! It Arrived!!

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Just in time for Ten Things of Thankful I received something to be very thankful for indeed!

My gammaCore arrived!!

I’ve been having a heck of a time with fatigue and migraines, so this little gem was met with much joy!  I’ve used it a few times already today, I can’t say for sure how much it has helped yet because I used it in conjunction with other medications, but I can say that my migraine did get better!  Yay!!  There’s a lot of drawbacks about this little thing, like how long it took to get it here, it isn’t rechargeable so you have to get a new one every month, (that’s a lot of garbage!) and it stops working in a month even if you haven’t used it hardly at all.  They really have a racket going on here….but if it works, how I can not use it?  I’ll do an update on it soon!!

There are a few more things I’m thankful for this week:

  • the kindness of friends (and some strangers).
  • not having to go to work every day, because I wouldn’t have been able to lately.  (never thought I’d be thankful I’m disabled…I’m just differently abled)
  • we’re looking for a house, this is not a fun experience, but I’m so grateful we are able to buy our own home and hopefully soon we will find the perfect place for our family.
  • we were able to babysit last week and we didn’t die, nor kill anyone. hahaha
  • my niece is reading a book and telling me all about it. (she literally just texted me before she went to bed.  She’s 10)
  • I didn’t throw up in public.  Okay that sounds strange but we were out on Sunday and I took a swallow of water while we were walking and suddenly I got choked.  I coughed and gagged and water spewed out of my mouth and nose, I was so embarrassed, but I didn’t throw up, that was a victory!!
  • we have A/C.  We live in Tucson, AZ; if I didn’t have A/C I would die. That’s not an exaggeration.
  • I’m not homeless.  There is a huge homeless population here, it really makes me realize how very lucky I am.  (and it annoys the heck out of me that so many people here assume that all homeless are addicts!  Really?  Wake up people!  It can happen to anyone!)
  • I was able to get a topical ointment for pain from the medical marijuana dispensary today.  It is all CBD, so anyone could buy it, but I like getting it from the dispensary because they independently test everything so I know it has what is says it does in it, and the girl that I talked with there today was so knowledgeable!  I’m learning so much.  I’m hoping the ointment will help me sleep tonight, my wrist/thumb have been keeping me up at night.  (Don’t worry dear friends, it’s healing nicely, it just takes time).  I also got some gummies to help me sleep, they do have THC in them so unless you are in a legal state you couldn’t get them.  I’m very grateful I live in a legal state.

 

That’s all for now.  I have been writing a post on my experiencesgetting my medicinal card and my first trip to the dispensary.  I’m sorry it is taking me so long, recovery has been easier than I expected, but it has made me very tired; it is a struggle to get things done and sometimes the pain won’t allow me to type long.

Thank you all for hanging in there with me.   I’m very thankful for you.

What are you thankful for this week?  I’d love to hear about it.

Check out the rest of the participants in the TToT challenge, and perhaps join us, reading what others are thankful for always fills me with such joy.

TToT

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Mindfulness Monday: “Finding Your Self”

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“All the suffering, stress, and addiction comes from

not realizing you already are what you are looking for.”

Jon Kabat-Zinn

 

“Healing may not be so much about getting better,

as about letting go of everything that isn’t you –

all of the expectations, all of the beliefs –

and becoming who you are.”

Rachel Naomi Remen

 

“You wait a lifetime to met Someone

who understands you, accepts you as you are.

At the end, you find that the Someone,

all along, has been you.”

Richard Bach

 

image: © Lorraine; close up of installation “Birds Watching”, Jenny Kendler, from “Indicators: Artists on Climate Change,” Storm King Arts Centre, NY.

Wendy is fine; her recovery from surgery continues. She will soon be back to doing her Mindfulness Mondays.

I’m thankful – TToT

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This is late because I forgot to hit Publish when I finished writing my post….duh.  But, I’m thankful that I was able to do it at all.

I missed last week’s Ten Things of Thankful  because I was having surgery, that brings me to my 10 things:

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Number 7 in action.

  1. They were able to give me an IV with just one stick.  The nurse said I have very challenging veins, but she did a great job!  The orders called for 2 IV’s one in each arm, but she said I was suck a hard stick, if they needed another IV going, they could do it after I was out.  I just loved her!
  2. Everyone who took care of me was so nice and they worked hard to make sure I could see their mouths and talk slowly so I could read their lips.  They even let me wear my CI’s into the operating room.  I wish they let me keep my glasses, they are a lot less expensive to replace if something happened.  The surgical nurse was amazing, she put me at ease so fast I immediately trusted her.  I knew she’d take care of me and my CI’s and wouldn’t let anything happen to them.
  3. I only had to have light anesthesia, going under general anesthesia is always scary and a lot harder to come out of. Propofol was my friend.  I do wonder if I talk while I’m out of it, I sure was talkative when I woke up, I knew I was talking too much but I couldn’t shut up!  I know it was the drugs talking; I bet the attending thought I was insane.  All in all it was a good experience, I felt well cared for.
  4. My recovery is much easier than I expected.  My doctor didn’t really tell me much about what to expect to recover.  When Stuart asked him how long my recovery be, he said. “about 20 mins”, obviously he meant that’s how long I’d be in recovery after surgery, but we didn’t really talk about it afterward.  So I consulted Dr. Google, and it said that it would take a few weeks for me to get use out of my hand again, some even said I might have a cast.  I was prepared to have very little ability to do much of anything with my right hand for 2 – 6 weeks.  Boy was Dr Google wrong!  I just have a little bandage, and was told to make sure and move my thumb as much as possible.  Shocker!  I actually have more range of motion than I did before the surgery, but I still have pain in my wrist, it’s just different pain.  This pain is from the incision, it’s not sharp and tight like it was; I could actually live with this pain, I wouldn’t want to, but I could.  Well it is much more painful when I over do it.
  5. Lorraine was willing and able to keep Mindfulness Monday going in my absence.  She is an amazing friend, it blows my mind that we’ve never met in person.
  6. I was able to drive to a friend’s house the day before my surgery.  I haven’t been driving again for long, so going about 30 minutes away from home was a big step!
  7. My dog loves me so much!  She brings me such joy!
  8. I’m now in my niece and nephew’s life.  We’re baby sitting tomorrow night, I’m excited that we will be able to spend quality time with them, just us.
  9. I went to my new PCP for the first time today.  She did make me nervous and I’m not 100% sure I’ll keep her as my PCP, but I’m grateful that I finally found one that was excepting new patients so I could get a referral to see a Neuro-otologist, he’s a Meniere’s specialist.  I’ll tell more about this visit in an upcoming post.
  10. for my husband, again.  He was so wonderful this past week.  He took me to my surgery and took the next day off and half a day on Thursday to take care of me.  He does take really good care of me.

I have much in my life to be thankful for, like the TToT challenge from Ten Ten Things of Thankful  They are a great community and I’m so happy I found them….Thanks Faith.  I’d love to hear what you are thankful for this week, tell me about it in the comments, or join in the challenge to post Ten Things of Thankful .  (There is not a requirement, or a limit to the amount of things you list. 10 is a goal, if you are having a challenging week and can only post on thing, please share it….and you can share what you are having a hard time with, this community is very supportive.

Coming soon: First, a little update about my recovery, and second, my experience so far with Medical Marijuana…stay tuned.

(please forgive me for not being able to get around and seeing what so many of you have been up to lately, I hope you understand.  If you’ve had something happen and you want to make sure I’ve seen it, please share.  I never want to miss what is most important to my friends.)

Mindfulness Monday: Miscellany

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“Who looks outside, dreams;

who looks inside, awakes.”

Carl Jung

 

“You must live in the present,

launch yourself on every wave,

find your eternity in each moment.”

Henry David Thoreau

 

“Writing can be an

incredible mindfulness practice.”

Jon Kabat-Zinn

 

image: © Lorraine (please do not use without permission)

I’d like to thank Lorraine for all her help during my recovery, she’s just the best!  Be sure to jump over to her blog and say hello.  Lorraine’s Frilly Freudian Slip

I wanted to give you all a little update on my surgery.  I’m doing very well, much better than I expected.  I’m able to do much, much more than I thought I would.  (Dr. Google was very wrong on that one)  I’m working on a post giving a proper update, I’m just slow going right now, but wanted to let everyone know that I’m doing very well, and thank you all for your well wishes through this challenge.  I don’t know what I’d do without my blog family.   “See” you soon.    ~ Wendy

 

Mindfulness Monday: Breathe

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image; words Daniell Koepke

“Mindfulness of the breath is, in my opinion, one of the most powerful practices. Our breath is with us always and as we develop our ability to remember to focus on the breath, we can ride the breath  through many waves and storms in our lives. The breath will carry us and help us to be present for what is showing up, whether it is in people, situations or our own hearts and minds.”

Diana Winston and Greater Good Science Center

“Relax. You are enough. You do enough. Breathe extra deep, let go, and just live right now in this moment.”

Shunryu Suzuki

“Mindfulness is when you are truly there, mind and body together. You breathe in and out mindfully, you bring your mind back to your body, and you are there.”

Anonymous

“De Quervain’s tenosynovitis in my left wrist/thumb earlier this year (you can read about it here), but you may have missed that I now have it in my right wrist.  The left wrist was treated with a cortisone shot and since then I’ve had no problem.  I’ve had 2 cortisone injections in my right wrist and I’m still in pain. … My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, the 7th.  It is a minor surgery, I’m not even put under general anesthesia.  They just put a little incision on the inside of my wrist below the thumb (on the side, not the palm) and snip a little to release the tendons.”

But, during the recovery/rehab period, Wendy isn’t sure if she can use her dominant hand to type out wonderous things like Mindfulness Monday. So, I’ve stepped in to give her a “hand” – pardon the pun.

First, of course, I know you will be sending good, healing thoughts Wendy’s way. She may have difficulty communicating by keyboard for up to six weeks; if she doesn’t post or respond to a comment, it doesn’t mean she hasn’t been writing them in her head. 

My Tai Chi instructor has been focusing on co-coordinating our breathes with out movements. Each pose has an inhale and exhale component. As we relearn each pose with breathing, the meditation in motion of Tai Chi is strengthened.

So, today’s post concerns mindfulness breathing. Hope you find the quotes intriguing enough to explore mindfulness breathing. It is the key, the core to mindfulness in many ways.

Stress? Who’s stressed?

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I swear if I hear one more person say that something that is wrong with me is due to stress I will scream!  I have felt this way for many years.  When I was having vertigo daily they said it was made worse by “stress”.  When my asthma went crazy, they said “stress”.  When I had severe GI issues for months, I was told I needed to reduce my “stress”.  You know the last time I looked stress does not cause Meniere’s Disease, or allergy onset asthma, or fructose malabsorption.  Don’t get me wrong, I know stress can do a number on you, but I feel like it’s a catch all.  If they don’t know, then it’s stress, after all if they can’t fix it then it has to be MY FAULT.

Finally, I am having issues that I think may actually be caused by stress.  I will be the first to admit the last few months have been pretty stressful.  My mother-in-law was placed in long term care, we moved across the country, I left my sister with the understanding that we may never see each other again, Stuart started a new job, I’m finding new doctors, I have to have surgery on my wrist on TUESDAY, I don’t know how long to expect to be out of commission to recover from said surgery (I hate being so dependent, not having use of my dominant hand is hard), we’re looking for a house (and not finding what we want), we’ve been looking at cars (for me),  I’m starting to drive again, we’re living in a small house that I can’t get organized because we don’t want to get too settled since we will be moving again soon, I’m suddenly surrounded by family (some of that’s good, some not so good)…………….WOW. writing all of that out was stressful, and I haven’t listed everything.

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This is me with a migraine, the right side of my face gets all numb and droopy.  #realmigrainepose

For over a month my migraines and cluster headaches were much, much worse, is this because of the stress, or is it causing more stress….short answer, Yes.  I must say though, for the past week they’ve been getting better, I think it’s because of the medical marijuana I’ve started using (more about that soon).  I’m having some GI issues that just don’t want to stop.  (it’s even waking me up at night, and I haven’t made it to the bathroom a couple of times…is this all from stress, who knows, but I doubt it’s helping),  I’m irritable, quick to anger, and just plain grumpy.  I’m overwhelmed and in pain, and I’m taking it out on everyone else.  I don’t like myself right now.  My anxiety has increased, but it’s not too bad, yet.  I’ve been a little depressed, but it’s not all consuming.  So, there’s a lot to be stressed about and it’s kind of taking it’s toll.

I’m trying to meditate every day, but it seems the more stressed I am the harder it is for me to meditate.  I feel like I’m not being very mindful either.  I’m living too much in the future.  We are buying our forever home and I keep thinking things like, “I don’t want a pool because I don’t want to keep it up when I’m 70”, “I don’t want any stairs because I might get sicker again, and I also we might now be able to climb stairs in a few years.”, and my personal favorite, as I’ve been going though things and deciding what to keep I keep thinking, “will anyone care about this when I die?” ….I just turned 55, I’m not that old, but I sure am living like I am.  (except I want a cool yellow car, that will keep me young)  I worry about how M’s condition will advance.  I worry about Dad, he spends all his time at the home what M, and she’s beginning to have moments where she doesn’t remember who he is exactly.  How is he going to handle it when she no longer knows who he is.  Then I think about what M’s daughter said, she told me about another relative who had Alzheimer’s and how they told her that they may not know who she is, but they know they love her.  I think Margaret will always know she loves Dad.  It breaks my heart every day though to see this amazing woman slip away.  (she just turned 77)

I really want to get back to focusing on living in the moment and simply not worrying about the rest.  Why worry about the now? It’s going to be gone in an instant.  I want to invite joy in my life.  I want to step away from the drama that I’ve found myself dropped into.  I need to nurture my inner self.

Little update on me: My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, the 7th.  It is a minor surgery, I’m not even put under general anesthesia.  They just put a little incision on the inside of my wrist below the thumb (on the side, not the palm) and snip a little to release the tendons.  When I saw the doctor in Charlotte, NC, he told me that often when the injections don’t do anything that there are actually 3 tendons running through the sheath instead of 2.  He said they don’t know why but it often doesn’t show symptoms until middle age.  This is even more probably since I have it in both wrist, luckily the injection worked pretty well in the left wrist though.  The doctor here didn’t mention it, but he did comment that the orthopedics department at Atrium Health (formally known as Carolinas Heathcare System) is one of the best in the country.  (right now they are ranked number 3)  So I kind of believe the doctor at CHS.

My migraines have improved some since I started using medical marijuana.  Most of what I’m taking is a very high grade of CBD oil.  I will write a post soon telling you all about my journey through getting a card, learning what to buy, and my experience in the dispensary.  The gammaCore has still not arrived.  The doctor’s office dropped the ball when ordering it, then they didn’t put in the request for the free trial for the first month.  (they did change offices this month, and my doctor is new and has been the only doctor in the group to prescribe the gammaCore, all of those factors led to the good up)  The gammaCore company called Stuart last week and told him that it should be no problem getting it approved by my insurance.  If that is the case, why haven’t I received it yet?  I sure could have used it this past month, the cluster headaches have been killer (literally, if I thought I had to live in that kind of pain all the time, I’d kill myself.  Cluster headaches are called Suicide Headaches, because of that very reason, people will kill themselves to get relief.  I start Botox in about a month; I was supposed to start on Thursday, but that was my original surgery date so we cancelled it.   The monsoons are causing a lot of severe barometric changes almost daily, I’m sure this has been one of the reasons my migraines have been so bad, so hopefully they will get much better in a month of so, when the monsoons are over.

 

It’s late and I have a headache, so this post was not even read over to check for errors, please forgive any typos, grammar errors, or other atrocities.

 

 

 

 

Ten Things I’m Thankful for This Week

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Last week was my first time participating in the Ten Things of Thankful challenge, and it made me feel really good.  This week my ten things were not as obvious; I think that  makes it even more important to take note of them.  I’ll be the first to admit, I did not have a good week.  A lot of pain and stress has taken hold of my body, I’m holding on, but it’s getting difficult.  It’s time to step back and figure out how I can make things a little less demanding.  Every weekend is filled with so much to do, when it gets to be Monday I’m in full flare.  That has to stop, but I really like my busy weekends. I haven’t been able to do any of these things in so long, it does my heart good to be able to do them now, but my body is not as happy with me, and I’m afraid if I don’t slow down my body is going to make me.

I’m so very thankful:

  • for my amazing friends who keep me going every day.  Some I “talk” with almost every day, some I don’t keep in touch with as often. but I know they are there for me, and I am so very, very thankful for that.  I can only hope they know I’m there for them too.  I love my people.
  • that I didn’t get really hurt when I fell down the other day.  Yep, I fell, again.  Hey, it’s been a while, and I didn’t fall because I was dizzy or anything like that, I fell because I stepped on something slippery and my foot flew out from under me.  Mostly, it just scared me.
  • that I was able to go back-to-school shopping with my niece.  It’s so much fun getting to know my niece and nephew, I’m so grateful we can now spend so much time together.
  • that a local friend of mine texted me today saying that if there is every an emergency I can call on her.  That really meant the world to me.  She’s local, and I haven’t even seen her yet, I must rectify that.
  • that I have Air Conditioning.  It has been dangerously hot here; I honestly don’t know how anyone could live here without A/C.  There are so many homeless people here, I don’t know how they survive in this heat.  I’m so grateful I have a safe home and don’t have to live on the streets, my heart goes out to those who do.
  • that I have been having fun learning to decorate cookies.  I’ve only just begun to learn about it, but I’m having so much fun discovering this new art form.  I attempted my first watercolor on a cookie this week, it turned out pretty cool, not perfect, but not too bad. 20180725_121650
  • That my father-in-law is letting me use one of his cars, and it’s a really cool car too.  I’m just beginning to drive again, after a few years, so it feels amazing to be able to get to go somewhere whenever I want.  I’ve only gone on one errand so far, I’m very nervous driving here because I don’t know the area and I can’t hear the GPS.  I need to get a GPS that I can see without taking my eyes off the road, that would make things much easier.
  • for cooler mornings.  I’m trying to get up earlier so I can enjoy the weather before it gets too hot, some days I make it, other days, I don’t get out much.
  • that my surgery is soon.  Just got a call this evening that my surgery date has been changed to the 7th. This is causing a bit of inconvenience with Stuart and work. as that was supposed to be a training day for him, I’m grateful he will still be able to take me.
  • that I was able to do write a post.  With my wrist pain, migraines, and additional pain this week, I didn’t think I’d be able to get this done, I’m so grateful that I could do it.

What are you thankful for this week?  I’d love for you to share with me just one thing you are grateful for this week!!

I’ll try and write more about my surgery soon, a little mini update before I have to disappear for a while.

I’m always thankful for you.