Losing a loved one during a pandemic

My mother in law passed away night before last. When you hear about people dying right now, you think about The Virus, but there is a lot of death going on from other causes, sounds a little odd, but life goes on. Babies are being born, and people are dying, and we aren’t able to congregate during these times like we normally are, and that sucks.

Margaret has been living in a long term care facility because of advance Alzheimer’s for over 2 years. When they locked it down last month and no longer allowed my father in law in she started to get worse. We’ll never know how much longer she would have lasted, but we are thinking she didn’t fare well without him. Right until the end she always knew who he was. They warned him that he would be one of the first people she forgot because they had only been married about 7 years when this started, but he spent every day with her, and she never forgot. She didn’t always know his name, and she didn’t always know he was her husband, but she knew he was her love. She lit up when he came in the room, she reached for his kisses when he had to leave. I’m so very glad they found each other, I only wish they had more time together. I’ve not seen two people more in love.

They allowed him in 3 days before she passed, so he was with her at the end. I’ll be forever grateful for that. He was the only family member who got to say goodbye. She has 3 children and grandchildren, they live across the country and could not travel during this time of isolation, but it would not have mattered, they wouldn’t have been allowed in.

There will be no real service at this time. 10 people are allowed at her internment, my father in law, her caregiver, and a couple of her life long friends, all are high risk, so even this will be will be strained. When the isolation is over there will be a memorial service, but that is so different. Right now we can’t come together to grieve. We can’t hold one another. It’s like it’s not real. Nothing has changed. The only lives that have changed are Dad’s, and her caregiver’s. The most I’ve cried is while I’ve been writing this. There has been a major death in my family and it’s like nothing happened. I can’t even hug Dad, he has self isolated, and I don’t blame him, he is high risk, but I really need that hug too. I don’t know how to help. He doesn’t show much of that kind of emotion, so I don’t know how he’s doing really. He says he’s fine. I worry. She was his life. But that’s why we moved here, only how do we help when we can’t spend time with him?

Oh how I wish I could have known Margaret better, but the little I knew her, I adored her. She was an amazing woman! She was a trailblazer! She worked with computers long before it was something women did (some amazing stories there), she did amazing volunteer work, loved to hike, traveled the world, collected beautiful art, had an unwavering faith, raised 3 successful children, and was the kindest woman you could meet. and that’s just what I know about her!

She will be terribly missed.

We love you Margaret.

24 thoughts on “Losing a loved one during a pandemic

    1. Thank you. Oh how I do hope we can all gather together again. We are a social society. The elderly need socialization. I truly worry about them.
      Thank you for coming by and commenting 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I am so, so genuinely sorry for your loss. Sending you so many hugs, Wen! Please tell Stuart to give you a hug for me so you can hug him too. Everything feels sideways right now. ❤

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    1. Sideways and backwards!
      I’m so glad I can still hug Stuart!
      Breaks my heart I can’t hug dad, he likes my hugs. 😌
      Hugs to you and yours.
      Be safe my dear.

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  2. Wendy, This is so terrile! To happem when no one can get together and comfort each other is awful I feel nothing but sadness for you father-in-law and Stuart. All my love, Mo

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    1. Yes Mo, I simply adored her, it’s not right that the end of her life will be remembered in this way. We should be celebrating this fabulous woman, instead we are forced to isolate from each other. It’s a true tragedy.
      And someone said to me that she didn’t see why we couldn’t spend time with dad. 🙄
      Love you my dear friend, Wendy

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Patricia. It still feels like it didn’t happen. I had one day feeling sad, but more upset that we can’t have a memorial service. There’s just no closure. I guess there was some closure already when we cleaned out her house. I know that’s when I felt like I said goodbye. 😔

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Dot

    Lake I said a John called to tell me that Margaret had passed away – I felt so bad for him – I just want to give him a big hug and be there for him as I have been in the past, but I also understand this is not the time so all I can do is keep calling- and I will!! Zia Dot

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  4. Oh Wendy, I am so, so sorry. Loss can never be easy and yet at a time like this is seems painfully cruel with loved ones not able to see each other, let alone not being able to hold funerals and pay tributes as usual. She sounds like one hell of a lady and I hope that trail that she blazed continues to live on in the memories imprinted on those that knew her.  ♥
    Caz xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Caz. Her children are doing amazing things, I think she left a good legacy. 😊 She also did a lot of charity work, I think she will be remembered. Her work, I don’t know much about, but I know she was brilliant and competed in a man’s world long before it was known for women to do such things. Women weren’t known to be good in mathematics, but she showed them.
      She was such a kind woman.
      And an avid University of Arizona Basketball fan!!! She had season tickets and that’s how she and dad started dating. 💕 Theirs is a very sweet love story.
      Thank you again. Love W

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Pingback: On losing a loved one | lovehappinessandpeace

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