On June 30th my father died. Yesterday was his birthday. I would have thought that I would be filled with sad emotions, instead I’ve been filled with a renewed lust for life. All we know really is life and death, I’m thinking that his death made me realize just how lucky I am to be alive. I may have a lot of hurdles to jump over every day, but I’m alive and I will thrive.
Often when you have a chronic illness life becomes so hard we don’t care to live any longer. I know I’ve been suicidal, more often I’ve simply felt that I didn’t want to wake up. I simply didn’t want to exist any more, it was just too hard. Since my father’s death, I’ve realized that I’ve been wasting what life I’ve been given. Yes, I’m sick and I can’t do a lot of things that a normal person can do, but there are a lot of things I can do, I just need to figure out my limits and live within those without wishing for things to be different. Wishing for everything to be different makes life miserable.
Losing a parent can make you reevaluate your life. For me it made me realize I haven’t been appreciating my life. I realize I want to live. I may not enjoy every moment of my life, my life may be hard, but it’s my life and I’m going to live it!
During this holiday season, I wish you all a life well lived.
**all images on Picnic With Ants created and owned by Wendy Holcombe unless otherwise noted.