Feeling Stuck

I’ve been trying to write for a long time, but the words just haven’t come.  There are a couple of topics I want to write about, but they are sensitive, and they may offend some people who read my blog.  It’s a true dilemma.  I want to be true to myself and my readers, but I don’t want to hurt anyone.  So I feel stuck.

My brain is also just not working like it used to, I’m thinking that having a moderate to severe headache for almost 2 years has something to do with that.  They’ve just been getting worse.  I had another visit to the migraine doctor and she changed up the Diamox; she had to, it was driving me crazy with all the side effects and I wasn’t going to take it anymore.  She put me on Methazolamide.  It’s in the same family as Diamox but it is supposed to be more easily tolerated.  So far I am tolerating it, but it is doing nothing for my headaches.  I feel like she doesn’t take me seriously since most of my migraines are moderate in intensity.  A moderate headache  (between a 4 and 6 on the 0 – 10 scale) every day can be pretty debilitating.  At least I do have a few hours here and there where my headache is mild, but it’s still there, all the time.  My brain is mush.

I started to order supplements that are supposed to help with migraines, but I’m seeing the functional medicine doctor next week, I’m sure they will suggest supplements.  So, it will wait until the 18th.  I’m excited about going to the Functional Medicine doctor.  I’ll write all about it after my visit.  I was supposed to go a while back but we thought we might be moving and didn’t want to get started with another doctor.  But it looks like we’ll be here for a while, so let’s get started.

I was reading on the American Migraine Foundation site and the University of Maryland site about supplements that help with migraines. (be sure to check out those sites for information on supplements for migraines)  I’ve already tried looking for triggers in foods and everything else I can think of.  The only things that really trigger a headache for me is the weather, and strong smells.  Sometimes bright lights can do it.  So I’m searching for alternative treatments.  I’ve tried acupuncture and chiropractic, they didn’t work for me.  I know that magnesium can help with migraines but I found it caused diarrhea.  My migraine doctor suggested a different type of magnesium that is easier to absorb, (magnesium glycinate or gluconate).  Who knew there were so many different types of magnesium, I counted 7 yesterday when I was researching it.  How is one supposed to know what you need?

I decided to wait on starting the new magnesium until I found out if this medicine she gave me worked.  (I already take magnesium, but it’s the kind that upsets your tummy so I don’t think I’m taking a therapeutic dose.)  She still says to give this new medication a month at the highest dose.  I hate to say it, but I’m ready to look for something else.  I just don’t think the medications is going to help, so far my headaches have been more severe.  I’ve been on the medication for about a month now, I’ve been on the highest dose for a week now.  It’s a very hard medicine for me to keep up with .  I have to take it 3 times a day.  It’s the only med that I need to take in the middle of the day and I can’t remember it.  (I haven’t missed a dose, I just don’t feel that I’ve timed it out well) I installed a timer on my phone, hopefully that will help, as long as my phone is close enough to hear.  Great thing about this medication, it has greatly reduced my appetite.  I’m losing weight again, finally, after so much trying.  I’m very excited about this.  Now if I can keep it off when I go off the medication.

The thought of adding more supplements or medications to my regime is overwhelming.  I take so many pills, surely I don’t need all of them.  But I’m not one to just go off of medications.  I will go over all of them with the Functional Medicine doctor and we will see what he has to say.

“Functional Medicine is the deepest and most powerful approach to prevention and reversal of disease that I have encountered. It systematically discovers and addresses the root causes of disease and uses sophisticated treatments that lead to dramatically improved outcomes”  ~ Robert Sheeler MD, Editor Emeritus, Mayo Clinic Heath Letter

If you are curious about where I’m going, then please check it out.  Optimal Health Medicine Center

Since I’m giving an update on me I may as well tell you about my vertigo.  I’ve been having a lot of short spurts of vertigo.  It may be migraine related instead of Meniere’s, but it is really hard to tell at this stage.  I’ve fallen twice in the past 2 weeks.  Luckily I remember to just crumple myself on the floor instead of falling hard.  Both times I went down on my artificial hip.  Luckily, I didn’t hurt myself at all.  Think I need to use my walker at home more often.

So, I’ve been rambling.  At least I’m writing, right?  Today I just had to get out what has been going on recently.  Perhaps soon I’ll write about the other things on my mind.  I really want to keep my blog open and honest and not writing about these things that are going on in my life, feels dishonest.  Perhaps I’ll write about easier things first.  maybe.

Thank you all for following me.  I’m glad you like Mindfulness Monday.  I’m going to try to get out more posts, I promise.

What would you do?  If you thought a topic might cause some upheaval, would you still write about it?  It isn’t anything that everyone in my family doesn’t know about, they just don’t believe it all.  Then the other topic is about medical marijuana….since it isn’t legal in my state, I’m not sure I should write about it.

 

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20 thoughts on “Feeling Stuck

  1. You have to stay true to what is really going on in your life as far as I’m concerned. Who cares if anyone else believes…even family or friends. It is your truth! You can try to stay as positive as possible, but everybody can be worn down by physical pain and have bad days. And you can’t help what is happening to you. Even as you are trying to find ways to make things better (if possible), life is going on and your body is doing its thing and you have to cope.

    It has been a rough year for me–losing Karma, eye surgeries, eye recovery issues, being sick for the better part of the month after the surgeries…well, I’m just drained and stuck right now, myself…but for very different reasons. I have to say, though–I’ve had a constant eye strain headache ever since the first surgery on February 8th so I totally agree with you! Even having a headache of at least a 4-6 out of ten (if not higher) every day really, really wears on you. I am finally well enough to (hopefully) make it to my eye exam on Friday (third one scheduled due to a long-lasting flu) so that I can order new glasses. So, I will hopefully eventually not have a headache every day after my eyes adjust to the new glasses (my eye doctor told me to give it 3-4 weeks). I wish I could take yours away.

    I love your Mindfulness Mondays! That’s exactly what we need. At least what I need–LOL! You have beautiful quotes and wonderful artwork or photos. That’s what I do every day. Try to stay grounded and focused on the positive. Letting it all get to me just makes for a miserable day and doesn’t change a thing–LOL! Love and hugs!!! 🙂

    • Thank you Rita.
      I’m not down really, believe it or not. Gosh, I guess that post did sound like I’m depressed. No, just frustrated. I can’t remember things. My short term memory sucks right now, and I really think it’s the headaches. (Yes, often more than a 6)
      You have been through much more than your fair share this year.
      I hope you can see real soon. Get you some spiffy new glasses. Heehee.
      I’m glad you are recovering from being sick. You don’t need any more of that.
      I pick every quote for Mindfulness Monday around what is happening in my life. It’s my way of remembering to stay grounded. Stay in the now.
      I’m so glad you like them. Sometimes it’s all I can get out. And that’s okay. I’ve been doing them a good long time now, it feels good. Feels right.
      Thank you my friend for the encouragement and kind words.

  2. I think you should write about what you want to, you cant control others reactions and it stimulates conversation. I had a thought, Do you have fillings in your teeth and are they metal? The other one is do you think you are over medicated? Which could cause the symptoms? The hip, is it metal? Did the headaches etc start before the hip issue or after? Dont feel you have to reply until you are able to do so. Feel better.

    • Hi Patricia. Thank you for encouraging me. I think I will write about it. Gotta get it out, you know?
      About your questions. No metal fillings, hip can go through air port screenings so it must not be metal. Ha! I think there is a little in the cochlear implants, I know I can’t have an MRI now. But it’s encased in plastic of some kind.
      I’ve been having migraines since I was a child. 11. I’ve had a headache every day since that first headache, but it used to be just a dull ache, nothing I noticed much unless I thought about it. It stayed around a 2 or 3 unless I had a bad spell. I used to have bad migraines for the week surrounding my period…really bad. Now that I don’t have a period any more, the migraines are worse. Almost 2 years with nearly every day over a 5. It’s tiring. And I feel really stupid.
      I don’t really think I’m over medicated. I think everything has a pupose, but the functional medicine guy might have some suggestions.
      I’m hoping to start treating these headaches more naturally.
      A lot of my meds are as needed, and I don’t take much of that.
      I take as prescribed, not a smidgen more. 😊
      Anything jump out at you?
      I see a neurologist who specializes in headaches. You’d think she could find something. Golly.
      Thank you for caring.

      • HI
        Yes get it out! Yes I had friend who had some medical issues with her fillings, headaches, migraines etc and it just jumped to me when reading your post. I have also had family who were over medicated by a DR. hence that question. I try to do everything naturally as I can be very sensitive. I wait as you do to see what this Dr says.

        • Thanks Patricia. I am looking forward to finding out what this new dr has to say. Trying not to expect too much.
          I’ll be posting soon, it’s going to take me a little while to get my thoughts straight.
          I do see the fuctional medicine dr on Tuesday, so that post will probably come out first.
          Thanks again!! ♡

  3. I understand where you’re coming from. It’s wonderful so have met so many amazing people in blog-land, yet it was easier to do what I do without worrying about how it will be received when I had nothing but ghost followers.

    The closer we become to our blog family, the more we want to protect them, even if that means withholding things we really want to write about. I’m afraid I’m developing a reputation of being a downer and a whiner that will eventually drive people away, but I have to remember no matter how much I respect these people, my blog is an extension of my brain. If they don’t accept the way it works (or malfunctions), they have no business reading it anyhow.

    I admire people who shoot straight and speak from the heart even when the subject matter is difficult. As far as I’m concerned, there are no should do and shouldn’t dos when writing that way. It is what it is.

  4. Hello Wendy. It really sounds difficult for you at the moment. I think I told you before that my mum has always suffered migraines and headaches, for as a long as i can remember. I see how difficult it is for her. I know how even the slightest yet continuous headache can wear you down..My mum has never found a specific cause…She tried cutting out food such as cheese, and never drinks caffeine etc…She also had a hysterectomy (after trying everything else suggested over many years) as doctors decided it was hormonal issues …She continued to have the headaches and migraines…My heart goes out to you Wendy xx
    Its good you have something positive to focus on and hopefully the Functional medicine doctor can give you some helpful information about the drugs you take.
    Regarding your question about should you write something that may offend etc ..Well, in my opinion, although your blog is public, it is still personal to you. I see blogging as a therapy that can help us make sense of our feelings, worries, frustrations. It’s a way for us to connect with like-minded people and to seek comfort in others comments. This is your space to write whatever you feel. Write what you need to say. Write what’s inside your thoughts. It’s sad if your family can’t believe you or understand you, but that’s not your fault. The difficult times you have with your body, are not your fault either. Also, know that your writing can really help others who are in similar situations to you or who are able to identify with your words. Please write what you feel. Writing things down can really help….
    I used to be so private about anything regarding my health…Now, after my hearing loss and ear problems, I’m telling anyone who will read my blog, all about my medical history! And, you know what, it’s liberating! I feel good for letting everything out and writing about my frustrations with my body. I hope others can find some comfort in my words….I know, i have found comfort in yours.
    Sending you my love. Carly

    • Thank you so much Carly. Your words mean much to me.
      I’m sorry your mom fights with chronic migraines, they told me once I went through the change it would probably get better. It’s worse.
      Most of the time I can handle it okay, other days I just want to vomit.

      Thank you for encouraging me to write. This is not about anything I’ve written about before. It’s about abuse. I don’t want my blog to be all about that, but something happened recently that brought up a lot of the past. See a sticky subject. But, yes, I think I’ll write about it.
      Thank you again for everything.
      Yours~ wendy

      • Hi Wendy. I’m glad you will write about it. I’m sure it will help you to write it down. For me, every time I write something down, it’s almost like I can remove whatever the subject is, away from my immediate thoughts; knowing that it is written down and it won’t be forgotten. I hope you feel better soon.
        Carly

  5. I had an app on my phone called Medisafe that would make a sound like you’re shaking a pill bottle when you’re due. You can load in the dosage and the number of times you take the meds and it will remind you throughout the day. Maybe it would work for keeping track of everything? As far as the writing goes…well, you know me, I’m on the side of the other ladies here. This is your space. The reason why abuse and addictions and bad behaviors continue through generations is that people keep them as secrets instead of acknowledging them. Is it worse to talk about what has happened, or is it worse to let the cycles continue? You know we have your back.

  6. In my humble opinion dishonesty is not about what you choose to write about or not write about. There are things we want to keep private and things we choose to make public. It’s a personal choice that I believe shouldn’t be dictated by what we think others want or don’t want to hear. You are probably one of the most disclosing people I know. Don’t add that to your “bag” of worries!

    P.S. Your post didn’t come across as depressed to me – just the facts of what’s been happening to and with you.

  7. As you know, I understand the feeling of being struck, and empathize with you.
    You write a chronic illness blog so there will be “the good, the bad, the ugly.” Write what you feel is true.
    The truth can be hard to write and read, but there is so much misinformation, false facts, and creative fictions, honesty would be an excellent counter to that trend.
    If you feel a post might offend, start with a warning. Like folks do for adult content, for example. When I used to blog about chronic pain, there were certain areas of pain I knew people would have trouble reading — the dental stuff especially — so I warned that I would be venturing into that area.
    I am very interested to hear what transpires with the functional doctor. I’m not familiar with that sort of practice, and am intrigued by the idea. Good luck with your visit!
    So, write when you can, what you want to. Remember, you need to feel comfortable with what you write. Don’t add stress to that stressed life of yours.
    Cheers.

  8. I found you in Spam!! I can’t imagine why. Sorry chica.
    I don’t think you are a downer. I think you are very brave, and have kept your great sense of humor through all of this. I think you are an amazing woman.
    Thank you for your sage words.
    I’m working on the post, I just haven’t gotten there yet. I am going to publish it though. The world may be surprised. Or not. Whatever. I’m going to get it out. So there.

  9. You did it! You wrote a tough one. Medical Marijuana is the next? A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G that helps you function and assists you with living a good life is legal in my book. And I hope you continue to share. You just helped me reaffirm that I was writing my truth after I had a family member get upset over a blog post… I caved and am so ticked at myself but it was over something so petty that really wasn’t related to my story, my truth… you have to write your story. I have to write mine. ~Kim

    • I could tell what your family member said really upset you. You didn’t compromise on your truth. That’s something to be proud of. Keep writing from the heart. We are lucky to read it.
      There are times I wish I wrote anonymously, would make posting some things easier.
      Write your story, I’ll continue to try to tell mine. Sometimes I get scared.

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