I started this blog because I needed it.
I needed to put a voice to my illnesses. To help me get through.
I continued this blog because I felt it helped others. It helped them to know they were not alone. It helped to know that just because you have a chronic illness it doesn’t mean your life is over. I thought I was sending a message that said, yes, this is all a part of me and I’m alright with that. I have multiple chronic illnesses, some are invisible, some are not so invisible. I work very hard not to dwell how my life has had to change because of my illnesses, I strive to focus on how happy my life is now.
I wanted to help others realize that their lives can be pretty darn great too.
Recently, it has been pointed out to me that I have failed.
Not only have I not succeeded in showing people I am satisfied with my life, I have failed in helping others realize they can be happy with their life after chronic illness hits.
This blog has never been all about the sunshine and roses part of the chronic illness world. I do talk about every part of my life. The good, the bad, and the very ugly parts. I don’t hide. I don’t want people who are ill to think they have to hide. I’m beginning to think I may be wrong about that. I hope not.
The past year….plus….has been extremely difficult for me. I have had a lot of physical and mental challenges on both the home front and with my health issues. Of course, these challenges have come across in my blog. Every time I’ve written about a challenge, anything from my husband losing his job, to my increased vertigo attacks, I have tried to write each entry not just with pure emotion but with simple facts. This is what is happening, this is how we are dealing with it…ect. And I always try to end on a positive note. After all, I really do not feel negative about everything that has happened. Things happen to people, why should I be so different? This is my life, illnesses and all. Life is a gift, I’ll take mine the way it was given and I’ll make the most of it…..I’m learning how as I go.
Someone recently told me that my blog is a place I go to vent. I agree, I do vent on here, sometimes. I never thought that was all that I did. I just went through ALL of my post from January 2013 until now, and I have to admit, if you just look at the surface, most of them do seem like they are simply me venting about what is going on. Ironically, the past few months many of my posts have not been that kind of post. I’ve had plenty to vent about, and have posted about some things that I feel were very important…things that should be “vented” about. However, I’ve also written some pretty light-hearted posts.
I was also told recently that I can be a bit negative. Well, not in those exact words, it was more like….people don’t want to hear negative things all the time… I agree. I didn’t think I was a negative person. At least not all the time. Recently, I have had some things to post about that needed to be talked about in a negative manner, for example, when a doctor treats you improperly. Over all, I believe I have a more positive outlook about my life than negative. It saddens me if that does not come across.
Today, I wrote someone in my family an email. I hadn’t written in a while and apologized upfront, explaining that I had been having a rough month physically, but wasn’t going to talk about that and it was no excuse for not writing….then proceeded to write the email informing her of some positive things that were going on. I soon got a reply telling me how UPBEAT I sounded, and how she hoped I felt as good as I sounded…..ect. I was confused. I did mention in the first sentence that my health had been bad this past month, but all she heard was the UPBEAT tone. hmmmm. Do I normally sound like a sourpuss?
All of this, combined with a lot of soul-searching lately has made me wonder, am I doing any good here?
Yes, I started this blog just to help me….it was a private blog in the beginning, just a journal.
However, as I learned to accept living with my illnesses I felt my blog blossom into something much more. I felt it was touching others. I wanted to help other people know they aren’t alone, and you can have a great life. (Even if you have a lot of bad days.)
Let’s face it, it is easier to write when I’m having a hard time. When I’m feeling great, I’m too busy trying to live every day the best I can! On the bad days, I know my friends are here.