Sending the wrong message??

Illustration New England Boating
Illustration New England Boating

I started this blog because I needed it.

I needed to put a voice to my illnesses.  To help me get through.

I continued this blog because I felt it helped others.  It helped them to know they were not alone.  It helped to know that just because you have a chronic illness it doesn’t mean your life is over.   I thought I was sending a message that said, yes, this is all a part of me and I’m alright with that.  I have multiple chronic illnesses, some are invisible, some are not so invisible.   I work very hard not to dwell how my life has had to change because of my illnesses, I strive to focus on how happy my life is now.

I wanted to help others realize that their lives can be pretty darn great too.

Recently, it has been pointed out to me that I have failed.

Not only have I not succeeded in showing people I am satisfied with my life, I have failed in helping others realize they can be happy with their life after chronic illness hits.

This blog has never been all about the sunshine and roses part of the chronic illness world.  I do talk about every part of my life.  The good, the bad, and the very ugly parts.  I don’t hide.  I don’t want people who are ill to think they have to hide.   I’m beginning to think I may be wrong about that.  I hope not.

The past year….plus….has been extremely difficult for me.  I have had a lot of physical and mental challenges on both the home front and with my health issues.   Of course, these challenges have come across in my blog.  Every time I’ve written about a challenge, anything from my husband losing his job, to my increased vertigo attacks, I have tried to write each entry not just with pure emotion but with simple facts.  This is what is happening, this is how we are dealing with it…ect.   And I always try to end on a positive note.  After all, I really do not feel negative about everything that has happened.   Things happen to people, why should I be so different?   This is my life, illnesses and all.  Life is a gift, I’ll take mine the way it was given and I’ll make the most of it…..I’m learning how as I go.

Someone recently told me that my blog is a place I go to vent.  I agree, I do vent on here, sometimes.  I never thought that was all that I did.  I just went through ALL of my post from January 2013 until now, and I have to admit, if you just look at the surface, most of them do seem like they are simply me venting about what is going on.  Ironically, the past few months many of my posts have not been that kind of post.  I’ve had plenty to vent about, and have posted about some things that I feel were very important…things that should be “vented” about.  However, I’ve also written some pretty light-hearted posts.

I was also told recently that I can be a bit negative.  Well, not in those exact words, it was more like….people don’t want to hear negative things all the time…  I agree.   I didn’t think I was a negative person.  At least not all the time.  Recently, I have had some things to post about that needed to be talked about in a negative manner, for example, when a doctor treats you improperly.  Over all, I believe I have a more positive outlook about my life than negative.   It saddens me if that does not come across.

Today, I wrote someone in my family an email.  I hadn’t written in a while and apologized upfront, explaining that I had been having a rough month physically, but wasn’t going to talk about that and it was no excuse for not writing….then proceeded to write the email informing her of some positive things that were going on.  I soon got a reply telling me how UPBEAT I sounded, and how she hoped I felt as good as I sounded…..ect.   I was confused.  I did mention in the first sentence that my health had been bad this past month, but all she heard was the UPBEAT tone.   hmmmm.  Do I normally sound like a sourpuss?

All of this, combined with a lot of soul-searching lately has made me wonder, am I doing any good here?

Yes, I started this blog just to help me….it was a private blog in the beginning, just a journal.

However, as I learned to accept living with my illnesses I felt my blog blossom into something much more.  I felt it was touching others.  I wanted to help other people know they aren’t alone, and you can have a great life.   (Even if you have a lot of bad days.)

Let’s face it, it is easier to write when I’m having a hard time.  When I’m feeling great, I’m too busy trying to live every day the best I can!  On the bad days, I know my friends are here.


So I have a poll for you




8 thoughts on “Sending the wrong message??

  1. Carina

    Now I’m NOT a happy camper.
    Wendy don’t you let people bring you down or question yourself.
    Do they live your life??
    Do they live mine??
    Do they even have a clue??
    If they don’t like your blog, then they DO NOT have to read it.
    Some days I can’t find anything positive to say !!!
    It’s just that simple.
    Yes, I’m alive. Yes, what I have isn’t a death sentence but I will tell you this. My life is NOT the life I use to have. The one I want back. Honestly, some people couldn’t deal with a chronic sickness for a week, some a day.
    I JUST finished my paper work for DUKE. I go Wednesday.
    I’m going bc you were the final encouragement I needed.
    Now, if that isn’t positive, please tell me what is.


  2. I’ll take your poll but wanted to chime in first. I cringed when I read you mentioning “failure.” That’s not anything I want you associating with blogging. Blog for YOU. Blog to vent. Blog to connect with others. When you start worrying about how you are coming across to others, it stops being your blog and becomes “their” blog. Two people can read the same thing and form two very different opinions. Write what you feel. People will take from it what they will. You are beautiful and strong, and I’m forever thankful that our blogs connected us.


  3. I tell my kids all the time that no one is responsible for their feelings but them. You are not responsible for how this other person/people reacted to the subject matter of your blog. I suspect that whoever gave you that feedback feels uncomfortable, not knowing what to say or how to react to someone with a chronic illness as severe as yours has been. That can be an awkward position to be in, we’ve all been there. But I agree with Allison, this is your blog and no one else’s. Don’t let the opinions of others influence what you write about, or don’t write about, unless you agree with them. You inspire me and I’m sure many others. You can’t please everyone, so please yourself.


  4. Honey, your real friends, friends that know what you are going through because we ourselves understand how you feel will support you always. Good, bad or indifferent. DO what you want to do with the blog. Keep writing when you want to, no limits, no boundaries. just write about what YOU want to write about it. You have been there for me, I am there for you. Love, Laurie


  5. As you know, I blogged/blog as therapy. I’ve been doing more creative writing to challenge myself, not because I’ve been too negative. I’m rarely positive!
    A blog is for you (as the others have indicated) as much as for others. Do YOU feel YOU need an outlet, a forum for what you are going through, how you feel, what you’re experiencing? (emphasis on you!)
    Negative blogs can be helpful. Someone with your chronic illnesses can read it and say “hey — I can express ALL aspects of my struggles with mental and or physical health. I don’t have to blog wearing rose-colored glasses! I can tell people the truth” Better, too, to let folks know how chronic illness impacts your life. As someone else finds their condition getting worse, they can read in your blog how you have coped with tremendous difficulties.
    And you know how I feel about family members in general, lol.
    Ooops, this is getting long enough to be a blog on your blog.
    Hang in there. I know it’s hard, but keep blogging if it helps you! If it helps others, all the better. And, you know, I’ll read anything you write!


  6. I don’t think I can add much to what everyone else has already said. I’ll just add it’s your blog and for you to do as you please. But I feel this paragraph is very telling:

    “Let’s face it, it is easier to write when I’m having a hard time. When I’m feeling great, I’m too busy trying to live every day the best I can! On the bad days, I know my friends are here.”

    I can relate because I’ve been having, overall, better days and there isn’t much for me to talk about because that’s not where my mind is at. I’m taking advantage of it because, as the saying goes “this too shall pass” and I’ll find myself lying in bed with the laptop trying to put feelings into words.

    So many of us have found each other because we have chronic illnesses. We felt alone, uninformed and we went on the internet to find others like us. Humans have this need to find a “community” and we belong to different communities, not just one. It’s the same thing as we go through life. We don’t have one “jack-of-all-trades” friend but we have a variety, who range from life-long to short term. But that doesn’t diminish the impact these friends have on our lives.

    This blog is a part of your life and it’s your choice on what you want to post, how often you want to post, etc. If you still enjoy doing it and it motivates you, for whatever reason, keep doing it and keep saying it in your voice. That’s why we come here.

    Lots of love to you.


  7. I can see the vote is going the way I want it. Please keep this going. This is like a lifeline to me and I am sure to many others. There is a big difference in being negative and being honest. I believe you are being honest. In touch with your truths! xo


  8. suej313

    Please don’t change anything. You have helped me & I think countless others in letting us know we are not alone. I celebrate the fact thatyou say it exactly how it is, you are not afraid to speak about how you are feeling. There has been many a time I have thought that I am the only one feeling the way the am, only to read your blog & realise you are feeling the same.
    So thank you Wendy, please don’t stp what you are doing


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